my dirty little secret - part thirteen
Title: My Dirty Little Secret
Author: kalexico
Pairing/Characters: Quinn Fabray/Santana Lopez
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1968
Summary: Coming clean
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part one, part two, part three, part four, part five, part six, part seven, part eight
part nine, part ten, part eleven, part twelve
Despite being back on the Cheerios, Santana had kept up with swimming regularly. My mom was becoming more and more obnoxious and plain hard to deal with, so that meant that I spent a lot of time at Santana's. I, on the other hand, wasn't on the Cheerios anymore and the moment I noticed that the lack of training started showing, I decided to at least swim with her.
Her parents were often away during the weekend. This meant we had the house to ourselves most of the time. As time went by - time spent together - I realized that my feelings for her kept growing stronger. It was growing rapidly nearly impossible to keep them from her and I was also paranoid.
I was paranoid because I was scared that I was being obvious. I thought that she'd catch me staring at her perfect curves, or notice something in the way I held her. I tried so hard to be neutral, or at least act like I always had, that I grew scared she'd notice the intensity of this attempt.
In other words, it was a total mindfuck.
Ever since we had come out to each other, we both felt relieved that we didn't have to hide anymore. We didn't beat around the bush anymore and blatantly admitted that we watched movies or shows for the hot chicks. It became apparent very quickly that we had a type - Santana really liked blondes and I was totally into (tan) brunettes.
When she told me that she was totally into Dianna Agron, something clicked. I remembered that Maxim magazine, and the girl in the picture she was jerking off to looking so much like me. This Dianna Agron was an actress who also resembled me eerily strongly - one would think we had to be related. She almost looked like my twin sister.
That was the first time I suspected she might feel the same thing for me.
Santana always claimed that ethnic people don't blush, but I'm pretty sure she did when I told her that I was totally into Naya Rivera - an actress on the same show Dianna Agron was on.
It was another Saturday afternoon in her swimming pool and we'd both done our usual 60 lengths. Santana had planted her elbows on the edge of the swimming pool, leaning back to take in the sun. Her head was thrown back and her eyes were closed, so she didn't see me swimming towards her.
It was hard to keep my eyes off of her. I just found it unbelievable how perfect her body seemingly was. I had tried time and time again to find a flaw in her personality, but found each one to be endearing. A bodily flaw was also nowhere to be found. I guess some wouldn't like her boy hips, but it was how I had always known her. It was just who she was.
I swam towards her and she didn't even blink when I wrapped my legs around hers and my arms around her body. I rested my head on her chest and closed my eyes. Holding her just felt perfect and I was utterly convinced that I could stay like that forever. I even purred lightly when she ran her fingers through my wet hair - she knew how much I liked that.
"Q?" she asked after a while.
I lifted my head and squinted my eyes at the sun. Her head was tilted to the side and she was studying my face. I suddenly felt extremely self-conscious.
"Hm?" I asked, sliding my hand to the nape of her neck and massaging her shoulder.
"Am I going to lose you?"
I frowned. "Of course not," was my instinctive reply.
Santana talked a whole lot, but her feelings were never a subject of conversation. I always had to drag everything out of her in that area. The fact that she was being so open and honest about this apparent fear of hers worried me slightly. "Why would you?" I asked, unable to contain my curiosity.
She took a deep breath.
"It's just..." she looked down and then back up again, clearly avoiding my gaze. "There's something - it's been going on for a while now and I feel like - there's something I haven't been telling you. I haven't been honest with you, but I think you're going to find out sooner rather than later and I think it's best to talk about it now. Since we're in the pool and if you were to a dramatic Berry-like storm-out, you'd still have to dry off and put your clothes on and it'd buy me time to convince you that it doesn't have to change anything between us and that I'm an idiot for letting it get this far but that I promise we can still be just friends and I won't act any differently and I'd hope you wouldn't either. Because the thing is, you've always been my best friend and I don't know what it's like not having you in my life and I don't want to know either and I'm scared to find out once I tell you because the thing is, I just - you have to promise me -"
I saw her lips moving and I heard her words. Santana Lopez never rambled and putting everything together - the picture, the actress, the slight shaking of her body as she's saying all of this, this talk about losing me - it could only mean one thing. For once, I decided to stop worrying and just take action.
