Mourning Glory: Chapter 1 - Written by the brilliant DrKCooper and myself...but more DrKCooper....
You can read the story in the fanfic site:
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10752870/1/Mourning-Glory
Disclaimer: All recognizable The Good Wife characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners including, but not limited to CBS. The original characters and plot are the property of the author of this fan fiction story. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any previously copyrighted material. No financial gain is associated with the publishing of this story. No copyright infringement is intended.
Chapter 1
Alicia sat in her car, parked on the street across from an all too familiar bar. She used to come here with Kalinda. Then Kalinda started frequenting the bar with Will.
Will.
She sat next to Diane at the funeral, holding the lawyer’s hand and sharing her shattering grief. On only one occasion her eyes met those of her once best friend. Kalinda appeared broken. Not even her stubborn, closed off nature could hide how heartbroken she was by the death of her friend. She and Will had always been close. Alicia couldn’t remember why that was. She only knew that Will had brought her on in his early days at the firm, long before he was a named partner. She was loyal to him. Alicia envied how well she’d known Will. Despite their affair, Alicia never really knew Will. Not his past, not what he hoped for his future.
Sitting outside the bar at two in the morning, Alicia had no idea what to do. The kids were with Peter in Springfield. She couldn’t bring herself to go home. She had found herself all too often drinking away her grief while watching mind-numbing shows on Netflix.
Somehow she felt the closest to Will right here looking at the bar where he had spent so much time. Strangely, where she had once spent many a night with Kalinda. Kalinda made her feel closer to Will. But that closeness would have to come from merely sitting here. She and Kalinda were no longer close. What they once were was greatly missed on the lawyer’s part, but there was too much history between them. Alicia had finally forgiven Kalinda, understanding why Kalinda did what she had. She hadn’t told Kalinda. She was too proud, she knew.
Picking up her phone, she once again listened to that final message from Will. She wondered again, for the millionth time, what he had called for. Her eyes welled with tears.
Returning her phone to the console, afraid she would continue to listen to Will’s voice if she had the phone in her hand, Alicia blinked back tears. Looking up she thought her eyes were playing tricks on her. She was tired; tears blurred her eyes. She couldn’t possibly be seeing Kalinda.
Through the wall of glass at the front of the bar, Alicia’s eyes landed on the investigator. She appeared to be having a conversation with the bartender. It looked heated; Kalinda was now standing and gesturing erratically with her hands. She stumbled backward slightly before reaching for her glass and throwing back what was left of her drink.
The woman staggered through the bar toward the door. Alicia knew immediately that Kalinda had been drinking for some time, perhaps since Will’s funeral ended. Now that she thought about it, she couldn’t remember seeing Kalinda outside after the service or at the burial.
When the bar’s door swung open, the brunette continued to watch the woman stumbling her way down the sidewalk. She didn’t get far. A bench a few dozen steps away caught the investigator’s attention. For a moment she stared at it with careful consideration. Alicia watched this in wonder. What was Kalinda doing?
An unstable Kalinda, whether from drink or really anything at all, was unusual. She had never been less than put together or completely in control in Alicia’s presence.
Now she was lying down on the bench. For a moment it looked like she was speaking, but at this distance there was no way to know what she had said. Kalinda wrapped her arms around herself and appeared to be dozing off.
Alicia couldn’t continue to watch the despondency of the woman she had once cared greatly for. She also couldn’t leave her on that bench.
A man approached the bench to check on the drunken woman, making Alicia very nervous in her car. It was the final straw. Alicia climbed out of her car and stood waiting for traffic to slow so she could cross the street. She saw Kalinda dispatch the concerned man, waving him off while never even sitting up.
It was standing there on that sidewalk that she realized exactly how much was lost when their friendship ended. How many times had they been in this very place, drinking tequila and laughing away the stresses of their jobs? On that bench was a woman that she had shared so much with, things she hadn’t said to another person. She was the first person who truly cared how Alicia was after Peter’s affairs.
Peter. Had she lost the friendship because of Peter or had she used that as an excuse after being truly terrible to Kalinda? She almost had the friendship back, too, but she walked away. Why? It wasn’t for Peter. He had told her that his affairs meant nothing to him. She knew that Kalinda had used Peter to get away from her previous life and Peter, fueled by ego and testosterone, had used Kalinda. She suddenly felt angry that he could use Kalinda like that. She had never felt this way about Peter’s role in what happened. Even though she knew Kalinda had used him right back, she was much more sympathetic to Kalinda’s reasons.
Standing there watching Kalinda she suddenly thought she should go home and leave these thoughts for another time, a time when she wasn’t quite as emotional. But as she decided to drive home, she saw Kalinda stand up from the bench, rush to the alley on unsteady feet. She was on her knees, bent over and violently throwing up. Alicia felt a pang of guilt. They had both lost a great deal. Sure, they were both mourning Will's death, but Kalinda was mourning the loss of her only remaining friend and in turn Alicia was feeling that loss, too. On this terrible night, Kalinda had no one to turn to and neither did Alicia.
Tears were streaming down Alicia's cheeks as Kalinda staggered back toward the bench, curling up, as she had been moments before. Passersby were looking at Alicia. She took the first step, crossing the street that was becoming more and more quiet at this time of the late night, well, now early morning. She walked toward the bench and found Kalinda asleep already. She crouched down and placed a gentle hand on the woman’s shoulder and tried to wake her up. Kalinda stirred a bit, but didn’t wake up. Alicia said her name, not succeeding in waking her up. There was a soft, almost purring sound of snoring coming from her.
Alicia looked around wondering how on earth she was going to wake Kalinda and get her home. After trying to wake her once again, she made up her mind. Kalinda was much smaller than the lawyer. It wasn’t many years ago that Alicia was carrying her kids up the stairs of their old home in Highland Park. Since then she carried almost all of there belongings into the current apartment. She was much stronger than she looked. Though she didn’t want to attract attention, the First Lady of Illinois tended to do that, she knew she could take all of Kalinda’s weight if need be.
After straightening Kalinda’s legs, she slid her right arm under the woman’s shoulders to bring her to a sitting position. She thought she heard her name murmured. She slid an arm under Kalinda's knees, lifting them slightly over to the edge where she dropped them carefully off the side of the bench. Lifting one of Kalinda’s arms and wrapping it around her own shoulders, Alicia was able to lift her into a standing position. Even like this she couldn't believe how light Kalinda was. Her personality and attitude made her seem far bigger than she was. Kalinda's head fell back over Alicia's arm, and her arms hung limply as Alicia guided her across the street toward her car.
