The DVD Chapter 5 & 6 By Kaliciafan.
Chapter 5
A few hours had passed when Alicia was woken up by a gentle kick. She felt another one. And then heard Kalinda moaning.
“Please…stop. Leave me alone…”
“Kalinda?”
“I don’t want to do it. Please, don’t make me do that…”
Alicia could then feel Kalinda was jerking next to her and the fear in her voice actually sent chills down Alicia’s spine. It was clear she was having a nightmare. She turned over to switch the lamp on and then turned back to Kalinda who was on her back and Alicia could see that she was saturated in sweat and was moving her head from side to side. Should she wake her up?
“Alicia!” Kalinda sat up straight, screaming and then panting as she looked around the room worriedly as if looking for the monster she was dreaming about.
“Kalinda, I’m right here.”
Alicia sat up and put her right arm around Kalinda and gently cupped Kalinda’s cheek with her other hand. Kalinda was still panting. She couldn’t seem to get her breath back. Alicia pulled Kalinda towards her for a hug, holding onto her as tightly as possible. She could feel Kalinda shaking and then Kalinda let out a great, heart-breaking sob. It was as if her dam had burst and all the emotions that she had been drowning in all these years had finally broken free. She must have cried for at least 10 minutes. Alicia just held onto her, occasionally rubbing her back as she shed her own tears for Kalinda. Eventually, Kalinda’s tears slowed down and she got her breath back. But she never let go over Alicia. Her arms encircled her waist as if she were afraid that if she let Alicia go then she would lose her. She had to make sure that Alicia was real in her arms.
“I’m not going anywhere, Kalinda.”
Alicia said, stroking Kalinda’s head gently. She then pulled away and cupped Kalinda’s face and gently used her thumbs to wipe away Kalinda’s tears. Even with puffy eyes, Kalinda looked beautiful. She definitely had youth on her side. Alicia suddenly felt self-conscious about her own appearance. Her eyes must be puffy too. Kalinda then brought her own hands to cup Alicia’s face and wiped her tears. She was looking straight into Alicia’s eyes and Alicia felt like Kalinda could almost read her mind.
“Don’t worry. You always look beautiful.” Kalinda said and then, almost shyly, looked down.
Alicia used her index finger to lift Kalinda’s chin and forced her to look back up. They locked eyes again.
“Thanks,” Alicia smiled. “So do you.” She didn’t look away. She couldn’t. Kalinda’s face was like a magnet. “Are you…okay? Would you like some water?”
Kalinda shook her head. She wanted Alicia to stay right where so was. “Do you mind if we lie down?” Kalinda didn’t wait for Alicia’s answer. She gently pushed Alicia back down and snuggled against her, resting her head on Alicia’s shoulder and wrapped her arms around Alicia’s waist. Alicia’s arm was wrapped around Kalinda’s shoulders, pulling her closer towards her. They didn’t say anything for a while. Alicia finally broke the silence.
“Were you dreaming of Peter?”
“Yeah. And Nick…”
“And me?”
Kalinda dry swallowed a few times. “Yeah…”
“Kalinda, are you sure I can’t get you some water?”
“No, stay with me.” Kalinda tightened her grip on Alicia.”
“Okay, okay.” Alicia could hear Kalinda was afraid of something. “I’m not going anywhere. Do you want to talk about it?
“He was going to hurt you…. He was going to make me hurt you.”
“Peter?”
“Nick. Peter was there in the beginning. He was… and then suddenly Nick was there too. He found out about the deal I had made with Peter. He had found me somehow. He was really angry. And he had you with him and you were watching what Peter was doing to me. I told him to stop, but he wouldn’t. Nick then took out his gun and pointed it at you. Peter let me go, and Nick told me to walk to him so I did. He took out a knife and gave it to me. He told me to… He wanted me to… kill…” Kalinda couldn’t finish her sentence.
“To what?”
“He wanted me to hurt you. Then Peter told me to do it because I couldn’t ever have you. Nick was still pointing his gun at you and was going to pull the trigger if I didn’t do as I was told… but I just couldn’t so he pulled it and that’s when I woke up…”
“Well, I’m safe, I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere. Okay? It was just a dream, Kalinda.” Alicia wrapped her arms around Kalinda and bent her head down to kiss her forehead.
Kalinda was feeling the safest that she had felt in a long time. Being held like this, by Alicia, she knew that nobody could ever make her feel scared. She felt Alicia trying to sooth her and then the kiss on her forehead. She had never felt this protected by anyone. She briefly wondered if this woman knew how much Kalinda loved her. She had tried so hard not to love her. When she first realised that Alicia Florrick was going to be working at Stern, Lockhart & Gardner, she felt oddly annoyed that his woman was invading her space. She had no right to be there. She didn’t want to know Peter Florricks wife. She thought Alicia was going to be a pretentious, self-righteous snob. That she was going be just like Peter - someone who acted like the world owed her something. But then she met Alicia and she knew instantly that she had been wrong about her. She wanted to help her go further in the firm, to beat Cary and become a permanent fixture there. And she wanted to protect Alicia from all the scumbags. So when Alicia asked Kalinda for help when that hooker, Amber, was snooping about bothering Alicia at work, she actually told Alicia that was what she lived for. And she meant every word of it. And then, when Blake Calamar came to the firm with Derek Bond - the new partner in Stern’s place - she new that she was in trouble. She had tried hard not to fall in-love with Alicia, but it was too late. And there was nothing she could do about it. Blake’s investigation into her past made her realise just how much she loved Alicia and she tried her damnedest to prevent Alicia from finding out the truth. Kalinda fell back to sleep thinking about everything that between her and Alicia till this very moment.
