A letter to my minister - feedback please!
I sat down and wrote this letter to our minister... please tell me if you think it's a rational response and if it makes me sound like a reasonable person rather than a hyperemotional kook? (read the previous entry if you need the background...)
Dear Tim,
I hope I’m not intruding, but I’m much more comfortable with email than over the phone - it gives me time to consider my words carefully…
I am sorry if I seemed hostile at the meeting, but it was a huge shock to me to hear that you were bringing in paid songleaders at Mainstreet… I know there’s always room for improvement, and the repertoire desperately needs enlargement, but I thought we were doing okay as a team… I know I’m not perfect and I’m not always on time, but I’m doing the best I can… I have anxiety issues and sleep issues and a back and knee problem (which have thankfully been lessening steadily) and I really had to fight with myself to get to church that early in the morning every week and to stand there and practice and sing, but I did it because I had to. And not just because I HAD to, because I wanted to…
My joy is in music and singing… not so much for its own sake (well, yes I love music)… I don’t sing because I want people to say how good I am… if I was to hear a word of praise I’d want it to be someone saying that the song touched them and made them feel something, or that it was what they needed to hear… I sing because I can. God gave me a voice and He wants me to use it… and yes I love it. My heart’s desire is always to help other people draw closer to God and to serve them in worship, and singing seems to be the only way that women are allowed to do that in the conservative church, so I thank God for giving me a gift that I am actually allowed to use…
I have to ask you bluntly where I stand when it comes to song-leading at Mainstreet… With this new couple leading the services will you need or want anyone else up the front to help them? From what you were saying on Sunday, the impression I got was that you were saying ‘well, you did your best Karen but it wasn’t good enough so don’t let the door hit you on the way out…’ Maybe it was just my oversensitive imagination and that’s not what you were saying at all, but I’ve heard that more times in my life than anyone ever needs to, and it doesn’t get any easier with repetition. Please either put my mind at ease, or just tell me bluntly. Are my services no longer required at Mainstreet? I need to know.
Yours sincerely,
Dear Tim,
I hope I’m not intruding, but I’m much more comfortable with email than over the phone - it gives me time to consider my words carefully…
I am sorry if I seemed hostile at the meeting, but it was a huge shock to me to hear that you were bringing in paid songleaders at Mainstreet… I know there’s always room for improvement, and the repertoire desperately needs enlargement, but I thought we were doing okay as a team… I know I’m not perfect and I’m not always on time, but I’m doing the best I can… I have anxiety issues and sleep issues and a back and knee problem (which have thankfully been lessening steadily) and I really had to fight with myself to get to church that early in the morning every week and to stand there and practice and sing, but I did it because I had to. And not just because I HAD to, because I wanted to…
My joy is in music and singing… not so much for its own sake (well, yes I love music)… I don’t sing because I want people to say how good I am… if I was to hear a word of praise I’d want it to be someone saying that the song touched them and made them feel something, or that it was what they needed to hear… I sing because I can. God gave me a voice and He wants me to use it… and yes I love it. My heart’s desire is always to help other people draw closer to God and to serve them in worship, and singing seems to be the only way that women are allowed to do that in the conservative church, so I thank God for giving me a gift that I am actually allowed to use…
I have to ask you bluntly where I stand when it comes to song-leading at Mainstreet… With this new couple leading the services will you need or want anyone else up the front to help them? From what you were saying on Sunday, the impression I got was that you were saying ