RANTUS MAXIMUS: E-mail, you verbose coworkers. USE IT.
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Dear Coworker Who Is Helping Me With My IT Migration Project at Work:
Look, sweetheart. You're a nice guy, you really are. You're affable, mostly responsive, and while you have an interesting take on spelling and tend to be overly enthusiastic about the use of apostrophes to denote plurals and have an obvious deep and abiding love for random capitalization, I can live with that. Maybe working with Germans has inspired you to capitalize every Noun in the English Language.
But when you call me to tell me how many hours my team will be billed for the data migration, YOU DO NOT NEED TO LEAVE ME A VOICE MAIL MESSAGE THAT IS OVER TWO MINUTES IN LENGTH. I do not care about the fact that Windows assigns a unique extension to each bit of data that is being downloaded or uploaded and that we may be billed two or three extra hours for the cost of having an IT tech sitting at the computer and manually deleting the extensions. We're talking about a cost differential of five hundred dollars. WE DO NOT CARE. WE GET IT. THE COST OF THE PROJECT IS STILL PROPORTIONALLY EQUIVALENT TO THE COST OF A PACK OF GUM IN OUR OVERALL BUDGET.
If it takes over fifteen seconds to say out loud, PUT IT IN AN E-MAIL, random caps and all, and be done with it.
Signed,
The Girl Who Actually Told You That She Deletes Your Voice Mails Fifteen Seconds Into Listening to Them
I hate long voice mails. Why do people do this at work? E-mail or text. Put it in writing. Is that so hard? The only time I want to get a two-minute voice mail is if someone is serenading me with a song.
ARGH.
So, there are at least a dozen crows waging a war with each other in my neighborhood. I'm not sure what exactly went down, I'm not sure if the crow equivalent of Archduke Ferdinand got driven out of the prime maple tree on the corner by the crow equivalent of Gavrilo Princip in a bid to end imperial oppression and the ensuing kerfluffle conflated into an all-out conflict replete with aerial combat and trench warfare in the trees, but let me tell you, flist, it is highly entertaining to watch and it's very, VERY loud. I happen to love the sound of crows squawking, and by god, they are going at it nonstop. SQUAWK SQUAWK SQUAWK SQUAWK *feathers ruffling* SQUAWK SQUAWK SQUAWWWWWK. One crow sat on top of the telephone pole outside my window and squawked for twenty minutes on Friday afternoon. I assume that he was orating for the purposes of inspiring his troops. I stood at my kitchen window and watched him, totally fascinated and enthralled. Hell, he almost inspired me to take up arms and join his cause.
Or it might be that all the crows are warring against some hidden enemy that I have yet to discern. Robins? The squirrels? There certainly are enough squirrels in my neighborhood to merit an expansionist crow policy.
Speaking of squirrels: HOT DR. BALE has these pretty Chinese and Japanese prints in his office. Most of them depict animals. I was prone on the needling table in one of his exam rooms, looking like Hellraiser with needles in my head and all over my body, when I finally noticed that he has a lovely old Chinese print of a gray squirrel descending a tree branch. I promptly squeaked, "SQUIRREL!" HOT DR. BALE then informed me that since he grew up in Washington and Oregon, where the squirrels are apparently silent ninja who make no noise whatsoever, he was shocked to find out that the red squirrels we have here are noisy. He told me that when he got his first job in the East Bay, he was working one day and heard this "infernal chittering and screeching" outside (obviously, this was the sound of two red squirrels chasing each other), asked his coworkers what the source of the noise was, and they looked at him like he was a crazy hillbilly who was unfamiliar with the concepts of indoor plumbing and electricity. We then both agreed that red squirrels are totally badass and will one day successfully topple the United States government.
Also, I saw a raven on Friday afternoon that was the size of a goddamn German Shepherd. Said raven was presiding over a stand of redwoods, flew down to the ground, strutted nonchalantly for a few minutes in front of my brother and me as if to say "yes, behold my beautiful behemothosity, you puny infantile humans" and then eventually flew away with a mighty SWOOSH. I swear to god, I felt the backdraft when he took off. It was awesome. I rarely get to see ravens, and I love them as much as I love crows.
