I've wasted enough time not updating, and for that I deserve every brick, so without further ramblings, here it is, an update. Enjoy throwing tomatoes at me Title: Retribution Eighteen
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You're a YohxFei then? I'm always so flattered when I can get a Yoh x Fei to read this and open her heart to Mikhail, even if it's just in my writing. I happen to think there's really no real Mik to judge though. We only saw the tip of the iceberg and now he's gone with the wind. Although, I don't think YA had ever intended Mikhail to be this dark and insane either LOL
I don't know if I should hate it or love it. Ah I get what you mean, even though I don't share the same problem. Anything that manages to hurt me I love with a passion, especially tragic endings (why I love Shakespeare and Greek tragedy!).
And for me it doesn't matter if it is a story about Mik and Fei, Asami and Fei or something with your own characters That is such a relief and one of the best things a writer would want to hear. I keep worrying that MikxFei is the only thing I can write about, and it is making me anxious as hell when I write my original. Thank you for giving me a push and I hope I do not disappoint in the future.
I think Fei is someone who will never become truly happy I don't know if Fei is destined to suffer, but I do think Fei suffers so damn beautifully in the way that one just can't get enough seeing the beauty of his emotional torture. But it's also why I decided to end this now. 7 years is a bit too long and I have put him through a trilogy of suffering, non-stop. Poor thing.
I will always read your stuff. ALWAYS! So be prepared! <3 LOL No, you be prepared, because I have too many people to suffer and kill in this story, as in every single one of them has problems bigger than Fei and I intend to go all the way with this. *cracks whip* It's no BL though, I have to warn you. ^^!
Yep, I am. xD And I will always be... even with this ... Novel thing. -_- What happend to all my hopes? They were killed by a fanfic novel. And I was really disappointed when the last special chapter was not a story with Akihito's (dream) office. It was really funny to see a flirty Mik and a work-happy Fei. But now... pfuuuf... broken. *sigh*
Like a Greek tragedy... Your story reminds me of Orpheus and Eurydice. A blink away from freedom and happiness. You see the light, walk hand in hand and then... broken. All hope is gone and you are alone. With nothing left than a memory and a deep pain... Wow, I see what you did there. When I think about it... Now I love your story even more. But don't let Fei become an Orpheus. >_< My German teacher would be so proud of me if she could see this wonderful interpretation... And I think my brain is still sleeping. Next time this loud bird sings at my window... I WILL KILL IT! It's 7 am. I was awake until 4 (reading your fic) ... Not... enough... sleep. xD Ok, back to the topic.
I'm really looking forward to your Original. With a laughing and a crying eye. The whole Fei fandom has shrunk so much and almost every fic writer has disappeared... I don't know if I will survive that. :/ But like we say here: Everything has an end, only the sausage has two (ok, in German it sounds better)... Errm.. But promise that you will sometimes post something with Fei (maybe every year at his birthday). Even if it is just a little thing.
He suffers really beautifully... yes. But I think the most beautiful thing is a happy Fei. There should be more happy moments in his life. "STOP THE SUFFERING! SAVE FEI!"
But this is what I love. I have a reason that idolize 'In these words' by GuiltPleasure. xD And I do love 'What are you doing with my brain and my emotions?!' stuff. And now I am looking even more forward to this story. And it doesn't have to be always BL (even if I really love your sexy parts in CI). Don't worry about that.
Yep, I am. xD And I will always be... even with this ... Novel thing. -_- Oh..you hate it too? It's refreshing really to see another YxF who actually understand what YxF was really about, and not just rooting for them to just get together, have sex, and celebrate even though it ruins everything that had ever been good about them in the first place. I'm actually very happy it wasn't MxF. I would have been ruined for life had MxF turned out lame. Sometimes you want to keep your dreams from coming true because reality isn't always as great. I've said more than once actually, that perhaps if I still have the will and energy, I want to try writing that depressing YxF fic which will probably be really long too, but it's scares me because the heart of YxF to me, is how beautifully Yoh suffers for the sake of Fei, and how the nature of their personality will conflict each other so much that they'll end up hurting one another to eternity *drools*. I know a lot of YxF disagree and think they can totally be happy together, but I have a feeling that most people don't realize they feel for YxF because it's the kind of love that can never be -- that's probably the most extreme and lasting kind of love out there. At least that's what I think, and why I'd enjoyed so much writing that scene when Fei wanted to use Yoh for comfort, and Yoh with his amazing discipline, turned him down. The guy is pretty amazing.
My German teacher would be so proud of me if she could see this wonderful interpretation. LOL I'm so proud of you too and really happy that you could see it. To me it was Fei's final test. He needs to pass it to deserve Mikhail, because for the seven long years that I have written this story, Fei has not shown me enough how far he was willing to go for love, only Mikhail.
Everything has an end, only the sausage has two LOL That is so damn true ha ha ha.
I will totally put out some short stories with Fei, as long as Fei fans are still around ^_^
Ah I haven't got a change to read In These Words. I saw the art and it's amazing. Will totally do that soon.
I don't like the novel at all. I don't know. Let's not think about the whole Yan rape thing and not about a jealous Tao... I am happy that Fei realised that there is someone who belongs only to him. That Yoh can give him the feeling to be safe and to be loved. But it was so disappointing that his thoughts always wander to Asami. Maybe he would really do that. But would he really compare Yoh always with Asami even if they have sex? At the end of the NT arc I tought Fei finally forgot Asami and understood that his life goes on. But the novel... NO! Also the beginnig of the novel is a complete disappointment. I mean Yoh fled to Taiwan after he told Fei about his feelings... He fled?! WTF?! For real? The real Yoh NEVER would do something like this. His pride would NEVER allow this. That was the point where I thought 'Yep, that is a fanfic.' And it is such a bad fanfiction full of contradictions. -_- And Yoh... Yoh is not someone who would do bad jokes. A Yoh who grins like a child... NEVER! The novel Yoh is not the real Yoh at all. And the end of the novel destroys all hopes for an happy end between the two. There was only one point where I thought 'This is something what the real Yoh would also do': When Yoh kills Yan really slowly to let him suffer. That he first shot him in the stomach to let him scream and cry and then, after minutes of suffering and regretting, shot him between the eyes. So I think your stories are really worth to put in a book. But this novel... No, never! The poor paper...
