Hate Me

[kajira_k]

You know what, I've been avoiding this for weeks... nay, maybe months. I've walked away and turned a blind eye and all that other metaphoric crap for too long. So, here it is. Hate me, if you will, but, by god, listen.

I'm tired of walking on egg shells and being afraid to speak what's really on my mind.

I'm tired of being the one that's depended upon to deal with everyone else's problems.

I'm tired of being the only who who gives a damn and the only one making some sort of fucking effort.

I'm so fucking tired of caring about, and loving, people who can or will never reciprocate.

I'm tired of being disappointed and of having expectations and needs that will never be met.

I'm tired of living under a pall of self-doubt and fear.

I'm tired of having to hold up everyone else while I, myself, am barely keeping my head above water.

I'm tired of being the one in control.

I'm tired of being asked for my "honest opinion" by people who only want to hear their opinion.

I'm tired of biting my tongue and refusing to give my honest opinion.

I'm tired of having to explain myself.

I'm tired of people asking what's wrong.

I'm tired of people apologizing.

I'm tired of giving my "honest opinion" and no body caring to listen to the advice.

I'm tired of being the one people come to to unload their shit.

I'm tired of people making bold statements and not following up with bold actions.

I'm tired of living my life in my head.

I'm tired of having to give up my dreams for someone else.

I'm tired of being responsible for the burden of everyone else's problems.

I'm tired of having my past thrown in my face at every possible opportunity.

I'm tired of acting like everything is fine.

I'm tired of holding true to promises and vows long after those same promises and vows have been thrown by the wayside by others.

I'm tired of being disappointed and disillusioned.

I'm tired of trying so hard.

I'm tired of being frustrated.

Fuck it.

Fuck you all.

~*~*~*~ EDIT ~*~*~*~

The rest of this post has been editted out because what was said needs to be said in person, face to face. It's only drunkenness that put it here, and, at least to me, that is unacceptable and cowardly.

~*~*~*~ END EDIT ~*~*~*~