After a while of holding Kalinda, Alicia could hear a soft snoring sound coming from her and realises that Kalinda has fallen back to sleep. She didn’t want to let go of her, though, so she kept her arms around this petite woman in her arms. She couldn’t explain the feeling of holding Kalinda in her arms. It was unlike anything she had felt when she held Peter - or even Will, during their brief affair. She then started thinking back over the last few years since she met Kalinda and realised how much Kalinda had helped her and just done things for her. She remembered when Peter’s hooker, Amber Madison, started phoning her at work. Kalinda offered to speak to Amber. Alicia had, at first, declined Kalinda’s offer. But then later called Kalinda to her office and asked her for help. She will never forget what Kalinda said to her: “It’s what I live for.” She lived to help Alicia? Alicia hadn’t really thought much about it at the time, but now… was it possible that Kalinda had fallen in-love with her? She had suspected Kalinda of being gay ever since she phoned Kalinda once and Donna answered her phone. And then she met Donna once at that celebration party… She had come as Blake Calamar’s date, but Alicia figured out who she was. And it seemed like she was really jealous of her when she saw Alicia holding Kalinda’s hand. Truth be told, Alicia had actually felt electrified by Kalinda’s hand in hers. Her touch. Her hand was so much smaller than Alicia’s and it was so soft. She was startled by her own feelings towards Kalinda and tried to push them to the back of her mind. And when Grace went missing, the first person she had wanted to call for help was Kalinda. She didn’t though. But she knew then that they really needed to talk. That was even before she found out that Kalinda had found Grace.
Alicia felt Kalinda’s hold on her tighten. She wondered if Kalinda was having another bad dream and was holing onto Alicia to keep her safe. Alicia just smiled at that thought. Because she did, indeed, feel safe in Kalinda’s arms. She reciprocated by holding Kalinda tighter to her and resting her cheek against Kalinda’s forehead. She closed her eyes to try get back to sleep herself, but her thoughts then turned to Peter. She was going to have to speak to him… he has to know that she knows what he did to Kalinda. And she had absolutely no qualms about asking him for a divorce. It has been a long time coming. There was no way she was going to stay married to him. Especially someone who hurt the woman she loved. She was finally ready to admit it to herself: she was in love with Kalinda. The sun was rising as she finally succumbed to sleep, thinking of how she was going to tell the woman in her arms that she loved her.
Chapter 6
Kalinda was the first to wake up. The sun was streaming in through her bedroom window as she opened her eyes to Alicia’s face. Alicia was on her side and had moved lower down the bed, her head was barely touching a pillow, but she somehow still managed to have a hand resting on Kalinda’s upper arm. Kalinda turned over to her bedside table and picked up her phone. She rubbed her eyes before looking at the time. 11h23. She rubbed her eyes again. She looked at the time again. Still 11h23. She hadn’t slept this late in years. She turned to look back at Alicia, still amazed that this woman was right there sleeping next to her. She looked so peaceful. She had a slight smile on her face. Was she dreaming? Kalinda didn’t want to disturb her. After all, Alicia did say that she didn’t need to be anywhere today. Kalinda kept staring at her face. She couldn’t help but stare. She extended her arm and stroked Alicia’s cheek gently, careful not to wake her. Alicia didn’t stir.
Kalinda got up and walked to the en-suite. She needed to take a shower. She looked at her injured hand and she flexed it a few times. It didn’t hurt too much. She removed the bandage and the gauze to inspect the wound. It seemed to be ok. It probably would leave a tiny scar, but it was nothing compared to the emotional scars she had. Kalinda then turned her shower on before removing her pyjamas, letting the water reach a comfortable temperature. She checked the water’s temperature before she got in and immersed herself under the strong flow of the water. As she washed herself, her mind couldn’t help but wonder to the woman laying in her bed, just a few feet away from her. She realised the en-suite door wasn’t fully closed, so Alicia could just walk in. She wasn’t used to closing the door. Kalinda quickly rinsed the shampoo from her hair, but she somehow managed to get some in her eyes.
“Damnit!” Kalinda shouted out as she instinctively started rubbing her eyes. That only made it worse. She pulled the showerhead off the wall attachment and aimed the water at her eyes as she tried to rinse the shampoo out of them. With all this distraction, she never noticed Alicia entering the en-suite. She had managed to wake Alicia up when she shouted out and Alicia had come to investigate. Alicia could hear Kalinda swearing behind the shower curtain and thought maybe Kalinda was complaining about her injured hand.
