Behold: the spineless wonder!
I know I havent updated this in a while even though several things that were update worthy have happened.
Last weekend was Alicia's Sweet 15 birthday party. Its some sort of hispanic/mexican tradition (her dad is different than Alex's, so she's half mexican/half honduran) where your 15th birthday is like your right of passage into young adulthood. Its a HUGE deal and is the equivelent of a mini-wedding in terms of size and importance. The spanish word for it I cant spell, but I can say perfectly. The closest phonic spelling I can come up with is Kin (Keen) Sineria (Sin-yea-rah). I know that isnt the proper spelling by a long shot... but it was a try.
We ran around Valdosta all that morning, trying to find something to wear for that and the charity auction for Alex's work that was after it. I actually got a dress from Hot Topic, not for the events, but because I tried it on just for amusements sake and Alex LOVED it and wanted to take me out to clubs in it. Its black and green and the first short dress I've ever owned. - In the end I got a red button up blouse to go with some black dress pants I already had for the formal events, and Alex just went with something he already had himself.
The Kin Sineria started 4 fucking hours LATE in a small building crowded with people that had no air conditioning. Normally I love the warmth and Alex swears Im his little mini-red-dragon... but even I was overheating and miseriable. When the whole thing finially started I rather felt left out of the loop... I had no idea what was going on and everything was so loud and there were little ankle-bitter children running around EVERYWHERE... plus I didnt know a single damned one of these people except for Alex's family. Yea, I was stressing +1.
When we finally left to go to the charity auction for Alex's work, I was stressed out, tired, overheated, and spazzing from too much forced human interaction for one day.... but I promised Alex I'd go with him and it wasnt a promise I was going to break.
We went... and the whole thing turned out to be a LOT less formal than his boss had made it out to be. Both of us were overdressed for it and I felt uncomfortiable as HELL because of it... nevermind the fact I was surrounded entirely by rich white rednecks. I dont know why, but I feel just as uncomfortiable around a crowd of nothing but rich white people as I would around a group of ghetto black girls that look like they want to kick my ass for being white.
Again, it was a small place filled to the brim with people... and no airconditioning. Alex was sweating so bad... and even I was starting to sweat. (Though I dont sweat in the normal 'SWEAT' way... I just kind of glisten a bit. I sweat like an elf. XD) Again, I started freaking out to the point that I could hardly breath and I felt all boxed in, cornered and caged. We left early because of it... and the fact Alex couldnt take the heat himself anymore either.
Alex had wanted to take me out after all that and go to Vitos, the closest thing to a non-redneck 'club' in the area (Its actually this bar/pizza place that occasionally has local bands playing upstairs. I'd only been once before and it was really kind of boring and a waste of time. We could have done exactly the same things we did there at home) but after all that I was FAR too stressed and tired to want to move, let alone go out... so we planned on going that this weekend instead.
Well... this entire week Alex and I have been sick as dogs with some sort of stomach virus we must have picked up from some plauge monkey child that was running around at the Kin Sineria. It. Was. AWFUL! Its been exactly 1-week since then and we're both STILL suffering the effects of it! I wont go into detail as to what the symptoms are like since I know you people dont want to hear about that... but lets just leave it at 'TEH SUCK' and move on.
Friday night, yesterday night, was when Alex wanted to take me out to Vito's. I was excited and nevious as hell about it all day. I even found Vito's Myspace account and looked up the bands that would be playing and listened to some of their demo soundtracks so I knew what kind of music would be playing. One of the bands was just kind of 'meh' cause it was just a guy with an acustic guitar singing... the other was 'omfgNO' because it was angry scream-into-the-mike-and-nobody-can-understand-you Brujah music.... but the last was freaking GOOD. I mean REEEEAL good. The kind of music I danced around in the room to and might have gotten over my shyness enough to actually dance a little bit to in public (though in a small dark isolated corner). That one band got me all excited about going.
Well, Alex got home, I got dressed up and he got dressed down. He was going to go in just some blue jeans and frumpy t-shirt while I was going to dress up in my new gothi short dress, fishnet stockings, goth boots, fishnet arm warmers, tophat and black lipstick. I looked GOOD. I actually felt attractive and pretty for once, though I was still nervious as hell about going out in public looking like that.
Well, we set off to go to Vito's and Im nervious as hell. I had no idea what it was going to be like or if anybody else was going to be dressed up even remotely like me... or just slummin it in t-shirts and bluejeans.
We get there while its still light out, and to my horror all the people standing/sitting around outside are in 'preppy' styled clothes. Not a single person is dressed up in any way... not even the girls are trying to show anything off. They're just in loose fitting comfortiable stuff too.
I started freaking out, loosing my nerve and degenerating into a spineless wonder.
We circled around about 5 times before we could find a parking spot that was nice and isolated... and just sat there for a moment while I tried to calm myself down without hyperventalating.
Then I just lost it. I got so scared of people staring at me and thinking/saying to their little groups "Oh my god, she should have known better than to go outside looking like that. She sooooo shouldn't have worn that. What a skank." or worse yet... with the way Alex was telling me I was so pretty and hot, I was mortified that some guy was going to start undressing me with their eyes and thinking those kinds of bad thoughts about me. T_T
I just completely LOST it and started crying from freaking out so bad about it all... and Alex just took me home. I don't know why I did that.... I wanted to go, I really did... and Alex had been looking foward to taking me out in that dress for about 2 weeks now... I even felt confident and pretty at home... I just dont understand why I so completely and totally LOST it as soon as we actually got there and were sitting in the parking lot.
Sigh...
I guess I truely am a spineless wonder and can never hope to go out and do normal things like socialize with people, even with Alex by my side as reenforcement.
