Our Roles - PG-13 [Maki/Yamapi]
Our Roles
tinyangl, 3329 words
Horikita Maki/Yamashita Tomohisa. Yamapi and Maki don't know where they stand with each other anymore.
A/N: This is pretty old and slightly emo. Most of this was actually written in a MSN window to cynicalism. So credit to her for her passage in section three, the first half. *laughs* Enjoy? (Originally posted here.)
Yamapi likes to think that things never changed: Jin never went on hiatus for six months, Ryo's not stretched thin with the task of two groups, NewS never got suspended. He never left her.
But no matter how far he tries to run from the truth, there's only a certain distance he can reach before he's too exhausted to continue and it catches up with him again.
Yamapi likes to think things won't be awkward between them anymore, as though it hadn't been a hard break-up for both of them. As though he hadn't done this out of his own irrational fear. He wants to believe that she'll forgive and forget, because then at least, he'd know his role as the "bad" guy in this situation, but when she's curt with him off-screen, he thinks that maybe he really doesn't have to be mature and can play this "game" and act curt back.
"Yamashita-san," she says, with a twinge of sarcasm as though she doesn't actually feel like she should be giving Yamapi any amount of respect.
"Horikita-san," he says, even more formally than when he had first met her. It's her eyes that catch him though, because while Maki's words say one thing, her eyes say another and he's still quick enough on his feet that he can tell she's offended. And he hates the fact that he feels like he's won something by making her react like this.
"I hope to work well with you again." Her tone's polite this time, a little subdued and Yamapi half wonders if he should feel guilty for squelching her spirit as quickly as he had or feel a little pleased that he still can affect her (no matter how negative it is).
He reaches out his hand and holds it out in front of them. "I do as well." He's trying hard to keep his tone neutral, because he's not one to hurt someone while they're down. They don't let go of each other's hands and Yamapi's pretty sure the air around them is filled with tension, but he doesn't much care. His hand tightens just so slightly and when he sees the little bit of reaction in her face, he's not sure what to think or feel.
He wonders if now would be an inappropriate time to tell her his regrets, his wants... his needs. But then the director calls him over to reshoot another scene and Maki's swept away by the makeup staff and he's positive that now's not the time.
~*~
It's different, she has to say. Different to work with Yamapi and try not to react when he's just breathing next to her. She works hard to be nonchalant, become someone entirely different from what she really wants to be, who she really wants to be, how she really wants to act.
Maki thinks her heart hurts everytime she's short with him, and while she hates every single bit of it, she finds that it's the only thing she can do because she really can't just pin him against a door and have everything be all right.
And it's definitely not all right. She's been hurt for way too long and been mourning since the day he broke up with her. It started so painfully, and although now it's just a simmering pain, nothing changes the fact that he so easily hurt her, like it was just that simple. Then she actually looks at him, and she knows he's as pained as she is and she has to wonder why in hell's name they're still fighting this.
"Horikita-san, good work today," he says politely after they finish a scene and her make-up artist is hovering over her because she still has another scene to shoot while he doesn't and he's going to head home (to meet his friends, she heard).
She grits her teeth as she replies back, just as politely. Maki watches as he walks off, cell phone pressed to his ear and he's chattering away. Always the social one, Maki thinks. Some things never change.
As though he can feel her eyes on him, Yamapi turns around and catches her eyes. There's a long pause as he continues to talk on his phone, standing there, and he watches her watching him.
Maki doesn't look away though, because looking away implies guilt and she's not guilty of anything. She keeps staring, never looking away. Even though her make up artist blocks her sight at times and she doesn't always have Yamapi in her line of sight, whenever the lady moves away, Yamapi's still there. Staring back and her, talking as calm as ever.
It's only when the director is calling her name when Maki finally looks away, acknowledging. When she finally looks back, Yamapi's gone and all that's left is an empty spot where he had been standing.
Maki tries to convince herself that she'd been the one who won. Except her heart knows better than her brain does.