I cupped her jaw and pushed myself up a little bit so that we were face to face. I brought my face closer to hers. She blinked rapidly - it was the last thing I saw before I closed my eyes and brushed my lips against hers softly. She stopped talking. This time, I pressed a real kiss against her lips. She moved hers as well and before either of us knew what was really happening, we were kissing as if our lives depended on it. She rested her hand on my neck and pulled me in closer. Her lips felt soft, moist and perfect.
I thought I'd die when she slipped her tongue inside. Santana just oozed sex so I had figured she'd be a good kisser, but how did this much perfect even fit in one person?
At first, we acted like nothing had changed at school. It was hard for me to not claim her as mine publically. I was convinced every guy (and every girl) wanted to get into her pants, but I knew better than to push her into something she wasn't ready for.
The first time we had sex was simply mind-blowing. She kissed every part of my body, making me feel like the sexiest and most divine girl on earth. I was nervous and it was a bit awkward at first, but I soon got into it. And into her.
We came out to Glee club after about a week of dating. It was a double surprise for them, because nobody knew that we were gay (only Brittany knew that Santana was). Most of them were happy for us.
Puck had to be a cliché and make a crude threesome comment, Finn kept repeating to himself that he had lost his virginity to a lesbian and that his first girlfriend was also a lesbian - with what Santana had dubbed the gassy infant look. The others took it well and congratulated us.
Ironically, when taking the next big step, we were in the pool again, in the same position as we had been when we first kissed. The only difference was that I was shamelessly groping her naked breast (I had tugged off that bikini top a long time ago) and she had slipped her hand inside my bikini bottoms, kneading my ass.
"So, I've been thinking," she suddenly said.
I looked up at her and gave her a kiss, encouraging her to continue.
"If you're up for it, I want to be out at school."
For a moment, I didn't know what to say. That would be just perfect - but what made her change her mind? She read the queston in my eyes.
"I'm just tired of it, Quinn. I'm tired of having to hide my love for you, pretend you're not my girlfriend. I'm tired of guys leering at you, thinking they have a shot. I'm tired of being scared that you'll get sick of this hiding game and dump me to date one of those guys. And I know you won't, but the thing is just - I'm tired of it. The most beautiful girl ever is my girlfriend and I want everyone to know it. I want to be with you. And if anyone has a problem with that, that's their problem and not ours. You're mine, Quinn Fabray, and I want everyone to know. But of course I totally understand if you don't want your parents to know about us, or anyone, for that matter."
The next day, we entered the school building holding hands. As was to be expected, we garnered a lot of stares and also some insults. Santana didn't let go of my hand, however, and when we reached my locker, she made a statement by kissing me passionately.
The entire day, she would hold my hand or wrap her arm around my waist. She wasn't ashamed to kiss me in front of everyone. She dished out some snarky comments and witty remarks to anyone insulting us.
I guess it shouldn't have been a surprise that she found herself in Figgins' office at the end of the day. Some jock had been stupid enough to insult me and give me a shove. To our surprise, Sue stood up for her and threatened to sue Figgins for discrimination and not protecting his students if he didn't let her off the hook. Then again, Sue really did need Santana to be at Cheerios practice.
On the way home, she turned to me and said: "I'm sorry I got into a fight. It's just - I couldn't take it anymore, you know? And then when he called you a slut, I just snapped."
"It's okay, Santana," I reassured her. "I can look after myself and I honestly don't care what they say or think anymore, not after everything that happened, but the way you defended me was kinda hot."
She grinned cockily. "Does that mean..." she trailed off, wiggling her eyebrows.
"I'll be at yours at 7.00," I winked. We arrived at my place and I leaned in to give her a kiss. "I'll bring the whipped cream," I whispered in her ear. I felt her breath hitch and grinned triumphantly as I walked out. When I reached the door and turned around, she was still sitting there, motionless, mouth and eyes wide open. I jogged back over the car and knocked on her window. She looked up in surprise and opened it.
"Come on, stud, you better go and feed yourself. You'll need the energy tonight."
She let out a faint whimper and drove away.
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