The Afterlife: Uriel: Talking to Mikhael (part 2)
Part 1
When Uriel was feeling at his worst he had travelled to the deities’ world to ask Hades about why the angels weren’t permitted to drink from the River of Lethe and the answer had been unhelpfully honest. The angels were created for a reason, which meant there were rules about when they could drink from Lethe. Hades had seemed sympathetic, understanding how difficult it was to keep going when it seemed like the world was against you, but that didn’t mean he was going to let Uriel break the rules. As time had passed he came to understand why Hades wouldn’t break the rules, but at the time he’d been so angry, so disappointed, that he had thought about stealing the drink he needed to wipe the memories of his life.
The problem was, Uriel realised as he stood next to the river, there was no one there to help him with the next part. Drinking the water was only one part of being able to move on. When his memories faded away he needed someone to guide his memoryless spirit onto his next life, which would hopefully be a mortal life, otherwise he would just be an immortal angel with no idea where he was or what he was supposed to be doing. He knew it would have been a mistake, even though there was a part of him screaming that he should drink the water, so, regretfully, he walked away from the river, trying to stop himself from crying.
Biting his lip Uriel glanced at the mirror. He didn’t need to watch Caitlyn and, because the mirror was connected to his thoughts, it showed him a group of his fellow angels. One of them was Mikhael, who was obviously talking about the party he thought would be such a good idea, while the others seemed much less enthusiastic, especially Gabriel. A couple of times before Gabe had avoided the parties his fellow angels had thrown and no one knew where he had gone. If Uriel was honest with himself he knew that no one knew where Gabe had disappeared to because no one knew Gabe. Being a loner was something that was going to make being an angel much harder.
One of the things Uriel had noticed about Gabe was that he was much more empathetic than the other angels, which explained why he was a loner, because the strong emotions the angels felt did affect him. It was easy to see when he was having the most trouble dealing with them and Uriel wished he could help Gabe in some way at those times. The problem was that Gabe didn’t seem to want help. He just left the angels behind, going to wherever it was he felt safe, making them all feel useless. Even though Gabe didn’t view himself as their brother Uriel knew all the angels viewed Gabe as their brother. Even Samael, who had always connected more closely with the spirits who became Death.
As Mikhael walked away the mirror stayed with Gabe. Uriel didn’t like spying on his fellow angels, so he didn’t do it very often, but he couldn’t get his mind off Gabe. It wasn’t a surprise that Gabe shook his head, with a wry smile, and headed in the direction of Uriel’s room. Whenever Uriel found himself worrying and watching Gabe it wasn’t long before Gabe came to talk to him. They may not have known anything about Gabe, but, somehow, Gabe knew a lot about his fellow angels.
“You don’t need to worry about me,” Gabe said, as he stepped into the room., sounding vaguely amused. “I made my choices and I’m going to live my life the way I feel is right, even if you don’t feel the same way.”
“Gabe…”
“Uriel…”
“At the very least you need to start connecting with us. We want to get to know you.” Uriel shook his head. “You, as far as we know, are the eldest angel, and that means something.”
“It means nothing.”
“We’re here for a reason.”
Gabe shook his head. “I don’t think we are.” Sighing, he glanced at the mirror, which was showing the two of them talking. “What good are we? We live in the afterlife, watching people because it’s what we think we’re supposed to do, but we have no idea why we’re here. All we do is guess. No one bothered to give us any reason for our existence.”
“Humans don’t know why they’re supposed to exist either, but that doesn’t stop them.” Uriel looked at the mirror, focusing on one of the humans he was most interested in. “This is Katie. She was born to parents who didn’t really want her and when she was younger she kept asking herself why. School wasn’t interesting to her, when she went home there was nothing there for her, and because she’d never had anyone to teach her how to socialise she didn’t have any friends. It would have been easy for her to give up, but she didn’t. Instead she found things she was interested in, spending the majority of her time in the library, and eventually became a helper there. Now she’s a librarian, helping people find the books they need, because she kept going even when she was at her lowest.” He looked at Gabe. “What do you do, Gabriel?”
“I walk.” Gabe shrugged. “Walking lets me be alone, away from people who seem to think that I need to be convinced to live my life better, because they think I should be doing more. Being an angel is pointless. You all try to make something of this waste of time, connecting with angels, and spirits, and even humans, and maybe you’ve made the right choice. I don’t know. All I know is that I can’t force myself to become like you, Uriel. Not now. Maybe not ever.”
“Being an angel isn’t pointless. Gabe…” Uriel sighed, trying to find the right words. “I agree that we don’t know why we exist and things might be easier for all of us if we were given an instruction manual, but we weren’t. We need to live and all you’re doing is surviving.”