~*~
He always thought he'd be the one to make amends first; he was the guy after all. So he's more than a little surprised when he enters his dressing room and Maki's there, sitting on the couch just relaxing, like she was made to be there. He's a little sticky and sweaty from all the running they made him do and Yamapi's not even sure he wants her here while he's not anywhere near his best.
"Horikita-san," he asks, trying to keep his tone neutral and his body from reacting too obviously (he doesn't think she'd notice anyway, since this had been his state to begin with). "What exactly are you doing here? Your room's next door." He wants to make a comment here about how he thought she was smarter than that and shouldn't get lost easily, but he figures that it'll keep conversation going and he's not really sure he can conversation going with Maki right about now.
"I think we should talk," she says briskly, dismissing his comment. Yamapi blinks and would retort but finds nothing to say anyway, so he sits down across from her and nods. "Okay, so talk."
"This, whatever this is," she pauses, gesturing helplessly between them with her hands, "it needs to stop."
"This?" Yamapi prompts, hands laced under his chin. She swallows and again it's the flash in her eyes--it always seems to be--but it's gone before he can even place the emotion.
"This tension," she says, voice like the summer breeze and she might as well be talking about the weather by how pleasant she suddenly sounds and Yamapi blinks at the remarkable change in her tone. "We're professionals. Whatever this is can't get in the way of our work. So let's do our best, ne, Yamashita-kun?" And suddenly her hand is in front of his and he can't process any thoughts or functions so she grabs his limp hand and shakes it firmly before standing up and bidding him a "See you on the set then."
The door closes but Yamapi is only dimly aware of that fact. It takes a good moment before he realizes that he's probably forgotten the most important thing about Horikita Maki. She's a good actress. Good enough to make him forget that she was the one who started this little bravado in the first place. Good enough to even the score. But Yamapi's a good actor too. And with a single breath he's back into character, cool, collected, Kurosaki. And Kurosaki never loses.
-
Yamapi falls back into his Kurosagi role easily. He's not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. He thinks Kurosaki is one of those people he'd kinda like to be like (well, minus the swindling part): he's calm, cool, collected. Yamapi finds himself to dorky, really quirky and just a goof. So when he's dealing with Maki, he thinks Kurosaki's the best person to act as (unlike someone like Akira who's much too close to his own personality that it would have been useless).
After all, if Maki's going to act around him, he just has to do the same. But he's sure Kurosaki's heart wouldn't be beating as fast as his was when Maki has her arms wrapped around Kurosaki, pleading, begging, crying as she asks him to stay. Stop everything. Leave this stupid world he's in behind. She has tears rolling down her face, he's sure, but he can't tell with the rain beating down on them as hard as it is.
Yamapi knows he can be emotionless sometimes (as can Kurosaki but only when need be). But Maki looks up at him and Yamapi tries to stop his breath from catching, his face from softening and his heart from melting. He only manages to do two of the three. It's hard, but he finds himself walking away. (It's the scene after all.)
But he's almost sure he sees an extra hint of hurt in Maki's eyes and he wonders if she's imagining this as though he's leaving her. Not Kurosaki. But Yamapi. He finds it difficult to keep from stopping and turning around. But he's a professional and he's sure Maki knows that.
He's not entirely sure what he wants with that though.
~*~
Maki isn't sure what she wants from Yamapi. This whole game that they're playing is weird and awkward and she doesn't know what she expects to come from this. It's shaky and confusing and her heart just keeps breaking whenever he's turns her away. She can act when she's around from him, but when she finds herself locked inside her dressing room, she can't help but slump against the door and just break.
It's one of the climax scenes and she's not sure she can keep her personal feelings out of this scene. It's almost a reminder that they've broken up. Screaming and yelling in her mind as though she had forgotten. But she can't. It's been a while, but it's still fresh and the pain and ache of not being around Yamapi is starting to wear a hole inside of her.
