Seth's Entry: Witches and Plumbers and Ninja, Oh My! (Part Three)
“Hey, Kakashi-san.”
“Hm?” He turned to face the two women barely standing up with a single wide eye. “Um, you ladies need help?”
“Yeah, would you please? I need to find Sakura to help her out.” Sakura laughed from the bottom of her heart, but she hid it well. With her handing the drunk woman over to Kakashi, she would get the chance to run off and report the identities of both the Fake Tsunade and Shikamaru.
“Ah?” Kakashi turned to face the two grunting and gasping women, one from a high blood alcohol content, the other from carrying the entire mass of jiggling woman who was on the verge of vomiting. “What did you say?”
“I need to find Sakura to help her.” She repeated herself, finding it hard to balance all the weight of Fake Tsunade on platform heels, minus the chakra.
“Oh, all right. Hup, here we go.” Kakashi grunted as the heavy-set woman was hefted onto his shoulder. Her legs could barely hold, and he noticed the person in disguise had mistaken Tsunade's nail polish color for an extremely dark green, instead of the usual matte, leafy one.
Although he wasn't one to accurately differentiate the shades in women's color palettes, he certainly had visited the former Hokage enough to know that it was much too dark to be correct. Whoever this person was, he/she did not fully know Tsunade as well as he did.
“Be right back!” Sakura called out to the now occupied Copy Nin as she bounded for the crowd.
“Hurry back.” He replied, smiling just a bit.
A moment later, Sakura had caught up with Hinata who was already dancing with a fairly sober Naruto off the side of the dance floor. It looked like he exhibited better dance moves at this party than at the others, considering how Hinata almost never danced with him, unless it was a slow dance in which couples only had to stand about an arms' length apart and rock side to side. Those lessons at the Akatsuki Theatre were finally paying, thanks to Kisame, the Hip Hop teacher.
But, Sakura was on a mission. She wanted to win.
“Hinata! I was looking for you!” The fake plumber pulled up her slipping tube top once more as she called out to the hostess through the flurry of people.
“Eh?” She cocked an eyebrow and stopped shaking her hips. “What's wrong, Ino-san?”
“I can't find Sakura anywhere. Have you seen her? Tsunade-sama is getting really drunk out there, and only Sakura can help her with this kind of thing.”
“Oh!” Hinata put her hands up to her mouth, hiding a tiny smile. “Naruto, dear, I need to talk to Ino-san. Is that all right?” She gave him a sweet look with wide, bright eyes, noticeable even in this dim lighting. Sakura assumed she must have learned it from Ino for the sake of dealing with Naruto's hyperactivity.
“Of course, Hinata! Go ahead. I think I'll go have some cookies anyways, since you know, they taste so good.” He stretched his smile enthusiastically, making his whiskered cheeks rosy with pride.
“Yes, dear, I-I know.” Hinata hesitated, laughing with a falter in her voice.
You mean those burnt cookies? Good lord! They smell awful!
“She's probably in the bathroom or something, if she's not here.” Sakura feigned a three-hundred-sixty degree scan of the room. Of course, she wasn't on the floor because she was still in the game, but only three people were left on the dance floor, so who would know with everyone tightly packed like sardines at the snack tables?
“All right, let's go.” The princess agreed with a nod. She waved to Naruto and set off to the bathrooms with Sakura.
Once in the restrooms, that is, the gloriously ceramic-plated bath house dedicated to the washing, cleaning, primping, and overall relaxation of women, Hinata used her Byakugan to see if anyone else was hiding in the bathrooms.
Sakura was no longer frightened by the impossibly large veins that bulged from her face, concentrating huge amounts of liquid chakra to her lens, ciliary muscles, and retina . As a medic, she understood human physiology and anatomy down to the very nerves and cells that made up the body, but the Hyuuga bloodline limit was still an awesome thing to behold every time she witnessed it on the few missions she got to team up with Hinata or Neji.
“All clear, Sakura-san. What did you want to tell me?” The princess interrupted Sakura's train of thought.
“Er, right. I know the Shikamaru on the dance floor is Gaara. They've been spending more time together ever since both ambassadors were engaged, so he would know how Shikamaru acts around Temari. It's definitely Gaara because I can feel the weight of his feet when he dances, or, rather, shuffles around in one spot. The gourd Gaara usually carries has to be put under the jutsu as well, but in order to reduce the size of the sand, he has to condense it, making the whole of Shikamaru's frame more massive by at least three times.
At least Temari's and Shikamaru's relationship is something Kishimoto got into his works accurately, among others.
“Am I right?” Sakura bit her lip, hoping her sleuthing was as good as everyone at the hospital research center said it was.