For me the real Yoh is someone who would never put himself on the same level as Fei. Who would always handle him like something precious and who will always suffer because of his doubst. Is he good enough for Fei? Can he give him the things he want? Is he the right one? This thoughts should torture him and he should never ever think things like 'I am happy I could fuck you.' -_- But I have never seen a fanfic with the Yoh of my dreams. >_< I would die to see a long YxF fic written by you. It would be a realationship linked by pain and doubst, sadness and hope. But I think such a bond is more powerful than a bond forged by something foolish like love. They will never see each other through rose-colered glasses. And that would make everything so genuine and real. But this is only my thinking.
Ok, my Latin teacher would be proud of me. xD I really liked him. Because he only 'saw' my enthusiasm for this language and my interest for the whole mythology. I think he was the best teacher ever. Yes, blind teacher for the win. He could never see our smiles when we got good grades or our thrilled eyes when he told us one of his exciting stories. But I really hope he felt it. *sigh* The good old days. Yeah, I really love the Greek and Roman mythology. The origin of the drama. And I do love drama. Maybe one of the reasons I like your story so much. xD
And I hope the Fei fans will always be around. It is sad enough that he doesn't appear in the main arc. But I also think that it is good he don't appears. It would only be a disappointment if he would...
You really should read it. It if full of drama, angst, sex, pscho things... I'm totally in love with it.
I am happy that Fei realised that there is someone who belongs only to him.
I haven't read the novel, but from the summary I didn't feel that Fei realized that at all. He was still drifting to Asami, which was actually the part I find very realistic about the novel even though it must have hurt a lot for YxF fans. I hated NT ending because it failed to convince me that Fei has managed to let go of Asami, and even if it was implied, it was too easy, too much of a rush, and too shallow for me to believe so. But still, I think the drifting to Asami part was a great set up for a YxF major angst which, sadly, was never picked up. You see, that would have been the first thing I throw at YxF if I were to write this pairing, the ASAMI thing that actually was a problem to BOTH of them. This could be even worse than Asami in the middle of MxF because Mikhail wasn't involved, but Yoh was deeply involved with Asami. That alone is worth reading, more so than the smut or what kind of dim sum they shared in the morning *rolls eyes*. But yes, I believe at first Fei would compare anyone to Asami during sex, because he's not over him. I think Yoh would know this too, which makes it really heartbreaking just to think about.
But I do agree with you about Yoh never leaving Fei. I do think he wouldn't stick around, but I had hoped he'd make himself sort of Fei's dark knight, always watching over him and making sure he's ok. The moving to Taiwan thing was not cool. Leaving afterwards, maybe, but he'd still be watching I'm sure. Yoh is so proud that way but I don't see a possibility that he would just leave.
But I have never seen a fanfic with the Yoh of my dreams. I think the main problem with Yoh and why not enough people write him is because very few people really appreciate him as a person, only for the one-sided love aspect of it. So when fics get written Yoh turns out as a pathetic lovesick weak boy and everyone just want them to get together (pretty much like the novel), ignoring the fact that they can't just get together without at least a 10-volume manga to explain why and how. I understand the impulse that everyone is feeling so sorry for Yoh and that's probably why there are more YxF than MxF (Mikhail is too well endowed to get Fei too - I suppose it makes life feel unfair to most people?), but everyone has to stop feeling sorry for Yoh. I mean, this is an extremely strong, dedicated, and proud character that's stubborn to a fault. It's Fei they should all be sorry for because no matter what he does, Yoh will never bend. I always feel Yoh and Mik have one thing in common, and that is they are both immovable when it comes to Fei. The difference is Mikhail would get there with a lot of turns and shortcuts and unimaginable methods, and Yoh would just go in a straight line! I really really love writing Mikhail and Yoh working together in CI.
I've probably rambled too much and should get back to work XDD
It's nice talking with you though. We haven't had good long discussions on Fei for a while.
Well here in Germany we have the novel. But I don't know if the translation is so good and correct. :/ I mean here the first volume of Finder is set to the index and because of that the other volumes are really ... meh. For example they 'translated' "Feel the pleasure" to "Feel the love". *cough* So maybe I should wait for the English translation to see what Fei and Yoh are talking about. xD You know this is the part of Fei I hate so much. This whole 'running after Asami' thing. Because I can't understand it. When I was 6 years old, my father left us. I always wanted his love. Never understanding that I still had my mother who gave me all her love. But my father ignored me, married and became happy without me. I was running after him and thought how wonderful it would be if he would also love me. But after some years I became so happy with my mother and my life that I somehow forgot about my father. And then, when I became 18, he standed in the doorway and said how much he missed me. Suddenly I was important to him and he wanted to give me all his love. And that was the point when I understood that I don't need him anymore. I became free without him. And so I think is it not possible for Fei to become also free? Somehow I can't understand him. When I think about Fei and the Asami-Mik-Yoh thing I always see three high class restaurants and one confused Fei. He stands in front of the Asami restaurant, waiting to get a seat. A few years ago he had the chance to try a little amuse gueule and was so thrilled by it that he now wants to try the complete menu, ignoring the other excellent restaurant right next to him. So he sees how other guests get a seat in Asami's restaurant and becomes really jealous even if the other two restaurants offer him everything. He get such a tunnel vision that he can't see that Mik's and Yoh's restaurants offer him even better things. But someday at a whim he tries the best things Mik and Yoh can offer. He thinks it is delicous but compares it with Asami's, praising it even more than before. And I see it. And sometime he will get his chance to try Asami's again and than he will be disappointed because it tastes aweful compared to the things Mik and Yoh had to offer. But than it will be too late because they already moved on to the next city. Has it really to end like that? It will end this way if Fei can't change. So that is why I was so disappointed with the novel. In NT when Fei kissed Asami and looked somehow purified I was really happy. But with the novel... *sigh*
Fei has a broken heart and a damaged soul. So you really should pick this topic with Yoh up. YOU HAVE TO! Because I want to know how you would solve the Asami problem. If you would solve it. But somehow you also did it in CI. With Yoh it would be much much more complicated. C'mon, this is a wonderful challenge. Accept it! xD You did such a fantastic job with CI. But with Mik Fei can float on clouds and can be all lovey dovey. What would you do with Yoh? I really want to know. So I hope sometime in the future you will pick it up.