“Kalinda? You okay?”
Kalinda got a fright and jumped, causing her to slip and lose her balance. Luckily, Alicia could actually see Kalinda’s silhouette through the shower curtain and saw that Kalinda was about to fall. She instinctively pulled back the shower curtain and managed to catch Kalinda in her arms.
“Whoa! Kalinda, you gave me a fright. I thought you were going to have a nasty fall there.”
“I gave you a fright? You gave me a fright! You shouldn't sneak up on people like that.”
“I'm sorry, I just heard you shout out and thought you had hurt yourself. I came to see if you were okay.”
“I got shampoo in my eyes. I was just trying to rinse it out.”
“Oh.”
There was silence as they then realized the situation they were in. Alicia was holding a very wet and naked Kalinda in her arms. Kalinda was looking very embarrassed as her naked body was pressed up against Alicia's.
“Um, can you please pass me a towel?” Kalinda asked, blinking a few times as her eyes were still stinging from the shampoo.
“Oh, um, yeah. Here you go.” Alicia pulled away from Kalinda to reach for a towel, but took a moment to appreciate Kalinda’s body before handing her the towel.
“Thanks.” Kalinda said as she noticed Alicia checking her out and suddenly turned red. She wrapped the towel around her as quickly as possible, turned the water off and re-attached the showerhead to the wall, then stepped out of the shower.
“No problem. You have a tattoo.”
“Yip.”
“What…is it?”
“It's… my sister’s name. In Hindi." Kalinda caught Alicia’s eye in the mirror in front of her sink.
“You have a sister?” Alicia asked, stunned. “I… I didn’t know… What’s her name?”
“Her name was Zoya…” Kalinda broke eye contact, turned around and started to walk out of the en-suite. Alicia gently placed her hand on Kalinda’s arm to stop her.
“Was?”
“Alicia, I don’t really want to talk about this right now.”
Kalinda squeezed past Alicia to get out the en-suite and went to her chest of drawers to choose some underwear. Nothing frilly, Alicia noticed. Just a set of black cotton boy shorts and a matching sports bra. Alicia then watched as Kalinda, still wrapped in her bath towel, rummaged through her wardrobe and picked out some jeans and a t-shirt.
“You going out?”
Kalinda looked up at Alicia. “Not yet. You’re welcome to have a shower if u like, or a bath. I’ll make us some brunch. Is there anything you don’t eat?”
“Ok, thanks. I’ll just take a shower. I… didn’t know you could cook.”
“Well, there is a lot you don’t know about me. There are fresh towels in the cupboard under the sink.”
“Touché. And thanks. I’m not fussy.” Alicia said as she closed herself in the en-suite and went to take a shower.
Kalinda unwrapped herself, used the towel to dry her hair and then let the towel fall to the floor. She put on the underwear she had picked out and then as she walked to the bed to pick up her jeans to put on, her mind went to her Zoya. She touched the horseshoe charm on her necklace. This necklace and its charm have never left Kalinda’s neck since she put it on after Zoya’s death. Kalinda’s eyes teared up as she remembered identifying Zoya’s body at the morgue in Toronto. Seeing the necklace was still around Zoya’s neck, she took it off Zoya and put it straight on herself.
Alicia could only think about Kalinda’s revelation about her sister. Her name was Zoya? She could see the sadness in Kalinda’s face as she said her sister’s name. It was obvious that Zoya had passed away, but under what circumstances? Was she older or younger than Kalinda? Were they close? They must have been or else Kalinda wouldn’t have looked so sad. Alicia felt a lump in her own throat as she thought of her own brother, Owen. She couldn’t bear the thought of losing him. She quickly finished washing herself, taking care not to get her hair wet. She didn’t want to wash her hair here as she only used her own special brand of shampoo anyway, one specifically for her hair type. Alicia turned the shower off and grabbed a big fluffy bath sheet she had found in the cupboard. She wrapped herself up in it, stepped out of the shower and checked herself out in the mirror before opening the door. She found Kalinda standing by her bed in just her underwear, playing with the charm on her necklace. She looked like she was deep in thought so Alicia walked up to her. Kalinda snapped out of her thoughts as she noticed Alicia approaching her in nothing but a towel and before she knew it, Alicia had enfolded her in a tight hug. Kalinda couldn’t help but encircle her arms around Alicia’s waist, letting herself relax into Alicia’s embrace. Alicia smelt divine.
“Um…Alicia?”
“Mmm-mm?”
“Are you okay?”
“I am. Are you?”
“Why are you hugging me?”
“It looked like you needed a hug. You were looking sad.”
“I’m fine.”
Alicia pulled away, but kept her hands resting on Kalinda’s shoulders.
“Are you? Really?” She noticed Kalinda biting her bottom lip as her eyes welled up and a single tear rolled down her left cheek. She brought her right hand up to wipe the tear away and cup Kalinda’s cheek.