Kalinda said something that Alicia couldn’t make out. She could have sworn she said something about the bench. She hoped it was it wasn’t important. When they reached the car, she was forced to support Kalinda’s body against the car while she reached in her pocket for the keys. Standing like this with her body pressed to Kalinda’s caused her to shiver. What was that about? She quickly unlocked the passenger door and carefully helped Kalinda into the seat. She buckled the investigator in and closed the door. Walking around the front of the car Alicia took a deep breath. What was she going to do with Kalinda now?
She would take Kalinda home, she decided as she put the car into gear and drove down the street.
“Where are your keys?” Alicia asked her semi-conscious passenger.
When she didn’t get a response she grabbed for the clutch Kalinda had with her. While sitting at the stoplight her breath caught when she saw the picture of Will and Kalinda that the woman was carrying with her. It brought tears to her eyes.
A car horn brought her out of the fog.
“Your keys aren’t in there,” she said to Kalinda as she handed it back.
Alicia wondered if she still had Kalinda's address in her GPS. She had done all kinds of things to wipe Kalinda from her life after the ultimate betrayal. She thought back to when Kalinda gave her the address to her new apartment. It was the most open offering she had received from her friend, however odd and unexpected it was at the time.
At the next red light Alicia reached over to check all of the pockets in Kalinda's leather jacket. To the surprise of the wide-eyed passenger, the lawyer unzipped the jacket to check the inner pockets, too. No keys. Not even her car keys. How did she get to the bar then?
“Kalinda, why don’t you have your keys?” she tried once again.
This time the investigator appeared to be pondering the question.
“Joel,” she finally said.
That name brought with it many memories. The bartender. Their bartender, Alicia remembered. She realized that he must have taken Kalinda’s keys and that was the cause of the argument earlier. Good for him, she thought. She wouldn’t put it past the notoriously stubborn woman to get behind the wheel despite being inebriated.
Well, that settles it, Alicia decided. She would take Kalinda home with her. They were getting close to her apartment anyway.
Once she reached the underground parking structure at her apartment building, Alicia looked over and realized the very drunk Kalinda had passed out. How was she going to get her all the way up to her apartment from here? God help her if she ran into one of her nosey neighbors.
Sitting in the parked car for several minutes, Alicia noticed her eyes had been on her passenger for longer than was appropriate. She was noticing how peaceful Kalinda seemed asleep. She knew her inner turmoil, turmoil they currently shared. She also knew that it must have taken a great deal of pain for Kalinda to get this plastered. Ever vigilant about being in control, this was unlike her.
“Kalinda…” Alicia said softly. “I’m going to help you inside now.”
She got out of the car and quickly made her way to the passenger side. Opening the door, she saw for the first time how the woman’s already short skirt had edged up. She could see the topmost part of black stockings. She had to tear her eyes away, fearful of what might happen if she continued to look at Kalinda’s legs. It was a foreign feeling, not trusting one’s own eyes or actions.
“Kalinda,” Alicia spoke. “Come on.”
She unbuckled Kalinda and once again put an arm around her shoulders. She pulled the stocking-clad legs out of the car and placed them on the ground. Looking around to assure her that nobody was watching, Alicia lifted Kalinda into a standing position. She kicked the door closed once she was certain it would clear both of them.
They reached the entrance and then the elevator bay without incident, Kalinda doing very little to help the cause. Had she not been afraid of someone in the apartment lobby getting suspicious, she might have picked Kalinda up to make it both easier and faster. Stepping into the elevator, Kalinda was half awake and stumbling. Thankfully Alicia was supporting her by with an arm around Kalinda's back, under her arms.
As the elevator began to climb to Alicia’s floor, she found herself needing a sudden intake of air as Kalinda turned her body and curled her face into Alicia’s neck. The shorter woman took a deep breath, as if taking in the scent of the lawyer, and then casually put her arms around the brunette’s waist. There was that feeling again, Alicia thought. Gulping, she felt strangely excited about the closeness of Kalinda.
Alicia did something she couldn’t remember having ever done when they were friends-she pulled Kalinda tight to her, embracing the woman tenderly as they made their way to the 9th floor. Kalinda’s head was now resting on Alicia's chest, a sensation that made the lawyer close her eyes. She lost herself in the moment, until she heard the familiar ding signaling they had reached the desired floor. As the doors opened she quickly loosened her arms from around Kalinda and gently, but quickly tried to move Kalinda away from her and out of the space.
Luckily nobody was waiting outside for the lift, to Alicia’s relief. She guided Kalinda to her front door and once again found herself pressed to Kalinda, supporting her against the hallway wall, while she searched for her keys. The shiver of want made its presence known again.
They managed to make their way in, Alicia supporting Kalinda the entire way as she kicked the door shut. She guided her guest to the couch in her living room so she could lock the door.
“Kalinda?” she tested the woman’s consciousness.
“Hmm?” she slurred.
“I’m going to get you some water and aspirin,” she told her.
Kalinda was safely and comfortably situated on the couch while Alicia went to the kitchen and then the kids’ bathroom to find some aspirin. She knew she had bought the aspirin for Grace, but the memory that came to her was the night Owen had visited last. They had stayed up drinking well into the morning, telling stories about their mother and laughing. Owen had always been a bad influence, but she loved him and wished she had more time to spend with him. They’d both taken aspirin that night and still woke up with raging hangovers.
When she returned to the living room with the water and aspirin, there was no sign of Kalinda. She quickly checked the front door, finding it was still locked. She went to each of the kids’ bedrooms, not finding Kalinda.
“Kalinda?” she asked, loudly enough to be heard throughout the apartment.
When she didn’t hear a response she went to her own bedroom.
“Kalinda,” she said much softer.
Finding the small woman on her bed on top of the covers, her breath caught in her throat.
She must have been too drunk to realize where she was. She knew, of course, how to find Alicia’s bedroom. She’d been in this room before.
Trying not to leer, Alicia looked away while formulating a plan. Somewhat regrettably, the lawyer’s eyes returned to the woman on the bed.
Kalinda was laying horizontally across the bed, her boots hanging over the edge. She couldn’t possibly leave her fully clothed with her boots on all night. Stooping to reach for the boots that were quintessentially Kalinda, she slowly pulled the zipper down her left boot and removed it. Unable to help herself, Alicia noticed just how nice Kalinda’s legs were. Perfectly toned, helped inevitably by the heels she always wore. She had always been taken with the olive skin tone. And now she saw how petite the investigator’s feet were. She repeated her motions with the other boot, once again noticing the beauty of the leg she was supporting in her hand. God, what was she doing?
“You need to turn over,” she instructed. “It’ll be easier to change.”
