[Fanfict] Hitman Reborn - One Night in Bangkok Part 1 - 1896

[kakyuu_no_yume]

Title: One Night In Bangkok
Author: yamikakyuu    
Characters: TYL!Hibari and TYL!Chrome (1896)
Warnings: Ummm implied sex,  Hibari pleases Chrome, TYL based storyline but takes place whenever that arcs ends and things go back to normal.  Also...I have NEVER written something like this before...only implied smut, never implied sex sooooo...umm....be kind :3

Comments

[kill_me_faster]

[END Part 1, Part 2 coming soon...I hope...]

WHAT IS THIS FKD:LFKJDS:UIOUREIORFUDFKJ:DKFDS!!!!!!!!!!!!?

I mean, seriously: god damn you. Not to, uh, put too fine of a point on it.

First of all, ouch. All the emotional gutpunch you managed to pack into this tiny of a space is amazing. :) The descriptions were really nice and sensual, and like Rune said, for all you went around screaming that you can't write smut, you did just fine! It was totally hawt, BTW.

Mmmm, so, some parts I really liked:

-for the record, delicious Italian was delicious. :) I wish more people used the language in their fanfics. It's so...fluid.

-Those had been the only words he had spoken. Everything else he conveyed with his body. Thrusting, biting, licking, penetrating. She had endured it all. She knew why he was doing this. Revenge. She deserved it in a sense but more important then that, more important then his need for compensation, she had enjoyed it. Ahhhh, this bit is so like Hibari that it's wonderful. ^__^ His inability to convey things out loud is truly...uh, admirable. *boots him* *gets beaten to death*

-this line, BTW was positively gorgeous: As if the bells themselves knew, this was now the fourth time he had come. Eeeee, I squee'd a bit out loud at work when I read it. It was a trifle embarrassing. XD;;

-the way you write Chrome is so ;_____; and wibbly. I want to hug her and show her what love really is. Bollocks on insensitive Hibari. :P

-Perhaps in another time, another place both could have experience a real love. That thought brought up both amusement and sadness. It was getting harder to lie to herself. For some reason, this line strikes me as something Mukuro might think. He's rubbing off on her? Oh noes. XD

-and, well, I've already said this, but sexy smut was sexy. :)

-"Dokuro Chrome," a soft yet stern voice calls. For some reason, I feel the urge to point out that I really liked this line. Maybe because I don't think I've ever heard Hii-kun described that way before - it makes me think of the old adage, 'talk softly, and carry a big stick'. I dunno, just, it brought a smile to my face just reading it. A nice detail, as it were.

Yeah, well, anyway, you'd better be cracking on that next part or I think Rune and I will skin you together. :) You've got a gorgeous story running here, and it'll be a shame if it never gets finished. Also, uh, moar porn. :D Because I am a fiend.

Also, what epitomizing? :P You did just fine on your own, so stop trying to blame everything on me. ♥

Read this response first!

[yamikakyuu]

Looking at the other comments I think *keyboard smash* is the offical opening line for this fict XD

First of all before I reply to your individual stuff can I say thanks so much for taking the time to reply in the way you did since I know you dont articulate as well in comments as you do in ficts, its much appreciated m(__)m brick'd by Demi again

First of all, ouch. All the emotional gutpunch you managed to pack into this tiny of a space is amazing. :) The descriptions were really nice and sensual, and like Rune said, for all you went around screaming that you can't write smut, you did just fine! It was totally hawt, BTW.

I still dont think I can write smut XD Not like you! I copped out in so many places D: Went for easy references when I could have gone into more detail, but for me detail is a dbl edged sword since I dont want to get too descriptive XD

Honest to god I stole the Italian part from your fict XD I love the language though I dont speak it but its always been one of my favs. Thankfully I knew someone from Italy (Pelli) so even though I google translated the line, I made sure it was right with him XD I just love the idea that Hibari would do that.

Ahhhh, this bit is so like Hibari that it's wonderful. ^__^ His inability to convey things out loud is truly...uh, admirable. *boots him* *gets beaten to death*

That was the only part Im glad I wasnt descriptive, I did it on purpose, one word to convery my point, period at the end to convey his point.

Eeeee, I squee'd a bit out loud at work when I read it. It was a trifle embarrassing. XD;;

Really?? What exactly about the line did you like??

I really felt bad for Chrome in this. When I originally came up with the idea after I ran it all through my head I was like...omg Ive made her a booty call (hence my apology to her XD), I didnt want it coming off like that but Im glad you feel for her cuz so do I.
For some reason, this line strikes me as something Mukuro might think. He's rubbing off on her? Oh noes. XD

Well all know that if Hibari treats Chrome bad, Mukuro-sama will beat the tar outta him again XD In my mind...Hibari knows this too.

For some reason, I feel the urge to point out that I really liked this line. Maybe because I don't think I've ever heard Hii-kun described that way before -

Hibari rarely talks in my ficts, though in my 6918 which hasnt been posted yet I think I gave him 3 lines total XD Mukuro talks more in that one. My little 1896 fict before this one he has no lines and my bday gift to Rune, I think he has one XD But when I hear his seiyuu, epsc after I heard epi 81, his voice is really soft but always has the fight in it.

it makes me think of the old adage, 'talk softly, and carry a big stick'. I dunno, just, it brought a smile to my face just reading it. A nice detail, as it were.

Or in his case, "walk softly, carry tonfa" XD

Ack lj says Im over the word count for replies XD So need to make another reply

Read this comment second!

[yamikakyuu]

Since I went over on word count here's the 2nd half of my reply to you XD

Yeah, well, anyway, you'd better be cracking on that next part or I think Rune and I will skin you together. :) You've got a gorgeous story running here, and it'll be a shame if it never gets finished. Also, uh, moar porn. :D Because I am a fiend.

Ohhhhh Runedaime already said she'd whip me if I didnt get cracking XD Must please the boss 8D My only concern with Part 2 at the moment is since I cut Hibari's line (which wasnt planned in the beginning) Im afraid what I originally had in mind wont be liked XD Since it seems everyone is hanging on what he's gonna say, I must need to rework that part. Actually this wasnt planned on being two parts either, well not true, it was but orginally part 2 was just gonna be Hibari's take on what was going on, same room, same atmosphere, same everything but Hibari's POV...only Im terrified to right his POV XD So Part 2 will start where Part 1 left off (duh) but wont be totally the same. Part 1 is nearly all Chrome's POV/3rd person take. Hibari's part will be more 3rd person.

I have no idea if Part 2 will have smex in it though...Ill try to incorpriate some XD

Again thanks for your comments and I use epitomize since I literally stared at your fict most of the time trying to find a way to use the gestures you used for mine with out totally ripping it from you XD You fict truly pwns this one Demi-sama
~RUNS~