[fic]Retribution Fourteen

[kajornwan]

Sorry for the really late update (at least I didn't take six months). I'm not sure about the quality of this chapter since my brain may still contain some toxin from the recent you-know-what. But if I don't try to get this out, I may just quit this fic altogether. I usually edit a lot more times than this. Sorry

Comments

[char_comet]

First of all thank you for not giving up on continuing this story of yours even if the recent events disappointed you so much!

Then I have to tell you one more time that I am very glad that each chapter of yours is always long and full of content. And for content I don't mean the "pure" action but also the inner thoughts and the huge details about the characterization of the guys.
I had just re-read the chapter to give you a proper comment and that proved me that you did a great job as always but - to me - there's a part I could not find so pleasant and, even if I tried to re-read it too and went ahead at the beginning of it, then I felt I didn't wish to read it again.
It was the Mikhail / Toh part.
I read the other comments here and it seems everyone liked it, so this made me feel again like the only one who goes against the tide and at first I thought to not discuss about it with you but then, since lately there was that popular thread about the writers accepting or not criticisms, I wanted to tell what is my opinion (and here I want to remark one more time that it's my personal opinion so obviously I can see the things wrongly :-P)

I was so delighted at reading the interaction between Yoh and Mikhail and appreciated a lot how you have always given Yoh such a good characterization.... then it came the first "hint" when I read this

and the most cunning man among them all was Mikhail Arbatov

and then I thought "Here we are at it again *sigh*" because in my opinion you're always putting Mikhail on the highest level (Ok I understood he's the man of your dreams :-P and you believe it's only logical if you think of him like that) but sometimes you exceed with his "excellency" talking of it (more or less in a veiled manner) even when - maybe - the writing could have been better without it.
And the clou for me was the Mikhail / Toh meeting: to me the way how everything happened was not much credible, for Mikhail always acting (or showed to act) like the "man in charge" even if he should have not been him to set the terms out. I told myself that probably he is written to act bold like this behind a mask (knowing how much he is emotionally involved with Fei Long) still I found his "overconfidence" a bit annoying me, so that I didn't get from reading that last part the same pleasure that the the rest of the chapter gave to me.
I hope you're not going to be hurt from what I wrote and if you think it's better for me to avoid further comments to your works please tell me and I'll do it ^_^

[kajornwan]

First of all, you should never hold back with me. Criticism always hurt but only a coward and a loser can't take it and I don't want to be one. Besides, even if we always argue, it doesn't mean I take it to heart or that I completely disagree. I think a lot of your comments (and others) help shape many things I had not thought of in the beginning into what it is now. Besides, the only person I specifically told not to read or comment is Alexis, because that woman has the skills to kill me even if I don't commit suicide should she wish to criticize my mistakes, and I know I do make those every chapter. *cries*

I'm glad you like the Yoh vs Mik part. I have been wanting to write that for a long time. As for Mikhail, you do have a valid point that I will consider for my original because I too want to avoid cliches. But for this though, I will try but I can't guarantee I will accomplish, because I enjoy making my man a superhero a lot *slaps the 12yr self* simply because I like squeeing over him. So that was my personal indulgence there ^^! I hope it's not too hard to endure.

The Toh part, I understand you completely. And I knew I was taking big risks here. The thing is, I kind of like Mikhail's overconfidence attitude that we see in NT, and I thought that he hadn't shown that for a while because he was always a softie with Fei. I guess you could say that I am also trying to show the contrast between how he is with other ppl and how he is with people he cares about. And as for the mask, like I said, it will be justified later on. Keep in mind that I am not going to put aside the fact that he has been sexually abused before, and no matter how much he is in control over this, he is the victim here and my readers are going to have to suffer this angst in the future, for a very. Long. Time. *drools* But I'm sorry you didn't enjoy it. I think I have something you may enjoy later though. I'm just not sure I can execute it as well as I imagine it. *sighs*

Anyway, thank you for taking time to tell me all this. It really helps. The problem is, shit, I am not feeling as upset as before when you criticize something. That means I am not as involved or feel as strongly about my story as before. Fucking FNR is still messing up my love for them *flips table*

[char_comet]

I just wanted to point out that I do like Mikhail, so it's not because I don't like him that I found "annoying" the way how he's portrayed in that meeting (and generally in many other situations :-P)
And it's not even that I would like to see him suffer, because I am not like you who love to torture your fav characters....
But sometimes I find in your writing of him a sort of adulation and don't think it is too good for the story. I know this is because you love him too much...it's more or less what I thought when I read the Mikhail/Asami fic written by Shelly. There it happened the same thing: she loves Asami so much that what had to be a non-con sex became something where Asami was the one who did the rules and "forced" Mikhail to act like he wanted, instead of the contrary. And that - to me - was not a credible scene.

[angel0399]

Aww now I see where that tweet came from =)