“Is that Zoya’s necklace? I’ve never seen you without it, you know?”
Kalinda could only nod, not trusting herself to speak.
“Was she older or younger than you?”
Kalinda cleared her throat. “Younger.”
“I’m sorry, Kalinda.” Alicia now had both her hands cupping Kalinda’s face, her thumbs wiping away more tears as she looked into Kalinda’s eyes. Seeing this vulnerable side of Kalinda made Alicia want to be near her, to protect her, hug her… and at this very moment, she wanted to kiss her. She knew that would be selfish, though. Here was Kalinda was opening up to her with something so personal and tragic, and all Alicia wanted to do was kiss her. At one point, she was staring at Kalinda’s lips. They looked so… inviting. Alicia found herself, subconsciously, licking her own lips. Damn, what is Kalinda going think of her?
Kalinda’s vision was slightly blurred from the tears that sprung from her eyes and rolled down her cheeks, but as Alicia was cupping her face and wiping the tears with her thumbs, Kalinda was looking into Alicia’s eyes. She wasn’t sure if she was just imagining it, but she thought she could see desire in Alicia’s eyes. The way she was looking at her and caressing her face. And then it looked like Alicia was staring down at her lips. And then Alicia licked her own lips. Kalinda suddenly remembered what Alicia had told her the night before… she had been jealous of Lana. Was she jealous of her being flexible with Lana? What was Alicia trying to say? She found herself looking at Alicia’s lips longer than she ought to.
Alicia looked back up into Kalinda’s eyes, which were now focussed on her lips so she did the only thing she could do. She kissed Kalinda softly on her left cheek. Then she moved almost in slow motion and kissed Kalinda’s right cheek. And then she moved down to kiss Kalinda’s lips. She wanted Kalinda to know that she cared about her, so it was a quick kiss. It was just slightly longer than a peck, but it felt amazing. Electrifying. Unlike anything she had ever felt. When she pulled back, Kalinda’s eyes were closed and her lips were still puckered. When Kalinda opened her eyes, Alicia was staring back at her face and was biting her bottom lip. Her hands were still cupping Kalinda’s face, but then slowly made their way down Kalinda’s neck and rested on her shoulders. She then bent her head down and rested her forehead against Kalinda’s forehead and sighed.
“Kalinda, I’m so… I don’t know the word I’m looking for. Not confused. Just… scared.”
“Of what?”
“My feelings for you. I…” Alicia looked back at Kalinda’s face.
“What kind of feelings?” Kalinda’s heart skipped a few times.
“Do you remember last night when I told you that when I found out about you and Peter, that I was more upset about losing you than I was about losing Peter?”
“You’ve never lost me…” Kalinda said that more to herself than to Alicia.
“You know what I mean, Kalinda.”
“When I lost your friendship…I wish I had had the courage to be honest with you.” Kalinda’s voice broke.
“Yeah, me too. But I understand now. I… suspected you were gay after I phoned you once and Donna answered your phone. I don’t know why, but even then, I was jealous. Jealous that someone else knew you better than I did.”
“I’m flexible.”
“Kalinda, what does that even mean?”
“It means that…Alicia, I… does it really matter?”
“Yes, it does. I asked for complete honesty from you, remember?”
“Alicia, I don’t distinguish between genders. I am attracted to the person.”
“And were you attracted to me?”
“I… fell in love with you the moment we shook hands in your office.”
Alicia was stunned into silence. She just looked at Kalinda with her mouth slightly opened. Kalinda looked back, right into Alicia’s eyes. Alicia blinked a couple of times, but still said nothing.
“Are you horrified?”
“Horrified? Why would I be horrified?”
“Because, I just told you that I loved you.”
“You mean, you don’t love me anymore?” Alicia suddenly panicked at the thought of Kalinda’s next answer.
“No, I just-”
“You don’t?” Alicia’s face fell.”
“No, I do! I was just worried that you would be horrified at having another woman love you.”
Alicia’s face lit up. “I’d be more horrified if you had said that you didn’t love me anymore. Besides, you just said that you don’t distinguish between genders.”
“I don’t distinguish… hang on a second. What are we talking about here?” Kalinda shook her head, confused. “Are you saying-”
“I love you, Kalinda!”
Kalinda didn’t have time to react because Alicia snaked her arms around Kalinda’s neck and kissed her lips again. Kalinda’s arms encircled Alicia’s waist, she closed her eyes and melted into the kiss. It was just soft kisses at first. Kalinda was still shocked by Alicia’s revelation and was actually thinking that she was dreaming this all up. But then she felt Alicia’s hand cupping the back of her head and Alicia deepening the kiss, forcing her tongue into Kalinda’s mouth. Kalinda stopped thinking and started kissing back. The feeling of their tongues entwined caused a moan to escape Kalinda’s mouth, which made Alicia shiver and hold onto Kalinda more tightly. So Kalinda tightened her arms around Alicia too and they were both so completely absorbed in the kiss that, at first, they didn’t hear a phone ringing. Alicia then pulled away gently as she heard the ringtone get louder. She recognised the tone instantly. It was Peter.
