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[kakayaraznica]

я уже очень давно не писала. в последнее время мне было "все понятно", а что было не понятно, было с кем разделить. а сейчас не понятно и делить особо не получается... да и описать похоже, тоже не очень... не хочется придумывать красивой оправы, не хочется дистиллировать то, что я чувствую в отдельные осколки слов. то есть не "не хочется", а

Comments

[nymphochka]

u tebya ne to chto vse ploho ili vse horosho. u tebya prosto vse kak u liudej - zaputanno i neponyatno. i vrode horosho no strashno. a mozhet strashno potomu-chto horosho.
ne vsegda obyazatel'no razbiratsya vo vsem etom.
inogda mozhno prosto vyplesnut' vse na blizkogo cheloveka, podcherknut' vsiu neponyatnost' situatsii i prygat' dal'she s golovoy. i pozhalet' sebya mozhno. i nikto ne osudit. tebe uzhe ne 16, i zhizn' i vybory i postupki prenadlezhat na 100% tebe (i tvoemu liubimomu cheloveku). pomoiemu ty prosto ne privykla k situatsii gde tebya nikto ne osuzhdaet. dazhe mama. dazhe luchshaya podruga. dazhe samyj dorogoy chelovek. no etot strah, ya nadeius', proydet. :-)
ty vse delaesh pravil'no. absoliutno vse. i volnueshsya za pravil'nye veshhi, i reshit' ne mozhesh imenno nereshimye.

i wanted to say this to you on saturday, but somehow it didn't make it into our evening. then i wanted to call you and tell you, but decided that i wanted you to have these words on paper (or screen) so that you wouldn't pass by them. so that you could flip to them when you forget:
I have never been prouder of anyone than I am of you. Ever. I think about this all the time. Every time I see something that reminds me of you, and that's often. In ALL aspects of your life. Personal, professional, family. The decisions you have made and are making are as difficult as they get and you have been making them with the greatest honesty (to yourself and to others) produmannost', integrity, nobility and generosity that I can imagine.
I am so proud of you for finally coming out of your shell and becoming everything we;ve always dreamed of. When things come to it, you are going to be an amazing mother. And partner. And doctor.
And now, you are just an amazing Inna.
:-)
*kiss*

[myplaceinlife]

net. posle takogo - zhalet' tebya ne prosi. ne budu.

[nymphochka]

nu pochemu srazu ne prosi? mozhno nemnozhko pozhalet :-) she's in the middle of finals, after all :-)))

[myplaceinlife]

aaa. togda zhaleu ochen' ochen'. no tol'ko do kontsa finals. :)

[kakayaraznica]

:-*...

[nymphochka]

molchalivoe ty sozdanie :-)

[kakayaraznica]

you are right about putting this on ppr. bc it doesnt register. i dont know why - maybe bc its way out of my experience, maybe bc i dont believe it about myself, maybe... but it doesnt. and i keep hearing it from all around me, and it still doesnt. and i need to actually hear this, the sooner the better. a to ya vseh, including myself, zamuchaju... i keep asking for examples, and they keep sounding...fake? i dont know. like i see the words, and i follow the logic, but its all happening in a parallel universe. meanwhile, here and now - everything sucks. and specifically - me. and i feel convinced that everyone thinks so, too, no matter what or how many times they tell me otherwise...

[nymphochka]

that's because examples aren't going to cut it. it's not about specific instances, but more about the general air around you and everything you do. it has stopped being "locked up in yourself". you started really listening to people when they talk. you are interested in the people in your life not in so far as they and their situations relate to you or mirror yours. when you and i talked before (or when i heard you talking to others) i could just feel you trying on my situation for size and judging what you would do in my place and how this situation parallels one that you may be in. i could live with that. but i'd much rather live with someone who looks into my eyes and cares about me and how i feel about a situation/decision, not what is the empirical right thing to do...

[kakayaraznica]

ah, but i still care for the empirical right thing to do...

[nymphochka]

and i still like to give lap dances to strangers :-P

some things never change....

[kakayaraznica]

LOL!!! BUT - do you still experience free-fall when you do? or is it more of a habit thing? like brushing teeth, ili odevat' tapochki...

[nymphochka]

excuse me, darling but i do not do unethical stuff without major free fall feedback.

vot minet kak raz mozhno sravnit' s tapocko-nadevaniem ;-)))

[kakayaraznica]

ne pokusajsya na moi freudian slippers!!!

ps. nu vot, poebalis', teper' mozhno poznakomitsya - ya Vasya!

[nymphochka]

neeeeeeee
poebalis' eto sovsem drugoe. ya pro minet. tak mozhno vse moral'nye ustoi poteriat' blin.

a zvalie ego ne vasya, a daveeeeed :-)))

[kakayaraznica]

daveeeeeed, govorish? chto tam bylo pro moral'nye ustoi, again?

[nymphochka]

moral'nye ustoi foreva!
:-P
(except this weekend ;-)))