Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny: Backyard Edition!
Inspired by a thread in today's early morning post, and because we haven't done a poll in a while, let us say, for the sake of creative exposition, wishful thinking, and poll taking, that one could somehow convince the five giant humanoid robotic constructs/giant mechs/giant superpowered space cops listed below to show up in your backyard on a Sunday afternoon while you've got tofu burgers on the grill.
And then proceed to try to wallop the shit out of each other purely for your amusement and edification.
Naturally, as you raise your glass of super-chilled lemonade to your lips and sit back, you will ask the following: "So, after this furious five-way melee, who will be the last giant mech/giant humanoid robotic construct/giant superpowered giant space cop standing?"
As I've decided that reality is now to be henceforth simultaneously 1) idealized and 2) decided by a plurality, YOU, my friends, will be the final judges of this burning and urgent question.
Remember: Be prepared to back up your claim and engage in deeply technical analysis.
THE ULTIMATE SHOWDOWN OF ULTIMATE DESTINY: SUNDAY BACKYARD EDITION
Combatant #1: RED RONIN!
Pros:
- Giant
- Actually, beyond "giant" - bigger than God
- Red
- Almost fought Godzilla to a standstill
- Starred in the most pointless, excessive, and therefore AWESOME crossover ever
Cons:
- Sophomore slump involved being a tradeshow exhibit
- Decided that it would be a good career move to join the Thunderbolts
Combatant #2: JET JAGUAR!
Pros:
- Giant
- Bad-ass giant robot karate
- Has Godzilla as backup and, by extension, Mothra
Cons:
- A robust and credible argument can be made that Jet Jaguar is about as useful as Stingray Darkhawk
Combatant #3: GALVATRON!
Pros:
- Giant
- Robot
- Notable lack of empathy
- Axe crazy (post, let us say, Unicron's death)
- Will cut a bitch
Cons:
- Axe crazy
Combatant #4: RX-78NT-1!
Pros:
- Giant
- Robotic
- Gatling guns
- Scrappy as hell
Cons:
- Snipe the pilot and it's over - even Jet Jaguar stands a good chance of prevailing
Combatant #5: ANY VERSION OF ULTRAMAN EVER
Pros:
- Giant
- Space cop from the dystopian future that works for the Science Patrol
- Cooler than you
- Hopelessly altruistic
- Has a power called "Ultra Discernment" and a Clairvoyance Beam
- Can create FOUR duplicates of himself if necessary
Cons:
- Might wander off to fight giant insectoid aliens or Baltans
- Will definitely wander off if any credible threat to Earth manifests outside your backyard
- Thinks exhibition fighting and showmanship are pointless and therefore probably wouldn't fight at all except to one-punch Galvatron into scrap metal
Poll In a Backyard Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny, who wins?
You know, when I started to type up this entry, I was sure that Galvatron -- by dint of being so consummately batshit, bugnuts, and ambitiously insane -- would prevail, but now that I've thought about it (as should be apparent), my money's on Ultraman, Any Version Ever.
Bonus coolness:
This is what you get when you Google "Any version of Ultraman ever":
...File under "As if Japan couldn't be any more awesome." All is almost forgiven, Japan!
Also, freshly culled from Google, a cool reimagining of Jet Jaguar from DeviantArt:
So, flist! Who wins this five-way throwdown? PLEASE SHOW YOUR WORK.
And then proceed to try to wallop the shit out of each other purely for your amusement and edification.
Naturally, as you raise your glass of super-chilled lemonade to your lips and sit back, you will ask the following: "So, after this furious five-way melee, who will be the last giant mech/giant humanoid robotic construct/giant superpowered giant space cop standing?"
As I've decided that reality is now to be henceforth simultaneously 1) idealized and 2) decided by a plurality, YOU, my friends, will be the final judges of this burning and urgent question.
Remember: Be prepared to back up your claim and engage in deeply technical analysis.
THE ULTIMATE SHOWDOWN OF ULTIMATE DESTINY: SUNDAY BACKYARD EDITION
Combatant #1: RED RONIN!
Pros:
- Giant
- Actually, beyond "giant" - bigger than God
- Red
- Almost fought Godzilla to a standstill
- Starred in the most pointless, excessive, and therefore AWESOME crossover ever
Cons:
- Sophomore slump involved being a tradeshow exhibit
- Decided that it would be a good career move to join the Thunderbolts
Combatant #2: JET JAGUAR!
Pros:
- Giant
- Bad-ass giant robot karate
- Has Godzilla as backup and, by extension, Mothra
Cons:
- A robust and credible argument can be made that Jet Jaguar is about as useful as Stingray Darkhawk
Combatant #3: GALVATRON!
Pros:
- Giant
- Robot
- Notable lack of empathy
- Axe crazy (post, let us say, Unicron's death)
- Will cut a bitch
Cons:
- Axe crazy
Combatant #4: RX-78NT-1!
Pros:
- Giant
- Robotic
- Gatling guns
- Scrappy as hell
Cons:
- Snipe the pilot and it's over - even Jet Jaguar stands a good chance of prevailing
Combatant #5: ANY VERSION OF ULTRAMAN EVER
Pros:
- Giant
- Space cop from the dystopian future that works for the Science Patrol
- Cooler than you
- Hopelessly altruistic
- Has a power called "Ultra Discernment" and a Clairvoyance Beam
- Can create FOUR duplicates of himself if necessary
Cons:
- Might wander off to fight giant insectoid aliens or Baltans
- Will definitely wander off if any credible threat to Earth manifests outside your backyard
- Thinks exhibition fighting and showmanship are pointless and therefore probably wouldn't fight at all except to one-punch Galvatron into scrap metal
Poll In a Backyard Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny, who wins?
You know, when I started to type up this entry, I was sure that Galvatron -- by dint of being so consummately batshit, bugnuts, and ambitiously insane -- would prevail, but now that I've thought about it (as should be apparent), my money's on Ultraman, Any Version Ever.
Bonus coolness:
This is what you get when you Google "Any version of Ultraman ever":
...File under "As if Japan couldn't be any more awesome." All is almost forgiven, Japan!
Also, freshly culled from Google, a cool reimagining of Jet Jaguar from DeviantArt:
So, flist! Who wins this five-way throwdown? PLEASE SHOW YOUR WORK.