I love it to discuss this things with you. I think my head will explode if I can't share my fantasies or ideas with others. >_
You know this is the part of Fei I hate so much. This whole 'running after Asami' thing. Because I can't understand it.
You can't understand it because you're looking at it from the wrong perspective. You're looking at it from Fei's point of view, in which case, as you said, it doesn't make sense. The whole point of the kiss Fei forced on Asami in NT was to realise there was nothing to hope for there. I like the way you describe it: that Fei looked purified as he walked away from Asami then. This made complete sense.
But.
VF is not about Fei Long. It's about Asami and Akihito. And so no, not even in what seems to be his very own novel, Fei is not allowed to be free from them. So we see him texting Akihito, and we see him thinking of Asami while having sex with someone else. That's because this is a VF novel, NOT a Fei Long novel. Everything has to remain about Asami and Akihito somehow, even if this means twisting the existing canon and murdering established characterisation.
It's like the threesome, if you will. The threesome makes no sense, canon-wise, but it allows for an AxA threesome with someone readers won't object to too much. The whole point is to have Akihito being used as a sex object by two men at once, Akihito being lent to another man by his master Asami - and the fact that this other man desperately wants Asami only makes it even more about AxA.
VF is ALL about AxA. Fei Long was never more than an accessory to AxA's story - and he keeps remaining so even in his "own" novel.
So you really should pick this topic with Yoh up. YOU HAVE TO! Because I want to know how you would solve the Asami problem. If you would solve it. But somehow you also did it in CI. With Yoh it would be much much more complicated. C'mon, this is a wonderful challenge. Accept it! xD
She can't - because she's already issued that exact challenge to me :P And I did start on it... until RL killed my inspiration. But I haven't given up on it yet! I'm making changes to my life these days, which may or may not resurrect my Muse. But if Faye tries her hand at the same story... Yeah, no, no way I'm competing with her O.O !
I love it to discuss this things with you. I think my head will explode if I can't share my fantasies or ideas with others.
We know the feeling ;) Discuss away :D ! I've been following your exchange with Faye with interest :)
VF is not about Fei Long. It's about Asami and Akihito.
That is so true, but then again she did give us high loft, and you know who I blame? I blame the overwhelming AxA fans who bombarded her over the lack of AxA, over how much they hate Fei Long, everywhere, not just in the comms. This is the wrong crowd for Fei really. But on top of that she, too, is too much in love with AxA to want to sway from Aki cutting toe nails story (Jelly's words are brilliantly true), and lately I feel she has lost interest altogether.
ASfor even in his OWN novel, it was so fucking blatant with the version with Asami on the fucking cover. I mean that was such a big insult to Fei fans and deceiving as hell. I don't know how Libre got away with it. My respect for the company and the mangaka has become really low after that. It's just wrong.
Yeah, no, no way I'm competing with her O.O ! IT's more like the other way around XDD I wouldn't dare write YxF while you have a go at it. I don't even understand Yoh beyond intuitive level, you said so yourself ha ha.
P.S> Gosh I miss these discussions!!! I should come up with a new topic to ramble!!
I know it is not about Fei. *sigh* And it is not a Fei novel. I mean why is Asami on the cover of it? If it would be a Fei novel, Mik, Yoh or Tao would be on the cover. Not Asami. This is a clear indication. -_- And now it all makes sense. Yep, I looked at it from the wrong point of view. Sometimes I forget that this whole universe revolves around Asami and Akihito only. But it is the reason why we know nothing about the new characters in the main plot. We don't know who they are, but we know, they all want to fuck Akihito and Asami wants to kill them... I think Sakazaki (was this his name) will be killed before we learn something about him. A looooong time ago Ayano Yamane talked about a manga where one of the Finder characters will take the main part. But I think that would just be a big disappointment because she already messed up all her good characters. So this new manga would still be a manga about Asami and Akihito. So if that is not a sad realization...
I don't want to see Akihito and Asami fucking in 1001 different positions. -_- At least I want a progress in the story. I am not a big fan of this fan service shit. -_- The place they used for this threesome, the Yukata sex and the office thing they should have used for a flashback or something which shows how the others live their lives. In the story two years since NT have passed. And we know nothing. Maybe Russia was destroyed by a nuclear disaster and Hong Kong is immersed in the sea and we don't know it. But yeah, AxA universe.
She can't - because she's already issued that exact challenge to me She really should do it. Because you are to slow. xD No, come on, except of your stories there are no good YxF fanfics out there. But too much AxA things. Wouldn't it be a great project if two of the best fanfic writers would counter with two brilliant fanfics without AxA as the main characters? And it wouldn't be a competition at all. Because you both have two different opinions and imaginations. I would die to get the chance to read both stories, not just one. :/
And I am glad to hear from you. In the future I have some plans with you.... Muhahahahaaaaaa. Because I am working on my own 'little' project and I need your help. So be prepared!
YOU DOO???? Can you translate the last part with Mikhail in detail? *gets on hands and knees to beg*
You know this is the part of Fei I hate so much.
