The memories that are scarier than the present (Oneshot)
Title: The memories that are scarier than the present (Oneshot)
Pairing: TaeNy
Rating: G
Genre: Comfort/Romance/Angst
Summary: It's not fun if only one remembers, but okay, at least you can remind them again and maybe they'll remember and probably won't forget this time.
At least that's what Tiffany hopes for every time.
“Can we go inside now?”
Taeyeon safely stood up and carefully asked as she placed a cold, red hand upon Tiffany’s left shoulder. If not, then Taeyeon was the only one freezing her butt off in this snow filled park.
“I don’t know. You make me uncertain.”
The wind came and gave a distracting breeze to Tiffany’s mind. Her eyes were long and distant. Taeyeon’s eyes were calm and on Tiffany’s brown bangs. She quietly removed her hand and sat down again. She rubbed them and put them in her pockets but she knew they’d be warmest in Tiffany’s hands.
The affection was replaced by waiting, and wondering, and Tiffany’s mood.
“We can’t leave until you tell me why we are here.”
Tiffany’s distant eyes ran yards and yards closer to Taeyeon’s figure next to her.
“Tiffany, we always have to leave sometime.”
“Not on Wednesdays.”
Because Wednesdays was Tiffany’s favorite day, but also her most hateful day.
It was so quiet Taeyeon couldn’t hear what the girl said, but she knew it wasn’t an agreement anyways.
“My hands are cold…” Taeyeon mumbled and sighed. She lowered her head like her previous last attempts. “I don’t remember, I told you. Can we please go now?”
Tiffany’s head snapped to the side, her eyes digging into Taeyeon’s rosy cheek.
“Well you remember me, so that’s a start. Just...try some more.”
Taeyeon heard the stern and trembling voice, but didn’t have the energy to fight another upcoming argument.
“Tiffany, please.” She turned and met the still staring girl’s eyes. Tiffany moving from cheek to dark orbs.
“I barely remembered you, and I still don’t remember everything. And knowing what we had been through, I don’t think I could live if I had forgotten you again.”
Tiffany’s sizzling image blurred.
“Taeyeon, don’t cry. Not today when…”
Taeyeon didn’t hear pass the ‘don’t cry’, but Tiffany’s voice had noticeably softened. A warm hand swept across Taeyeon’s cheek and caught a tear carefully. Taeyeon grabbed her hand and brought it down to her lap and held it dearly. Tiffany shivered from Taeyeon’s cold hands, she preferred how warm they felt under their sheets.
“I wish we could have switched.”
“Don’t say that, Tiffany.”
”If anyone it should have been me-”
Taeyeon abruptly stood up and turned to Tiffany who retreated her hands almost knowingly, head tilting down.
“Why do you always say that?” Tiffany was quiet, she knew she said it too much, and she knew Taeyeon would always point it out. “I would never want you to go through this. But I would have been with you just like you are with me now, but Tiffany, It’s not easy.”
“I-I know... I know.”
“Know? You know? Do you know how hard it was?” And Tiffany would have looked at her watch and told her it was time to go, because that got Taeyeon off. But she wouldn’t look, she knew the girl had already removed it. And she liked that it was somewhat always a prideful sneaky act.
“Having your memory lost- It’s fucking scary. Walking into your own house not knowing if you live together with anyone or by yourself-I wouldn’t wanna put you through that. But you think you know how hard it was?! And still is!” Taeyeon spat out, even though she didn’t have any intention of raising her voice, it was just tearing her apart.
“Waking up beside a beautiful girl, not knowing if she is yours.”
“Taeyeon, please don’t-“
“Yelling at her.” Taeyeon’s tears fell and Tiffany was silently sobbing. “Telling her to get out of my house because I don’t know who she is. But she keeps appearing in my life… outside of my house, outside of my job I had apparently quit from. She tells me things like why I don’t have my father’s number in my phone anymore, why I don’t live in the same apartment… how I have a car in a garage and…and… you know what she tells me?”
Tiffany only sobs, she silently knows but Taeyeon continues anyways.
“She tells me to come to this damn place everyday so that I can remember something that I clearly can’t remember!” Cold fog rapidly left Taeyeon’s mouth. But she was done, she sat down again feeling horrible. She leaned forward and caressed her head with her hands, curling her cold fingers in her hair. “I’m sorry.”
Tiffany was quiet, which made everything so much worse.
“I am... I’m really trying, I just get frustrated when I…when I can’t connect anything. It’s just blank.”
“If you really want to know.”
Came a quiet whisper and Taeyeon wanted to cry even more. It feels like she just broke Tiffany for the 483759287th time.
In the next second Taeyeon only heard one word.