A few hours had passed when Alicia was woken up by a gentle kick. She felt another one. And then heard Kalinda moaning.
“Please…stop. Leave me alone…”
“Kalinda?”
“I don’t want to do it. Please, don’t make me do that…”
Alicia could then feel Kalinda was jerking next to her and the fear in her voice actually sent chills down Alicia’s spine. It was clear she was having a nightmare. She turned over to switch the lamp on and then turned back to Kalinda who was on her back and Alicia could see that she was saturated in sweat and was moving her head from side to side. Should she wake her up?
“Alicia!” Kalinda sat up straight, screaming and then panting as she looked around the room worriedly as if looking for the monster she was dreaming about.
“Kalinda, I’m right here.”
Alicia sat up and put her right arm around Kalinda and gently cupped Kalinda’s cheek with her other hand. Kalinda was still panting. She couldn’t seem to get her breath back. Alicia pulled Kalinda towards her for a hug, holding onto her as tightly as possible. She could feel Kalinda shaking and then Kalinda let out a great, heart-breaking sob. It was as if her dam had burst and all the emotions that she had been drowning in all these years had finally broken free. She must have cried for at least 10 minutes. Alicia just held onto her, occasionally rubbing her back as she shed her own tears for Kalinda. Eventually, Kalinda’s tears slowed down and she got her breath back. But she never let go over Alicia. Her arms encircled her waist as if she were afraid that if she let Alicia go then she would lose her. She had to make sure that Alicia was real in her arms.
“I’m not going anywhere, Kalinda.”
Alicia said, stroking Kalinda’s head gently. She then pulled away and cupped Kalinda’s face and gently used her thumbs to wipe away Kalinda’s tears. Even with puffy eyes, Kalinda looked beautiful. She definitely had youth on her side. Alicia suddenly felt self-conscious about her own appearance. Her eyes must be puffy too. Kalinda then brought her own hands to cup Alicia’s face and wiped her tears. She was looking straight into Alicia’s eyes and Alicia felt like Kalinda could almost read her mind.
“Don’t worry. You always look beautiful.” Kalinda said and then, almost shyly, looked down.
Alicia used her index finger to lift Kalinda’s chin and forced her to look back up. They locked eyes again.
“Thanks,” Alicia smiled. “So do you.” She didn’t look away. She couldn’t. Kalinda’s face was like a magnet. “Are you…okay? Would you like some water?”
Kalinda shook her head. She wanted Alicia to stay right where so was. “Do you mind if we lie down?” Kalinda didn’t wait for Alicia’s answer. She gently pushed Alicia back down and snuggled against her, resting her head on Alicia’s shoulder and wrapped her arms around Alicia’s waist. Alicia’s arm was wrapped around Kalinda’s shoulders, pulling her closer towards her. They didn’t say anything for a while. Alicia finally broke the silence.
“Were you dreaming of Peter?”
“Yeah. And Nick…”
“And me?”
Kalinda dry swallowed a few times. “Yeah…”
“Kalinda, are you sure I can’t get you some water?”
“No, stay with me.” Kalinda tightened her grip on Alicia.”
“Okay, okay.” Alicia could hear Kalinda was afraid of something. “I’m not going anywhere. Do you want to talk about it?
“He was going to hurt you…. He was going to make me hurt you.”
“Peter?”
“Nick. Peter was there in the beginning. He was… and then suddenly Nick was there too. He found out about the deal I had made with Peter. He had found me somehow. He was really angry. And he had you with him and you were watching what Peter was doing to me. I told him to stop, but he wouldn’t. Nick then took out his gun and pointed it at you. Peter let me go, and Nick told me to walk to him so I did. He took out a knife and gave it to me. He told me to… He wanted me to… kill…” Kalinda couldn’t finish her sentence.
“To what?”
“He wanted me to hurt you. Then Peter told me to do it because I couldn’t ever have you. Nick was still pointing his gun at you and was going to pull the trigger if I didn’t do as I was told… but I just couldn’t so he pulled it and that’s when I woke up…”
“Well, I’m safe, I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere. Okay? It was just a dream, Kalinda.” Alicia wrapped her arms around Kalinda and bent her head down to kiss her forehead.
Kalinda was feeling the safest that she had felt in a long time. Being held like this, by Alicia, she knew that nobody could ever make her feel scared. She felt Alicia trying to sooth her and then the kiss on her forehead. She had never felt this protected by anyone. She briefly wondered if this woman knew how much Kalinda loved her. She had tried so hard not to love her. When she first realised that Alicia Florrick was going to be working at Stern, Lockhart & Gardner, she felt oddly annoyed that his woman was invading her space. She had no right to be there. She didn’t want to know Peter Florricks wife. She thought Alicia was going to be a pretentious, self-righteous snob. That she was going be just like Peter - someone who acted like the world owed her something. But then she met Alicia and she knew instantly that she had been wrong about her. She wanted to help her go further in the firm, to beat Cary and become a permanent fixture there. And she wanted to protect Alicia from all the scumbags. So when Alicia asked Kalinda for help when that hooker, Amber, was snooping about bothering Alicia at work, she actually told Alicia that was what she lived for. And she meant every word of it. And then, when Blake Calamar came to the firm with Derek Bond - the new partner in Stern’s place - she new that she was in trouble. She had tried hard not to fall in-love with Alicia, but it was too late. And there was nothing she could do about it. Blake’s investigation into her past made her realise just how much she loved Alicia and she tried her damnedest to prevent Alicia from finding out the truth. Kalinda fell back to sleep thinking about everything that between her and Alicia till this very moment.