Next up, here, have your dose of Sunday WTFery: the Punisher and Eminem team up for Eminem/Punisher: Kill You.
That's a really unfortunately placed slash mark. You know who's writing this thing? Fred Van Lente. Salvador Larocca is on art duties.
From the article on CBR:
"This all new story written by Fred Van Lente (Amazing Spider-Man) with art by Salvador Larroca (Invincible Iron Man) takes place in Detroit after Eminem performs on stage and gets involved in a conflict with The Punisher and his old foe Barracuda. The first half of the story will be featured as a bonus eight page special edition comic printed in the June issue of XXL magazine, with the eight page conclusion available exclusively on Marvel Digital Comics Unlimited (www.marvel.com/eminem) for free starting May 5th."
Oh, that's gonna end well.
You can read previews here.
A little piece of my soul just broke up and plunged into the seventh circle of hell. What next, Nas and Songbird? Lady Gaga and Dazzler...er, wait, that would actually be awesome.
I promised more Marvel Tarot. It's so hard to pick what to post from this.
The Emperor, the Hierophant, the Lovers, the Chariot:
Standard disclaimer: this image will be immediately removed at the request of the copyright holder, I think this falls under fair use, I'm trying to get people interested in the book, blah blah blah blah don't sue me.
Guess the characters!
Some are obvious, of course, like the Hulk as strength. But I find the choice of the Lovers to be very, very interesting, as is the choice for the Hierophant.
I wanted to post the pages explaining why Ian McNee assigns each character(s) to the cards, but I don't want to get in trouble with Marvel.
This one also was truly, truly inspired:
The Hanged Man:
WHOA. Someone really put a lot of thought into this book.
Marvel? Listen to me. PLEASE make an actual deck of these cards. I will buy ten boxes of them and hand them to everyone I know in comics fandom.
...
Dear Coworker Who Is Helping Me With My IT Migration Project at Work:
Look, sweetheart. You're a nice guy, you really are. You're affable, mostly responsive, and while you have an interesting take on spelling and tend to be overly enthusiastic about the use of apostrophes to denote plurals and have an obvious deep and abiding love for random capitalization, I can live with that. Maybe working with Germans has inspired you to capitalize every Noun in the English Language.
But when you call me to tell me how many hours my team will be billed for the data migration, YOU DO NOT NEED TO LEAVE ME A VOICE MAIL MESSAGE THAT IS OVER TWO MINUTES IN LENGTH. I do not care about the fact that Windows assigns a unique extension to each bit of data that is being downloaded or uploaded and that we may be billed two or three extra hours for the cost of having an IT tech sitting at the computer and manually deleting the extensions. We're talking about a cost differential of five hundred dollars. WE DO NOT CARE. WE GET IT. THE COST OF THE PROJECT IS STILL PROPORTIONALLY EQUIVALENT TO THE COST OF A PACK OF GUM IN OUR OVERALL BUDGET.
If it takes over fifteen seconds to say out loud, PUT IT IN AN E-MAIL, random caps and all, and be done with it.
Signed,
The Girl Who Actually Told You That She Deletes Your Voice Mails Fifteen Seconds Into Listening to Them
I hate long voice mails. Why do people do this at work? E-mail or text. Put it in writing. Is that so hard? The only time I want to get a two-minute voice mail is if someone is serenading me with a song.
ARGH.