She's crying and pleading. No. Tsurara's crying and pleading. Not Maki. Because Maki's just acting. She's not pouring her entire being into this scene. But still, she breaks when he's walking away. She crumples up on the floor and she almost forgets to say her last line before the scene's over. The "rain" water mixes with her tears and she can't stop crying even after the director says cut. She can't stop crying even when the crew gathers around her and asks her if she's okay.
She especially can't stop crying when it's Yamapi that pulls her to her feet, his damp skin sliding against hers, but she feels the most secure she has in days and all she can do is look into his eyes and find herself breaking again. The tears stop abruptly, but her heart constricts and her grip on his arms tightens.
Yamapi excuses them, pulling her into her dressing room and handing her a towel, still dripping wet, but he doesn't seem to mind. He looks concerned. Something she didn't think she'd see on his face again, but Maki doesn't mind. She foregoes the towel, instead sliding into his arms and her eyes close. Maki doesn't want anything else.
She knows the next day, everything'll go back to normal. They'll be in that silent feud that they've been under for the past few days. They'll be stoic and cold with each other.
But she wants just this for today. The warmth of Yamapi enclosing her and building this sort of bubble around her. Around them. She wants to hear his heart beat in his chest, and the feel of him breathing on her.
Her hands slide upwards, tangling themselves into Yamapi's wet hair as she pulls him downwards, meeting their lips together, a tinge cold, but she ignores it. It's a wet kiss, mainly from the "rain" water and Maki's trying hard to keep her heart from leaping from her chest.
Yamapi apparently has a bigger grasp of reality though, because he pulls away a moment later. His eyes are filled with misery as he looks straight at her. "We can't do this," he murmurs.
And she knows her heart's breaking again. She wants to cry out and ask him why they can't. Why can't everything just go back to it was before? But she doesn't. She doesn't because she's fallen back into actress mode and Actress Maki has a much stronger grasp on her emotions. "You're right," Maki murmurs, untangling herself from Yamapi and stepping back.
She watches as Yamapi walks out, not even turning to look at her once and she shuts her eyes as the door shuts in front of her. She imagines that Yamapi'll come bursting in. He'll kiss her again and everything'll be all right. She imagines that they'll be happy. She imagines that he'll be happy.
But it doesn't happen.
Instead, she's left dripping onto her wooden floor in the silence, her eyes still shut closed and her heart beat coming down to normal. Maki's eyes open again and just breathes and nothing's fixed, nothing's right. And she doesn't know how to stop herself from breaking. She wishes Yamapi would.
~*~
Yamapi can't remember why exactly they broke up. Weren't they good together? It never got awkward between them and Maki always listened to him, no matter what crap he was rambling. She was always amused. He liked making her laugh. It was nice. Comfortable.
But then he glances over, like now, and he finds her animatedly talking to Toma, a grin on her face and her fingers tapping some random rhythm into the palm of Toma's hand. Unintentionally, his eyes flash with jealousy but then he has to shut them and remember that this is how things are now. Although she did always have a knack for making friends with really handsome guys (not that he'd ever say that to Toma).
"Pi, what are you doing?" Toma asks, with a roll of his eyes. He nudges Maki, "He's so speechless when he's around fame. I don't know how we ever carry conversations." Yamapi throws a cracker at Toma who takes the hit laughing. Maki's right beside Toma, laughing hard as well, one of her hands curled on Toma's shoulder as she tries to keep her balance.
Yamapi's temper flares again, but he pushes it aside. It's not his role anymore. No more.
Toma had called Yamapi to have dinner since he was around and asked him to invite Maki. It'd been forever since he'd seen Horikitty after all. Yamapi wants to close his eyes and forget Toma even called, but he's better than that. Or so he forces himself to be.
So he invites Maki, despite what he wants (he almost wishes she'd decline, instead of telling him that she'd be more than happy to) and when he sees her light up, he has to force himself to not wonder if she ever shone like that for him.