After a while of holding Kalinda, Alicia could hear a soft snoring sound coming from her and realises that Kalinda has fallen back to sleep. She didn’t want to let go of her, though, so she kept her arms around this petite woman in her arms. She couldn’t explain the feeling of holding Kalinda in her arms. It was unlike anything she had felt when she held Peter - or even Will, during their brief affair. She then started thinking back over the last few years since she met Kalinda and realised how much Kalinda had helped her and just done things for her. She remembered when Peter’s hooker, Amber Madison, started phoning her at work. Kalinda offered to speak to Amber. Alicia had, at first, declined Kalinda’s offer. But then later called Kalinda to her office and asked her for help. She will never forget what Kalinda said to her: “It’s what I live for.” She lived to help Alicia? Alicia hadn’t really thought much about it at the time, but now… was it possible that Kalinda had fallen in-love with her? She had suspected Kalinda of being gay ever since she phoned Kalinda once and Donna answered her phone. And then she met Donna once at that celebration party… She had come as Blake Calamar’s date, but Alicia figured out who she was. And it seemed like she was really jealous of her when she saw Alicia holding Kalinda’s hand. Truth be told, Alicia had actually felt electrified by Kalinda’s hand in hers. Her touch. Her hand was so much smaller than Alicia’s and it was so soft. She was startled by her own feelings towards Kalinda and tried to push them to the back of her mind. And when Grace went missing, the first person she had wanted to call for help was Kalinda. She didn’t though. But she knew then that they really needed to talk. That was even before she found out that Kalinda had found Grace.
Alicia felt Kalinda’s hold on her tighten. She wondered if Kalinda was having another bad dream and was holing onto Alicia to keep her safe. Alicia just smiled at that thought. Because she did, indeed, feel safe in Kalinda’s arms. She reciprocated by holding Kalinda tighter to her and resting her cheek against Kalinda’s forehead. She closed her eyes to try get back to sleep herself, but her thoughts then turned to Peter. She was going to have to speak to him… he has to know that she knows what he did to Kalinda. And she had absolutely no qualms about asking him for a divorce. It has been a long time coming. There was no way she was going to stay married to him. Especially someone who hurt the woman she loved. She was finally ready to admit it to herself: she was in love with Kalinda. The sun was rising as she finally succumbed to sleep, thinking of how she was going to tell the woman in her arms that she loved her.
Chapter 6
Kalinda was the first to wake up. The sun was streaming in through her bedroom window as she opened her eyes to Alicia’s face. Alicia was on her side and had moved lower down the bed, her head was barely touching a pillow, but she somehow still managed to have a hand resting on Kalinda’s upper arm. Kalinda turned over to her bedside table and picked up her phone. She rubbed her eyes before looking at the time. 11h23. She rubbed her eyes again. She looked at the time again. Still 11h23. She hadn’t slept this late in years. She turned to look back at Alicia, still amazed that this woman was right there sleeping next to her. She looked so peaceful. She had a slight smile on her face. Was she dreaming? Kalinda didn’t want to disturb her. After all, Alicia did say that she didn’t need to be anywhere today. Kalinda kept staring at her face. She couldn’t help but stare. She extended her arm and stroked Alicia’s cheek gently, careful not to wake her. Alicia didn’t stir.
Kalinda got up and walked to the en-suite. She needed to take a shower. She looked at her injured hand and she flexed it a few times. It didn’t hurt too much. She removed the bandage and the gauze to inspect the wound. It seemed to be ok. It probably would leave a tiny scar, but it was nothing compared to the emotional scars she had. Kalinda then turned her shower on before removing her pyjamas, letting the water reach a comfortable temperature. She checked the water’s temperature before she got in and immersed herself under the strong flow of the water. As she washed herself, her mind couldn’t help but wonder to the woman laying in her bed, just a few feet away from her. She realised the en-suite door wasn’t fully closed, so Alicia could just walk in. She wasn’t used to closing the door. Kalinda quickly rinsed the shampoo from her hair, but she somehow managed to get some in her eyes.
“Damnit!” Kalinda shouted out as she instinctively started rubbing her eyes. That only made it worse. She pulled the showerhead off the wall attachment and aimed the water at her eyes as she tried to rinse the shampoo out of them. With all this distraction, she never noticed Alicia entering the en-suite. She had managed to wake Alicia up when she shouted out and Alicia had come to investigate. Alicia could hear Kalinda swearing behind the shower curtain and thought maybe Kalinda was complaining about her injured hand.
