I've wasted enough time not updating, and for that I deserve every brick, so without further ramblings, here it is, an update. Enjoy throwing tomatoes at me Title: Retribution Eighteen
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YOU DOO???? Can you translate the last part with Mikhail in detail? *gets on hands and knees to beg*
You know this is the part of Fei I hate so much.
Hmm, actually that is the part of Fei that I love so much. Not because it's Asami, but because it shows that he's the kind of man that loves so intensely. I actually do have a feeling that both Yoh and Mikhail fell for him because of his unwillingness and inability to forget Asami because when he loves, he loves with everything he has. And especially for Mikhail, he probably wants to be on the receiving end of that love. It is a part of Fei that makes him as good as Yoh. Now, I want him to break free from Asami, but it should never be easy like in NT, or else it destroys everything that Fei Long ever was and makes him weak and shallow. And he has been shallow and soft lately in NT due to Aki. I hated that about Fei. But that's me.
I also think the reason you can let go of your father is because you've been loved. Fei hasn't. He doesn't even know what love is or how to love properly. The way I see it, Fei can't let go, not from NT,not from FnR, not until someone bloody shows him he is loved, what true love is, and that Asami sucks at it (sorry, but he does). And that is the whole point of CI. It's the journey that Mikhail has to take to get Fei to break free which is supposed to be long, hard, and suicidal (why I am convinced persistent Mikhail is the man). But you can't ask for this in yaoi. It's the wrong genre *sighs*. Yoh could probably do that too, only I feel he would take longer, because of his walking in a straight line kind of guy.
LOL I can't write it, not right now. Like Del said, I've already challenged him with that. And he can do a better job that I can because this is the one person who taught me who Yoh is, whose writing is much better than mine. Besides, my brutally honest beta (no, not angel0399 this time) has just approved Eclipse (my original), which means I will have to dedicate myself to that right now. I hope Del will be able to continue with YxF soon. I'm really looking forward to read it. (Damn FnR has put TWO great Fei fanfics on hiatus. It's unforgivable!)
Glad you are enjoying this. I don't want to sound weird, rambling too much XD
Oh gosh, I and my bad bad English. xD Ok, I will try it. Even if it kills me...
But I think he is weak, because of this whole Asami conflict. Is it really strong to set a goal and doing everything to gain it, ignoring the things and persons around, even if it hurts them? It is impressed that he loves with his whole heart. And maybe Mik and Yoh are facinated by it. But it means also that they can never be the number one. Such a heart can not forget. It can only forget when the owner wants it. And I am sad that he can't walk forwards. Fei only moves in circles around Asami. Every step he does is for Asami. Every step should hurt Asami. I want him to make a step for himself and not others. I think it wasn't easy in NT. Before that he has suffered for seven years. And this breaking free was a slowly progress. This kiss should have been the end of this long journey. And I think this 'I don't care if I die here' thing showed really good that he was free. When he standed there and Asami pointed with his gun on him he was just an empty shell. His will to live was built on his feelings for Asami. So without this feelings he couldn't care less about his future. But he wasn't killed. So he was suddenly forced to think about how to proceed. And when he stood there, telling Yoh that it doesn't matter how you feel, I thought that he finally can start to live his own life. But than came the novel and destroyed this progress.
Maybe you are right. But I think Fei could feel that he is/was loved if he would just stop running after Asami. -_- Fei is just lonely because he can't see other things besides of Asami. And that is Fei's problem. He can only live if he becomes fixed on one thing. His father's love, Asami's love... He has the wrong idea of love. And that's why he never felt the love of his father. Yes, his father was not the best father. And it is his fault that Fei is so messed up. But it is also the fault of Fei's personality. Because if he wants one thing he becomes blind for other things. He becomes also blind for the thing he wants and can't recognize it even if it stands right before him.