He's never liked being jealous but around Maki, he can't help it. She feels like fire sometimes to him. He wants her close because he needs the warmth and the comfort that she can provide. But then at other times, she burns and her light gets so bright that he can't look at her directly. And it hurts when he sees Toma joking with her like he used to or Maki smiling brightly at Toma like he's the best thing she's ever seen.
Yamapi's suddenly struck with the feeling that he's a third wheel. Like he's intruding on some sort of date that he invited himself into. He closes his eyes again and then excuses himself. He makes his way to the karaoke place's bathroom without trouble, and he's positioned over the sink, splashing water on his face when the door opens again. When he feels a twinge of jealousy again, he has to remind himself that Toma's his best friend, and if Toma likes Maki, he should be the bigger guy and let them be happy.
"You are fucking this up," Toma snaps at Yamapi. A glare in his eyes that Yamapi doesn't think he's ever seen before (not even when Yamapi had to tell him that the 4tops were breaking up).
"What are you talking about?" Yamapi asks, splashing water onto his face again before grabbing a towel and wiping it off. He stares at Toma, his face a mask of no emotions and he watches as Toma's hand twitches. He suddenly gets the feeling that Toma wants to punch him.
"You do realize I set this up so you two could talk." Toma shakes his head.
Yamapi snorts. "I must've missed it in between your jokes with Maki and her touching you."
Toma's glare fades as he grins at Yamapi, a tinge of surprise in his features. "Why, Pi! Is that jealousy?"
Yamapi drops the towel unintentionaly and bends over to pick it up. "Fuck you. I'm never jealous."
Toma's in front of Yamapi when he stands back up right. "Except you are. And you're scared of what it implies." Yamapi stays silent, and Toma plows on. "You are such a fucking idiot. You're so scared to open your heart that you cut ties with people who you haven't previously given a piece of your heart to." Toma pushes Yamapi lightly. "Grow the fuck up and stop hurting Maki-chan. I don't know how much more of it she can take."
Yamapi watches as Toma turns on his heel and walks out of the bathroom, his heart is pounding furiously in his chest and he wonders just how right Toma is. When he makes his way back into the room, Toma's nowhere in sight, but Maki's still sitting there, her attention occupied by the book on her lap. "Maki-chan," Yamapi croaks and he watches as Maki jumps before her eyes meet his. "We need to talk." Maki blinks, her eyes wide and innocent and Yamapi hopes he's doing the right thing. He doesn't want to break her again.
But he doesn't want to break himself as well.
Yamapi doesn't expect Maki to tell him "No." But she does exactly that. Her voice cracks as she's saying it, and he doesn't know how to react. "Why?" he asks, his voice sounding hollow in his own ears.
She stands up, her skirt following her every movement. She walks towards him, right in front of him and he has to bend his neck just a little to meet her eyes. "Because I'm afraid of what you'll say, Yamashita," she murmurs.
"Then why get so close?" he asks, his eyes lidding closed and he can feel Maki's breath against his lips as though she's tiptoeing upwards.
"Because aren't you supposed to confront fear?" She whispers against his lips, then pressing her lips against his, her arms around his neck and he wraps his own arms around her waist. It's a feeling he's long missed and the kiss inside the dressing room doesn't even compare. Yamapi wonders why they're kissing instead of talking things out. It's a weird thought - hadn't he used to think that this was the solution to everything? Physical contact?
"Maki-chan, wait," he breathes, pushing her away slightly. "We can't just..." his hands fumble into her hair as he leans forward meeting his forehead with hers. "Kiss this and hope our problems go away."
Her eyes are bright but he can see a twinge of fear in them. "I know, but just... I miss this," she murmurs and her breath hitches which causes Yamapi's too as well. "I just. I know. I know."
Yamapi breathes and leans forward to catch her lips with his. I missed you. I want you. I need you. He hopes that even if he can't say these things verbally, his kiss will say it for him.