Hinata nodded, chuckling lightly that made anyone's heart flutter. “Correct. It looks like you still got it, Sakura-san. I can send Neji the sign to release his jutsu now.” She brought her hands together and focused the energy to her eyes once more, nodding in Sakura's direction as she made eye contact with her counsin who had been keeping tabs on the girls.
That's uber creepy, but hey, Neji's a respectable guy...Right?
“You should hurry, it looks like Kakashi-san is getting impatient.” She sighed, relaxing her hands.
“Oh! Also, I know who the fake Shishou is!” Sakura added, looking up at the clock on the high wall. It was only three minutes to midnight.
I can acutally win this! I can win!
“Who is it and why?”
“It's Kurenai. She never gets to drink herself silly, being married and having to take care of her kid all the time. It's not responsible. Getting to become one of the most irresponsible people in that room gives her that once-in-a-blue-moon chance to do something outrageous, and if she won the game, she could easily win over Asuma for drinking so much!”
“Is that all?” Hinata tilted her head, raising her eyebrows.
“Um, what do you mean?” Sakura felt her belly flop. Did I get it wrong?
“Well, your guess is based entirely on one clue. What if it's someone else? Can you risk your near-win one this one piece of evidence?”
Sakura paused, thinking hard.
There's no one else it could be. I could only see Asuma taking care of their child, and Kurenai usually does it. Her irises are also slightly red, but the alcohol could easily cause that by being absorbed too quickly or by making her jutsu falter to reveal her eye color.
What about the costume? Were those ears right? I'm sure they were supposed to be smaller, or at least closely-spaced. Maybe there's something off about the bust-sizing or the outfit.
Why can't I remember?! Aren't I one of the best kunoichi in the village?
Could it be Tenzou-san? He's always working with her. No, wait, it's more likely to be Shizune in that case. No! It's too obvious! Is there no way to prove that it's not her?
“Sakura-san?”
“Eh?” Sakura hesitated, frowning.
Hinata was looking at her, waiting for a response. “Well?”
“It's Kurenai! I really can't think of anything else. I'm pretty sure it's Kurenai!” Sakura clenched her finely manicured nails. “I won't back down on my gut instinct!”
“You're just like Naruto sometimes.”
“What?” Sakura blinked. “What do you mean?”
Hinata laughed openly, letting the sound bounce off the walls and echo its bubbly ring. “Never mind. Keep trusting your instinct, because it's what makes the difference between a good shinobi and a bad one.
“You are correct.”
Sakura couldn't help but smile and cheer in glee before quickly clamping her hand over her mouth.
I don't have a huge forehead for nothing! Hell to the yeah!
“Don't worry, it's almost soundproof, and the music outside is loud enough to cover it. I'll have Neji release the jutsu now. Kakashi-san must be getting really tired of this.”
“This is great!” Sakura threw her hands up in excitement as Hinata activated her technique again. “I'm so close to winning!”
But I haven't decided what I want yet. Wait, did she say soundproof?
Troubled with petty thoughts, Sakura left the bathroom, looking forlorn, and went back to the middle of the dance floor to a lone Kakashi. Out of the corner of her eye, Sakura could see Asuma carrying his snoring wife toward the door, ushering his pumpkin child to follow.
“Seiko-chan, could you please grab your mother's shoes? They're over there by the, er, drink stand.”
“Daddy, could I have that pink drink Mommy was drinking? The one the man in the apron gave her?”
“No, honey. It'll give you tummyaches and put you to sleep, like Mommy. Are you ready for bedtime?”
“No, wait! I'm not sleepy yet! I'll go get her shoes!” The inflated girl dashed over to the bar and retrieved the forgotten pumps tossed haphazardly aside the stools. “I'm coming, Daddy!”
Sakura shook her head, trying to concentrate.
Remember, you have an event to win! You're going down, Kakashi-sensei.
“Any luck, Ino?” He scratched the back of his head.
“No, I couldn't find her. Where's Tsunade-sama?” Sakura sighed, using her previous disheartened feelings of indecision to complete the act.
“She, uh, was not really Tsunade.”
“Oh, really? Well, then, I guess this was just a waste of time!” Sakura tried scowl as her friend would, but it took too much effort. She settled for a deep huff and a hair flip. “How many people are left?”
“Just...us, I guess.” He shrugged, not really caring to dance anymore. The way he slouched amidst all this party fervor started to tick Sakura off, but she knew he, whoever he was, was trying to get the best of her.
“Well, then good luck. I'll have you know that I'm really good at this kind of stuff.” Sakura teased him with deep sway of her hips to an upbeat bass.
Last one. Who is he?
“Mm-hm.”
The real Ino, however, bit her lip and lifted a trembling fist, but was braced by another hand holding back her own.