“Here” She wiped her cheek and slowly leaned back up and saw a tiny box in Tiffany’s small pale hands. “Memories are hard to remember, but there was one... that I always- that I wanted you to remember on your own.”
Tiffany sniffed, trying a sad smile because she knew the time had come.
Taeyeon eyed the box in confusion and bit her lip. There was something familiar about it. Something about the wrapping made her mind still for a second. She wasn’t sure if she should accept it without trading questions with the girl, but Tiffany just kept holding it out so she carefully wrapped it in her hands and opened it.
Her mouth fell open, and Tiffany couldn’t help but to chuckle and so followed a sniff.
“You…” Tiffany began as Taeyeon’s elegant fingers picked the ring up. “…gave this to me.”
“Why didn’t you…you had this in your pocket every time we came here?”
Taeyeon asked glancing up to the now more composed girl. Tiffany nodded and sniffed, adjusting her hands to meet as she too felt the cold.
“I read this book,” She started and Taeyeon watched her, suddenly surprised by the girl’s lips curving. “and, it said you shouldn’t force on some memories, that some were better if the person remembered on their own.” Tiffany glanced sideways, lips now trembling. “The important ones.”
She brought her hand up to erase any chance of falling tear, then let them fall together again in her lap. Taeyeon nodded and remained quiet, not sure of what to say as a bunch of things appeared in her mind.
She kept her voice low to not damage Tiffany anymore.
“And what did you say?”
Curiously build the bridge.
Tiffany hummed at the quiet voice and the feeling of wanting to grab the younger girl’s hands came back.
“What did you say, at that time…when I asked.”
“What do you think?”
She was afraid to guess. Tiffany sounded a little amused, which in a way made Taeyeon’s heart skip. She took in the golden color of the ring in hand and licked her lips. Tiffany’s leg decided to lean onto Tae’s in a gentle way.
“Knowing myself,” Taeyeon smiled, eyeing the ring close and carefully. “I would probably not have given up if you said no, am I right?”
“You’re right.”
“Do you love me?”
Taeyeon threw a glance at Tiffany and bit the back of teeth.
“Are you that thick?”Tiffany’s tone took a different turn, and the girl almost flinched. Her eyes drew back to the ring. “Haven’t I proven that to you yet?”
“Sorry.”
“I love you and you love me.”
Tiffany said matter-of-factly with a pout Taeyeon would have seen if she looked up.
Taeyeon nodded and a grin appeared on her lips.
“Then you said yes.”
The older girl stated and bit her lower lip. She felt Tiffany’s knee shyly bounce her leg once. Even though the cold temperature was probably the same, between them Taeyeon felt a warmth grow.
“I did.”
“Thank you…”
Tiffany chuckled at the girls silly words, but when Taeyeon finally glanced at her face she saw a tear drop down in a lightning speed with that bright smile on her face. Her eyes quickly grew concerned.
“Tiffany…-”
In a flash Tiffany flew and attached her lips onto the older girl’s mutually cold ones. Taeyeon found her hand placing in mid-air struck by the sudden attack. But as Tiffany’s warm tongue entered her…
it settled along with a moan carefully on top of Tiffany’s coated shoulder. She felt the girl hock an arm around her neck and place a leg upon her still ones in a possessive manner. Somehow it felt so new, but something so common about the act tickled her mind. And she didn’t know if this was how they always kissed, in public and aggressive now, she tries to remember more about their life and Tiffany alone. She feels a rush of events flash her mind and her heart leaps. She wants to tell Tiffany but her lips are caught between Tiffany’s soft ones in delicate manner. Taeyeon figure they got time, she lets out too many moans to be coherent anyways.
Tiffany whispers tiny I love you’s between the kisses but she’s scared like usual, scared that Taeyeon will forget her again next Wednesday. So she presses a little harder and touches a little rougher, thinking it might imprint on Taeyeon’s memory.
Taeyeon swears to Tiffany that she will not forget this day, the day she remembered everything again and the many times Tiffany touched her and told her she loved her. She promises to write down every emotion when they get home, a new chapter in their life on a new paper.
Tiffany tries not to forget to put the last piece of paper Taeyeon wrote in the box in her closet when they got home. And when Taeyeon falls asleep she’d remember to grab her watch in Taeyeon’s jacket pocket and place it around her wrist like before. On Tuesday she’d remember to remove her ring, put it back in the tiny box, and place it in her coat pocket again.
And on Wednesday ask Taeyeon to walk her to the park.
She didn’t know how many times it had all happened now, all she knew was that she wanted Taeyeon to place the ring on her finger again, press closer to her, and stop asking herself these questions.