Emptyish
We sat in silence for 5 minutes before I said "I'm not sitting here in a pub car park, talking to myself" to which he asked me to take him back to his.
When I got back to his, I was on the verge of tears. I didn't want him to get out the car...and the kiss he gave me felt scarily like a proper goodbye...a forever goodbye. He put his hand on the back of my head, and pulled me close, kissed me hard and got out the car without even saying a word.. The first tear rolled down my face.
I caught my breath, and turned the car around, and headed down the road. I didn't even make it to the end of the road before I properly burst into tears.
Tears were pouring down my face, and I couldn't see where I was going. So I tried to calm myself down, and drove myself to a nearby car park, where I curled up in the fetal position in the drivers seat of my car and cried some more, never taking my eyes off my phone incase he text me to ask me to come back...he never did.
I tried calling him once, twice, three times. The 3rd time he answered. I'd woken him up. He muttered a few words, before rudely hanging up on me...more tears. I messaged him to let him know how hurt I was...and got a lame response.
For the last few months, this man has got into my head, and got into my heart. I'm not ready for another heartbreak, I couldn't handle it after the last one. Sometimes with him I feel so emotionless, so blank, because the walls I built up from the last ones, are still there...they may have lost a bit of mortar and gained a few holes, but I'm still so untrusting, and so cynical. I just don't know where any of this is going...I don't want to sound cliché but this guy has been my rock since I split with D, and I couldn't bear life without him. But the difference between wanting and needing is starting to scare me..
When I got back to his, I was on the verge of tears. I didn't want him to get out the car...and the kiss he gave me felt scarily like a proper goodbye...a forever goodbye. He put his hand on the back of my head, and pulled me close, kissed me hard and got out the car without even saying a word.. The first tear rolled down my face.
I caught my breath, and turned the car around, and headed down the road. I didn't even make it to the end of the road before I properly burst into tears.
Tears were pouring down my face, and I couldn't see where I was going. So I tried to calm myself down, and drove myself to a nearby car park, where I curled up in the fetal position in the drivers seat of my car and cried some more, never taking my eyes off my phone incase he text me to ask me to come back...he never did.
I tried calling him once, twice, three times. The 3rd time he answered. I'd woken him up. He muttered a few words, before rudely hanging up on me...more tears. I messaged him to let him know how hurt I was...and got a lame response.
For the last few months, this man has got into my head, and got into my heart. I'm not ready for another heartbreak, I couldn't handle it after the last one. Sometimes with him I feel so emotionless, so blank, because the walls I built up from the last ones, are still there...they may have lost a bit of mortar and gained a few holes, but I'm still so untrusting, and so cynical. I just don't know where any of this is going...I don't want to sound cliché but this guy has been my rock since I split with D, and I couldn't bear life without him. But the difference between wanting and needing is starting to scare me..