Hmm, actually that is the part of Fei that I love so much. Not because it's Asami, but because it shows that he's the kind of man that loves so intensely. I actually do have a feeling that both Yoh and Mikhail fell for him because of his unwillingness and inability to forget Asami because when he loves, he loves with everything he has. And especially for Mikhail, he probably wants to be on the receiving end of that love. It is a part of Fei that makes him as good as Yoh. Now, I want him to break free from Asami, but it should never be easy like in NT, or else it destroys everything that Fei Long ever was and makes him weak and shallow. And he has been shallow and soft lately in NT due to Aki. I hated that about Fei. But that's me.
I also think the reason you can let go of your father is because you've been loved. Fei hasn't. He doesn't even know what love is or how to love properly. The way I see it, Fei can't let go, not from NT,not from FnR, not until someone bloody shows him he is loved, what true love is, and that Asami sucks at it (sorry, but he does). And that is the whole point of CI. It's the journey that Mikhail has to take to get Fei to break free which is supposed to be long, hard, and suicidal (why I am convinced persistent Mikhail is the man). But you can't ask for this in yaoi. It's the wrong genre *sighs*. Yoh could probably do that too, only I feel he would take longer, because of his walking in a straight line kind of guy.
LOL I can't write it, not right now. Like Del said, I've already challenged him with that. And he can do a better job that I can because this is the one person who taught me who Yoh is, whose writing is much better than mine. Besides, my brutally honest beta (no, not angel0399 this time) has just approved Eclipse (my original), which means I will have to dedicate myself to that right now. I hope Del will be able to continue with YxF soon. I'm really looking forward to read it. (Damn FnR has put TWO great Fei fanfics on hiatus. It's unforgivable!)
Glad you are enjoying this. I don't want to sound weird, rambling too much XD
Oh gosh, I and my bad bad English. xD Ok, I will try it. Even if it kills me...
But I think he is weak, because of this whole Asami conflict. Is it really strong to set a goal and doing everything to gain it, ignoring the things and persons around, even if it hurts them? It is impressed that he loves with his whole heart. And maybe Mik and Yoh are facinated by it. But it means also that they can never be the number one. Such a heart can not forget. It can only forget when the owner wants it. And I am sad that he can't walk forwards. Fei only moves in circles around Asami. Every step he does is for Asami. Every step should hurt Asami. I want him to make a step for himself and not others. I think it wasn't easy in NT. Before that he has suffered for seven years. And this breaking free was a slowly progress. This kiss should have been the end of this long journey. And I think this 'I don't care if I die here' thing showed really good that he was free. When he standed there and Asami pointed with his gun on him he was just an empty shell. His will to live was built on his feelings for Asami. So without this feelings he couldn't care less about his future. But he wasn't killed. So he was suddenly forced to think about how to proceed. And when he stood there, telling Yoh that it doesn't matter how you feel, I thought that he finally can start to live his own life. But than came the novel and destroyed this progress.
Maybe you are right. But I think Fei could feel that he is/was loved if he would just stop running after Asami. -_- Fei is just lonely because he can't see other things besides of Asami. And that is Fei's problem. He can only live if he becomes fixed on one thing. His father's love, Asami's love... He has the wrong idea of love. And that's why he never felt the love of his father. Yes, his father was not the best father. And it is his fault that Fei is so messed up. But it is also the fault of Fei's personality. Because if he wants one thing he becomes blind for other things. He becomes also blind for the thing he wants and can't recognize it even if it stands right before him.
And like I said before: There are not enough good YxF fanfics out there. We need more. I really really love your story. It shows this wonderful hard journey. And you are right. With Yoh it would take much more time. Your schedule is very strict. But hopefully someday you will find some time to write something about YxF... So, and now please excuse me. I have to search for Del's muse and have to kick her in the ass. -_-*
I think people have different interpretations about strengths and weaknesses. If you ask me, yes, I think that's strength. The ability to hold on to what you believe in no matter what without fearing the consequences, without fear of being hurt or having to hurt people. I don't see it a weakness, but it may make you a bad person. At the same time prople who can let go can also be seen as stronger from another perspective. From mine, it is much harder and takes a lot more strength to hold on to something compared to letting go, which is what Fei Long is to me. Weak would be someone who's too afraid to breakfree or help himself. Fei isn't like that though. He doesn't want to breakfree and he's determined to look for something he believes in. My sister who's my complete opposite once told me, "you must never allow anyone to hurt you." And at first I thought she sounded really strong. Then I realize, hey, I am not scared of being hurt, I would rather love and endure pain than not know love at all. It feels to me like hiding at home for fear of dying. And that's not strength to me, that's cowardice. But like I said, it depends on your perspective. That is why people have totally different ideas of Fei ^_^
But that said I do want to see Fei move on as you do. Although I see your point on NT I still kind of disagree about the kiss and the events after gunpoint thing. To me, the I don't care if I die here isn't Fei breaking free, it's Fei throwing it all away for Asami. If he was free he'd care about himself. Fei would try to live thinking "I'm so over you, you piece of shit and the fuck I will let you kill me!!" He was just looking to die by Asami's hand and get it over with, hopefully leaving Asami with guilt on that too and it's still about Asami. The thing with Yoh? He said that because he's still thinking, "oh stop telling me you love me, it gets on my nerve because it reminds me exactly why I can't get him! Because I feel nothjng for you either and this is probably how Asami feels about me." TBH I didn't know what YxF were so happy about in NT. I would have cried my heart out if I were YohxFei. That's like a HUGE NO, fuck off!! But yeah, that's how I saw it. A lot of people have very different interpretation though. I'm sure all of us are wring because the truth is sensei just can't wait to get to 11-page AxA smut XDDDD
I don't know if it's wrong to want one thing so much you become blind to other things. When I want food I will kill anyone who gives me desert LOL I think it has to do with what makes you happy, and that's different for different people. I prefer to eat to my heart's content than starve myself to get thin again than eat in moderation daily. It's not healthy, but it's my choice. It's also Fei's choice to suffer and that's who he is. But remember it IS Fei both Yoh and Mik wants, so he must have done somethibg right. Without his sensitive and wholehearted nature, Fei would be Aki, and Mikhail would pimp him to Yuri and go fuck someone else LOL
Ok, different people, different opinions. Let's summarize it: We all want Fei to move on. END You can't change the way people see the world. We both want the same. We see it only from other angles.