Not until the words were out of her mouth did Alicia admit to herself what she was about to do. The only way to get the woman changed into a pair of pajamas was to do it without Kalinda’s assistance. She shook her head at the thought of what was about to transpire.
Hoping a step away might calm her nerves and her hormones, Alicia sought out a pair of her two-piece silk pajamas. The button-up front would be easy enough, she thought. The front… Oh, god. Her mind considered for a moment how intimate she would have to get with Kalinda and how close she would be, while doing up those buttons, to the woman’s breasts. Once again she gulped.
Once she’d picked the pajamas, she turned back to see Kalinda drunkenly turning herself over on the bed. If she weren’t battling her own unfamiliar feelings for this woman, she would have laughed at the sight. There was nothing graceful about Kalinda’s movements.
Stepping forward and perching on the edge of her bed, Alicia reached for the zipper of the leather jacket. She slowly slid it down, trying to still the trembling of her hand as she did so.
“You need to sit up,” Alicia told her. “So we can take this off.”
Kalinda held her arms out for Alicia to take, silently requesting help. Alicia did as she was asked and pulled Kalinda to a sitting position.
“I’m going to take this off of you,” the lawyer’s voice was shaky.
“You don’t have to talk me through it,” Kalinda spoke unclearly, but what she said next was clear as day. “Undress me.”
The brunette knew she was blushing. Her stomach dropped. She couldn’t help but imagine Kalinda asking the same thing in much different circumstances. The fantasy whisked her away for a moment until she snapped out of it and could again focus on the task at hand.
She slipped the jacket over Kalinda’s slender shoulders, finding a ribbed tank top underneath. She wondered if this is what the investigator always wore under her leather attire.
“Do you want to leave this on?” Alicia motioned to the tank.
“Mmm…no.”
For a moment the sober woman hoped that Kalinda would remove it herself. She didn’t know how she would still her hands if she did it herself. She was left to deal with it when Kalinda raised her hands above her head so it could be lifted off.
Closing her eyes once gripping the bottom of the item, Alicia lifted it quickly and hoped it had cleared Kalinda’s head. Once she knew she was holding it above her head, she opened her eyes.
“Oh,” she found herself saying aloud, sounding alien in her ears.
She hoped to hide the fact that she had looked at Kalinda’s lace-covered breasts, but her flushing face, neck and chest were giving her away. Why was she reacting this way? She had never been this flustered by her friend. She had never been this stirred up by another woman. Was the grief playing a trick on her? Was it their history? Why this now?
Unable to focus, Alicia fumbled with the zipper at Kalinda’s right hip. She looked everywhere but at the woman she was attempting to undress. Her heart hammered in her chest.
“You should take a breath,” Kalinda slurred.
Her words calmed Alicia, though she was surprised Kalinda was capable of noticing how nervous she was. She did precisely as Kalinda told her-breathe-and she was able to direct her attention to the zipper. After dragging the zipper the six inches from the top of her hip, she wondered how she was going to get the skirt off a seated Kalinda.
Her jaw dropped when Kalinda lay back on the bed and lifted her hips, transferring her weight through the heels of her feet. Stunned, but not wanting to leave her in the uncomfortable position, Alicia tugged the skirt down the very legs she had admired earlier. Every bit of willpower was employed to prevent her from looking at the apex of the olive-colored thighs.
Before the pajama bottoms could be slipped into, the stockings had to be removed. The lawyer didn’t trust herself with the task. The idea of dragging her fingers down the length of Kalinda’s legs was tempting, but also extremely dangerous. These feelings were too new and too raw.
“You have to help,” Alicia almost begged.
She could have sworn she saw Kalinda smile smugly when she looked down at her stockings. Thankfully, the woman took the stockings down herself. But Alicia’s eyes could not resist watching as hands so practiced at the act slowly slid the stocking down her legs and over her feet.
The heat building low in Alicia’s belly had become irrepressible. She leaned back against the bedroom wall as she watched Kalinda pull the silk pajama bottoms on. Taking a deep breath, she attempted, albeit unsuccessfully, to still the ludicrous feelings she was having for this vulnerable woman. Of all the times to realize she felt something for Kalinda, now was the worst possible time.
Once Alicia saw Kalinda was about to lie down again, she put out her hands and gestured for the woman to take them.
“Come on,” she pulled Kalinda to a standing position. “You’ll thank me later for making you wash your face and brush your teeth.”
Once she had guided her to the ensuite she decided Kalinda was safe to stand on her own for a moment. She quickly located the make-up remover wipes and a new toothbrush, but out of the corner of her eye she saw Kalinda starting to lose her footing.
“Hey,” Alicia chuckled as she reached Kalinda just in time to get a supportive arm around her, holding her up. “I guess you’re going to need some help with this, huh?”
For the first time that night Kalinda actually seemed embarrassed by her state of drunkenness.
“I can’t remember ever drinking this much,” she muttered as Alicia got her to the sink and stood behind her in case she lost her ability to stay upright again.
“By the looks of you, it’s probably a good thing this isn’t a regular occurrence,” Alicia said, standing a bit closer to Kalinda than she really needed to.
The shorter woman, made even smaller without her boots on, started with the toothbrush. Alicia was silently relieved. She didn’t want to be the one to mention vomit breath. She smiled at the comical nature of all of this and how it would have been quite hilarious had the situation not been precipitated by their friend’s death.
She found herself once again thinking about Will until she was forced out of her memories by the sudden realization that Kalinda’s backside was pressing into her. The woman had bent over to spit in the sink and the unanticipated movement had left Alicia open-mouthed. Over far too quickly, Alicia was forced to take a breath.
Kalinda mumbled when she had too much to drink. This was something Alicia had learned tonight. As she was attempting to regroup from the surprising feeling of the raven-haired woman’s behind pressing into her upper thighs, she heard Kalinda mumble something incomprehensible.
“What was that?” Alicia leaned in, finding her chest now pressed against Kalinda’s back.
She didn’t have to be this close. She didn’t have to be in this position at all. But whatever logical thought she would normally have had was eclipsed by how inexplicably turned on she was in the moment. This was insane, she kept telling herself. What was she doing?
“I asked if I smelled minty,” the investigator had moved on to removing her makeup, her eyes watching Alicia in the mirror.
Alicia couldn’t bring herself to respond nor could she control where her mind went with Kalinda’s question. She was now mesmerized by how if this woman smelled minty, she must also taste minty. How had she never wondered what Kalinda tasted like before now?
“Alicia?” she spoke, never leaving the lawyer’s eyes in the mirror.
“Hmm?” Alicia’s voice cracked, she was feeling caught in the act even though Kalinda couldn’t possibly know what she was thinking.
