One moment to say....
MY FRIENDS KICK ASS.
Seriously, I hate to admit it, but I have been letting the anonymous comment really get to me. I find that waver between sarcastically saying things to my friends and then adding "But, you, know I'm probably just being manipulative and faking empathy" or sitting and dwelling on what a horrible person I am. My poor sweeties have been annoyed and upset with me (not tremendously so, but the boyfriend is long-suffering and just says "please let this go.")
I know it's dumb and that this person, if they really feel this way, probably doesn't really know me - but what bothers me is that parts of it could be true, which makes me into a bad person. And, even absenting that portion, obviously I'm not nearly as good at knowing my friends as I thought. And I must have done, or this person thinks that I have done, something really awful to them. I hate to think that I did something to hurt someone. Those of you who know me, or are getting to know me, probably can tell that. I have to admit that the "faking empathy" part just got one of my buttons and has caused me to walk around seeking validation from everyone, hoping that they will re-assure me that I am a real, honest, good, and genuine person.
I feel so stupid that this is still bothering me. And yet, I am worried that I've given anyone this impression of me. I don't see a fake me at all. I am pretty much a 'what you see is what you get.' If anything, when I get snarky, it is the snark that is out of character. I love people.
I was talking to StarryShadows tonight at rehearsal and he assured me that the mean comments are not accurate by saying "Honey, you pretty much wear your heart on your sleeve." That is what I thought - so it was good to have it confirmed.
But - I have to say, I really really appreciate you guys jumping in and making me feel better. What I had expected/hoped for was to have some comments of "this is wrong, you are nice," but what I got from the lot of you is much more meaningful. I really appreciate that you, especially the ones that I don't speak with or see often, took the time to leave a comment for me. You are all such nice people to help me out. It does, however, remind me that a number of you I don't see as often as I should. I hope you know that you are in my thoughts and that I do care, even though I've been bad at showing it.
But really, thank you so much. To know that one person hates me is hard. But to know that so many people are so honest and caring is amazing. I really am blessed (in a non-offensive, any deity or non-religious overtone way you like) to have friends like you, and please know that I appreciate you and that I will not forget your kindness.
Shame on me for being such an easy target. Thank you all for giving me some common sense back, since I think I lost mine.
Seriously, I hate to admit it, but I have been letting the anonymous comment really get to me. I find that waver between sarcastically saying things to my friends and then adding "But, you, know I'm probably just being manipulative and faking empathy" or sitting and dwelling on what a horrible person I am. My poor sweeties have been annoyed and upset with me (not tremendously so, but the boyfriend is long-suffering and just says "please let this go.")
I know it's dumb and that this person, if they really feel this way, probably doesn't really know me - but what bothers me is that parts of it could be true, which makes me into a bad person. And, even absenting that portion, obviously I'm not nearly as good at knowing my friends as I thought. And I must have done, or this person thinks that I have done, something really awful to them. I hate to think that I did something to hurt someone. Those of you who know me, or are getting to know me, probably can tell that. I have to admit that the "faking empathy" part just got one of my buttons and has caused me to walk around seeking validation from everyone, hoping that they will re-assure me that I am a real, honest, good, and genuine person.
I feel so stupid that this is still bothering me. And yet, I am worried that I've given anyone this impression of me. I don't see a fake me at all. I am pretty much a 'what you see is what you get.' If anything, when I get snarky, it is the snark that is out of character. I love people.
I was talking to StarryShadows tonight at rehearsal and he assured me that the mean comments are not accurate by saying "Honey, you pretty much wear your heart on your sleeve." That is what I thought - so it was good to have it confirmed.
But - I have to say, I really really appreciate you guys jumping in and making me feel better. What I had expected/hoped for was to have some comments of "this is wrong, you are nice," but what I got from the lot of you is much more meaningful. I really appreciate that you, especially the ones that I don't speak with or see often, took the time to leave a comment for me. You are all such nice people to help me out. It does, however, remind me that a number of you I don't see as often as I should. I hope you know that you are in my thoughts and that I do care, even though I've been bad at showing it.
But really, thank you so much. To know that one person hates me is hard. But to know that so many people are so honest and caring is amazing. I really am blessed (in a non-offensive, any deity or non-religious overtone way you like) to have friends like you, and please know that I appreciate you and that I will not forget your kindness.
Shame on me for being such an easy target. Thank you all for giving me some common sense back, since I think I lost mine.