The Pancake - PG-13 [Ryo]
The Pancake
tinyangl, 976 words
Nishikido Ryo, NEWS. Ryo's a sarcastic pancake. No seriously. A sarcastic pancake.
A/N: Crack. I've been looking through my fairy tale book and this one jumped out at me, telling me to write it JE-style. And so I did. *laughs* Hope everyone enjoys. (It's really the randomest thing ever, but I kinda loved how this came out.) P.S. My book had this about a pancake, but it's essentially the Gingerbread Man story. (I have no idea why it's a pancake in my book.) (Originally posted here and here.)
Once on a time, there was a guy, Yamashita Tomohisa, who had 7 4 hungry friends (whose names escape me at the moment) and who didn't want to cook themselves so had forced him to make a pancake for them. Yes. Just one. Because hi, they're smart. It looked like a good pancake (for which Yamapi was very proud of and since someone had made a crack that he couldn't cook anyway) and they all were excited to eat it. They all stood around (including some old guy that kept screaming "YOU, GOOD COOKING, YOU") and just stared at the pancake.
"I want some, Yamapi~Dear," one friend said, which promptly called for a smack.
"Oh, Yamapi~Dearest who's hot," said another, and as like the first, got smacked.
"Oh, Yamapi~Dearest who's hot and acts well," said the third who got hit over the head, despite having tried to dodge.
"Oh please, Yamapi~Dearest who's hot and acts well and is very sexy," said the last, and got hit but was too busy laughing to even care.
Yamapi scowled at them all and told them to shove the compliments up their ass bide their time and he only had to flip it over and then they can finally have some of the pancake.
The pancake, in hearing this (for he could talk and hear and have a personality as I'm sure all your pancakes do), decided that it wasn't about to get eaten by these buffoons and instantly tried to jump out of the pan, only managing to turn onto its side and cook the rest of itself. It jumped up again (when it felt it was ready) and managed to get out of the pan and onto the floor. Ryo (for that's what he called himself) managed to roll along the floor and out the door and down a hill that the house had apparently been on. (He had also managed to get in a "You're ugly and they lie!" comment to Yamapi before escaping.)
Yamapi, who was distraught over having been insulted and having the thing he had cooked (well) escape him, rushed to follow after the pancake. The four idiotic friends followed behind him while the old man (now screaming "YOU, GET IT NOW") limped his way behind them.
They all screamed out "Hi! Won't you stop? Catch it! Stop, pancake!" as they tried to catch it, but since it was a hill and he was just rolling, he was able to escape them much easier than they could ever catch him. (Ryo also yelled as a retort, "The name's Ryo! Which is loads better than you name-less bastards!")
He rolled a while until he met a man, by the name of Akanishi Jin.
"...Hi, Pancake," he greeted, looking confused at the fact that there was a pancake rolling beside him.
"The name's Ryo, fatty," snarked the pancake.
"Well, why don't you stop a little and let me have a bite, after all. I'm apprently fat," Jin proposed.
"No. I'm not going to be eaten by a fatty like you. I've already run from Yamapi and his 4 stupid friends, and some old man in the back. I'll run away from you too." And Ryo rolled on and on, until he ran into a hen.
"Good-day, Pancake!" Koyama Keiichiro greeted happily.
A little wary, Ryo just greeted back.
"You look good, Pancake! You're all toasty and warm and look all plump. It's really a shame that you're rolling along this hill. You shouldn't have to dirty yourself in such a way," Koyama said, leading Ryo to think that he was being rather nice. He ended with a "I'm sure you'll probably be more comfortable in my stomach. Mind if I have a bite?"
Ryo glared (as best as a pancake could glare, considering it had no eyes) and told him, "No. I've run from Yamapi and his 4 stupid friends, some old man in the back, and a fatty named Jin. I'll run away from you too." And thus, Ryo rolled on.
There were more interesting conversations after this, that I won't put down because really. It's the same thing over and over again. Ryo met up with a Cock named Kato Shiegaki (who was apparently mating with the Hen named Koyama), a Duck named Ueda Tatsuya(who he'd insulted countless amounts of times in their short conversation that had led to tears), a Goose named Tegoshi Yuya (who he had almost been tempted to stay for because he'd asked so nicely), a Gander (which is apparently a male Goose) named Kusano Hironori (who Ryo had an overwhelming urge to hit if he had hands to do so.) And then he ran into a Pig named Masuda Takahisa.
They did the usual greeting and Ryo was able to roll alongside Massu without Massu saying a word. (What he didn't know was that Massu was pratically salivating at the thought of eating Ryo.) Unlike all the others, Massu was a little better at getting food into his mouth without them knowing. He told Ryo that they should walk alongside each other and that he could keep him safe. (For a Pig was loads more powerful than a Pancake could ever be, despite Ryo's thoughts on the topic.)
Ryo agreed, for he liked company every now and then, but he didn't want to appear soft, so thus insulted Massu nonetheless.
The pig took it in stride until they reached a brook. For Massu, this was an easy obstacle, but for Ryo, he had issues crossing over water. (He didn't want to melt after all.)
Massu suggested that Ryo sit on his snout and that he'd carry him over.
Ryo agreed (not without saying "Fine, but know that I'm still better than you, you overgrown pig") and climbed onto Massu's snout.