For some reason all of this struck the drunken woman funny and she started laughing in a way neither woman had heard from her mouth in a very long time. The moment of levity is exactly what Alicia needed to regroup, but whatever control she acquired in that moment was lost when Kalinda finished the smooth strokes over her face with the face wipes and turned so they were facing one another.
“Minty?” she leaned in until her mouth was almost touching Alicia’s.
Melting into a puddle of desire, Alicia couldn’t beckon her voice to answer. She finally was able to nod.
Before she could truly pull herself together, Kalinda slid past her. Alicia was dumbfounded. Did Kalinda not feel anything? Was she teasing Alicia? Or was something going on between them tonight that actually meant more than one friend helping out another? She didn’t have answers to any of these questions. And she certainly couldn’t explain why her body was betraying her with nervousness and, yes, arousal.
“Kalinda,” she rolled her eyes. “You need to get under the covers.”
The investigator had flopped down on top of the blankets. Though it meant more work to get Kalinda tucked in, it did put a smile on Alicia’s face.
Rolling over to one side of the bed, Kalinda waited for Alicia to pull the blankets down on the other. She then groaned as she rolled back over. The lawyer was quick to cover Kalinda up, whether she was hoping that not being able to see Kalinda in the very silk pajamas that had graced her own bare skin would calm the inferno she was experiencing, she couldn’t decide.
Tucking Kalinda in was a privilege she never imagined would be hers. As the woman got comfortable in Alicia’s bed, it was obvious once her eyes closed she would be out for many hours. All of it seemed surreal to Alicia. Kalinda in her bed, in her pajamas, after having pressed against Alicia in what should have been an innocent moment but felt anything but.
Kalinda's eyes were half open as her now familiar mumble caught Alicia off guard and she had to ask her to repeat what she had said.
“Thanks for looking after me,” she said.
The look on her face as she looked up at Alicia was almost penitent.
The lawyer placed on gentle hand on Kalinda’s cheek and smiled.
“You’re welcome.”
Alicia bent over to kiss Kalinda's cheek and just as she reached her, the investigator turned her head, not interpreting what the brunette was doing, and Alicia found herself kissing Kalinda’s lips.
It was fleeting, but exhilarating.
Alicia pulled away quickly and was surprised to find Kalinda’s eyes were closed, not in sleep. When her eyes fluttered open again, she found a stunned look that seemed to be as confused, if not more so, as Alicia.
“Um, I’m sorry,” Alicia knew she was blushing and couldn’t do a damn thing to stop it.
“S’okay,” Kalinda mumbled.
Before either could say anything more, Kalinda’s eyes closed again and this time it was clear she was falling asleep. It was better this way, Alicia realized. Otherwise she may have kissed Kalinda again, Kalinda who tasted like mint, and too much of that would certainly be taking advantage of the situation.
It was nearly 4 a.m. and sleep was far from Alicia’s mind.
Walking into the kitchen, Alicia found her fingers going to her lips as if touching them would stop the tingling sensation that was brought on by the kiss. The sensation had been seared into her mind.
Pouring herself a large glass of wine, she moved to the couch where she found herself agonizing over everything that had happened tonight. By the time she had finished her glass of wine, she had started to think about what more than a kiss with Kalinda would be like. As hard as she tried to not think about it, she kept finding herself rerunning the sight of Kalinda’s hands sliding down her stockings. Why had she never had this degree of awareness about how she felt for Kalinda? What was it about tonight that made her finally recognize how absolutely sexy her once-friend was? Why had she never had this strong physical reaction to the sight and sound of her?
More wine was poured. More wine was consumed.
From her perch on the couch, Alicia spotted Kalinda's clutch and remembered the photo she saw inside it early of Will and Kalinda. Picking up the clutch and removing the picture, she found herself having another look at it. Will and Kalinda looked so happy together. She suddenly felt a pain in her heart for Kalinda, realizing for the first time truly how sad and alone she must feel to be carrying this photo around with her. She had lost her only friend whilst Alicia had only really lost an ex-lover whom she had hurt very badly. She may have loved him once, but she never knew how Will really felt. As much as Will had meant to Alicia at one time, when she walked away from Lockhart/Gardner, she had severed that connection with him. Will and Kalinda had done no such thing. They were close up until that fateful day in the courtroom.
Poor Kalinda, she found herself thinking repeatedly. She knew what it felt like to not have any friends. She hadn’t had a real friend since she foolishly walked away from her friendship with Kalinda. She started thinking about the friends she’d had in her life and she couldn’t think of a single friend who made her feel the way Kalinda had. Kalinda had been protective and supportive. They were both friendless now. And honestly, they both needed each other. She found herself looking over at the door to her bedroom and thinking about how badly she needed the woman who was asleep on her bed.
After returning the picture to the clutch, Alicia returned her wine glass to the kitchen where she poured a bit more and then swallowed it quickly without savoring the buttery oak-tinted notes. She regretted that she could no longer taste a hint of mint.
When her eyes landed on her own bedroom door once again, she gravitated toward it. Looking in, she saw that Kalinda hadn’t moved. She was sleeping peacefully. Alicia thought back to the only time she had ever actually seen Kalinda sleep. It was when they shared a room on that case in Minnesota. They had nearly patched up their friendship for good on that trip. But Alicia walked away.
Alicia stood in the doorway for some time, wondering about that trip and all of the chances she had to make things right with her old friend. Why couldn’t she forgive her? Why couldn’t she give her another chance?
Finally moving, unable to ward off the voyeuristic feeling, Alicia found her own pajamas and went into the ensuite to change. She prepared for bed just as Kalinda had in that very space. When she opened the door, she was taken aback by how beautiful Kalinda was in her bed. Her darker skin tone contrasted nicely with the white linens of Alicia’s bed. Even like this she hadn’t seen Kalinda with her hair down. Why was that? It was almost as if she was hiding that one piece of herself from the rest of the world.
Despite her intention of sleeping in Grace’s room, Alicia found herself climbing onto the bed opposite Kalinda. She didn’t touch her. She didn’t even wake her. She lay on her side, her hands tucked up under her right cheek, watching Kalinda. She tried to match her breathing to that of the sleeping woman. She tried to imagine what dreams Kalinda might be having. More than anything her mind kept returning to the kiss. Would Kalinda even remember it in the morning? And what would she say?
When the clock struck five, Alicia withdrew from the bed and made her way across the hall to Grace’s bedroom. Though sleep did not come easily, there was no question that Kalinda was the last thing on her mind when she went to sleep and undoubtedly she would be the first thing on her mind when she awoke.
