Glorious Nation of Ame (part 3)
Yo, crazy person here with fanfic and fanart. Sorry for the delay.
Here are the previous parts:
Part 1
Part 2
Disclaimer: Naruto and all associated characters are the creative rights of Masashi Kishimoto.
Author/Artist: manicr
Title: The Glorious Nation of Ame
Rating: R
Warnings: Profanity, violence, silliness, crack
Notation: Here’s the long anticipated gorilla. I’m sorry. I really am.
The Glorious Nation of Ame
Xylology - Sake
The Peddler - The Bride
Part 3
The gibbering terror, which had overcome Hidan, dissipated slowly in to mild state of panic and a case of the shivers. He was in a state of paranoia that usually overcame, in Kakuzu’s opinion anyhow, weak willed shinobi who had been trapped behind enemy lines for days, weeks or even months. A constant state of terrified alertness, adrenaline pumping, combined with physical exhaustion brought on by hunger, cold, fatigue and injuries; all which resulted in a mannerism more akin to a mouse faced with a cat rather than that of a battle hardened shinobi. Paranoid, lacking the ability think or act correctly and strung like a wire. Kakuzu had never thought that Hidan would, no, could suffer from such a state given his absolute love for murder, mayhem and blood. Then again it wasn’t battle that had brought it on but a monkey-man. The idiocy was giving Kakuzu a headache.
So regardless of Kakuzu’s prior beliefs, Hidan refused to be more than a foot away from him at all times preferably staying in constant physical contact with him as well. Even if that “physical contact” mostly consisted of Kakuzu’s fist in his face and tentacles around his limbs, desperately trying to pry the clingy albino off him. After a messy fight that barely held back from actual bloodshed they both managed to get out of the hot spring, wash off and get dressed again. However, Hidan still stuck to Kakuzu like a particularly persistent leech. Accepting this was the last thing Kakuzu wanted to do but he practically had no choice. Because even if Hidan was far from the most dangerous member of their organization he was the most resilient one, a stamina monster, and in a sense impervious to physical harm and pain. Essentially a complete pain in Kakuzu’s ass.
With a feeling of aggravated embarrassment, Kakuzu dragged along Hidan back into the inn proper, glaring and daring anyone to say anything. The few patrons who were present wisely became extremely interested in their own sake or, if lack there of, various surfaces often resulting in a sudden interest in xylology or advanced forms of navel-gazing. Unfortunately, the owner of the establishment had a duty to see to that his guests were satisfied. As small and weak he might be compared to his shinobi patrons he had his pride as an innkeeper.
“Eh-excuse me honoured guest, is everything to your satisfaction?” he dared and tried no to flinch at the deadliness of Kakuzu’s glare or the erratic and highly peculiar behaviour of Hidan.
“Everything is fine,” Kakuzu ground out and fought the urge to punch his fist through Hidan’s scull. Hidan in turn clutched Kakuzu’s sleeve, eyes darting fugitively around the room and chewed his bloodied lips, his face pale and worn. The silence that followed was thick enough to be cut by a butter knife.
“I do hope that my son did not cause you any trouble. The boy is, well, a bit slow but he means no harm,” the owner continued, compelled by the strained silence.
“There is no trouble,” Kakuzu answered coldly and seated himself by one of the tables Hidan in tow. Knowing that there would indeed be trouble soon unless counter measures were made, the owner immediately served them enough sake to usually satisfy the most hardened of drinkers. Hidan went for the bottle immediately and without bothering with a cup he chugged down the sake like water. Kakuzu watched this with mild interest, never having seen Hidan drink in such a manner, and poured himself a cup. Well, neither of them were much for etiquette to begin with.
“I didn’t know that priests were allowed to drink,” Kakuzu commented blandly when Hidan had drained the entire bottle. This earned him a dirty glare and a sneer, a strange look on Hidan who was more one for wild protests and insults at the slightest of provocation. However, the display of aggression was better than that of blatant fear and paranoia and Kakuzu was vaguely pleased, until he noticed that the albino was still hanging on to his sleeve like some kid. This was going to be a long night, he concluded resigned to further trouble.
Kakuzu tensed up as noises sounded from the door, loud voices and heavy movement, his right hand instinctively going for the kunai. He forced himself to relax and placed his hand back on the table, knowing that if anyone were to come after them in would be silently through the window or roof. Not as it were with enough noise to wake the dead, carrying a huge backpack, which was more or less a portable trunk, and gaudily dressed to the teeth. The noisy stranger was evidently a peddler or artist of some sort, possibly both. This in itself was somewhat unusual given the strict legislation of Ame, which was particularly harsh against travellers of any sort especially those who made a living out of it. Floaters they were called.