And like I said before: There are not enough good YxF fanfics out there. We need more. I really really love your story. It shows this wonderful hard journey. And you are right. With Yoh it would take much more time. Your schedule is very strict. But hopefully someday you will find some time to write something about YxF... So, and now please excuse me. I have to search for Del's muse and have to kick her in the ass. -_-*
I think people have different interpretations about strengths and weaknesses. If you ask me, yes, I think that's strength. The ability to hold on to what you believe in no matter what without fearing the consequences, without fear of being hurt or having to hurt people. I don't see it a weakness, but it may make you a bad person. At the same time prople who can let go can also be seen as stronger from another perspective. From mine, it is much harder and takes a lot more strength to hold on to something compared to letting go, which is what Fei Long is to me. Weak would be someone who's too afraid to breakfree or help himself. Fei isn't like that though. He doesn't want to breakfree and he's determined to look for something he believes in. My sister who's my complete opposite once told me, "you must never allow anyone to hurt you." And at first I thought she sounded really strong. Then I realize, hey, I am not scared of being hurt, I would rather love and endure pain than not know love at all. It feels to me like hiding at home for fear of dying. And that's not strength to me, that's cowardice. But like I said, it depends on your perspective. That is why people have totally different ideas of Fei ^_^
But that said I do want to see Fei move on as you do. Although I see your point on NT I still kind of disagree about the kiss and the events after gunpoint thing. To me, the I don't care if I die here isn't Fei breaking free, it's Fei throwing it all away for Asami. If he was free he'd care about himself. Fei would try to live thinking "I'm so over you, you piece of shit and the fuck I will let you kill me!!" He was just looking to die by Asami's hand and get it over with, hopefully leaving Asami with guilt on that too and it's still about Asami. The thing with Yoh? He said that because he's still thinking, "oh stop telling me you love me, it gets on my nerve because it reminds me exactly why I can't get him! Because I feel nothjng for you either and this is probably how Asami feels about me." TBH I didn't know what YxF were so happy about in NT. I would have cried my heart out if I were YohxFei. That's like a HUGE NO, fuck off!! But yeah, that's how I saw it. A lot of people have very different interpretation though. I'm sure all of us are wring because the truth is sensei just can't wait to get to 11-page AxA smut XDDDD
I don't know if it's wrong to want one thing so much you become blind to other things. When I want food I will kill anyone who gives me desert LOL I think it has to do with what makes you happy, and that's different for different people. I prefer to eat to my heart's content than starve myself to get thin again than eat in moderation daily. It's not healthy, but it's my choice. It's also Fei's choice to suffer and that's who he is. But remember it IS Fei both Yoh and Mik wants, so he must have done somethibg right. Without his sensitive and wholehearted nature, Fei would be Aki, and Mikhail would pimp him to Yuri and go fuck someone else LOL
Ok, different people, different opinions. Let's summarize it: We all want Fei to move on. END You can't change the way people see the world. We both want the same. We see it only from other angles.
Oi, I wasn't happy with the end of NT... Mhm, when I think about it I think we had this discussion some months ago. xD I mean Fei was so 'I don't care just fuck off'... But it is good he thought so because if not Yoh would be dead... OMG! I am not a normal YxF! Bring me a psychiatrist! I don't know if Ayano Yamane only wants this AxA smut. I always thought it would hurt to let the own characters rot somewhere and only concentrate on one couple. But maybe she doesn't thinks so and only loves Akihito and Asami. :/
This is also a thing which everyone sees different. But I think you can't say Fei wants to eat. Because this would be too generalized. For Fei it is not the point to starve himself to death because he won't eat anything. The problem is that he will starve to death because he only wants to eat a certain thing. If Asami is a sweet peach he only wants to eat sweet peaches because he thinks the other offered apples and plums are not tasteful at all. And that is it. He don't want to try something different. He doesn't care that he starves. And it is not healthy to destroy yourself only because you can't let go. So to see it from the perspective of the body and soul Fei really needs a psychiatrist. Only his heart still continues to run amok. -_- Fei really needs someone who force-fed him. And this is why I think Yoh and Mik are so perfect for him. Because I think they are the only ones who wouldn't be bothered if Fei hates them as long they can save him from starving.
YOU DOO???? Can you translate the last part with Mikhail in detail? *gets on hands and knees to beg*
You know this is the part of Fei I hate so much.
Hmm, actually that is the part of Fei that I love so much. Not because it's Asami, but because it shows that he's the kind of man that loves so intensely. I actually do have a feeling that both Yoh and Mikhail fell for him because of his unwillingness and inability to forget Asami because when he loves, he loves with everything he has. And especially for Mikhail, he probably wants to be on the receiving end of that love. It is a part of Fei that makes him as good as Yoh. Now, I want him to break free from Asami, but it should never be easy like in NT, or else it destroys everything that Fei Long ever was and makes him weak and shallow. And he has been shallow and soft lately in NT due to Aki. I hated that about Fei. But that's me.
I also think the reason you can let go of your father is because you've been loved. Fei hasn't. He doesn't even know what love is or how to love properly. The way I see it, Fei can't let go, not from NT,not from FnR, not until someone bloody shows him he is loved, what true love is, and that Asami sucks at it (sorry, but he does). And that is the whole point of CI. It's the journey that Mikhail has to take to get Fei to break free which is supposed to be long, hard, and suicidal (why I am convinced persistent Mikhail is the man). But you can't ask for this in yaoi. It's the wrong genre *sighs*. Yoh could probably do that too, only I feel he would take longer, because of his walking in a straight line kind of guy.
LOL I can't write it, not right now. Like Del said, I've already challenged him with that. And he can do a better job that I can because this is the one person who taught me who Yoh is, whose writing is much better than mine. Besides, my brutally honest beta (no, not angel0399 this time) has just approved Eclipse (my original), which means I will have to dedicate myself to that right now. I hope Del will be able to continue with YxF soon. I'm really looking forward to read it. (Damn FnR has put TWO great Fei fanfics on hiatus. It's unforgivable!)