I missed you. I want you. I need you. Maki tells him in return and Yamapi thinks he can drown in her words and promises.
tinyangl, 3329 words
Horikita Maki/Yamashita Tomohisa. Yamapi and Maki don't know where they stand with each other anymore.
A/N: This is pretty old and slightly emo. Most of this was actually written in a MSN window to cynicalism. So credit to her for her passage in section three, the first half. *laughs* Enjoy? (Originally posted here.)
Yamapi likes to think that things never changed: Jin never went on hiatus for six months, Ryo's not stretched thin with the task of two groups, NewS never got suspended. He never left her.
But no matter how far he tries to run from the truth, there's only a certain distance he can reach before he's too exhausted to continue and it catches up with him again.
Yamapi likes to think things won't be awkward between them anymore, as though it hadn't been a hard break-up for both of them. As though he hadn't done this out of his own irrational fear. He wants to believe that she'll forgive and forget, because then at least, he'd know his role as the "bad" guy in this situation, but when she's curt with him off-screen, he thinks that maybe he really doesn't have to be mature and can play this "game" and act curt back.
"Yamashita-san," she says, with a twinge of sarcasm as though she doesn't actually feel like she should be giving Yamapi any amount of respect.
"Horikita-san," he says, even more formally than when he had first met her. It's her eyes that catch him though, because while Maki's words say one thing, her eyes say another and he's still quick enough on his feet that he can tell she's offended. And he hates the fact that he feels like he's won something by making her react like this.
"I hope to work well with you again." Her tone's polite this time, a little subdued and Yamapi half wonders if he should feel guilty for squelching her spirit as quickly as he had or feel a little pleased that he still can affect her (no matter how negative it is).
He reaches out his hand and holds it out in front of them. "I do as well." He's trying hard to keep his tone neutral, because he's not one to hurt someone while they're down. They don't let go of each other's hands and Yamapi's pretty sure the air around them is filled with tension, but he doesn't much care. His hand tightens just so slightly and when he sees the little bit of reaction in her face, he's not sure what to think or feel.
He wonders if now would be an inappropriate time to tell her his regrets, his wants... his needs. But then the director calls him over to reshoot another scene and Maki's swept away by the makeup staff and he's positive that now's not the time.
~*~
It's different, she has to say. Different to work with Yamapi and try not to react when he's just breathing next to her. She works hard to be nonchalant, become someone entirely different from what she really wants to be, who she really wants to be, how she really wants to act.
Maki thinks her heart hurts everytime she's short with him, and while she hates every single bit of it, she finds that it's the only thing she can do because she really can't just pin him against a door and have everything be all right.
And it's definitely not all right. She's been hurt for way too long and been mourning since the day he broke up with her. It started so painfully, and although now it's just a simmering pain, nothing changes the fact that he so easily hurt her, like it was just that simple. Then she actually looks at him, and she knows he's as pained as she is and she has to wonder why in hell's name they're still fighting this.
"Horikita-san, good work today," he says politely after they finish a scene and her make-up artist is hovering over her because she still has another scene to shoot while he doesn't and he's going to head home (to meet his friends, she heard).
She grits her teeth as she replies back, just as politely. Maki watches as he walks off, cell phone pressed to his ear and he's chattering away. Always the social one, Maki thinks. Some things never change.
As though he can feel her eyes on him, Yamapi turns around and catches her eyes. There's a long pause as he continues to talk on his phone, standing there, and he watches her watching him.
Maki doesn't look away though, because looking away implies guilt and she's not guilty of anything. She keeps staring, never looking away. Even though her make up artist blocks her sight at times and she doesn't always have Yamapi in her line of sight, whenever the lady moves away, Yamapi's still there. Staring back and her, talking as calm as ever.
It's only when the director is calling her name when Maki finally looks away, acknowledging. When she finally looks back, Yamapi's gone and all that's left is an empty spot where he had been standing.
Maki tries to convince herself that she'd been the one who won. Except her heart knows better than her brain does.
