banjos and harmonicas make me happy
Since I've been a bit of a xanga whore lately,
and I am in need of more procrastination,
I decided to see how the world of xanga was doing.
I think that I thought it had been longer that it was,
since I had written in here.
But it's only been 2 months.
But still, all the closest entries to the top are at least 2months+ old.
And seeing all those pictures and words that I havn't thought about in quite some time was a bit of a shock.
And I really dont even know how to describe the emotions they evoke.
Today has been filled with many different random emotions.
It's as if I'm on an emotional scavenger hunt and I have to find each one and check it off.
I cried before I got out of bed, thinking of friends who don't mean as much as they used to.
After breakfast I was in an exceptional mood and left the house feeling quite optomistic.
In my fist class we watched a video about the history of discrimination in American history seeing picture of people being mistreated etc made my heart hurt.
Then there was math class and I thouroughly enjoyed my nerdiness.
The weather is the good kind of gray cloudy and chilly. Which is a good happiness.
Then I ran into a friend who I havn't talked to in ages. I was talking about school and how I felt about everything and the future and they confirmed my feeling and encouraged me.
Then I saw someone who, even though I barely even know them, I am scared to death of.
She was sitting on the steps talking to someone who was taking a smoke brake.
I could barely breath as I walked behind her, unseen, to unlock my bike.
I needed to walk my bike past in front of her to get back to the street.
I was glad to do so, for some reason I wanted her to see me, making sure not to look at her as I past, hoping she would think I hadn't seen her, although I wish I could know how she feels when she sees me. I felt all shook up all the way to the Market, until I was distracted by new conversation. It's childish, I know. But I dont know how to get over it. I used to really admire her. I wasn't afraid of her until one day she answered me very short and with much frustration in her voice. I was confused until someone explained, and then I saw her sticker on the fridge. In one minute my image of her could turn from an Athenian Goddess to a horrible dragon. Well my good feelings toward her are still there, I'm just waiting for the day when good feeling can be mutual again.
There were alot of other positive feelings today.
But now being struck by those feelings of nostalgia. Within that containing memories that are happy and bitter as well.
So many people have been changing colors lately.
I guess it really is fall.
All those people who were once green and beautiful and full of life are all of a sudden fading fast and falling to the ground. Like the ones that turn brown too fast before you get to enjoy their beauty. Or maybe I'm just so used to them being green I dont like the change.
And then there are other ones that I am noticing for the first time. Brilliant colors of yellow and orange. And they brighten my day, but I know they will only last a short while so I should enjoy their presence while I can.
This weekend was the 4 way joint birthday party at our house.
There was an interesting assortment of all types of people.
Sven got a batman pinata and we revealed it as a suprise for the other 3,
Out of the second story window. It was awesome.
I didn't know so many people could fit into that little part of our house.
Oliver is a rock star.
I love when people play pretty music together.
And then walking to breakfast in the morning. Walking down the desserted streets. I felt like we were a pack or Zombies or something.
Kayla and Katie make me happy.