It was a restless two hours of sleep for Alicia Florrick.
TBC...
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10752870/1/Mourning-Glory
Disclaimer: All recognizable The Good Wife characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners including, but not limited to CBS. The original characters and plot are the property of the author of this fan fiction story. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any previously copyrighted material. No financial gain is associated with the publishing of this story. No copyright infringement is intended.
Chapter 1
Alicia sat in her car, parked on the street across from an all too familiar bar. She used to come here with Kalinda. Then Kalinda started frequenting the bar with Will.
Will.
She sat next to Diane at the funeral, holding the lawyer’s hand and sharing her shattering grief. On only one occasion her eyes met those of her once best friend. Kalinda appeared broken. Not even her stubborn, closed off nature could hide how heartbroken she was by the death of her friend. She and Will had always been close. Alicia couldn’t remember why that was. She only knew that Will had brought her on in his early days at the firm, long before he was a named partner. She was loyal to him. Alicia envied how well she’d known Will. Despite their affair, Alicia never really knew Will. Not his past, not what he hoped for his future.
Sitting outside the bar at two in the morning, Alicia had no idea what to do. The kids were with Peter in Springfield. She couldn’t bring herself to go home. She had found herself all too often drinking away her grief while watching mind-numbing shows on Netflix.
Somehow she felt the closest to Will right here looking at the bar where he had spent so much time. Strangely, where she had once spent many a night with Kalinda. Kalinda made her feel closer to Will. But that closeness would have to come from merely sitting here. She and Kalinda were no longer close. What they once were was greatly missed on the lawyer’s part, but there was too much history between them. Alicia had finally forgiven Kalinda, understanding why Kalinda did what she had. She hadn’t told Kalinda. She was too proud, she knew.
Picking up her phone, she once again listened to that final message from Will. She wondered again, for the millionth time, what he had called for. Her eyes welled with tears.
Returning her phone to the console, afraid she would continue to listen to Will’s voice if she had the phone in her hand, Alicia blinked back tears. Looking up she thought her eyes were playing tricks on her. She was tired; tears blurred her eyes. She couldn’t possibly be seeing Kalinda.
Through the wall of glass at the front of the bar, Alicia’s eyes landed on the investigator. She appeared to be having a conversation with the bartender. It looked heated; Kalinda was now standing and gesturing erratically with her hands. She stumbled backward slightly before reaching for her glass and throwing back what was left of her drink.
The woman staggered through the bar toward the door. Alicia knew immediately that Kalinda had been drinking for some time, perhaps since Will’s funeral ended. Now that she thought about it, she couldn’t remember seeing Kalinda outside after the service or at the burial.
When the bar’s door swung open, the brunette continued to watch the woman stumbling her way down the sidewalk. She didn’t get far. A bench a few dozen steps away caught the investigator’s attention. For a moment she stared at it with careful consideration. Alicia watched this in wonder. What was Kalinda doing?
An unstable Kalinda, whether from drink or really anything at all, was unusual. She had never been less than put together or completely in control in Alicia’s presence.
Now she was lying down on the bench. For a moment it looked like she was speaking, but at this distance there was no way to know what she had said. Kalinda wrapped her arms around herself and appeared to be dozing off.
Alicia couldn’t continue to watch the despondency of the woman she had once cared greatly for. She also couldn’t leave her on that bench.
A man approached the bench to check on the drunken woman, making Alicia very nervous in her car. It was the final straw. Alicia climbed out of her car and stood waiting for traffic to slow so she could cross the street. She saw Kalinda dispatch the concerned man, waving him off while never even sitting up.
It was standing there on that sidewalk that she realized exactly how much was lost when their friendship ended. How many times had they been in this very place, drinking tequila and laughing away the stresses of their jobs? On that bench was a woman that she had shared so much with, things she hadn’t said to another person. She was the first person who truly cared how Alicia was after Peter’s affairs.
Peter. Had she lost the friendship because of Peter or had she used that as an excuse after being truly terrible to Kalinda? She almost had the friendship back, too, but she walked away. Why? It wasn’t for Peter. He had told her that his affairs meant nothing to him. She knew that Kalinda had used Peter to get away from her previous life and Peter, fueled by ego and testosterone, had used Kalinda. She suddenly felt angry that he could use Kalinda like that. She had never felt this way about Peter’s role in what happened. Even though she knew Kalinda had used him right back, she was much more sympathetic to Kalinda’s reasons.
Standing there watching Kalinda she suddenly thought she should go home and leave these thoughts for another time, a time when she wasn’t quite as emotional. But as she decided to drive home, she saw Kalinda stand up from the bench, rush to the alley on unsteady feet. She was on her knees, bent over and violently throwing up. Alicia felt a pang of guilt. They had both lost a great deal. Sure, they were both mourning Will's death, but Kalinda was mourning the loss of her only remaining friend and in turn Alicia was feeling that loss, too. On this terrible night, Kalinda had no one to turn to and neither did Alicia.
Tears were streaming down Alicia's cheeks as Kalinda staggered back toward the bench, curling up, as she had been moments before. Passersby were looking at Alicia. She took the first step, crossing the street that was becoming more and more quiet at this time of the late night, well, now early morning. She walked toward the bench and found Kalinda asleep already. She crouched down and placed a gentle hand on the woman’s shoulder and tried to wake her up. Kalinda stirred a bit, but didn’t wake up. Alicia said her name, not succeeding in waking her up. There was a soft, almost purring sound of snoring coming from her.
Alicia looked around wondering how on earth she was going to wake Kalinda and get her home. After trying to wake her once again, she made up her mind. Kalinda was much smaller than the lawyer. It wasn’t many years ago that Alicia was carrying her kids up the stairs of their old home in Highland Park. Since then she carried almost all of there belongings into the current apartment. She was much stronger than she looked. Though she didn’t want to attract attention, the First Lady of Illinois tended to do that, she knew she could take all of Kalinda’s weight if need be.
After straightening Kalinda’s legs, she slid her right arm under the woman’s shoulders to bring her to a sitting position. She thought she heard her name murmured. She slid an arm under Kalinda's knees, lifting them slightly over to the edge where she dropped them carefully off the side of the bench. Lifting one of Kalinda’s arms and wrapping it around her own shoulders, Alicia was able to lift her into a standing position. Even like this she couldn't believe how light Kalinda was. Her personality and attitude made her seem far bigger than she was. Kalinda's head fell back over Alicia's arm, and her arms hung limply as Alicia guided her across the street toward her car.