~*~
He always thought he'd be the one to make amends first; he was the guy after all. So he's more than a little surprised when he enters his dressing room and Maki's there, sitting on the couch just relaxing, like she was made to be there. He's a little sticky and sweaty from all the running they made him do and Yamapi's not even sure he wants her here while he's not anywhere near his best.
"Horikita-san," he asks, trying to keep his tone neutral and his body from reacting too obviously (he doesn't think she'd notice anyway, since this had been his state to begin with). "What exactly are you doing here? Your room's next door." He wants to make a comment here about how he thought she was smarter than that and shouldn't get lost easily, but he figures that it'll keep conversation going and he's not really sure he can conversation going with Maki right about now.
"I think we should talk," she says briskly, dismissing his comment. Yamapi blinks and would retort but finds nothing to say anyway, so he sits down across from her and nods. "Okay, so talk."
"This, whatever this is," she pauses, gesturing helplessly between them with her hands, "it needs to stop."
"This?" Yamapi prompts, hands laced under his chin. She swallows and again it's the flash in her eyes--it always seems to be--but it's gone before he can even place the emotion.
"This tension," she says, voice like the summer breeze and she might as well be talking about the weather by how pleasant she suddenly sounds and Yamapi blinks at the remarkable change in her tone. "We're professionals. Whatever this is can't get in the way of our work. So let's do our best, ne, Yamashita-kun?" And suddenly her hand is in front of his and he can't process any thoughts or functions so she grabs his limp hand and shakes it firmly before standing up and bidding him a "See you on the set then."
The door closes but Yamapi is only dimly aware of that fact. It takes a good moment before he realizes that he's probably forgotten the most important thing about Horikita Maki. She's a good actress. Good enough to make him forget that she was the one who started this little bravado in the first place. Good enough to even the score. But Yamapi's a good actor too. And with a single breath he's back into character, cool, collected, Kurosaki. And Kurosaki never loses.
-
Yamapi falls back into his Kurosagi role easily. He's not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. He thinks Kurosaki is one of those people he'd kinda like to be like (well, minus the swindling part): he's calm, cool, collected. Yamapi finds himself to dorky, really quirky and just a goof. So when he's dealing with Maki, he thinks Kurosaki's the best person to act as (unlike someone like Akira who's much too close to his own personality that it would have been useless).
After all, if Maki's going to act around him, he just has to do the same. But he's sure Kurosaki's heart wouldn't be beating as fast as his was when Maki has her arms wrapped around Kurosaki, pleading, begging, crying as she asks him to stay. Stop everything. Leave this stupid world he's in behind. She has tears rolling down her face, he's sure, but he can't tell with the rain beating down on them as hard as it is.
Yamapi knows he can be emotionless sometimes (as can Kurosaki but only when need be). But Maki looks up at him and Yamapi tries to stop his breath from catching, his face from softening and his heart from melting. He only manages to do two of the three. It's hard, but he finds himself walking away. (It's the scene after all.)
But he's almost sure he sees an extra hint of hurt in Maki's eyes and he wonders if she's imagining this as though he's leaving her. Not Kurosaki. But Yamapi. He finds it difficult to keep from stopping and turning around. But he's a professional and he's sure Maki knows that.
He's not entirely sure what he wants with that though.
~*~
Maki isn't sure what she wants from Yamapi. This whole game that they're playing is weird and awkward and she doesn't know what she expects to come from this. It's shaky and confusing and her heart just keeps breaking whenever he's turns her away. She can act when she's around from him, but when she finds herself locked inside her dressing room, she can't help but slump against the door and just break.
It's one of the climax scenes and she's not sure she can keep her personal feelings out of this scene. It's almost a reminder that they've broken up. Screaming and yelling in her mind as though she had forgotten. But she can't. It's been a while, but it's still fresh and the pain and ache of not being around Yamapi is starting to wear a hole inside of her.
