(no subject)
this will most likely be unproductive, seeing as I'm sitting in the middle of the room and even though no one is here, I am still painfully aware that they will be.
stage fright? maybe.
I NEED MY OWN COMPUTER.
I want to write about what a disappointing and vile people we have become, but I can't do that with you in the room. and I'm on your laptop so its not really fair to take it from you and then whine about it and oh I am so glad this has disintegrated into a pity party for one.
anyway. good thing this is for drafts.
a bow and arrow is a majestic weapon. it is beautiful, the form is beautiful and the effect is powerfully surprising to me. guns are honor-less. ha. if you could only hear me blathering on about honor.
I hate guns. and yet I find them sexy. I am at war inside, and it might be tearing me apart. in a sense.
I am sad, and I am sad because we were not always a disgraceful, greedy people. yes, we had greed and disgrace, but it did not
carry itself in the forefront of our minds. certainly would not have been the describing words of our culture,
I want so badly to protect this planet, but I do not care so much for the dominant force of its inhabitants. There are still cultures out there, somewhere, whose balances have not been upset by our western ways.Those who scoff at tribal peoples, pointing out their famine and disease, are only seeing those cultures WE have already disrupted, and subsequently destroyed. When we horde resources, overtake borders and grow too fat, we crowd out those without this need for over consumption and "progress". These are the tribal people who we are STILL exterminating. just not by genocide this time. Humans did not always hate themselves. We did not always have sorrows to drown. We did not have an easy life for a very, very long time; this is true. But these people had found a remarkable way to make an enjoyable living. and these people are almost gone. and this makes me almost too sad to continue. What is in this life for me? I do not care for any of it! What joy will I find in this world? It is cold and dark and has been for four hundred years. The people I might have loved and been at peace with, they live in double wides amist the trees.
Jared may make fun of me for caring about a heritage I can only claim twenty percent of. but I feel more like this tiny fraction than any of my german ancestors. I have no need for technical advancements. fat wallets or bellies. I want only to be surrounded by peace and beauty and a harmony with the living things around me. I do not care about a prosperous western-driven economy, where six percent of the citizens can stuff their pockets with the vast majority of wealth, leaving the rest to toil about for their entire lives, hoping desperately to become one of those priveleged few. I do not want to live in a world where, if I do not make it to the suburbs, it is because I am too lazy to accomplish The American Dream. I want to live a life that is unavailable to me, and that is why my life is sad.
stage fright? maybe.
I NEED MY OWN COMPUTER.
I want to write about what a disappointing and vile people we have become, but I can't do that with you in the room. and I'm on your laptop so its not really fair to take it from you and then whine about it and oh I am so glad this has disintegrated into a pity party for one.
anyway. good thing this is for drafts.
a bow and arrow is a majestic weapon. it is beautiful, the form is beautiful and the effect is powerfully surprising to me. guns are honor-less. ha. if you could only hear me blathering on about honor.
I hate guns. and yet I find them sexy. I am at war inside, and it might be tearing me apart. in a sense.
I am sad, and I am sad because we were not always a disgraceful, greedy people. yes, we had greed and disgrace, but it did not
carry itself in the forefront of our minds. certainly would not have been the describing words of our culture,
I want so badly to protect this planet, but I do not care so much for the dominant force of its inhabitants. There are still cultures out there, somewhere, whose balances have not been upset by our western ways.Those who scoff at tribal peoples, pointing out their famine and disease, are only seeing those cultures WE have already disrupted, and subsequently destroyed. When we horde resources, overtake borders and grow too fat, we crowd out those without this need for over consumption and "progress". These are the tribal people who we are STILL exterminating. just not by genocide this time. Humans did not always hate themselves. We did not always have sorrows to drown. We did not have an easy life for a very, very long time; this is true. But these people had found a remarkable way to make an enjoyable living. and these people are almost gone. and this makes me almost too sad to continue. What is in this life for me? I do not care for any of it! What joy will I find in this world? It is cold and dark and has been for four hundred years. The people I might have loved and been at peace with, they live in double wides amist the trees.
Jared may make fun of me for caring about a heritage I can only claim twenty percent of. but I feel more like this tiny fraction than any of my german ancestors. I have no need for technical advancements. fat wallets or bellies. I want only to be surrounded by peace and beauty and a harmony with the living things around me. I do not care about a prosperous western-driven economy, where six percent of the citizens can stuff their pockets with the vast majority of wealth, leaving the rest to toil about for their entire lives, hoping desperately to become one of those priveleged few. I do not want to live in a world where, if I do not make it to the suburbs, it is because I am too lazy to accomplish The American Dream. I want to live a life that is unavailable to me, and that is why my life is sad.