“Ah such fierce weather and such benevolent hospitability! Such is our glorious nation of Ame!” the peddler cried out in a sing-song voice and unloaded himself of his heavy package, stretching his back as he got up again. Straightening himself up again, he grinned and bowed down to the patrons with an overly courtly bow.
“Good evening everyone! I am but a humble travelling seller of curiosities and remedies, feel free to ask me about anything and I will do everything within my power to serve,” he far from modestly introduced himself. Kakuzu drank his sake with a swipe and lamented that yet another noisy fellow would be staying at the inn. On the bright side the peddler would take attention away from him and Hidan.
The peddler, still grinning brightly, surveyed the room and its sparse populace and then with unwavering resolution walked to Kakuzu’s and Hidan’s table. Kakuzu ignored him and his annoyingly bright visage, drinking his sake. Hidan on the other hand looked up from his drunken exploits, stared at the peddler and evidently satisfied by the lack of any monkey-like features, waved his hand in an imprecise gesture. And to Kakuzu’s dismay, the peddler took this as an invite and seated himself. Angered, Kakuzu glared at the peddler with venom, letting a bit of his killing intent flare for maximum get-the-fuck-out-of-my-sight-before-I-dismember-you effect. Regardless, the peddler decided with suicidal determination to ignore his hostility and merely gave him an even brighter smile.
“Good evening, gentlemen. Far from home, are we? ” the annoying man asked with a knowing tone of voice.
“None of your business. We’d like to be left alone, so if you please…” Kakuzu answered curtly, patience wearing thin, and gestured for the peddler to move elsewhere.
“Now now! No need for that--” the peddler said cheerily and spread his hands in an open gesture, Kakuzu however interrupted him roughly by grabbing him by the collar and pulling him close.
“Yes, there is. Now, you will seat yourself elsewhere and not trouble us further or I will rip your still beating heart out of your chest. Do you understand me?” Kakuzu growled softly, his words not bearing any further than a few feet.
“Y-yeah. I got it, yeah,” the peddler gulped and quickly left when Kakuzu let him go. Hidan giggled gleefully at the scene, still conscious only due his monstrous stamina and unique condition, noisily taking a chug from the bottle. The Jashinist seemed to be determined to stay absolutely pissed though he had yet to let go of Kakuzu merely shifting his hold to accommodate movement. Kakuzu hoped his partner would find enough courage in the bottle or at least forgetfulness to return to normal. By all the demons of hell, had he just wanted Hidan to behave normally? The priest was insufferable whatever way he was but his current condition was embarrassing.
Kakuzu debated shortly with himself whether or not he should try to bring up the matter, dismissed the idea for now and calculated their expenses instead. The sake had been brought in unasked so he had well enough leeway to argument that he needn’t pay for it or at least not full price. He had already paid for a meal so that was done with, they would probably be served soon. Kakuzu could hear the employees of the inn rush about and the faint scent of food, so very soon indeed. He would deal with proper supplies in the next country; the prices were way too steep in Ame for his taste.
Shortly, young girl with a glum face came, carrying plates and bowls of hot food. Nothing fancy, merely rice, miso soup and fish teriyaki. Kakuzu took his bowl and ate quietly, glancing at Hidan who eyed his food suspiciously, favouring the sake. However, he was already sobering up with alarming speed and his previous giddiness was turning into weariness. That body of his disposed of toxins and poisons just as quickly as it healed itself. Poisoning Hidan was utterly useless. Kakuzu had tried it once on a whim and instead of dying the priest had merely been violently ill for a short while. It had been disappointing and messy.
“Eat. You won’t be getting anything else today,” Kakuzu ordered after a few moments when Hidan still hadn’t touched his food. Hidan wasn’t a fussy eater, surprising considering his whiny personality, or a glutton but it wasn’t like him not to eat.
“Yeah yeah,” Hidan answered quietly, the first coherent utterance the man had made since the bath, and took his chopsticks digging into his food sedately with one hand, the other still holding on to Kakuzu’s yukata. Kakuzu frowned at the uncharacteristic response but wrote it off on the sake with a shrug. Their meal continued quietly and Kakuzu supposed that he could easily get used to this. Blissful silence and no stupid interruptions.