She's crying and pleading. No. Tsurara's crying and pleading. Not Maki. Because Maki's just acting. She's not pouring her entire being into this scene. But still, she breaks when he's walking away. She crumples up on the floor and she almost forgets to say her last line before the scene's over. The "rain" water mixes with her tears and she can't stop crying even after the director says cut. She can't stop crying even when the crew gathers around her and asks her if she's okay.
She especially can't stop crying when it's Yamapi that pulls her to her feet, his damp skin sliding against hers, but she feels the most secure she has in days and all she can do is look into his eyes and find herself breaking again. The tears stop abruptly, but her heart constricts and her grip on his arms tightens.
Yamapi excuses them, pulling her into her dressing room and handing her a towel, still dripping wet, but he doesn't seem to mind. He looks concerned. Something she didn't think she'd see on his face again, but Maki doesn't mind. She foregoes the towel, instead sliding into his arms and her eyes close. Maki doesn't want anything else.
She knows the next day, everything'll go back to normal. They'll be in that silent feud that they've been under for the past few days. They'll be stoic and cold with each other.
But she wants just this for today. The warmth of Yamapi enclosing her and building this sort of bubble around her. Around them. She wants to hear his heart beat in his chest, and the feel of him breathing on her.
Her hands slide upwards, tangling themselves into Yamapi's wet hair as she pulls him downwards, meeting their lips together, a tinge cold, but she ignores it. It's a wet kiss, mainly from the "rain" water and Maki's trying hard to keep her heart from leaping from her chest.
Yamapi apparently has a bigger grasp of reality though, because he pulls away a moment later. His eyes are filled with misery as he looks straight at her. "We can't do this," he murmurs.
And she knows her heart's breaking again. She wants to cry out and ask him why they can't. Why can't everything just go back to it was before? But she doesn't. She doesn't because she's fallen back into actress mode and Actress Maki has a much stronger grasp on her emotions. "You're right," Maki murmurs, untangling herself from Yamapi and stepping back.
She watches as Yamapi walks out, not even turning to look at her once and she shuts her eyes as the door shuts in front of her. She imagines that Yamapi'll come bursting in. He'll kiss her again and everything'll be all right. She imagines that they'll be happy. She imagines that he'll be happy.
But it doesn't happen.
Instead, she's left dripping onto her wooden floor in the silence, her eyes still shut closed and her heart beat coming down to normal. Maki's eyes open again and just breathes and nothing's fixed, nothing's right. And she doesn't know how to stop herself from breaking. She wishes Yamapi would.
~*~
Yamapi can't remember why exactly they broke up. Weren't they good together? It never got awkward between them and Maki always listened to him, no matter what crap he was rambling. She was always amused. He liked making her laugh. It was nice. Comfortable.
But then he glances over, like now, and he finds her animatedly talking to Toma, a grin on her face and her fingers tapping some random rhythm into the palm of Toma's hand. Unintentionally, his eyes flash with jealousy but then he has to shut them and remember that this is how things are now. Although she did always have a knack for making friends with really handsome guys (not that he'd ever say that to Toma).
"Pi, what are you doing?" Toma asks, with a roll of his eyes. He nudges Maki, "He's so speechless when he's around fame. I don't know how we ever carry conversations." Yamapi throws a cracker at Toma who takes the hit laughing. Maki's right beside Toma, laughing hard as well, one of her hands curled on Toma's shoulder as she tries to keep her balance.
Yamapi's temper flares again, but he pushes it aside. It's not his role anymore. No more.
Toma had called Yamapi to have dinner since he was around and asked him to invite Maki. It'd been forever since he'd seen Horikitty after all. Yamapi wants to close his eyes and forget Toma even called, but he's better than that. Or so he forces himself to be.
So he invites Maki, despite what he wants (he almost wishes she'd decline, instead of telling him that she'd be more than happy to) and when he sees her light up, he has to force himself to not wonder if she ever shone like that for him.