Kalinda said something that Alicia couldn’t make out. She could have sworn she said something about the bench. She hoped it was it wasn’t important. When they reached the car, she was forced to support Kalinda’s body against the car while she reached in her pocket for the keys. Standing like this with her body pressed to Kalinda’s caused her to shiver. What was that about? She quickly unlocked the passenger door and carefully helped Kalinda into the seat. She buckled the investigator in and closed the door. Walking around the front of the car Alicia took a deep breath. What was she going to do with Kalinda now?
She would take Kalinda home, she decided as she put the car into gear and drove down the street.
“Where are your keys?” Alicia asked her semi-conscious passenger.
When she didn’t get a response she grabbed for the clutch Kalinda had with her. While sitting at the stoplight her breath caught when she saw the picture of Will and Kalinda that the woman was carrying with her. It brought tears to her eyes.
A car horn brought her out of the fog.
“Your keys aren’t in there,” she said to Kalinda as she handed it back.
Alicia wondered if she still had Kalinda's address in her GPS. She had done all kinds of things to wipe Kalinda from her life after the ultimate betrayal. She thought back to when Kalinda gave her the address to her new apartment. It was the most open offering she had received from her friend, however odd and unexpected it was at the time.
At the next red light Alicia reached over to check all of the pockets in Kalinda's leather jacket. To the surprise of the wide-eyed passenger, the lawyer unzipped the jacket to check the inner pockets, too. No keys. Not even her car keys. How did she get to the bar then?
“Kalinda, why don’t you have your keys?” she tried once again.
This time the investigator appeared to be pondering the question.
“Joel,” she finally said.
That name brought with it many memories. The bartender. Their bartender, Alicia remembered. She realized that he must have taken Kalinda’s keys and that was the cause of the argument earlier. Good for him, she thought. She wouldn’t put it past the notoriously stubborn woman to get behind the wheel despite being inebriated.
Well, that settles it, Alicia decided. She would take Kalinda home with her. They were getting close to her apartment anyway.
Once she reached the underground parking structure at her apartment building, Alicia looked over and realized the very drunk Kalinda had passed out. How was she going to get her all the way up to her apartment from here? God help her if she ran into one of her nosey neighbors.
Sitting in the parked car for several minutes, Alicia noticed her eyes had been on her passenger for longer than was appropriate. She was noticing how peaceful Kalinda seemed asleep. She knew her inner turmoil, turmoil they currently shared. She also knew that it must have taken a great deal of pain for Kalinda to get this plastered. Ever vigilant about being in control, this was unlike her.
“Kalinda…” Alicia said softly. “I’m going to help you inside now.”
She got out of the car and quickly made her way to the passenger side. Opening the door, she saw for the first time how the woman’s already short skirt had edged up. She could see the topmost part of black stockings. She had to tear her eyes away, fearful of what might happen if she continued to look at Kalinda’s legs. It was a foreign feeling, not trusting one’s own eyes or actions.
“Kalinda,” Alicia spoke. “Come on.”
She unbuckled Kalinda and once again put an arm around her shoulders. She pulled the stocking-clad legs out of the car and placed them on the ground. Looking around to assure her that nobody was watching, Alicia lifted Kalinda into a standing position. She kicked the door closed once she was certain it would clear both of them.
They reached the entrance and then the elevator bay without incident, Kalinda doing very little to help the cause. Had she not been afraid of someone in the apartment lobby getting suspicious, she might have picked Kalinda up to make it both easier and faster. Stepping into the elevator, Kalinda was half awake and stumbling. Thankfully Alicia was supporting her by with an arm around Kalinda's back, under her arms.
As the elevator began to climb to Alicia’s floor, she found herself needing a sudden intake of air as Kalinda turned her body and curled her face into Alicia’s neck. The shorter woman took a deep breath, as if taking in the scent of the lawyer, and then casually put her arms around the brunette’s waist. There was that feeling again, Alicia thought. Gulping, she felt strangely excited about the closeness of Kalinda.
Alicia did something she couldn’t remember having ever done when they were friends-she pulled Kalinda tight to her, embracing the woman tenderly as they made their way to the 9th floor. Kalinda’s head was now resting on Alicia's chest, a sensation that made the lawyer close her eyes. She lost herself in the moment, until she heard the familiar ding signaling they had reached the desired floor. As the doors opened she quickly loosened her arms from around Kalinda and gently, but quickly tried to move Kalinda away from her and out of the space.
Luckily nobody was waiting outside for the lift, to Alicia’s relief. She guided Kalinda to her front door and once again found herself pressed to Kalinda, supporting her against the hallway wall, while she searched for her keys. The shiver of want made its presence known again.
They managed to make their way in, Alicia supporting Kalinda the entire way as she kicked the door shut. She guided her guest to the couch in her living room so she could lock the door.
“Kalinda?” she tested the woman’s consciousness.
“Hmm?” she slurred.
“I’m going to get you some water and aspirin,” she told her.
Kalinda was safely and comfortably situated on the couch while Alicia went to the kitchen and then the kids’ bathroom to find some aspirin. She knew she had bought the aspirin for Grace, but the memory that came to her was the night Owen had visited last. They had stayed up drinking well into the morning, telling stories about their mother and laughing. Owen had always been a bad influence, but she loved him and wished she had more time to spend with him. They’d both taken aspirin that night and still woke up with raging hangovers.
When she returned to the living room with the water and aspirin, there was no sign of Kalinda. She quickly checked the front door, finding it was still locked. She went to each of the kids’ bedrooms, not finding Kalinda.
“Kalinda?” she asked, loudly enough to be heard throughout the apartment.
When she didn’t hear a response she went to her own bedroom.
“Kalinda,” she said much softer.
Finding the small woman on her bed on top of the covers, her breath caught in her throat.
She must have been too drunk to realize where she was. She knew, of course, how to find Alicia’s bedroom. She’d been in this room before.
Trying not to leer, Alicia looked away while formulating a plan. Somewhat regrettably, the lawyer’s eyes returned to the woman on the bed.
Kalinda was laying horizontally across the bed, her boots hanging over the edge. She couldn’t possibly leave her fully clothed with her boots on all night. Stooping to reach for the boots that were quintessentially Kalinda, she slowly pulled the zipper down her left boot and removed it. Unable to help herself, Alicia noticed just how nice Kalinda’s legs were. Perfectly toned, helped inevitably by the heels she always wore. She had always been taken with the olive skin tone. And now she saw how petite the investigator’s feet were. She repeated her motions with the other boot, once again noticing the beauty of the leg she was supporting in her hand. God, what was she doing?
“You need to turn over,” she instructed. “It’ll be easier to change.”
