Feeling things that I thought I had buried long ago:
As I sit in the swing under my apple tree every night and talk on the cell phone. I can not help but feel content. Up until a little less than a month ago I would have felt very content... (Knock on wood) bordering on immensely happy. I love my kids, my house, my job everything about my current life (except for the bills and debts of course). I had reached a point in life where I did not “need” other than paying debts. Sure I had wants, more money, better car, etc… but I did not “need” more. Then out of the blue I get a wild hair to see if I can track down a few old friends. Well in my searching I found my male best friend from High School, I have to emphasize male since I had two best friends’ one male and one female.
It’s really hard to describe the last almost month. I feel like part of my life has returned. A part that I had not realized was missing since I was pregnant with Demon Child. A part that I felt had been gone for good. The last time I spoke to this friend I thought he would never want to hear from me again. I tried again, even with the thought that he would never except or understand what I have done over the past 12 almost 13 years…I just had to try…maybe he forgot how disappointed he seemed, maybe we had both grown so much that it did not matter anymore. Now I’m so glad I suppressed the urge to run or ignore the fact that I had found him! After all I knew he was alive and that was my main worry….since one of the friends I looked up was found thought his Obituary. Now I find myself counting down the days (44 btw) till he comes to visit. Now I find my Cell phone needs extended nights and weekend (although I’m not getting it to pace my self). I have spent more time on Yahoo messenger than I have in the past also. I have realized I have missed having him in my life.
Translation of all this babbling: If I do not post as often, seem like my heads in the clouds, or just generally inattentive to anyone but the kids and work… Sorry, but part of my mind is on the kids, dealing with work and in TN right now. And don’t ask for a whole lot of detail…my mind is having too much trouble dealing with everything right now to translate or explain…I’m use to stress, drama, and trauma but this is entirely new!
Victoria
It’s really hard to describe the last almost month. I feel like part of my life has returned. A part that I had not realized was missing since I was pregnant with Demon Child. A part that I felt had been gone for good. The last time I spoke to this friend I thought he would never want to hear from me again. I tried again, even with the thought that he would never except or understand what I have done over the past 12 almost 13 years…I just had to try…maybe he forgot how disappointed he seemed, maybe we had both grown so much that it did not matter anymore. Now I’m so glad I suppressed the urge to run or ignore the fact that I had found him! After all I knew he was alive and that was my main worry….since one of the friends I looked up was found thought his Obituary. Now I find myself counting down the days (44 btw) till he comes to visit. Now I find my Cell phone needs extended nights and weekend (although I’m not getting it to pace my self). I have spent more time on Yahoo messenger than I have in the past also. I have realized I have missed having him in my life.
Translation of all this babbling: If I do not post as often, seem like my heads in the clouds, or just generally inattentive to anyone but the kids and work… Sorry, but part of my mind is on the kids, dealing with work and in TN right now. And don’t ask for a whole lot of detail…my mind is having too much trouble dealing with everything right now to translate or explain…I’m use to stress, drama, and trauma but this is entirely new!
Victoria