Oi, I wasn't happy with the end of NT... Mhm, when I think about it I think we had this discussion some months ago. xD I mean Fei was so 'I don't care just fuck off'... But it is good he thought so because if not Yoh would be dead... OMG! I am not a normal YxF! Bring me a psychiatrist! I don't know if Ayano Yamane only wants this AxA smut. I always thought it would hurt to let the own characters rot somewhere and only concentrate on one couple. But maybe she doesn't thinks so and only loves Akihito and Asami. :/
This is also a thing which everyone sees different. But I think you can't say Fei wants to eat. Because this would be too generalized. For Fei it is not the point to starve himself to death because he won't eat anything. The problem is that he will starve to death because he only wants to eat a certain thing. If Asami is a sweet peach he only wants to eat sweet peaches because he thinks the other offered apples and plums are not tasteful at all. And that is it. He don't want to try something different. He doesn't care that he starves. And it is not healthy to destroy yourself only because you can't let go. So to see it from the perspective of the body and soul Fei really needs a psychiatrist. Only his heart still continues to run amok. -_- Fei really needs someone who force-fed him. And this is why I think Yoh and Mik are so perfect for him. Because I think they are the only ones who wouldn't be bothered if Fei hates them as long they can save him from starving.
I don't know if I should hate it or love it.
Ah I get what you mean, even though I don't share the same problem. Anything that manages to hurt me I love with a passion, especially tragic endings (why I love Shakespeare and Greek tragedy!).
And for me it doesn't matter if it is a story about Mik and Fei, Asami and Fei or something with your own characters
That is such a relief and one of the best things a writer would want to hear. I keep worrying that MikxFei is the only thing I can write about, and it is making me anxious as hell when I write my original. Thank you for giving me a push and I hope I do not disappoint in the future.
I think Fei is someone who will never become truly happy
I don't know if Fei is destined to suffer, but I do think Fei suffers so damn beautifully in the way that one just can't get enough seeing the beauty of his emotional torture. But it's also why I decided to end this now. 7 years is a bit too long and I have put him through a trilogy of suffering, non-stop. Poor thing.
I will always read your stuff. ALWAYS! So be prepared! <3
LOL No, you be prepared, because I have too many people to suffer and kill in this story, as in every single one of them has problems bigger than Fei and I intend to go all the way with this. *cracks whip* It's no BL though, I have to warn you. ^^!
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And I was really disappointed when the last special chapter was not a story with Akihito's (dream) office. It was really funny to see a flirty Mik and a work-happy Fei. But now... pfuuuf... broken. *sigh*
Like a Greek tragedy... Your story reminds me of Orpheus and Eurydice. A blink away from freedom and happiness. You see the light, walk hand in hand and then... broken. All hope is gone and you are alone. With nothing left than a memory and a deep pain... Wow, I see what you did there. When I think about it... Now I love your story even more. But don't let Fei become an Orpheus. >_< My German teacher would be so proud of me if she could see this wonderful interpretation... And I think my brain is still sleeping. Next time this loud bird sings at my window... I WILL KILL IT! It's 7 am. I was awake until 4 (reading your fic) ... Not... enough... sleep. xD Ok, back to the topic.
I'm really looking forward to your Original. With a laughing and a crying eye. The whole Fei fandom has shrunk so much and almost every fic writer has disappeared... I don't know if I will survive that. :/ But like we say here: Everything has an end, only the sausage has two (ok, in German it sounds better)... Errm.. But promise that you will sometimes post something with Fei (maybe every year at his birthday). Even if it is just a little thing.
He suffers really beautifully... yes. But I think the most beautiful thing is a happy Fei. There should be more happy moments in his life. "STOP THE SUFFERING! SAVE FEI!"
But this is what I love. I have a reason that idolize 'In these words' by GuiltPleasure. xD And I do love 'What are you doing with my brain and my emotions?!' stuff. And now I am looking even more forward to this story. And it doesn't have to be always BL (even if I really love your sexy parts in CI). Don't worry about that.
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Oh..you hate it too? It's refreshing really to see another YxF who actually understand what YxF was really about, and not just rooting for them to just get together, have sex, and celebrate even though it ruins everything that had ever been good about them in the first place. I'm actually very happy it wasn't MxF. I would have been ruined for life had MxF turned out lame. Sometimes you want to keep your dreams from coming true because reality isn't always as great. I've said more than once actually, that perhaps if I still have the will and energy, I want to try writing that depressing YxF fic which will probably be really long too, but it's scares me because the heart of YxF to me, is how beautifully Yoh suffers for the sake of Fei, and how the nature of their personality will conflict each other so much that they'll end up hurting one another to eternity *drools*. I know a lot of YxF disagree and think they can totally be happy together, but I have a feeling that most people don't realize they feel for YxF because it's the kind of love that can never be -- that's probably the most extreme and lasting kind of love out there. At least that's what I think, and why I'd enjoyed so much writing that scene when Fei wanted to use Yoh for comfort, and Yoh with his amazing discipline, turned him down. The guy is pretty amazing.
My German teacher would be so proud of me if she could see this wonderful interpretation.
LOL I'm so proud of you too and really happy that you could see it. To me it was Fei's final test. He needs to pass it to deserve Mikhail, because for the seven long years that I have written this story, Fei has not shown me enough how far he was willing to go for love, only Mikhail.