Not until the words were out of her mouth did Alicia admit to herself what she was about to do. The only way to get the woman changed into a pair of pajamas was to do it without Kalinda’s assistance. She shook her head at the thought of what was about to transpire.
Hoping a step away might calm her nerves and her hormones, Alicia sought out a pair of her two-piece silk pajamas. The button-up front would be easy enough, she thought. The front… Oh, god. Her mind considered for a moment how intimate she would have to get with Kalinda and how close she would be, while doing up those buttons, to the woman’s breasts. Once again she gulped.
Once she’d picked the pajamas, she turned back to see Kalinda drunkenly turning herself over on the bed. If she weren’t battling her own unfamiliar feelings for this woman, she would have laughed at the sight. There was nothing graceful about Kalinda’s movements.
Stepping forward and perching on the edge of her bed, Alicia reached for the zipper of the leather jacket. She slowly slid it down, trying to still the trembling of her hand as she did so.
“You need to sit up,” Alicia told her. “So we can take this off.”
Kalinda held her arms out for Alicia to take, silently requesting help. Alicia did as she was asked and pulled Kalinda to a sitting position.
“I’m going to take this off of you,” the lawyer’s voice was shaky.
“You don’t have to talk me through it,” Kalinda spoke unclearly, but what she said next was clear as day. “Undress me.”
The brunette knew she was blushing. Her stomach dropped. She couldn’t help but imagine Kalinda asking the same thing in much different circumstances. The fantasy whisked her away for a moment until she snapped out of it and could again focus on the task at hand.
She slipped the jacket over Kalinda’s slender shoulders, finding a ribbed tank top underneath. She wondered if this is what the investigator always wore under her leather attire.
“Do you want to leave this on?” Alicia motioned to the tank.
“Mmm…no.”
For a moment the sober woman hoped that Kalinda would remove it herself. She didn’t know how she would still her hands if she did it herself. She was left to deal with it when Kalinda raised her hands above her head so it could be lifted off.
Closing her eyes once gripping the bottom of the item, Alicia lifted it quickly and hoped it had cleared Kalinda’s head. Once she knew she was holding it above her head, she opened her eyes.
“Oh,” she found herself saying aloud, sounding alien in her ears.
She hoped to hide the fact that she had looked at Kalinda’s lace-covered breasts, but her flushing face, neck and chest were giving her away. Why was she reacting this way? She had never been this flustered by her friend. She had never been this stirred up by another woman. Was the grief playing a trick on her? Was it their history? Why this now?
Unable to focus, Alicia fumbled with the zipper at Kalinda’s right hip. She looked everywhere but at the woman she was attempting to undress. Her heart hammered in her chest.
“You should take a breath,” Kalinda slurred.
Her words calmed Alicia, though she was surprised Kalinda was capable of noticing how nervous she was. She did precisely as Kalinda told her-breathe-and she was able to direct her attention to the zipper. After dragging the zipper the six inches from the top of her hip, she wondered how she was going to get the skirt off a seated Kalinda.
Her jaw dropped when Kalinda lay back on the bed and lifted her hips, transferring her weight through the heels of her feet. Stunned, but not wanting to leave her in the uncomfortable position, Alicia tugged the skirt down the very legs she had admired earlier. Every bit of willpower was employed to prevent her from looking at the apex of the olive-colored thighs.
Before the pajama bottoms could be slipped into, the stockings had to be removed. The lawyer didn’t trust herself with the task. The idea of dragging her fingers down the length of Kalinda’s legs was tempting, but also extremely dangerous. These feelings were too new and too raw.
“You have to help,” Alicia almost begged.
She could have sworn she saw Kalinda smile smugly when she looked down at her stockings. Thankfully, the woman took the stockings down herself. But Alicia’s eyes could not resist watching as hands so practiced at the act slowly slid the stocking down her legs and over her feet.
The heat building low in Alicia’s belly had become irrepressible. She leaned back against the bedroom wall as she watched Kalinda pull the silk pajama bottoms on. Taking a deep breath, she attempted, albeit unsuccessfully, to still the ludicrous feelings she was having for this vulnerable woman. Of all the times to realize she felt something for Kalinda, now was the worst possible time.
Once Alicia saw Kalinda was about to lie down again, she put out her hands and gestured for the woman to take them.
“Come on,” she pulled Kalinda to a standing position. “You’ll thank me later for making you wash your face and brush your teeth.”
Once she had guided her to the ensuite she decided Kalinda was safe to stand on her own for a moment. She quickly located the make-up remover wipes and a new toothbrush, but out of the corner of her eye she saw Kalinda starting to lose her footing.
“Hey,” Alicia chuckled as she reached Kalinda just in time to get a supportive arm around her, holding her up. “I guess you’re going to need some help with this, huh?”
For the first time that night Kalinda actually seemed embarrassed by her state of drunkenness.
“I can’t remember ever drinking this much,” she muttered as Alicia got her to the sink and stood behind her in case she lost her ability to stay upright again.
“By the looks of you, it’s probably a good thing this isn’t a regular occurrence,” Alicia said, standing a bit closer to Kalinda than she really needed to.
The shorter woman, made even smaller without her boots on, started with the toothbrush. Alicia was silently relieved. She didn’t want to be the one to mention vomit breath. She smiled at the comical nature of all of this and how it would have been quite hilarious had the situation not been precipitated by their friend’s death.
She found herself once again thinking about Will until she was forced out of her memories by the sudden realization that Kalinda’s backside was pressing into her. The woman had bent over to spit in the sink and the unanticipated movement had left Alicia open-mouthed. Over far too quickly, Alicia was forced to take a breath.
Kalinda mumbled when she had too much to drink. This was something Alicia had learned tonight. As she was attempting to regroup from the surprising feeling of the raven-haired woman’s behind pressing into her upper thighs, she heard Kalinda mumble something incomprehensible.
“What was that?” Alicia leaned in, finding her chest now pressed against Kalinda’s back.
She didn’t have to be this close. She didn’t have to be in this position at all. But whatever logical thought she would normally have had was eclipsed by how inexplicably turned on she was in the moment. This was insane, she kept telling herself. What was she doing?
“I asked if I smelled minty,” the investigator had moved on to removing her makeup, her eyes watching Alicia in the mirror.
Alicia couldn’t bring herself to respond nor could she control where her mind went with Kalinda’s question. She was now mesmerized by how if this woman smelled minty, she must also taste minty. How had she never wondered what Kalinda tasted like before now?
“Alicia?” she spoke, never leaving the lawyer’s eyes in the mirror.
“Hmm?” Alicia’s voice cracked, she was feeling caught in the act even though Kalinda couldn’t possibly know what she was thinking.