Again, there were voices sounding from the entrance; new patrons had arrived. Kakuzu hoped that they would have the common decency to leave him alone and not be as noisy as the peddler at least. Then again with his current luck, he wasn’t having any high hopes about anything.
“Noburo! Eh, you have eh, guests,” the surprised voice of the innkeeper echoed and then there was a hushed conversation. Kakuzu could visibly see Hidan tense up next to him, his grip of Kakuzu tightening until his knuckles were white and his teeth clenching. Luckily, Noburo did not go via the main room but joined the new arrivals some other way and Kakuzu could barely hear the soft voice of the monkey-man.
“Hmm, Otou-san. Yes, introductions. Mayu-chan this is my Otou-san,” Noburo said and another voice said something that Kakuzu couldn’t hear.
“Otou-san this is Mayu-chan, my bride. We’re getting married, hmm,” Noburo continued softly and there was a prolonged silence after his announcement.
“What? Since when? Getting married? Wha--” the owner finally answered shocked but seemed to get a hold himself surprisingly quickly, “That’s great! Congratulations son! Ehh, Mayu-san--”
Kakuzu rolled his eyes and decided that the best course to avoid the upcoming festivities would be to return to their rooms. He’d had enough excitement for the day and leaving Hidan unattended anywhere was an unwise course of action even under normal circumstances. Let alone when he would freak out whenever he saw the groom-to-be.
Kakuzu, with Hidan still in tow, got as far as halfway across the room when Noburo and his bride-to-be entered and then things took a turn for the worse. The entire room cringed at the appearance of the monkey-like Noburo and then had a double shock at his bride, “Mayu-chan”. Cups were dropped, food and drinks were spilled and spat out in surprise. No one wanted to say it. “Mayu-chan” would probably eat them if they did. They didn’t even want to think it but the collective realization hung in the room like a foul odour. “Mayu-chan” looked like a gorilla in a kimono. “Mayu-chan” probably was a gorilla in a kimono.
The pregnant silence was broken by a heavy thud, and Kakuzu was nearly pulled to his knees by the sudden tug of his sleeve. Hidan had fainted.
“Eh, he, he, congratulations to the happy couple?” the peddler said awkwardly.
To Be Continued
Sorry.
Here are the previous parts:
Part 1
Part 2
Disclaimer: Naruto and all associated characters are the creative rights of Masashi Kishimoto.
Author/Artist: manicr
Title: The Glorious Nation of Ame
Rating: R
Warnings: Profanity, violence, silliness, crack
Notation: Here’s the long anticipated gorilla. I’m sorry. I really am.
The Glorious Nation of Ame
Xylology - Sake
The Peddler - The Bride
Part 3
The gibbering terror, which had overcome Hidan, dissipated slowly in to mild state of panic and a case of the shivers. He was in a state of paranoia that usually overcame, in Kakuzu’s opinion anyhow, weak willed shinobi who had been trapped behind enemy lines for days, weeks or even months. A constant state of terrified alertness, adrenaline pumping, combined with physical exhaustion brought on by hunger, cold, fatigue and injuries; all which resulted in a mannerism more akin to a mouse faced with a cat rather than that of a battle hardened shinobi. Paranoid, lacking the ability think or act correctly and strung like a wire. Kakuzu had never thought that Hidan would, no, could suffer from such a state given his absolute love for murder, mayhem and blood. Then again it wasn’t battle that had brought it on but a monkey-man. The idiocy was giving Kakuzu a headache.
So regardless of Kakuzu’s prior beliefs, Hidan refused to be more than a foot away from him at all times preferably staying in constant physical contact with him as well. Even if that “physical contact” mostly consisted of Kakuzu’s fist in his face and tentacles around his limbs, desperately trying to pry the clingy albino off him. After a messy fight that barely held back from actual bloodshed they both managed to get out of the hot spring, wash off and get dressed again. However, Hidan still stuck to Kakuzu like a particularly persistent leech. Accepting this was the last thing Kakuzu wanted to do but he practically had no choice. Because even if Hidan was far from the most dangerous member of their organization he was the most resilient one, a stamina monster, and in a sense impervious to physical harm and pain. Essentially a complete pain in Kakuzu’s ass.