Everything has an end, only the sausage has two
LOL That is so damn true ha ha ha.
I will totally put out some short stories with Fei, as long as Fei fans are still around ^_^
Ah I haven't got a change to read In These Words. I saw the art and it's amazing. Will totally do that soon.
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So I think your stories are really worth to put in a book. But this novel... No, never! The poor paper...
For me the real Yoh is someone who would never put himself on the same level as Fei. Who would always handle him like something precious and who will always suffer because of his doubst. Is he good enough for Fei? Can he give him the things he want? Is he the right one? This thoughts should torture him and he should never ever think things like 'I am happy I could fuck you.' -_- But I have never seen a fanfic with the Yoh of my dreams. >_< I would die to see a long YxF fic written by you. It would be a realationship linked by pain and doubst, sadness and hope. But I think such a bond is more powerful than a bond forged by something foolish like love. They will never see each other through rose-colered glasses. And that would make everything so genuine and real. But this is only my thinking.
Ok, my Latin teacher would be proud of me. xD I really liked him. Because he only 'saw' my enthusiasm for this language and my interest for the whole mythology. I think he was the best teacher ever. Yes, blind teacher for the win. He could never see our smiles when we got good grades or our thrilled eyes when he told us one of his exciting stories. But I really hope he felt it. *sigh* The good old days. Yeah, I really love the Greek and Roman mythology. The origin of the drama. And I do love drama. Maybe one of the reasons I like your story so much. xD
And I hope the Fei fans will always be around. It is sad enough that he doesn't appear in the main arc. But I also think that it is good he don't appears. It would only be a disappointment if he would...
You really should read it. It if full of drama, angst, sex, pscho things... I'm totally in love with it.
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I haven't read the novel, but from the summary I didn't feel that Fei realized that at all. He was still drifting to Asami, which was actually the part I find very realistic about the novel even though it must have hurt a lot for YxF fans. I hated NT ending because it failed to convince me that Fei has managed to let go of Asami, and even if it was implied, it was too easy, too much of a rush, and too shallow for me to believe so. But still, I think the drifting to Asami part was a great set up for a YxF major angst which, sadly, was never picked up. You see, that would have been the first thing I throw at YxF if I were to write this pairing, the ASAMI thing that actually was a problem to BOTH of them. This could be even worse than Asami in the middle of MxF because Mikhail wasn't involved, but Yoh was deeply involved with Asami. That alone is worth reading, more so than the smut or what kind of dim sum they shared in the morning *rolls eyes*. But yes, I believe at first Fei would compare anyone to Asami during sex, because he's not over him. I think Yoh would know this too, which makes it really heartbreaking just to think about.
But I do agree with you about Yoh never leaving Fei. I do think he wouldn't stick around, but I had hoped he'd make himself sort of Fei's dark knight, always watching over him and making sure he's ok. The moving to Taiwan thing was not cool. Leaving afterwards, maybe, but he'd still be watching I'm sure. Yoh is so proud that way but I don't see a possibility that he would just leave.
But I have never seen a fanfic with the Yoh of my dreams.
I think the main problem with Yoh and why not enough people write him is because very few people really appreciate him as a person, only for the one-sided love aspect of it. So when fics get written Yoh turns out as a pathetic lovesick weak boy and everyone just want them to get together (pretty much like the novel), ignoring the fact that they can't just get together without at least a 10-volume manga to explain why and how. I understand the impulse that everyone is feeling so sorry for Yoh and that's probably why there are more YxF than MxF (Mikhail is too well endowed to get Fei too - I suppose it makes life feel unfair to most people?), but everyone has to stop feeling sorry for Yoh. I mean, this is an extremely strong, dedicated, and proud character that's stubborn to a fault. It's Fei they should all be sorry for because no matter what he does, Yoh will never bend. I always feel Yoh and Mik have one thing in common, and that is they are both immovable when it comes to Fei. The difference is Mikhail would get there with a lot of turns and shortcuts and unimaginable methods, and Yoh would just go in a straight line! I really really love writing Mikhail and Yoh working together in CI.
I've probably rambled too much and should get back to work XDD
It's nice talking with you though. We haven't had good long discussions on Fei for a while.
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You know this is the part of Fei I hate so much. This whole 'running after Asami' thing. Because I can't understand it. When I was 6 years old, my father left us. I always wanted his love. Never understanding that I still had my mother who gave me all her love. But my father ignored me, married and became happy without me. I was running after him and thought how wonderful it would be if he would also love me. But after some years I became so happy with my mother and my life that I somehow forgot about my father. And then, when I became 18, he standed in the doorway and said how much he missed me. Suddenly I was important to him and he wanted to give me all his love. And that was the point when I understood that I don't need him anymore. I became free without him. And so I think is it not possible for Fei to become also free? Somehow I can't understand him. When I think about Fei and the Asami-Mik-Yoh thing I always see three high class restaurants and one confused Fei. He stands in front of the Asami restaurant, waiting to get a seat. A few years ago he had the chance to try a little amuse gueule and was so thrilled by it that he now wants to try the complete menu, ignoring the other excellent restaurant right next to him. So he sees how other guests get a seat in Asami's restaurant and becomes really jealous even if the other two restaurants offer him everything. He get such a tunnel vision that he can't see that Mik's and Yoh's restaurants offer him even better things. But someday at a whim he tries the best things Mik and Yoh can offer. He thinks it is delicous but compares it with Asami's, praising it even more than before. And I see it. And sometime he will get his chance to try Asami's again and than he will be disappointed because it tastes aweful compared to the things Mik and Yoh had to offer. But than it will be too late because they already moved on to the next city. Has it really to end like that? It will end this way if Fei can't change. So that is why I was so disappointed with the novel. In NT when Fei kissed Asami and looked somehow purified I was really happy. But with the novel... *sigh*
Fei has a broken heart and a damaged soul. So you really should pick this topic with Yoh up. YOU HAVE TO! Because I want to know how you would solve the Asami problem. If you would solve it. But somehow you also did it in CI. With Yoh it would be much much more complicated. C'mon, this is a wonderful challenge. Accept it! xD You did such a fantastic job with CI. But with Mik Fei can float on clouds and can be all lovey dovey. What would you do with Yoh? I really want to know. So I hope sometime in the future you will pick it up.