“Kalinda? You okay?”
Kalinda got a fright and jumped, causing her to slip and lose her balance. Luckily, Alicia could actually see Kalinda’s silhouette through the shower curtain and saw that Kalinda was about to fall. She instinctively pulled back the shower curtain and managed to catch Kalinda in her arms.
“Whoa! Kalinda, you gave me a fright. I thought you were going to have a nasty fall there.”
“I gave you a fright? You gave me a fright! You shouldn't sneak up on people like that.”
“I'm sorry, I just heard you shout out and thought you had hurt yourself. I came to see if you were okay.”
“I got shampoo in my eyes. I was just trying to rinse it out.”
“Oh.”
There was silence as they then realized the situation they were in. Alicia was holding a very wet and naked Kalinda in her arms. Kalinda was looking very embarrassed as her naked body was pressed up against Alicia's.
“Um, can you please pass me a towel?” Kalinda asked, blinking a few times as her eyes were still stinging from the shampoo.
“Oh, um, yeah. Here you go.” Alicia pulled away from Kalinda to reach for a towel, but took a moment to appreciate Kalinda’s body before handing her the towel.
“Thanks.” Kalinda said as she noticed Alicia checking her out and suddenly turned red. She wrapped the towel around her as quickly as possible, turned the water off and re-attached the showerhead to the wall, then stepped out of the shower.
“No problem. You have a tattoo.”
“Yip.”
“What…is it?”
“It's… my sister’s name. In Hindi." Kalinda caught Alicia’s eye in the mirror in front of her sink.
“You have a sister?” Alicia asked, stunned. “I… I didn’t know… What’s her name?”
“Her name was Zoya…” Kalinda broke eye contact, turned around and started to walk out of the en-suite. Alicia gently placed her hand on Kalinda’s arm to stop her.
“Was?”
“Alicia, I don’t really want to talk about this right now.”
Kalinda squeezed past Alicia to get out the en-suite and went to her chest of drawers to choose some underwear. Nothing frilly, Alicia noticed. Just a set of black cotton boy shorts and a matching sports bra. Alicia then watched as Kalinda, still wrapped in her bath towel, rummaged through her wardrobe and picked out some jeans and a t-shirt.
“You going out?”
Kalinda looked up at Alicia. “Not yet. You’re welcome to have a shower if u like, or a bath. I’ll make us some brunch. Is there anything you don’t eat?”
“Ok, thanks. I’ll just take a shower. I… didn’t know you could cook.”
“Well, there is a lot you don’t know about me. There are fresh towels in the cupboard under the sink.”
“Touché. And thanks. I’m not fussy.” Alicia said as she closed herself in the en-suite and went to take a shower.
Kalinda unwrapped herself, used the towel to dry her hair and then let the towel fall to the floor. She put on the underwear she had picked out and then as she walked to the bed to pick up her jeans to put on, her mind went to her Zoya. She touched the horseshoe charm on her necklace. This necklace and its charm have never left Kalinda’s neck since she put it on after Zoya’s death. Kalinda’s eyes teared up as she remembered identifying Zoya’s body at the morgue in Toronto. Seeing the necklace was still around Zoya’s neck, she took it off Zoya and put it straight on herself.
Alicia could only think about Kalinda’s revelation about her sister. Her name was Zoya? She could see the sadness in Kalinda’s face as she said her sister’s name. It was obvious that Zoya had passed away, but under what circumstances? Was she older or younger than Kalinda? Were they close? They must have been or else Kalinda wouldn’t have looked so sad. Alicia felt a lump in her own throat as she thought of her own brother, Owen. She couldn’t bear the thought of losing him. She quickly finished washing herself, taking care not to get her hair wet. She didn’t want to wash her hair here as she only used her own special brand of shampoo anyway, one specifically for her hair type. Alicia turned the shower off and grabbed a big fluffy bath sheet she had found in the cupboard. She wrapped herself up in it, stepped out of the shower and checked herself out in the mirror before opening the door. She found Kalinda standing by her bed in just her underwear, playing with the charm on her necklace. She looked like she was deep in thought so Alicia walked up to her. Kalinda snapped out of her thoughts as she noticed Alicia approaching her in nothing but a towel and before she knew it, Alicia had enfolded her in a tight hug. Kalinda couldn’t help but encircle her arms around Alicia’s waist, letting herself relax into Alicia’s embrace. Alicia smelt divine.
“Um…Alicia?”
“Mmm-mm?”
“Are you okay?”
“I am. Are you?”
“Why are you hugging me?”
“It looked like you needed a hug. You were looking sad.”
“I’m fine.”
Alicia pulled away, but kept her hands resting on Kalinda’s shoulders.
“Are you? Really?” She noticed Kalinda biting her bottom lip as her eyes welled up and a single tear rolled down her left cheek. She brought her right hand up to wipe the tear away and cup Kalinda’s cheek.
“Is that Zoya’s necklace? I’ve never seen you without it, you know?”
