Grrrrr
Today, is not a good day. In fact I feel rather crappy and crabby so I'm having a pity-party. You have been warned. You can either get some popcorn and snuggle up to watch the train-wreck that is my life, or skip this post altogether, I don't care which.
I've got 9,000 more words to win nano and I want to, but it's just so fucking hard. I have no idea where I'm going with this story, and each day I write something is a good day. I like the story idea, and I thought that maybe 75-80% was usable, but now that the month is almost over, that number may decrease cause crap is all I can come up with right now.
We're coming up on another holiday season, I REALLY hate this time of year. I say it every year and every year it just gets worse and worse. I wish I could hole up in my room with some good weed until January, just completely medicate my way through the whole thing. But I can't. Nope, gotta put on a smile and agree every time some fuckwit talks about how wonderful the holidays are, instead of just being able to say "I hate the holidays." cause if I do, then I've got to hear about all the reasons why the holidays are so special, and it doesn't matter what I say, until I have to admit that "I'm single, my family sucks, and I have no friends. Mind telling me why the holidays are so special?" Then I get that pitying look - which I hate even more. "Yes I know I'm pathetic, thanks for the confirmation!"
My father complained recently that I'm living in their house like a guest. That's not really unusual since I've been living like a guest in their home since I was a teenager - except then, they could order me to clean the bathroom and whatnot, and now I can wait until it grosses even me out before I clean it.
I was told last night that Thanksgiving was entirely my fault, and that I should have gotten there by dinnertime. Whatever. My entire life is my fault, if I was prettier, skinnier, smarter, braver, stronger, whatever - oh and actually had social skills, maybe was a person people would actually like to hang out with, maybe didn't have the personality of a squid - I might actually have friends who count as family. But I'm not, and I understand that's my fault too. Nope, I only blame myself for my short comings.
I don't know why I bother with myspace. Really, what is the point? All except one of my friends there are acquaintances, or bands, or people hawking something. It's all so pointless really. The bands and people selling stuff should be in an altogether separate section, cause all they care about is selling their stuff. I hate it, but I always feel weird about posting bulletins cause they don't care about the cute/funny thing I'm forwarding around, and I'd rather just skip them altogether. It however, suits them perfectly because they get to spam a captive audience with their "Vote for me!" "Buy my Christmas Album" bulletins.
Which begs the question, why? Why should I vote for you? Why should I care, really? Everyday it's the same thing. I find myself asking "what's in it for me?" So I'm thinking I'm at least entitled to have a question answered. Nothing personal or invasive, just one question about one song. That's it, I think I'm entitled to at least that. Well, I may feel entitled, but that doesn't mean I'm getting it. Doesn't mean they're gonna put down the beer bottle and answer a fucking question. I think I'm gonna delete all the bands cause having them there serves their purposes more than mine.
Then there's the blog. It's pretty much another waste of time. People read it, but don't comment. I'm thinking I'm gonna delete that too. I'd delete my profile if it wasn't for that one friend.
Speaking of one friend, I still haven't' heard from my closest college friend. Apparently something crawled up her butt and died, and she's not speaking to me. Goddess, I'm sick of people who just up and decide not to speak to me! She could at least, (given the length of our friendship) told me what I supposedly did wrong, but that would spoil the whole righteous indignation thing she's got goin on.
OK, looks like I've run out of steam. I've got 9000 words to write, and I'm sleep deprived. I 'm sure I have more to bitch about, but right now my mind is pulling a blank.
I've got 9,000 more words to win nano and I want to, but it's just so fucking hard. I have no idea where I'm going with this story, and each day I write something is a good day. I like the story idea, and I thought that maybe 75-80% was usable, but now that the month is almost over, that number may decrease cause crap is all I can come up with right now.
We're coming up on another holiday season, I REALLY hate this time of year. I say it every year and every year it just gets worse and worse. I wish I could hole up in my room with some good weed until January, just completely medicate my way through the whole thing. But I can't. Nope, gotta put on a smile and agree every time some fuckwit talks about how wonderful the holidays are, instead of just being able to say "I hate the holidays." cause if I do, then I've got to hear about all the reasons why the holidays are so special, and it doesn't matter what I say, until I have to admit that "I'm single, my family sucks, and I have no friends. Mind telling me why the holidays are so special?" Then I get that pitying look - which I hate even more. "Yes I know I'm pathetic, thanks for the confirmation!"
My father complained recently that I'm living in their house like a guest. That's not really unusual since I've been living like a guest in their home since I was a teenager - except then, they could order me to clean the bathroom and whatnot, and now I can wait until it grosses even me out before I clean it.
I was told last night that Thanksgiving was entirely my fault, and that I should have gotten there by dinnertime. Whatever. My entire life is my fault, if I was prettier, skinnier, smarter, braver, stronger, whatever - oh and actually had social skills, maybe was a person people would actually like to hang out with, maybe didn't have the personality of a squid - I might actually have friends who count as family. But I'm not, and I understand that's my fault too. Nope, I only blame myself for my short comings.
I don't know why I bother with myspace. Really, what is the point? All except one of my friends there are acquaintances, or bands, or people hawking something. It's all so pointless really. The bands and people selling stuff should be in an altogether separate section, cause all they care about is selling their stuff. I hate it, but I always feel weird about posting bulletins cause they don't care about the cute/funny thing I'm forwarding around, and I'd rather just skip them altogether. It however, suits them perfectly because they get to spam a captive audience with their "Vote for me!" "Buy my Christmas Album" bulletins.
Which begs the question, why? Why should I vote for you? Why should I care, really? Everyday it's the same thing. I find myself asking "what's in it for me?" So I'm thinking I'm at least entitled to have a question answered. Nothing personal or invasive, just one question about one song. That's it, I think I'm entitled to at least that. Well, I may feel entitled, but that doesn't mean I'm getting it. Doesn't mean they're gonna put down the beer bottle and answer a fucking question. I think I'm gonna delete all the bands cause having them there serves their purposes more than mine.
Then there's the blog. It's pretty much another waste of time. People read it, but don't comment. I'm thinking I'm gonna delete that too. I'd delete my profile if it wasn't for that one friend.
Speaking of one friend, I still haven't' heard from my closest college friend. Apparently something crawled up her butt and died, and she's not speaking to me. Goddess, I'm sick of people who just up and decide not to speak to me! She could at least, (given the length of our friendship) told me what I supposedly did wrong, but that would spoil the whole righteous indignation thing she's got goin on.
OK, looks like I've run out of steam. I've got 9000 words to write, and I'm sleep deprived. I 'm sure I have more to bitch about, but right now my mind is pulling a blank.