I love it to discuss this things with you. I think my head will explode if I can't share my fantasies or ideas with others. >_
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You can't understand it because you're looking at it from the wrong perspective. You're looking at it from Fei's point of view, in which case, as you said, it doesn't make sense. The whole point of the kiss Fei forced on Asami in NT was to realise there was nothing to hope for there. I like the way you describe it: that Fei looked purified as he walked away from Asami then. This made complete sense.
But.
VF is not about Fei Long. It's about Asami and Akihito. And so no, not even in what seems to be his very own novel, Fei is not allowed to be free from them. So we see him texting Akihito, and we see him thinking of Asami while having sex with someone else. That's because this is a VF novel, NOT a Fei Long novel. Everything has to remain about Asami and Akihito somehow, even if this means twisting the existing canon and murdering established characterisation.
It's like the threesome, if you will. The threesome makes no sense, canon-wise, but it allows for an AxA threesome with someone readers won't object to too much. The whole point is to have Akihito being used as a sex object by two men at once, Akihito being lent to another man by his master Asami - and the fact that this other man desperately wants Asami only makes it even more about AxA.
VF is ALL about AxA. Fei Long was never more than an accessory to AxA's story - and he keeps remaining so even in his "own" novel.
So you really should pick this topic with Yoh up. YOU HAVE TO! Because I want to know how you would solve the Asami problem. If you would solve it. But somehow you also did it in CI. With Yoh it would be much much more complicated. C'mon, this is a wonderful challenge. Accept it! xD
She can't - because she's already issued that exact challenge to me :P And I did start on it... until RL killed my inspiration. But I haven't given up on it yet! I'm making changes to my life these days, which may or may not resurrect my Muse. But if Faye tries her hand at the same story... Yeah, no, no way I'm competing with her O.O !
I love it to discuss this things with you. I think my head will explode if I can't share my fantasies or ideas with others.
We know the feeling ;) Discuss away :D ! I've been following your exchange with Faye with interest :)
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That is so true, but then again she did give us high loft, and you know who I blame? I blame the overwhelming AxA fans who bombarded her over the lack of AxA, over how much they hate Fei Long, everywhere, not just in the comms. This is the wrong crowd for Fei really. But on top of that she, too, is too much in love with AxA to want to sway from Aki cutting toe nails story (Jelly's words are brilliantly true), and lately I feel she has lost interest altogether.
ASfor even in his OWN novel, it was so fucking blatant with the version with Asami on the fucking cover. I mean that was such a big insult to Fei fans and deceiving as hell. I don't know how Libre got away with it. My respect for the company and the mangaka has become really low after that. It's just wrong.
Yeah, no, no way I'm competing with her O.O !
IT's more like the other way around XDD I wouldn't dare write YxF while you have a go at it. I don't even understand Yoh beyond intuitive level, you said so yourself ha ha.
P.S> Gosh I miss these discussions!!! I should come up with a new topic to ramble!!
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And now it all makes sense. Yep, I looked at it from the wrong point of view. Sometimes I forget that this whole universe revolves around Asami and Akihito only. But it is the reason why we know nothing about the new characters in the main plot. We don't know who they are, but we know, they all want to fuck Akihito and Asami wants to kill them... I think Sakazaki (was this his name) will be killed before we learn something about him. A looooong time ago Ayano Yamane talked about a manga where one of the Finder characters will take the main part. But I think that would just be a big disappointment because she already messed up all her good characters. So this new manga would still be a manga about Asami and Akihito. So if that is not a sad realization...
I don't want to see Akihito and Asami fucking in 1001 different positions. -_- At least I want a progress in the story. I am not a big fan of this fan service shit. -_- The place they used for this threesome, the Yukata sex and the office thing they should have used for a flashback or something which shows how the others live their lives. In the story two years since NT have passed. And we know nothing. Maybe Russia was destroyed by a nuclear disaster and Hong Kong is immersed in the sea and we don't know it. But yeah, AxA universe.
She can't - because she's already issued that exact challenge to me
She really should do it. Because you are to slow. xD No, come on, except of your stories there are no good YxF fanfics out there. But too much AxA things. Wouldn't it be a great project if two of the best fanfic writers would counter with two brilliant fanfics without AxA as the main characters? And it wouldn't be a competition at all. Because you both have two different opinions and imaginations. I would die to get the chance to read both stories, not just one. :/
And I am glad to hear from you. In the future I have some plans with you.... Muhahahahaaaaaa. Because I am working on my own 'little' project and I need your help. So be prepared!
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YOU DOO???? Can you translate the last part with Mikhail in detail? *gets on hands and knees to beg*
You know this is the part of Fei I hate so much.
Hmm, actually that is the part of Fei that I love so much. Not because it's Asami, but because it shows that he's the kind of man that loves so intensely. I actually do have a feeling that both Yoh and Mikhail fell for him because of his unwillingness and inability to forget Asami because when he loves, he loves with everything he has. And especially for Mikhail, he probably wants to be on the receiving end of that love. It is a part of Fei that makes him as good as Yoh. Now, I want him to break free from Asami, but it should never be easy like in NT, or else it destroys everything that Fei Long ever was and makes him weak and shallow. And he has been shallow and soft lately in NT due to Aki. I hated that about Fei. But that's me.