Almost smirking, the pig swallowed the pancake in one gulp, not forgetting to snark at the pancake, "Look who's better now." And thus, since the Pancake couldn't go on, the story ends.
tinyangl, 976 words
Nishikido Ryo, NEWS. Ryo's a sarcastic pancake. No seriously. A sarcastic pancake.
A/N: Crack. I've been looking through my fairy tale book and this one jumped out at me, telling me to write it JE-style. And so I did. *laughs* Hope everyone enjoys. (It's really the randomest thing ever, but I kinda loved how this came out.) P.S. My book had this about a pancake, but it's essentially the Gingerbread Man story. (I have no idea why it's a pancake in my book.) (Originally posted here and here.)
Once on a time, there was a guy, Yamashita Tomohisa, who had 7 4 hungry friends (whose names escape me at the moment) and who didn't want to cook themselves so had forced him to make a pancake for them. Yes. Just one. Because hi, they're smart. It looked like a good pancake (for which Yamapi was very proud of and since someone had made a crack that he couldn't cook anyway) and they all were excited to eat it. They all stood around (including some old guy that kept screaming "YOU, GOOD COOKING, YOU") and just stared at the pancake.
"I want some, Yamapi~Dear," one friend said, which promptly called for a smack.
"Oh, Yamapi~Dearest who's hot," said another, and as like the first, got smacked.
"Oh, Yamapi~Dearest who's hot and acts well," said the third who got hit over the head, despite having tried to dodge.
"Oh please, Yamapi~Dearest who's hot and acts well and is very sexy," said the last, and got hit but was too busy laughing to even care.
Yamapi scowled at them all and told them to shove the compliments up their ass bide their time and he only had to flip it over and then they can finally have some of the pancake.
The pancake, in hearing this (for he could talk and hear and have a personality as I'm sure all your pancakes do), decided that it wasn't about to get eaten by these buffoons and instantly tried to jump out of the pan, only managing to turn onto its side and cook the rest of itself. It jumped up again (when it felt it was ready) and managed to get out of the pan and onto the floor. Ryo (for that's what he called himself) managed to roll along the floor and out the door and down a hill that the house had apparently been on. (He had also managed to get in a "You're ugly and they lie!" comment to Yamapi before escaping.)
Yamapi, who was distraught over having been insulted and having the thing he had cooked (well) escape him, rushed to follow after the pancake. The four idiotic friends followed behind him while the old man (now screaming "YOU, GET IT NOW") limped his way behind them.
They all screamed out "Hi! Won't you stop? Catch it! Stop, pancake!" as they tried to catch it, but since it was a hill and he was just rolling, he was able to escape them much easier than they could ever catch him. (Ryo also yelled as a retort, "The name's Ryo! Which is loads better than you name-less bastards!")
He rolled a while until he met a man, by the name of Akanishi Jin.
"...Hi, Pancake," he greeted, looking confused at the fact that there was a pancake rolling beside him.
"The name's Ryo, fatty," snarked the pancake.
"Well, why don't you stop a little and let me have a bite, after all. I'm apprently fat," Jin proposed.
"No. I'm not going to be eaten by a fatty like you. I've already run from Yamapi and his 4 stupid friends, and some old man in the back. I'll run away from you too." And Ryo rolled on and on, until he ran into a hen.
"Good-day, Pancake!" Koyama Keiichiro greeted happily.
A little wary, Ryo just greeted back.
"You look good, Pancake! You're all toasty and warm and look all plump. It's really a shame that you're rolling along this hill. You shouldn't have to dirty yourself in such a way," Koyama said, leading Ryo to think that he was being rather nice. He ended with a "I'm sure you'll probably be more comfortable in my stomach. Mind if I have a bite?"
Ryo glared (as best as a pancake could glare, considering it had no eyes) and told him, "No. I've run from Yamapi and his 4 stupid friends, some old man in the back, and a fatty named Jin. I'll run away from you too." And thus, Ryo rolled on.
There were more interesting conversations after this, that I won't put down because really. It's the same thing over and over again. Ryo met up with a Cock named Kato Shiegaki (who was apparently mating with the Hen named Koyama), a Duck named Ueda Tatsuya(who he'd insulted countless amounts of times in their short conversation that had led to tears), a Goose named Tegoshi Yuya (who he had almost been tempted to stay for because he'd asked so nicely), a Gander (which is apparently a male Goose) named Kusano Hironori (who Ryo had an overwhelming urge to hit if he had hands to do so.) And then he ran into a Pig named Masuda Takahisa.
They did the usual greeting and Ryo was able to roll alongside Massu without Massu saying a word. (What he didn't know was that Massu was pratically salivating at the thought of eating Ryo.) Unlike all the others, Massu was a little better at getting food into his mouth without them knowing. He told Ryo that they should walk alongside each other and that he could keep him safe. (For a Pig was loads more powerful than a Pancake could ever be, despite Ryo's thoughts on the topic.)
Ryo agreed, for he liked company every now and then, but he didn't want to appear soft, so thus insulted Massu nonetheless.
The pig took it in stride until they reached a brook. For Massu, this was an easy obstacle, but for Ryo, he had issues crossing over water. (He didn't want to melt after all.)
Massu suggested that Ryo sit on his snout and that he'd carry him over.
Ryo agreed (not without saying "Fine, but know that I'm still better than you, you overgrown pig") and climbed onto Massu's snout.
Almost smirking, the pig swallowed the pancake in one gulp, not forgetting to snark at the pancake, "Look who's better now." And thus, since the Pancake couldn't go on, the story ends.