Gabe looked at Uriel and then at the mirror, where Katie was busy shelving books. “For a long time, Uriel, I thought I was the only angel.” Gabe shook his head. “Back then I didn’t have a name for myself. I was just a wanderer, helping spirits when they needed it, because back then I had no connection to the Earth. I didn’t even know that Earth existed. I thought this was the only world and I never knew that the spirits went on to another world. Things were easier then. It wasn’t until I stopped, picking a town to live in because I thought it was time, that I found out.” He shivered, unhappiness filling his voice. “I became a part of the community. I don’t know how long I was there, but I fell in love and if she hadn’t moved on I might even have suggested we have children.” A tear trickled down his cheek. “When she moved on I found out what they were, although I didn’t realise then what I was, but when my entire community left me behind I thought it was time to ask questions. They turned out to be questions I didn’t want the answers to.”
“Gabriel…”
“I don’t need your sympathy, Uriel.” Gabe swallowed. “Not long after I found out what I was, thanks to the spirit council, I realised I wasn’t the only immortal in the afterlife. By then you existed, and Mikhael, and Samael. I just didn’t know, but you were all trying to make something of your lives, and I felt like an outsider. A lot of the time I still do. Mikhael thinks, the same way you do, that I need to become a part of the angelic community, even though I look at you and feel like you’re never going to understand me. How can you?”
“Why did you never talk about this before?”
“It was easier not to. I try not to think about that time much either. That’s almost impossible, but letting myself remember the people I loved, people I know no longer exist, hurts so much that I just can’t bring myself to follow the path you’re all taking. It’s not the right path for me now and I’m pretty certain it never will be, Uriel.”
“We’re immortal.”
“I know.” Gabriel sighed. “Sometimes I think maybe I can become friends with one of you, like I should become friends, but it’s not that simple. Even though I logically know that you’re immortal and I’m safe to get to know you, emotionally… I still feel like it was yesterday when I lost my love and my emotions can’t deal with the fear that I might lose someone when I’ve got close to you.”
“One thing I’ve always thought we need is therapists, Gabe. Look, I understand why you feel the way you do, even though I can’t possibly understand what you’ve been through or how hard things have been for you. I’m actually kind of glad that I can’t, because I think it might have convinced me that drinking from the River of Lethe was a good idea, but if you ever need to talk I’m here. We all are. None of us have connected with the spirits of the afterlife the same way you have, but we have all lost people and know how much it hurts.”
“Some day I might.” Gabe glanced at the mirror once again. “Right now I want to be alone, so try not to watch me, please. I know that you worry and I can understand why, but sometimes it’s too much.”
“I do try not to, Gabe. It’s just that when I spend time watching the mirror the connection I have with it gets stronger and there’s nothing I can do to stop it from showing me what I’m thinking about, if I’m think of a person.” Uriel bit his lip. “Once I accidentally caught Samael when he was in the shower, which wasn’t interesting.”
“Did you ever tell Sam about it?”
“When I tried to the words wouldn’t come out. I was too embarrassed to tell him.”
Gabe stared at Uriel in such a way that it felt as though Gabe could see into his soul. “You like Sam, don’t you?”
“He’s my brother.”
“We all know we aren’t really brothers, Uriel. You should tell him how you feel. He might feel the same way.”
“I doubt it very much, Gabe.” Uriel summoned a smile, even though he didn’t feel much like smiling. “Maybe, some day, I might tell him, but today is not that day.” Samael, unsurprisingly, appeared in the mirror, and Uriel did his best not to look. “He’s got enough to deal with without me telling him that I have a crush on him.”
“Sam is more resilient than you give him credit for. I know he’s still hiding away now, but he will go back to the Deaths when he’s ready to deal with the pain of saying goodbye again.” Gabe sighed. “I wish I could be the same as him. He’s stronger than I am though.”
“One day, Gabe, you might feel strong again. Just don’t keep thinking that it will never happed, because we do affect the way we feel with our thoughts.”
“I know.”
Without saying anything more Gabe turned and left. Uriel watched him walk away, before turning to look at the mirror and Samael. Sighing, Uriel tried to get it to switch to a different picture, but the mirror insisted that what he really wanted to see was the angel he’d fallen in love with years before. The one time he did feel like he could tell Samael the other angels’ life had fallen apart and Uriel decided it was something that could be left for another time. Unfortunately Samael was still dealing with the pain from that time, so Uriel kept his feelings to himself.
Mirrored from K. A. Webb Writing.