I fail.
Last weekend was Alicia's Sweet 15 birthday party. Its some sort of hispanic/mexican tradition (her dad is different than Alex's, so she's half mexican/half honduran) where your 15th birthday is like your right of passage into young adulthood. Its a HUGE deal and is the equivelent of a mini-wedding in terms of size and importance. The spanish word for it I cant spell, but I can say perfectly. The closest phonic spelling I can come up with is Kin (Keen) Sineria (Sin-yea-rah). I know that isnt the proper spelling by a long shot... but it was a try.
We ran around Valdosta all that morning, trying to find something to wear for that and the charity auction for Alex's work that was after it. I actually got a dress from Hot Topic, not for the events, but because I tried it on just for amusements sake and Alex LOVED it and wanted to take me out to clubs in it. Its black and green and the first short dress I've ever owned. - In the end I got a red button up blouse to go with some black dress pants I already had for the formal events, and Alex just went with something he already had himself.
The Kin Sineria started 4 fucking hours LATE in a small building crowded with people that had no air conditioning. Normally I love the warmth and Alex swears Im his little mini-red-dragon... but even I was overheating and miseriable. When the whole thing finially started I rather felt left out of the loop... I had no idea what was going on and everything was so loud and there were little ankle-bitter children running around EVERYWHERE... plus I didnt know a single damned one of these people except for Alex's family. Yea, I was stressing +1.
When we finally left to go to the charity auction for Alex's work, I was stressed out, tired, overheated, and spazzing from too much forced human interaction for one day.... but I promised Alex I'd go with him and it wasnt a promise I was going to break.
We went... and the whole thing turned out to be a LOT less formal than his boss had made it out to be. Both of us were overdressed for it and I felt uncomfortiable as HELL because of it... nevermind the fact I was surrounded entirely by rich white rednecks. I dont know why, but I feel just as uncomfortiable around a crowd of nothing but rich white people as I would around a group of ghetto black girls that look like they want to kick my ass for being white.
Again, it was a small place filled to the brim with people... and no airconditioning. Alex was sweating so bad... and even I was starting to sweat. (Though I dont sweat in the normal 'SWEAT' way... I just kind of glisten a bit. I sweat like an elf. XD) Again, I started freaking out to the point that I could hardly breath and I felt all boxed in, cornered and caged. We left early because of it... and the fact Alex couldnt take the heat himself anymore either.
Alex had wanted to take me out after all that and go to Vitos, the closest thing to a non-redneck 'club' in the area (Its actually this bar/pizza place that occasionally has local bands playing upstairs. I'd only been once before and it was really kind of boring and a waste of time. We could have done exactly the same things we did there at home) but after all that I was FAR too stressed and tired to want to move, let alone go out... so we planned on going that this weekend instead.
Well... this entire week Alex and I have been sick as dogs with some sort of stomach virus we must have picked up from some plauge monkey child that was running around at the Kin Sineria. It. Was. AWFUL! Its been exactly 1-week since then and we're both STILL suffering the effects of it! I wont go into detail as to what the symptoms are like since I know you people dont want to hear about that... but lets just leave it at 'TEH SUCK' and move on.
Friday night, yesterday night, was when Alex wanted to take me out to Vito's. I was excited and nevious as hell about it all day. I even found Vito's Myspace account and looked up the bands that would be playing and listened to some of their demo soundtracks so I knew what kind of music would be playing. One of the bands was just kind of 'meh' cause it was just a guy with an acustic guitar singing... the other was 'omfgNO' because it was angry scream-into-the-mike-and-nobody-can-understand-you Brujah music.... but the last was freaking GOOD. I mean REEEEAL good. The kind of music I danced around in the room to and might have gotten over my shyness enough to actually dance a little bit to in public (though in a small dark isolated corner). That one band got me all excited about going.
Well, Alex got home, I got dressed up and he got dressed down. He was going to go in just some blue jeans and frumpy t-shirt while I was going to dress up in my new gothi short dress, fishnet stockings, goth boots, fishnet arm warmers, tophat and black lipstick. I looked GOOD. I actually felt attractive and pretty for once, though I was still nervious as hell about going out in public looking like that.
Well, we set off to go to Vito's and Im nervious as hell. I had no idea what it was going to be like or if anybody else was going to be dressed up even remotely like me... or just slummin it in t-shirts and bluejeans.
We get there while its still light out, and to my horror all the people standing/sitting around outside are in 'preppy' styled clothes. Not a single person is dressed up in any way... not even the girls are trying to show anything off. They're just in loose fitting comfortiable stuff too.
I started freaking out, loosing my nerve and degenerating into a spineless wonder.
We circled around about 5 times before we could find a parking spot that was nice and isolated... and just sat there for a moment while I tried to calm myself down without hyperventalating.
Then I just lost it. I got so scared of people staring at me and thinking/saying to their little groups "Oh my god, she should have known better than to go outside looking like that. She sooooo shouldn't have worn that. What a skank." or worse yet... with the way Alex was telling me I was so pretty and hot, I was mortified that some guy was going to start undressing me with their eyes and thinking those kinds of bad thoughts about me. T_T
I just completely LOST it and started crying from freaking out so bad about it all... and Alex just took me home. I don't know why I did that.... I wanted to go, I really did... and Alex had been looking foward to taking me out in that dress for about 2 weeks now... I even felt confident and pretty at home... I just dont understand why I so completely and totally LOST it as soon as we actually got there and were sitting in the parking lot.
Sigh...
I guess I truely am a spineless wonder and can never hope to go out and do normal things like socialize with people, even with Alex by my side as reenforcement.
I fail.