For some reason all of this struck the drunken woman funny and she started laughing in a way neither woman had heard from her mouth in a very long time. The moment of levity is exactly what Alicia needed to regroup, but whatever control she acquired in that moment was lost when Kalinda finished the smooth strokes over her face with the face wipes and turned so they were facing one another.
“Minty?” she leaned in until her mouth was almost touching Alicia’s.
Melting into a puddle of desire, Alicia couldn’t beckon her voice to answer. She finally was able to nod.
Before she could truly pull herself together, Kalinda slid past her. Alicia was dumbfounded. Did Kalinda not feel anything? Was she teasing Alicia? Or was something going on between them tonight that actually meant more than one friend helping out another? She didn’t have answers to any of these questions. And she certainly couldn’t explain why her body was betraying her with nervousness and, yes, arousal.
“Kalinda,” she rolled her eyes. “You need to get under the covers.”
The investigator had flopped down on top of the blankets. Though it meant more work to get Kalinda tucked in, it did put a smile on Alicia’s face.
Rolling over to one side of the bed, Kalinda waited for Alicia to pull the blankets down on the other. She then groaned as she rolled back over. The lawyer was quick to cover Kalinda up, whether she was hoping that not being able to see Kalinda in the very silk pajamas that had graced her own bare skin would calm the inferno she was experiencing, she couldn’t decide.
Tucking Kalinda in was a privilege she never imagined would be hers. As the woman got comfortable in Alicia’s bed, it was obvious once her eyes closed she would be out for many hours. All of it seemed surreal to Alicia. Kalinda in her bed, in her pajamas, after having pressed against Alicia in what should have been an innocent moment but felt anything but.
Kalinda's eyes were half open as her now familiar mumble caught Alicia off guard and she had to ask her to repeat what she had said.
“Thanks for looking after me,” she said.
The look on her face as she looked up at Alicia was almost penitent.
The lawyer placed on gentle hand on Kalinda’s cheek and smiled.
“You’re welcome.”
Alicia bent over to kiss Kalinda's cheek and just as she reached her, the investigator turned her head, not interpreting what the brunette was doing, and Alicia found herself kissing Kalinda’s lips.
It was fleeting, but exhilarating.
Alicia pulled away quickly and was surprised to find Kalinda’s eyes were closed, not in sleep. When her eyes fluttered open again, she found a stunned look that seemed to be as confused, if not more so, as Alicia.
“Um, I’m sorry,” Alicia knew she was blushing and couldn’t do a damn thing to stop it.
“S’okay,” Kalinda mumbled.
Before either could say anything more, Kalinda’s eyes closed again and this time it was clear she was falling asleep. It was better this way, Alicia realized. Otherwise she may have kissed Kalinda again, Kalinda who tasted like mint, and too much of that would certainly be taking advantage of the situation.
It was nearly 4 a.m. and sleep was far from Alicia’s mind.
Walking into the kitchen, Alicia found her fingers going to her lips as if touching them would stop the tingling sensation that was brought on by the kiss. The sensation had been seared into her mind.
Pouring herself a large glass of wine, she moved to the couch where she found herself agonizing over everything that had happened tonight. By the time she had finished her glass of wine, she had started to think about what more than a kiss with Kalinda would be like. As hard as she tried to not think about it, she kept finding herself rerunning the sight of Kalinda’s hands sliding down her stockings. Why had she never had this degree of awareness about how she felt for Kalinda? What was it about tonight that made her finally recognize how absolutely sexy her once-friend was? Why had she never had this strong physical reaction to the sight and sound of her?
More wine was poured. More wine was consumed.
From her perch on the couch, Alicia spotted Kalinda's clutch and remembered the photo she saw inside it early of Will and Kalinda. Picking up the clutch and removing the picture, she found herself having another look at it. Will and Kalinda looked so happy together. She suddenly felt a pain in her heart for Kalinda, realizing for the first time truly how sad and alone she must feel to be carrying this photo around with her. She had lost her only friend whilst Alicia had only really lost an ex-lover whom she had hurt very badly. She may have loved him once, but she never knew how Will really felt. As much as Will had meant to Alicia at one time, when she walked away from Lockhart/Gardner, she had severed that connection with him. Will and Kalinda had done no such thing. They were close up until that fateful day in the courtroom.
Poor Kalinda, she found herself thinking repeatedly. She knew what it felt like to not have any friends. She hadn’t had a real friend since she foolishly walked away from her friendship with Kalinda. She started thinking about the friends she’d had in her life and she couldn’t think of a single friend who made her feel the way Kalinda had. Kalinda had been protective and supportive. They were both friendless now. And honestly, they both needed each other. She found herself looking over at the door to her bedroom and thinking about how badly she needed the woman who was asleep on her bed.
After returning the picture to the clutch, Alicia returned her wine glass to the kitchen where she poured a bit more and then swallowed it quickly without savoring the buttery oak-tinted notes. She regretted that she could no longer taste a hint of mint.
When her eyes landed on her own bedroom door once again, she gravitated toward it. Looking in, she saw that Kalinda hadn’t moved. She was sleeping peacefully. Alicia thought back to the only time she had ever actually seen Kalinda sleep. It was when they shared a room on that case in Minnesota. They had nearly patched up their friendship for good on that trip. But Alicia walked away.
Alicia stood in the doorway for some time, wondering about that trip and all of the chances she had to make things right with her old friend. Why couldn’t she forgive her? Why couldn’t she give her another chance?
Finally moving, unable to ward off the voyeuristic feeling, Alicia found her own pajamas and went into the ensuite to change. She prepared for bed just as Kalinda had in that very space. When she opened the door, she was taken aback by how beautiful Kalinda was in her bed. Her darker skin tone contrasted nicely with the white linens of Alicia’s bed. Even like this she hadn’t seen Kalinda with her hair down. Why was that? It was almost as if she was hiding that one piece of herself from the rest of the world.
Despite her intention of sleeping in Grace’s room, Alicia found herself climbing onto the bed opposite Kalinda. She didn’t touch her. She didn’t even wake her. She lay on her side, her hands tucked up under her right cheek, watching Kalinda. She tried to match her breathing to that of the sleeping woman. She tried to imagine what dreams Kalinda might be having. More than anything her mind kept returning to the kiss. Would Kalinda even remember it in the morning? And what would she say?
When the clock struck five, Alicia withdrew from the bed and made her way across the hall to Grace’s bedroom. Though sleep did not come easily, there was no question that Kalinda was the last thing on her mind when she went to sleep and undoubtedly she would be the first thing on her mind when she awoke.
It was a restless two hours of sleep for Alicia Florrick.
TBC...