(no subject)
mmm the comfortable feel of keys under my fingers again. I just realized somthing i do. When i write on livejournal I always close the door to my room... no one can hear the words screaming from underneath my keys and no one is ever here to look at what im saying... but the door is always closed. ( This came to my attention because as i started to write i realized the door was open. so i closed it.) Today was.. many things. Shooting auditions for yearbook isnt always the most exiting thing at 9 am on a Saterday morning. Right when i got the oppertunity to take the pictures i wanted actually INSIDE the theater the camera ran out of energy. blessed technology. Home Depot and yard work with the parentals. Today in the middle of tree hacking and flower pruning I was informed that I am apprently slow. Slow as in retarded. I can't focus on one thing, much like a 3 year old can't and am always running in a 100 directions. Nothing I do is apprently productive and is " half assed". Thank you Mom and Al. These are all lovely seeds planted in my impressionable teenage head. I love feeling like a failure. So in the midst of compleate and total self doubt and temperary hate for the presence of my mom and stepdad in my life, I had a panic attack in my room over everything that needs to be done and that I am supposedly not capable of doing. Right before I almost exploded, i'm almost positive i was on the verge of a heart attack, Mary and I decided to meet at Discover Mills to see Princess Diaries 2. That movie is extreamly lame and cheesy but EXACTLY what I needed on a day like today. Now that I think of it, the day was so extreamly ironic. Maybe ironic's the wrong word. But it was soo beautiful out today, yet it was the worst i've felt about myself in a while. Anyways, princess diaries was like a little girls movie that made me feel like.. well... a little girl haha. We laughed the whole way through it. I guess now would be a great time to thank God for that moment.. i really appreciated it. Then i got home and called my best friend in the whole world. She told me exactly what i needed to hear. So thank you God for that too.. really. Unfortunantly I'm not going to the John Mayer concert tomorrow like i thought I was going to but strangely ( extreamly strangely) that's okay with me. My favorite musician EVER is going to have a concert of hundreds of people minus me and it's okay with me. I think that's maturity in progress. Anyways, no word from Miss Norway yet. I wonder if she opened my ' secret package' and loved it... tomorrow is the day my uncle joey died last year. I wonder how it'll turn out tomorrow. Lastly, physics remains the devil. I can't wait to sleep. off i go.
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