the last of second chances?
so, the year is over. finally? finally. it was, truly, the first of a kind. probably the first piece of my life that belonged to me completely. i was still torn and tempted and pulled myself apart at the seams, but bad habits die hard, and at least i recognize that it is a habit and not a fact of life. i realized a lot of things, most of which i probably wont "know" for a while yet. i lived. again, for the first time, essentially for, with, and by myself. apparently, as i see now by comparison, school was quite stressful. yes, actual school - like passing tests and shit. my breathing is different now, and suddenly i can no longer come up with anything even remotely resembling symbolism. i wonder what other cadences will change in the next two months. the next two months... i mean for them to belong to me. to me wholly and entirely. i may have needed the year to get the taste for what i want, to quit fearing it, to finally get the fuck off my "higher ground"... we shall see, i suppose, and not-so-long-a-time will tell...