Kalinda could only nod, not trusting herself to speak.
“Was she older or younger than you?”
Kalinda cleared her throat. “Younger.”
“I’m sorry, Kalinda.” Alicia now had both her hands cupping Kalinda’s face, her thumbs wiping away more tears as she looked into Kalinda’s eyes. Seeing this vulnerable side of Kalinda made Alicia want to be near her, to protect her, hug her… and at this very moment, she wanted to kiss her. She knew that would be selfish, though. Here was Kalinda was opening up to her with something so personal and tragic, and all Alicia wanted to do was kiss her. At one point, she was staring at Kalinda’s lips. They looked so… inviting. Alicia found herself, subconsciously, licking her own lips. Damn, what is Kalinda going think of her?
Kalinda’s vision was slightly blurred from the tears that sprung from her eyes and rolled down her cheeks, but as Alicia was cupping her face and wiping the tears with her thumbs, Kalinda was looking into Alicia’s eyes. She wasn’t sure if she was just imagining it, but she thought she could see desire in Alicia’s eyes. The way she was looking at her and caressing her face. And then it looked like Alicia was staring down at her lips. And then Alicia licked her own lips. Kalinda suddenly remembered what Alicia had told her the night before… she had been jealous of Lana. Was she jealous of her being flexible with Lana? What was Alicia trying to say? She found herself looking at Alicia’s lips longer than she ought to.
Alicia looked back up into Kalinda’s eyes, which were now focussed on her lips so she did the only thing she could do. She kissed Kalinda softly on her left cheek. Then she moved almost in slow motion and kissed Kalinda’s right cheek. And then she moved down to kiss Kalinda’s lips. She wanted Kalinda to know that she cared about her, so it was a quick kiss. It was just slightly longer than a peck, but it felt amazing. Electrifying. Unlike anything she had ever felt. When she pulled back, Kalinda’s eyes were closed and her lips were still puckered. When Kalinda opened her eyes, Alicia was staring back at her face and was biting her bottom lip. Her hands were still cupping Kalinda’s face, but then slowly made their way down Kalinda’s neck and rested on her shoulders. She then bent her head down and rested her forehead against Kalinda’s forehead and sighed.
“Kalinda, I’m so… I don’t know the word I’m looking for. Not confused. Just… scared.”
“Of what?”
“My feelings for you. I…” Alicia looked back at Kalinda’s face.
“What kind of feelings?” Kalinda’s heart skipped a few times.
“Do you remember last night when I told you that when I found out about you and Peter, that I was more upset about losing you than I was about losing Peter?”
“You’ve never lost me…” Kalinda said that more to herself than to Alicia.
“You know what I mean, Kalinda.”
“When I lost your friendship…I wish I had had the courage to be honest with you.” Kalinda’s voice broke.
“Yeah, me too. But I understand now. I… suspected you were gay after I phoned you once and Donna answered your phone. I don’t know why, but even then, I was jealous. Jealous that someone else knew you better than I did.”
“I’m flexible.”
“Kalinda, what does that even mean?”
“It means that…Alicia, I… does it really matter?”
“Yes, it does. I asked for complete honesty from you, remember?”
“Alicia, I don’t distinguish between genders. I am attracted to the person.”
“And were you attracted to me?”
“I… fell in love with you the moment we shook hands in your office.”
Alicia was stunned into silence. She just looked at Kalinda with her mouth slightly opened. Kalinda looked back, right into Alicia’s eyes. Alicia blinked a couple of times, but still said nothing.
“Are you horrified?”
“Horrified? Why would I be horrified?”
“Because, I just told you that I loved you.”
“You mean, you don’t love me anymore?” Alicia suddenly panicked at the thought of Kalinda’s next answer.
“No, I just-”
“You don’t?” Alicia’s face fell.”
“No, I do! I was just worried that you would be horrified at having another woman love you.”
Alicia’s face lit up. “I’d be more horrified if you had said that you didn’t love me anymore. Besides, you just said that you don’t distinguish between genders.”
“I don’t distinguish… hang on a second. What are we talking about here?” Kalinda shook her head, confused. “Are you saying-”
“I love you, Kalinda!”
Kalinda didn’t have time to react because Alicia snaked her arms around Kalinda’s neck and kissed her lips again. Kalinda’s arms encircled Alicia’s waist, she closed her eyes and melted into the kiss. It was just soft kisses at first. Kalinda was still shocked by Alicia’s revelation and was actually thinking that she was dreaming this all up. But then she felt Alicia’s hand cupping the back of her head and Alicia deepening the kiss, forcing her tongue into Kalinda’s mouth. Kalinda stopped thinking and started kissing back. The feeling of their tongues entwined caused a moan to escape Kalinda’s mouth, which made Alicia shiver and hold onto Kalinda more tightly. So Kalinda tightened her arms around Alicia too and they were both so completely absorbed in the kiss that, at first, they didn’t hear a phone ringing. Alicia then pulled away gently as she heard the ringtone get louder. She recognised the tone instantly. It was Peter.