Joel's Gone
It seemed like time froze when I read the message on my phone. You know them movie moments when the protagonist receives bad news and everything seems to blur? It was kind of like that, only ten times worse.
My friend, Joel, passed away recently. I say "recently" because nobody knows exactly when yet - he was found at home yesterday, lifeless. (He lived alone.) Got word that it could've happened as early as Saturday, so it's likely that while I was enjoying my night gigging - twice - something tragic was happening to one of my friends. And that kind of dampens everything. (The gigs were great but they seem rather irrelevant now.)
I met Joel in college. We were orgmates at UP Music Circle. He was a few years older than me, played a green Ibanez guitar, and played table tennis for the Maroons. We had plenty of similarities, too. Like me, he was a bit on the heavy side. We both shaved our heads. We both liked the tambayan. We both stayed in school a bit too long. And we both loved playing music - any opportunity to play wasn't something to be wasted. Whenever I refer to playing in show bands in college, more often than not, Joel was my guitar player.
I remember driving all the way to his place in Paranaque for rehearsals every Saturday. Gas was cheaper then, and I was a newly-minted driver who didn't mind the traffic. Plus I was getting an education - he was a more seasoned performer than I was, and I picked up a lot from him. Like a sponge.
I was there when he was busting his behind preparing his thesis. I saw his joy when he finally graduated and started work as an architect. I was there because he shared his joy, like many things in his life.
Sadly, like many college friends, we struck our own separate paths as we sought to make our marks on the world. Lost track of each other until earlier this year when one of my classmates at a workshop turned out to be his friend/bandmate. I got his number, sent him a message and caught up. He seemed to be doing well, a young man building his future.
Fast forward to last night. I received the shocking news, confirmed it with my workshop classmate and it started sinking in. He's gone. A friend I went to battled in the (musical) trenches with is no more. It makes me sad that I wasn't able to go to the MC event where the other old members saw him for the last time. Stayed up all night racking my brain, trying to reminisce.
The news of Joel's death also made me consider my own mortality. What if it happened to me? What would my friends say? Would people who barely knew me even care? Would people show up at my funeral? Was the time I spent living worth it? Did I positively change anybody's life? Would I be evaluated a success or a failure? To be honest, my own answers to these questions were hit-and-miss. I haven't been the best friend in the world, I think I could've done better in a lot of things. I'm not sure if I changed anybody's life - positively or negatively. But at least I'm trying. And I will keep trying. Sorry to sound so emo and all but the news really triggered an existential crisis that I'm still trying to resolve.
Joel will be missed by plenty of people. His positivity could literally brighten up a room. It's sad to see him go, but he's probably in a better place now.
Farewell, my friend. Be safe.
My friend, Joel, passed away recently. I say "recently" because nobody knows exactly when yet - he was found at home yesterday, lifeless. (He lived alone.) Got word that it could've happened as early as Saturday, so it's likely that while I was enjoying my night gigging - twice - something tragic was happening to one of my friends. And that kind of dampens everything. (The gigs were great but they seem rather irrelevant now.)
I met Joel in college. We were orgmates at UP Music Circle. He was a few years older than me, played a green Ibanez guitar, and played table tennis for the Maroons. We had plenty of similarities, too. Like me, he was a bit on the heavy side. We both shaved our heads. We both liked the tambayan. We both stayed in school a bit too long. And we both loved playing music - any opportunity to play wasn't something to be wasted. Whenever I refer to playing in show bands in college, more often than not, Joel was my guitar player.
I remember driving all the way to his place in Paranaque for rehearsals every Saturday. Gas was cheaper then, and I was a newly-minted driver who didn't mind the traffic. Plus I was getting an education - he was a more seasoned performer than I was, and I picked up a lot from him. Like a sponge.
I was there when he was busting his behind preparing his thesis. I saw his joy when he finally graduated and started work as an architect. I was there because he shared his joy, like many things in his life.
Sadly, like many college friends, we struck our own separate paths as we sought to make our marks on the world. Lost track of each other until earlier this year when one of my classmates at a workshop turned out to be his friend/bandmate. I got his number, sent him a message and caught up. He seemed to be doing well, a young man building his future.
Fast forward to last night. I received the shocking news, confirmed it with my workshop classmate and it started sinking in. He's gone. A friend I went to battled in the (musical) trenches with is no more. It makes me sad that I wasn't able to go to the MC event where the other old members saw him for the last time. Stayed up all night racking my brain, trying to reminisce.
The news of Joel's death also made me consider my own mortality. What if it happened to me? What would my friends say? Would people who barely knew me even care? Would people show up at my funeral? Was the time I spent living worth it? Did I positively change anybody's life? Would I be evaluated a success or a failure? To be honest, my own answers to these questions were hit-and-miss. I haven't been the best friend in the world, I think I could've done better in a lot of things. I'm not sure if I changed anybody's life - positively or negatively. But at least I'm trying. And I will keep trying. Sorry to sound so emo and all but the news really triggered an existential crisis that I'm still trying to resolve.
Joel will be missed by plenty of people. His positivity could literally brighten up a room. It's sad to see him go, but he's probably in a better place now.
Farewell, my friend. Be safe.