With a feeling of aggravated embarrassment, Kakuzu dragged along Hidan back into the inn proper, glaring and daring anyone to say anything. The few patrons who were present wisely became extremely interested in their own sake or, if lack there of, various surfaces often resulting in a sudden interest in xylology or advanced forms of navel-gazing. Unfortunately, the owner of the establishment had a duty to see to that his guests were satisfied. As small and weak he might be compared to his shinobi patrons he had his pride as an innkeeper.
“Eh-excuse me honoured guest, is everything to your satisfaction?” he dared and tried no to flinch at the deadliness of Kakuzu’s glare or the erratic and highly peculiar behaviour of Hidan.
“Everything is fine,” Kakuzu ground out and fought the urge to punch his fist through Hidan’s scull. Hidan in turn clutched Kakuzu’s sleeve, eyes darting fugitively around the room and chewed his bloodied lips, his face pale and worn. The silence that followed was thick enough to be cut by a butter knife.
“I do hope that my son did not cause you any trouble. The boy is, well, a bit slow but he means no harm,” the owner continued, compelled by the strained silence.
“There is no trouble,” Kakuzu answered coldly and seated himself by one of the tables Hidan in tow. Knowing that there would indeed be trouble soon unless counter measures were made, the owner immediately served them enough sake to usually satisfy the most hardened of drinkers. Hidan went for the bottle immediately and without bothering with a cup he chugged down the sake like water. Kakuzu watched this with mild interest, never having seen Hidan drink in such a manner, and poured himself a cup. Well, neither of them were much for etiquette to begin with.
“I didn’t know that priests were allowed to drink,” Kakuzu commented blandly when Hidan had drained the entire bottle. This earned him a dirty glare and a sneer, a strange look on Hidan who was more one for wild protests and insults at the slightest of provocation. However, the display of aggression was better than that of blatant fear and paranoia and Kakuzu was vaguely pleased, until he noticed that the albino was still hanging on to his sleeve like some kid. This was going to be a long night, he concluded resigned to further trouble.
Kakuzu tensed up as noises sounded from the door, loud voices and heavy movement, his right hand instinctively going for the kunai. He forced himself to relax and placed his hand back on the table, knowing that if anyone were to come after them in would be silently through the window or roof. Not as it were with enough noise to wake the dead, carrying a huge backpack, which was more or less a portable trunk, and gaudily dressed to the teeth. The noisy stranger was evidently a peddler or artist of some sort, possibly both. This in itself was somewhat unusual given the strict legislation of Ame, which was particularly harsh against travellers of any sort especially those who made a living out of it. Floaters they were called.
“Ah such fierce weather and such benevolent hospitability! Such is our glorious nation of Ame!” the peddler cried out in a sing-song voice and unloaded himself of his heavy package, stretching his back as he got up again. Straightening himself up again, he grinned and bowed down to the patrons with an overly courtly bow.
“Good evening everyone! I am but a humble travelling seller of curiosities and remedies, feel free to ask me about anything and I will do everything within my power to serve,” he far from modestly introduced himself. Kakuzu drank his sake with a swipe and lamented that yet another noisy fellow would be staying at the inn. On the bright side the peddler would take attention away from him and Hidan.
The peddler, still grinning brightly, surveyed the room and its sparse populace and then with unwavering resolution walked to Kakuzu’s and Hidan’s table. Kakuzu ignored him and his annoyingly bright visage, drinking his sake. Hidan on the other hand looked up from his drunken exploits, stared at the peddler and evidently satisfied by the lack of any monkey-like features, waved his hand in an imprecise gesture. And to Kakuzu’s dismay, the peddler took this as an invite and seated himself. Angered, Kakuzu glared at the peddler with venom, letting a bit of his killing intent flare for maximum get-the-fuck-out-of-my-sight-before-I-dismember-you effect. Regardless, the peddler decided with suicidal determination to ignore his hostility and merely gave him an even brighter smile.
“Good evening, gentlemen. Far from home, are we? ” the annoying man asked with a knowing tone of voice.
“None of your business. We’d like to be left alone, so if you please…” Kakuzu answered curtly, patience wearing thin, and gestured for the peddler to move elsewhere.
“Now now! No need for that--” the peddler said cheerily and spread his hands in an open gesture, Kakuzu however interrupted him roughly by grabbing him by the collar and pulling him close.
“Yes, there is. Now, you will seat yourself elsewhere and not trouble us further or I will rip your still beating heart out of your chest. Do you understand me?” Kakuzu growled softly, his words not bearing any further than a few feet.