“You know, if you don't pay attention to it, you'll be less stressed.” Chouji said while crunching on a mouthful of burnt chocolate chip cookies. “Wow, did you try these yet? They're pretty good.” He offered her a cookie, something he rarely ever did when it came to food.
“I don't want any!” She slapped the proffered charcoal out of his thick hands.
The monk gasped, completely stunned by her unholy action. He stared at the crushed cookie on the floor and swallowed uneasily.
“Look at her!” Ino thrust her hands in Sakura's direction, glaring angrily at her teammate.
“What are you talking about-oh geez, Ino. Tell me you didn't do that.”
Shikamaru came back, rubbing his temples after seeing his friend horrified at the sight of crumbled black bits.
“I don't act like that!” Ino restated with more gusto.
“...Are you sure?” The monk finally opened his mouth, speaking low.
“Chouji, I swear if you want to live after tonight-” She ground out slowly before Chouji realized what she really could do.
“Oh, look at the time,” Chouji cut Ino's sentence midway and started to back away haltingly, “it's late and I gotta help my mom with some pickling tonight. You know, for the winter. We got too much daikon, too little time.” He laughed nervously. For a heavy-set man, he was quick on his feet; gone in a flash.
“Chouji, wait! We can't just leave!” Shikamaru went after his friend, waving an arm frantically.
Alone, Ino wrinkled her forehead so heavily the dirt make-up brushed on her face cracked along the crevices of her facial muscles. Then, she exhaled deeply, closing her eyes and smoothing out the lines of her brow with her slender fingers.
“Fine. If you want something done, you gotta do it yourself.” She grumbled, heading deeper into the crowd.
All right. Status report. Hatake Kakashi is the last one left here. Who is he?
Sakura's mind was aflurry with clues and hints from the last few hours of watching everyone. But, she felt incredibly limited without the use of her chakra, and she could feel her jutsu starting to fade as she felt the alcohol concentrate into her blood, making her mind dizzy as well. Still, she continued to dance, bringing her arms up and down fluidly, sometimes resting them against her ever-moving hips, all while taking deliberate steps and glances around her last opponent.
What have we got so far? He acts like sensei; walks like him, talks like him. He even shrugs and slouches like the man.
It's gotta be-no, wait, Gai was one of the first out. He would fit the criteria if he weren't already disqualified.
It also looks like all the teacher cast are out. Akatsuki was quick to reveal their identities, but the old cast also eliminated more of the newbies. Haku and Zabuza made a good team almost up to the end.
Bloody lights. Bloody alcohol. I can barely make out who's around us anymore. The least I can do is keep up the farce. I'm so close to winning, but it's this one guy who keeps getting in the way!
Who is this? Did I overlook something? Someone?
The now-sweaty plumber, and thus, politically correct, recalled pieces from the conversation only hours before, began to slow her movements, and was hardly able to think with the heavy burden of her buzzed mind. Only her iron will kept her pushing her acting abilities.
Suddenly, she felt something push her shoulder, forcing her aside roughly. A moment later, her brain registered the feeling: a calloused, broad hand. She stumbled awkwardly for a moment before turning abruptly to meet the perpatrator.
“Hey! What the hell?” The words spilled out of her mouth before she even realized it.
Damn, Ino never says something like that. Did I just give myself away?!
For a second, she felt insulted, and some nausea, but her mouth went agape when she saw Kakashi standing where she was same as ever; slouched and unfazed.
“Kakashi-san, that's really rude!” Sakura pulled a scoff out of her throat, one that seemed recycled one too many times in two hours. “What did you do that for?”
Sakura was indignant when he did not answer. He just stood there, ignoring the music, standing absolutely still. It was irritating.
Whatever, the medic tried to say, but found that she couldn't.
Must be the punch. How much alcohol did Naruto sneak in without Hinata noticing?
When she tried to move her legs, she snorted. They were rooted into the hardwood. A little weirded out, she tried her arms, only to find that all of her extremities were paralyzed. Oddly enough, she found herself standing with an odd posture; one that leaned back slightly with her weight evenly distributed on both her feet. Like a man. A very familiar, smartass man with a slouched back, a high ponytail, and enough fishnet shirts to catch him a school of tuna, but she couldn't rack her memory to recall his name or face.
Someone's...some guy is using a justu on me!
Sakura felt her eyes flash open, regardless of her intake of alcoholic beverages. Her mind raced when she heard Naruto make another announcement that slowly filled her with dread.
“Hey, now, ladies and gentlemen! There's only half and hour left of the event, but hey, we're all ninja, no offense, sound, camera, and light guys-”
“None taken!” A female voice added from above before sending a spotlight over the host.
“So, I just have to say that there are only a couple people left in the game. Let's make it interesting! The kids have gone home, so let's bump, this, up!” Naruto shouted at the crowd, his voice almost hoarse with volume.