I also think the reason you can let go of your father is because you've been loved. Fei hasn't. He doesn't even know what love is or how to love properly. The way I see it, Fei can't let go, not from NT,not from FnR, not until someone bloody shows him he is loved, what true love is, and that Asami sucks at it (sorry, but he does). And that is the whole point of CI. It's the journey that Mikhail has to take to get Fei to break free which is supposed to be long, hard, and suicidal (why I am convinced persistent Mikhail is the man). But you can't ask for this in yaoi. It's the wrong genre *sighs*. Yoh could probably do that too, only I feel he would take longer, because of his walking in a straight line kind of guy.
LOL I can't write it, not right now. Like Del said, I've already challenged him with that. And he can do a better job that I can because this is the one person who taught me who Yoh is, whose writing is much better than mine. Besides, my brutally honest beta (no, not angel0399 this time) has just approved Eclipse (my original), which means I will have to dedicate myself to that right now. I hope Del will be able to continue with YxF soon. I'm really looking forward to read it. (Damn FnR has put TWO great Fei fanfics on hiatus. It's unforgivable!)
Glad you are enjoying this. I don't want to sound weird, rambling too much XD
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But I think he is weak, because of this whole Asami conflict. Is it really strong to set a goal and doing everything to gain it, ignoring the things and persons around, even if it hurts them? It is impressed that he loves with his whole heart. And maybe Mik and Yoh are facinated by it. But it means also that they can never be the number one. Such a heart can not forget. It can only forget when the owner wants it. And I am sad that he can't walk forwards. Fei only moves in circles around Asami. Every step he does is for Asami. Every step should hurt Asami. I want him to make a step for himself and not others.
I think it wasn't easy in NT. Before that he has suffered for seven years. And this breaking free was a slowly progress. This kiss should have been the end of this long journey. And I think this 'I don't care if I die here' thing showed really good that he was free. When he standed there and Asami pointed with his gun on him he was just an empty shell. His will to live was built on his feelings for Asami. So without this feelings he couldn't care less about his future. But he wasn't killed. So he was suddenly forced to think about how to proceed. And when he stood there, telling Yoh that it doesn't matter how you feel, I thought that he finally can start to live his own life. But than came the novel and destroyed this progress.
Maybe you are right. But I think Fei could feel that he is/was loved if he would just stop running after Asami. -_- Fei is just lonely because he can't see other things besides of Asami. And that is Fei's problem. He can only live if he becomes fixed on one thing. His father's love, Asami's love... He has the wrong idea of love. And that's why he never felt the love of his father. Yes, his father was not the best father. And it is his fault that Fei is so messed up. But it is also the fault of Fei's personality. Because if he wants one thing he becomes blind for other things. He becomes also blind for the thing he wants and can't recognize it even if it stands right before him.
And like I said before: There are not enough good YxF fanfics out there. We need more. I really really love your story. It shows this wonderful hard journey. And you are right. With Yoh it would take much more time. Your schedule is very strict. But hopefully someday you will find some time to write something about YxF...
So, and now please excuse me. I have to search for Del's muse and have to kick her in the ass. -_-*
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But that said I do want to see Fei move on as you do. Although I see your point on NT I still kind of disagree about the kiss and the events after gunpoint thing. To me, the I don't care if I die here isn't Fei breaking free, it's Fei throwing it all away for Asami. If he was free he'd care about himself. Fei would try to live thinking "I'm so over you, you piece of shit and the fuck I will let you kill me!!" He was just looking to die by Asami's hand and get it over with, hopefully leaving Asami with guilt on that too and it's still about Asami. The thing with Yoh? He said that because he's still thinking, "oh stop telling me you love me, it gets on my nerve because it reminds me exactly why I can't get him! Because I feel nothjng for you either and this is probably how Asami feels about me." TBH I didn't know what YxF were so happy about in NT. I would have cried my heart out if I were YohxFei. That's like a HUGE NO, fuck off!! But yeah, that's how I saw it. A lot of people have very different interpretation though. I'm sure all of us are wring because the truth is sensei just can't wait to get to 11-page AxA smut XDDDD
I don't know if it's wrong to want one thing so much you become blind to other things. When I want food I will kill anyone who gives me desert LOL I think it has to do with what makes you happy, and that's different for different people. I prefer to eat to my heart's content than starve myself to get thin again than eat in moderation daily. It's not healthy, but it's my choice. It's also Fei's choice to suffer and that's who he is. But remember it IS Fei both Yoh and Mik wants, so he must have done somethibg right. Without his sensitive and wholehearted nature, Fei would be Aki, and Mikhail would pimp him to Yuri and go fuck someone else LOL
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Let's summarize it: We all want Fei to move on. END You can't change the way people see the world. We both want the same. We see it only from other angles.
Oi, I wasn't happy with the end of NT... Mhm, when I think about it I think we had this discussion some months ago. xD I mean Fei was so 'I don't care just fuck off'... But it is good he thought so because if not Yoh would be dead... OMG! I am not a normal YxF! Bring me a psychiatrist! I don't know if Ayano Yamane only wants this AxA smut. I always thought it would hurt to let the own characters rot somewhere and only concentrate on one couple. But maybe she doesn't thinks so and only loves Akihito and Asami. :/
This is also a thing which everyone sees different. But I think you can't say Fei wants to eat. Because this would be too generalized. For Fei it is not the point to starve himself to death because he won't eat anything. The problem is that he will starve to death because he only wants to eat a certain thing. If Asami is a sweet peach he only wants to eat sweet peaches because he thinks the other offered apples and plums are not tasteful at all. And that is it. He don't want to try something different. He doesn't care that he starves. And it is not healthy to destroy yourself only because you can't let go. So to see it from the perspective of the body and soul Fei really needs a psychiatrist. Only his heart still continues to run amok. -_- Fei really needs someone who force-fed him. And this is why I think Yoh and Mik are so perfect for him. Because I think they are the only ones who wouldn't be bothered if Fei hates them as long they can save him from starving.
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