“Y-yeah. I got it, yeah,” the peddler gulped and quickly left when Kakuzu let him go. Hidan giggled gleefully at the scene, still conscious only due his monstrous stamina and unique condition, noisily taking a chug from the bottle. The Jashinist seemed to be determined to stay absolutely pissed though he had yet to let go of Kakuzu merely shifting his hold to accommodate movement. Kakuzu hoped his partner would find enough courage in the bottle or at least forgetfulness to return to normal. By all the demons of hell, had he just wanted Hidan to behave normally? The priest was insufferable whatever way he was but his current condition was embarrassing.
Kakuzu debated shortly with himself whether or not he should try to bring up the matter, dismissed the idea for now and calculated their expenses instead. The sake had been brought in unasked so he had well enough leeway to argument that he needn’t pay for it or at least not full price. He had already paid for a meal so that was done with, they would probably be served soon. Kakuzu could hear the employees of the inn rush about and the faint scent of food, so very soon indeed. He would deal with proper supplies in the next country; the prices were way too steep in Ame for his taste.
Shortly, young girl with a glum face came, carrying plates and bowls of hot food. Nothing fancy, merely rice, miso soup and fish teriyaki. Kakuzu took his bowl and ate quietly, glancing at Hidan who eyed his food suspiciously, favouring the sake. However, he was already sobering up with alarming speed and his previous giddiness was turning into weariness. That body of his disposed of toxins and poisons just as quickly as it healed itself. Poisoning Hidan was utterly useless. Kakuzu had tried it once on a whim and instead of dying the priest had merely been violently ill for a short while. It had been disappointing and messy.
“Eat. You won’t be getting anything else today,” Kakuzu ordered after a few moments when Hidan still hadn’t touched his food. Hidan wasn’t a fussy eater, surprising considering his whiny personality, or a glutton but it wasn’t like him not to eat.
“Yeah yeah,” Hidan answered quietly, the first coherent utterance the man had made since the bath, and took his chopsticks digging into his food sedately with one hand, the other still holding on to Kakuzu’s yukata. Kakuzu frowned at the uncharacteristic response but wrote it off on the sake with a shrug. Their meal continued quietly and Kakuzu supposed that he could easily get used to this. Blissful silence and no stupid interruptions.
Again, there were voices sounding from the entrance; new patrons had arrived. Kakuzu hoped that they would have the common decency to leave him alone and not be as noisy as the peddler at least. Then again with his current luck, he wasn’t having any high hopes about anything.
“Noburo! Eh, you have eh, guests,” the surprised voice of the innkeeper echoed and then there was a hushed conversation. Kakuzu could visibly see Hidan tense up next to him, his grip of Kakuzu tightening until his knuckles were white and his teeth clenching. Luckily, Noburo did not go via the main room but joined the new arrivals some other way and Kakuzu could barely hear the soft voice of the monkey-man.
“Hmm, Otou-san. Yes, introductions. Mayu-chan this is my Otou-san,” Noburo said and another voice said something that Kakuzu couldn’t hear.
“Otou-san this is Mayu-chan, my bride. We’re getting married, hmm,” Noburo continued softly and there was a prolonged silence after his announcement.
“What? Since when? Getting married? Wha--” the owner finally answered shocked but seemed to get a hold himself surprisingly quickly, “That’s great! Congratulations son! Ehh, Mayu-san--”
Kakuzu rolled his eyes and decided that the best course to avoid the upcoming festivities would be to return to their rooms. He’d had enough excitement for the day and leaving Hidan unattended anywhere was an unwise course of action even under normal circumstances. Let alone when he would freak out whenever he saw the groom-to-be.
Kakuzu, with Hidan still in tow, got as far as halfway across the room when Noburo and his bride-to-be entered and then things took a turn for the worse. The entire room cringed at the appearance of the monkey-like Noburo and then had a double shock at his bride, “Mayu-chan”. Cups were dropped, food and drinks were spilled and spat out in surprise. No one wanted to say it. “Mayu-chan” would probably eat them if they did. They didn’t even want to think it but the collective realization hung in the room like a foul odour. “Mayu-chan” looked like a gorilla in a kimono. “Mayu-chan” probably was a gorilla in a kimono.
The pregnant silence was broken by a heavy thud, and Kakuzu was nearly pulled to his knees by the sudden tug of his sleeve. Hidan had fainted.
“Eh, he, he, congratulations to the happy couple?” the peddler said awkwardly.
To Be Continued
Sorry.