What are you planning, you idiot!
A second later, Sakura knew what would happen.
The ground began to rumble, becoming alive with the pulse of the reverberating bass of the sound system, and an array of colored lights started to flicker like an epilectic seizure waiting to happen. The sheer volume blasting from every direction offended her eardrums, but Sakura could not do a thing to protect them with her entire body immobolized.
Worst of all, a wave of anxiety washed over Sakura when she saw everyone move closer and closer together until she was tightly packed into a huge group of alcohol-induced, shinobi pandemonium.
It's...a mosh pit! Sakura barely gasped as bodies pushed her back and forth.
Then, as if it couldn't get any worse, she heard someone breathing heavily down her neck. Even without moving, she could already detect the familiar scent and sound.
“K-Kakashi-san?” Sakura stammered. Her words ended with a small, sharp inhale.
I can speak!
However, her discovery gave her little to no comfort as she felt his torso bump into her back unevenly until it eventually molded into the curve of her spine.
Naruto, I will have my revenge.I swear on it. She cursed the host with all her might.
“Sorry, Sakura-chan.” He spoke loudly into her ear over the music. “It's all these people.”
“I-It's fine.” She replied.
To her horror, she started moving her backside slowly against what she feared to be the junction of his legs.
Oh my god, what am I doing? This is so embarrassing!
“Ino-san?” Kakashi quirked an eyebrow. “I'm aware we know each other well, but I'm not sure how you define it.”
Excuse! I need an excuse!
“U-um, ah, well, isn't it obvious?” Sakura's jaw moved erratically with growing anxiety. “I'm just...doing what everyone else is.” Her sentence ended in a mumble.
Kakashi looked up, bewildered to find that she was right. Due to such restricted space, everyone looked like they were dancing explicitly, grinding and rubbing over each other, even though their faces showed expressions of joy and excitement from Naruto's motivational words.
“Hm. You're right. Well, I guess we can't be left out then, can we?”
What?
Right after he said it, she felt a returning force on her posterior, a quick jolt administered from behind. deliberate push and pull of his hips against hers.
Oh, hell no! Is...is he grinding me?!
Sakura said nothing. Her uncertainty of how to respond versus her will to win the game seemed to offset each other. So, she just kept dancing.
In reality, it wasn't too bad. Everyone else was already grinding against the nearest person availabe. And, out the corner of her eye, Sakura noticed some heated couples doing more than just dancing as their hands found other places to grab or rub and their mouths worked wildly on each others'. Seeing her fellow shinobi and co-workers doing such a thing brought her rosy cheeks to a deeper red, but the lights prohibited anyone from noticing.
Minutes passed, songs changed, and people started to wind down from the coming drunken stupors and energy loss. Instead of the fast-paced hip thrusts Kakashi exhibited, he slowed his actions to a deliberate pushing, pulling, and rubbing motion against her rounded rear, delivered with heavy breaths and new feelings of hot hands holding her curvy, Ino-induced hips.
“Erm, Kakashi-s-san?” Sakura said low, knowing his face was so close behind hers, but not daring to turn around.
“Hm?” He spoke, letting the breath come out more like a grunt than an answer.
“Everyone is starting to leave the dance floor. Maybe we should go too.” She looked about nervously, careful not to turn to his direction.
“You sure? I happen to really like this song.”
Sakura felt a movement from his shoulders, the very joints of his arms rotating. He must have just shrugged. For a while now, she hadn't been paying attention to the music, but now that he mentioned it, she recognized the familiar, romantic tune featured in the new series they worked in. The sluggish lethargy ushered the DJ to reduce the orignal tempo of the song to that of a couples' slow dance without any other additions. With the resigned lowering of headphones, the DJ surrendered the last few moments of the night to the song.
This is so embarrassing...
Kakashi gave Sakura no chances to leave. Although many people left, an abundance of couples just entered the dance floor, including those from the upper tiers of the Main House, to enjoy the rare slow song allowed by the DJ. Sakura swallowed a lump in her throat when she saw people hooking arms around their partners' necks, touching foreheads, and whispering sweet nothings to their ears. She could even hear the low rustling of costume material rubbing together, a sign of intense mood music indeed.
“Turn around.” Kakashi suddenly stopped moving his hips and replaced his heat-radiating hands up to her shoulder.
“Ah,” Sakura began, but was unable to say anything else when he gently rotated her around and ran his hands along the lengths of her arm. He put slight pressure on her elbows and wrists as he came down to catch her hands and bring them up over his shoulders.
“Dance with me.” He said simply. His single eye looked deep and intensely focused on her face, and even though she knew it wasn't hers, she felt a pang in her chest and blood rushing to her cheeks.
This Way To Witches And Plumbers And Ninjas, Oh My! Part Four