(no subject)
Well... since I have three journals that I never update I'll just copy and paste anytime I update one of them....
And to think I was going to re-enlist... fuck this shit.. I'm out as soon as possible. Leave was great, but I really considered not coming back. It's for the best I did I guess.. I mean a lot of people depend on me and all.. it's just really hard saying goodbye to your wife knowing you probably won't see her again for 9 months. I got back tonight and tried to go to sleep but I couldn't. I think it's because half of my bed is empty again when I know that it shouldn't be. So this next year will be a really hard one for me. I think maybe even harder than last year. I just got so used to the fact that Malissa was in another country and I don't feel like I'll be able to do that again. I don't even think I want to get used to it. I've got this big hole in my heart right now and she's the only one that can fill it. Something like that isn't something you should get used to. Being only part of one person isn't something that should be a normal everyday occurrence. I was going to write about how we've been given this bad situation and we're the underdogs, but I realized I already did that.. so I'll just repost what I wrote Sept 09 2004:
"Thursday, September 09, 2004
(If this seems short I apologize.. this is the sixth time I've written this.. Altenburg's computer hates me.)
I've been putting off writing about my wedding. Mainly because I can't really use words to describe how I feel right now. It's really something you'd have to feel to understand. I would use love, but that is quite an understatement. I mean yes, it is love, but it's so much more than that. It's like the stomach churning, unattainable, perfect kind of love. Now I have that.. or rather now we have that I should say, and I couldn't possibly be happier than I am at this moment. I feel lucky and I feel blessed to be sharing the rest of my life with someone so incredibly amazing. People keep telling me we're going to be a statistic, but I'm so confident about this. Yeah we're the underdogs.... I've been an underdog my entire life. I was always last picked. I barely made varsity after four years.. People told me there was no way I could be a Marine.. and people doubt us now.. but you people don't realize the mentality of an underdog. It takes a lot of heart to go for your goals when everyone is telling you not to. And even though we may not always be the best at what we do we're in it for the long haul. In any case I really want to thank all of my friends and family that showed up to the wedding. It really meant a great deal to us and made our wedding that much more special."