He's never liked being jealous but around Maki, he can't help it. She feels like fire sometimes to him. He wants her close because he needs the warmth and the comfort that she can provide. But then at other times, she burns and her light gets so bright that he can't look at her directly. And it hurts when he sees Toma joking with her like he used to or Maki smiling brightly at Toma like he's the best thing she's ever seen.
Yamapi's suddenly struck with the feeling that he's a third wheel. Like he's intruding on some sort of date that he invited himself into. He closes his eyes again and then excuses himself. He makes his way to the karaoke place's bathroom without trouble, and he's positioned over the sink, splashing water on his face when the door opens again. When he feels a twinge of jealousy again, he has to remind himself that Toma's his best friend, and if Toma likes Maki, he should be the bigger guy and let them be happy.
"You are fucking this up," Toma snaps at Yamapi. A glare in his eyes that Yamapi doesn't think he's ever seen before (not even when Yamapi had to tell him that the 4tops were breaking up).
"What are you talking about?" Yamapi asks, splashing water onto his face again before grabbing a towel and wiping it off. He stares at Toma, his face a mask of no emotions and he watches as Toma's hand twitches. He suddenly gets the feeling that Toma wants to punch him.
"You do realize I set this up so you two could talk." Toma shakes his head.
Yamapi snorts. "I must've missed it in between your jokes with Maki and her touching you."
Toma's glare fades as he grins at Yamapi, a tinge of surprise in his features. "Why, Pi! Is that jealousy?"
Yamapi drops the towel unintentionaly and bends over to pick it up. "Fuck you. I'm never jealous."
Toma's in front of Yamapi when he stands back up right. "Except you are. And you're scared of what it implies." Yamapi stays silent, and Toma plows on. "You are such a fucking idiot. You're so scared to open your heart that you cut ties with people who you haven't previously given a piece of your heart to." Toma pushes Yamapi lightly. "Grow the fuck up and stop hurting Maki-chan. I don't know how much more of it she can take."
Yamapi watches as Toma turns on his heel and walks out of the bathroom, his heart is pounding furiously in his chest and he wonders just how right Toma is. When he makes his way back into the room, Toma's nowhere in sight, but Maki's still sitting there, her attention occupied by the book on her lap. "Maki-chan," Yamapi croaks and he watches as Maki jumps before her eyes meet his. "We need to talk." Maki blinks, her eyes wide and innocent and Yamapi hopes he's doing the right thing. He doesn't want to break her again.
But he doesn't want to break himself as well.
Yamapi doesn't expect Maki to tell him "No." But she does exactly that. Her voice cracks as she's saying it, and he doesn't know how to react. "Why?" he asks, his voice sounding hollow in his own ears.
She stands up, her skirt following her every movement. She walks towards him, right in front of him and he has to bend his neck just a little to meet her eyes. "Because I'm afraid of what you'll say, Yamashita," she murmurs.
"Then why get so close?" he asks, his eyes lidding closed and he can feel Maki's breath against his lips as though she's tiptoeing upwards.
"Because aren't you supposed to confront fear?" She whispers against his lips, then pressing her lips against his, her arms around his neck and he wraps his own arms around her waist. It's a feeling he's long missed and the kiss inside the dressing room doesn't even compare. Yamapi wonders why they're kissing instead of talking things out. It's a weird thought - hadn't he used to think that this was the solution to everything? Physical contact?
"Maki-chan, wait," he breathes, pushing her away slightly. "We can't just..." his hands fumble into her hair as he leans forward meeting his forehead with hers. "Kiss this and hope our problems go away."
Her eyes are bright but he can see a twinge of fear in them. "I know, but just... I miss this," she murmurs and her breath hitches which causes Yamapi's too as well. "I just. I know. I know."
Yamapi breathes and leans forward to catch her lips with his. I missed you. I want you. I need you. He hopes that even if he can't say these things verbally, his kiss will say it for him.
I missed you. I want you. I need you. Maki tells him in return and Yamapi thinks he can drown in her words and promises.