Glad you are enjoying this. I don't want to sound weird, rambling too much XD
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But I think he is weak, because of this whole Asami conflict. Is it really strong to set a goal and doing everything to gain it, ignoring the things and persons around, even if it hurts them? It is impressed that he loves with his whole heart. And maybe Mik and Yoh are facinated by it. But it means also that they can never be the number one. Such a heart can not forget. It can only forget when the owner wants it. And I am sad that he can't walk forwards. Fei only moves in circles around Asami. Every step he does is for Asami. Every step should hurt Asami. I want him to make a step for himself and not others.
I think it wasn't easy in NT. Before that he has suffered for seven years. And this breaking free was a slowly progress. This kiss should have been the end of this long journey. And I think this 'I don't care if I die here' thing showed really good that he was free. When he standed there and Asami pointed with his gun on him he was just an empty shell. His will to live was built on his feelings for Asami. So without this feelings he couldn't care less about his future. But he wasn't killed. So he was suddenly forced to think about how to proceed. And when he stood there, telling Yoh that it doesn't matter how you feel, I thought that he finally can start to live his own life. But than came the novel and destroyed this progress.
Maybe you are right. But I think Fei could feel that he is/was loved if he would just stop running after Asami. -_- Fei is just lonely because he can't see other things besides of Asami. And that is Fei's problem. He can only live if he becomes fixed on one thing. His father's love, Asami's love... He has the wrong idea of love. And that's why he never felt the love of his father. Yes, his father was not the best father. And it is his fault that Fei is so messed up. But it is also the fault of Fei's personality. Because if he wants one thing he becomes blind for other things. He becomes also blind for the thing he wants and can't recognize it even if it stands right before him.
And like I said before: There are not enough good YxF fanfics out there. We need more. I really really love your story. It shows this wonderful hard journey. And you are right. With Yoh it would take much more time. Your schedule is very strict. But hopefully someday you will find some time to write something about YxF...
So, and now please excuse me. I have to search for Del's muse and have to kick her in the ass. -_-*
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But that said I do want to see Fei move on as you do. Although I see your point on NT I still kind of disagree about the kiss and the events after gunpoint thing. To me, the I don't care if I die here isn't Fei breaking free, it's Fei throwing it all away for Asami. If he was free he'd care about himself. Fei would try to live thinking "I'm so over you, you piece of shit and the fuck I will let you kill me!!" He was just looking to die by Asami's hand and get it over with, hopefully leaving Asami with guilt on that too and it's still about Asami. The thing with Yoh? He said that because he's still thinking, "oh stop telling me you love me, it gets on my nerve because it reminds me exactly why I can't get him! Because I feel nothjng for you either and this is probably how Asami feels about me." TBH I didn't know what YxF were so happy about in NT. I would have cried my heart out if I were YohxFei. That's like a HUGE NO, fuck off!! But yeah, that's how I saw it. A lot of people have very different interpretation though. I'm sure all of us are wring because the truth is sensei just can't wait to get to 11-page AxA smut XDDDD
I don't know if it's wrong to want one thing so much you become blind to other things. When I want food I will kill anyone who gives me desert LOL I think it has to do with what makes you happy, and that's different for different people. I prefer to eat to my heart's content than starve myself to get thin again than eat in moderation daily. It's not healthy, but it's my choice. It's also Fei's choice to suffer and that's who he is. But remember it IS Fei both Yoh and Mik wants, so he must have done somethibg right. Without his sensitive and wholehearted nature, Fei would be Aki, and Mikhail would pimp him to Yuri and go fuck someone else LOL
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Let's summarize it: We all want Fei to move on. END You can't change the way people see the world. We both want the same. We see it only from other angles.
Oi, I wasn't happy with the end of NT... Mhm, when I think about it I think we had this discussion some months ago. xD I mean Fei was so 'I don't care just fuck off'... But it is good he thought so because if not Yoh would be dead... OMG! I am not a normal YxF! Bring me a psychiatrist! I don't know if Ayano Yamane only wants this AxA smut. I always thought it would hurt to let the own characters rot somewhere and only concentrate on one couple. But maybe she doesn't thinks so and only loves Akihito and Asami. :/
This is also a thing which everyone sees different. But I think you can't say Fei wants to eat. Because this would be too generalized. For Fei it is not the point to starve himself to death because he won't eat anything. The problem is that he will starve to death because he only wants to eat a certain thing. If Asami is a sweet peach he only wants to eat sweet peaches because he thinks the other offered apples and plums are not tasteful at all. And that is it. He don't want to try something different. He doesn't care that he starves. And it is not healthy to destroy yourself only because you can't let go. So to see it from the perspective of the body and soul Fei really needs a psychiatrist. Only his heart still continues to run amok. -_- Fei really needs someone who force-fed him. And this is why I think Yoh and Mik are so perfect for him. Because I think they are the only ones who wouldn't be bothered if Fei hates them as long they can save him from starving.
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