(no subject)
It re-hit me today, the act of breaking up. What got me about it was what it actually means to "end it", for that person and for yourself and for the futures of both. It's hitting me now I suppose because I am at such a crossroad myself, with the fork in the road being the reality that my "we" might soon be drastically cut into a "me." Things aren't going well, haven't been for awhile. We haven't really talked in a week or so and we talked about ending it, which is more than I've been ready to stomach the past couple of days... The good news being that inner turmoil seems to create a lack of interest in food so if things keep up this way I may in fact end up on the skinny side:0)
And I like him. I really do. And not just that, I realy care about him... (More than I really should.) As a person... with individual thoughts, feelings, dreams, petpeeves, a history, everything. The idea that there is this whole other human being who has lived his own life with all the kinds of relationships that form us into who we are and now I am a part of his world, his history, and he is a part of mine... And how sad if things split in bitterness or in anger or even in regret because then we will both be left with this burn mark in our past.. And I don't think either of us needs or wants that. It's a funny thing, telling a person that they are no longer allowed to kiss you or grab your hand, that a new person will take your place and that you have to be ok with that, even though neither of you really will be. I don't want some other girl cuddling with him in the back of his truck, watching the stars. I don't want him dealing with this on his own, trying to fight the bricks that will inevitably build up farther and farther around his heart... I don't want him to become more calloused because of this whole thing, I want us to be better.
And I like him. I really do. And not just that, I realy care about him... (More than I really should.) As a person... with individual thoughts, feelings, dreams, petpeeves, a history, everything. The idea that there is this whole other human being who has lived his own life with all the kinds of relationships that form us into who we are and now I am a part of his world, his history, and he is a part of mine... And how sad if things split in bitterness or in anger or even in regret because then we will both be left with this burn mark in our past.. And I don't think either of us needs or wants that. It's a funny thing, telling a person that they are no longer allowed to kiss you or grab your hand, that a new person will take your place and that you have to be ok with that, even though neither of you really will be. I don't want some other girl cuddling with him in the back of his truck, watching the stars. I don't want him dealing with this on his own, trying to fight the bricks that will inevitably build up farther and farther around his heart... I don't want him to become more calloused because of this whole thing, I want us to be better.