So, there are at least a dozen crows waging a war with each other in my neighborhood. I'm not sure what exactly went down, I'm not sure if the crow equivalent of Archduke Ferdinand got driven out of the prime maple tree on the corner by the crow equivalent of Gavrilo Princip in a bid to end imperial oppression and the ensuing kerfluffle conflated into an all-out conflict replete with aerial combat and trench warfare in the trees, but let me tell you, flist, it is highly entertaining to watch and it's very, VERY loud. I happen to love the sound of crows squawking, and by god, they are going at it nonstop. SQUAWK SQUAWK SQUAWK SQUAWK *feathers ruffling* SQUAWK SQUAWK SQUAWWWWWK. One crow sat on top of the telephone pole outside my window and squawked for twenty minutes on Friday afternoon. I assume that he was orating for the purposes of inspiring his troops. I stood at my kitchen window and watched him, totally fascinated and enthralled. Hell, he almost inspired me to take up arms and join his cause.
Or it might be that all the crows are warring against some hidden enemy that I have yet to discern. Robins? The squirrels? There certainly are enough squirrels in my neighborhood to merit an expansionist crow policy.
Speaking of squirrels: HOT DR. BALE has these pretty Chinese and Japanese prints in his office. Most of them depict animals. I was prone on the needling table in one of his exam rooms, looking like Hellraiser with needles in my head and all over my body, when I finally noticed that he has a lovely old Chinese print of a gray squirrel descending a tree branch. I promptly squeaked, "SQUIRREL!" HOT DR. BALE then informed me that since he grew up in Washington and Oregon, where the squirrels are apparently silent ninja who make no noise whatsoever, he was shocked to find out that the red squirrels we have here are noisy. He told me that when he got his first job in the East Bay, he was working one day and heard this "infernal chittering and screeching" outside (obviously, this was the sound of two red squirrels chasing each other), asked his coworkers what the source of the noise was, and they looked at him like he was a crazy hillbilly who was unfamiliar with the concepts of indoor plumbing and electricity. We then both agreed that red squirrels are totally badass and will one day successfully topple the United States government.
Also, I saw a raven on Friday afternoon that was the size of a goddamn German Shepherd. Said raven was presiding over a stand of redwoods, flew down to the ground, strutted nonchalantly for a few minutes in front of my brother and me as if to say "yes, behold my beautiful behemothosity, you puny infantile humans" and then eventually flew away with a mighty SWOOSH. I swear to god, I felt the backdraft when he took off. It was awesome. I rarely get to see ravens, and I love them as much as I love crows.
Next up, here, have your dose of Sunday WTFery: the Punisher and Eminem team up for Eminem/Punisher: Kill You.
That's a really unfortunately placed slash mark. You know who's writing this thing? Fred Van Lente. Salvador Larocca is on art duties.
From the article on CBR:
"This all new story written by Fred Van Lente (Amazing Spider-Man) with art by Salvador Larroca (Invincible Iron Man) takes place in Detroit after Eminem performs on stage and gets involved in a conflict with The Punisher and his old foe Barracuda. The first half of the story will be featured as a bonus eight page special edition comic printed in the June issue of XXL magazine, with the eight page conclusion available exclusively on Marvel Digital Comics Unlimited (www.marvel.com/eminem) for free starting May 5th."
Oh, that's gonna end well.
You can read previews here.
A little piece of my soul just broke up and plunged into the seventh circle of hell. What next, Nas and Songbird? Lady Gaga and Dazzler...er, wait, that would actually be awesome.
I promised more Marvel Tarot. It's so hard to pick what to post from this.
The Emperor, the Hierophant, the Lovers, the Chariot:
Standard disclaimer: this image will be immediately removed at the request of the copyright holder, I think this falls under fair use, I'm trying to get people interested in the book, blah blah blah blah don't sue me.
Guess the characters!
Some are obvious, of course, like the Hulk as strength. But I find the choice of the Lovers to be very, very interesting, as is the choice for the Hierophant.
I wanted to post the pages explaining why Ian McNee assigns each character(s) to the cards, but I don't want to get in trouble with Marvel.
This one also was truly, truly inspired:
The Hanged Man:
WHOA. Someone really put a lot of thought into this book.
Marvel? Listen to me. PLEASE make an actual deck of these cards. I will buy ten boxes of them and hand them to everyone I know in comics fandom.