(no subject)
I can barely swallow. Swollen lymph glands and the side effects of having a cold are setting in. Its lovely. But at least, when I'm sick, to the music program I have a legitimate reason for not singing. Because possible vocal nodules aren't enough. Vocal cords are still swollen.
Am I selfish? Maybe I'm just looking so hard for the things that I want to do, that I don't even see what He wants me to do. I pursue the things that will glorify me- my dreams, my goals. But what about his dreams and goals for me as a servant? Have I completely lost perspective. Maybe this is his subtle way of telling me, hey this isn't where I want you. I need you somewhere else.
But maybe, he's just testing my committment. How much do I really love this? Enough to keep pushing through, take some time off, but go back once I'm healed? Am I committed enough? Do I love it enough to accept this current pain, but to keep those goals held fast, just hidden for a little bit? I think I do. But how do I really know? Yes I'm passionate. I can't think of anything I would rather do. But is it enough?
Basically, am I going to get better?
Am I selfish? Maybe I'm just looking so hard for the things that I want to do, that I don't even see what He wants me to do. I pursue the things that will glorify me- my dreams, my goals. But what about his dreams and goals for me as a servant? Have I completely lost perspective. Maybe this is his subtle way of telling me, hey this isn't where I want you. I need you somewhere else.
But maybe, he's just testing my committment. How much do I really love this? Enough to keep pushing through, take some time off, but go back once I'm healed? Am I committed enough? Do I love it enough to accept this current pain, but to keep those goals held fast, just hidden for a little bit? I think I do. But how do I really know? Yes I'm passionate. I can't think of anything I would rather do. But is it enough?
Basically, am I going to get better?