(no subject)
I hate Mother's Day. I try to not be hateful about it around other people that like Mother's Day, but I'm just not even going to pretend that I care. My mother was jealous of me. Furiously envious of my willpower, fearlessness, my curly hair, the fact that I was skinny, smart, and apparently more popular than she was in high school. She hated that I did things that she couldn't and that I refused to be kept down. I refused to let her deny me things just because she couldn't/wouldn't do them. When she talked about being pregnant with me and my sister she always talked about how much she hated it. I left home at 16 to escape her and then moved 2000 miles across country at 18. I was mostly estranged from my family for many years. When she died people finally said what they truly thought about her. Her own mother and sisters told me of all sorts of occasions when they were really concerned about the way she treated me. My father said that he was afraid to leave me alone with her after I was born. None of them stepped up to do anything because she was mother and you can't touch that relationship. I suffered and was traumatized while people looked on and refused to help. I vaguely remember some of the neighbors expressing concern for me too and my mother flipping out at them. And they wonder why I won't talk to any of them or go back to visit? I won't feel sorry for myself anymore because I have the maturity rise above all this bullshit, but I will feel sorry for that pitiful creature that had the misfortune of being pregnant with me. She had the maturity of a 17 year old girl and perpetually had the mentality and behavior of a high school girl. Thankfully she's dead now so I'm not bound to her any longer.