Blasé-friendships
It’s really interesting to me how you can know someone so long and yet still know really nothing about what makes them tick. Maybe I am a bit TOO emotionally available, but you would still think after knowing someone for more than a couple of years that you would be able to understand why they do the things they do. In many ways this attribute can make being friends with some interesting. You never really know how they are going to react or treat you.
But every once in awhile you meet someone who is just a ROCK. I’ve only met two of this kind of person in my life, and both just recently. I guess I covet this attribute most in my friends since I have only really ever relied on myself. To ask someone else for help or expect them to actually be concerned about your well-being is not something I’m used to. So in the last 6 months I’ve had my eyes opened as to what a true friend really can do for your emotional well-being, and I’ll be honest, it’s damn humbling.
It kind of made me realize the qualities I don’t want in friends as well. And this has been sort of a revelation for me, as it is going to engage me in some tough choices in the coming months. I think I’ve already made one, and it’s been a long time coming. For myself, I am too loyal to give up on friendship easily, but when someone constantly proves that they really only care about their own well-being over your own it’s time to reevaluate.
I don’t expect a good friend to completely change their life to accommodate me, but when someone you have known for years doesn’t have your back a multitude of times how do you respond? The first time are you hurt a little? Do you decided everyone makes mistakes and that you can’t change who they are? The second time do you get angry and try not to lash out at them so they can understand where you are coming from? The third time do you wonder why they would rather form loose friendships with depraved people in order to fit in, and if that makes their life seem meaningful?
How many times until you realize this person isn’t a friend, and wonder what their definition of the word really is. Is it someone you hang out with occasionally and gossip with? Is it someone you go to clubs with and get drunk with?
Or is it someone who is fiercely loyal, and who values your input? Someone who respects you and would never let anyone say a negative word about you? Someone who would put you ahead of themselves, even if it meant you would be inconvenienced?
THIS is my idea of a true friend. The bars, the gossip, the drunkenness; that’s all filler. Its great but it’s not what makes up the meat of a friendship or relationship. It fills in the blanks, sure. But this kind of “brotherhood” doesn’t seem to be what most people want.
I was thinking about this the other day: Fags want their friendships in small, appetizer-size portions, and when it comes time to take one for the team and eat another course they would rather move along than eat any more. It’s casual blasé mediocrity, and it’s really fucking sad.
If friendship means I can’t fuck up and embarrass myself or act like an ass occasionally and be forgiven then fuck it, why bother with all the filler? If all the good times can suddenly be erased by one bad night, where we didn’t just talk about the weather and who got fucked by whom last night, then why should I inconvenience myself and be a blasé-friend when I can put that energy into people who will really appreciate me?
The answer is I shouldn’t. I should have more self respect than that. It’s been a year of intense changes, and rather than letting things happen to me I need to get out and meet new people. And that brings me full circle. Thanks to the recent people in my life who have truly been there when they knew I was down, regardless of what shit they had going on in their own life. To you, I owe more than you know.
My eyes are open. Now taking applications….? J
But every once in awhile you meet someone who is just a ROCK. I’ve only met two of this kind of person in my life, and both just recently. I guess I covet this attribute most in my friends since I have only really ever relied on myself. To ask someone else for help or expect them to actually be concerned about your well-being is not something I’m used to. So in the last 6 months I’ve had my eyes opened as to what a true friend really can do for your emotional well-being, and I’ll be honest, it’s damn humbling.
It kind of made me realize the qualities I don’t want in friends as well. And this has been sort of a revelation for me, as it is going to engage me in some tough choices in the coming months. I think I’ve already made one, and it’s been a long time coming. For myself, I am too loyal to give up on friendship easily, but when someone constantly proves that they really only care about their own well-being over your own it’s time to reevaluate.
I don’t expect a good friend to completely change their life to accommodate me, but when someone you have known for years doesn’t have your back a multitude of times how do you respond? The first time are you hurt a little? Do you decided everyone makes mistakes and that you can’t change who they are? The second time do you get angry and try not to lash out at them so they can understand where you are coming from? The third time do you wonder why they would rather form loose friendships with depraved people in order to fit in, and if that makes their life seem meaningful?
How many times until you realize this person isn’t a friend, and wonder what their definition of the word really is. Is it someone you hang out with occasionally and gossip with? Is it someone you go to clubs with and get drunk with?
Or is it someone who is fiercely loyal, and who values your input? Someone who respects you and would never let anyone say a negative word about you? Someone who would put you ahead of themselves, even if it meant you would be inconvenienced?
THIS is my idea of a true friend. The bars, the gossip, the drunkenness; that’s all filler. Its great but it’s not what makes up the meat of a friendship or relationship. It fills in the blanks, sure. But this kind of “brotherhood” doesn’t seem to be what most people want.
I was thinking about this the other day: Fags want their friendships in small, appetizer-size portions, and when it comes time to take one for the team and eat another course they would rather move along than eat any more. It’s casual blasé mediocrity, and it’s really fucking sad.
If friendship means I can’t fuck up and embarrass myself or act like an ass occasionally and be forgiven then fuck it, why bother with all the filler? If all the good times can suddenly be erased by one bad night, where we didn’t just talk about the weather and who got fucked by whom last night, then why should I inconvenience myself and be a blasé-friend when I can put that energy into people who will really appreciate me?
The answer is I shouldn’t. I should have more self respect than that. It’s been a year of intense changes, and rather than letting things happen to me I need to get out and meet new people. And that brings me full circle. Thanks to the recent people in my life who have truly been there when they knew I was down, regardless of what shit they had going on in their own life. To you, I owe more than you know.
My eyes are open. Now taking applications….? J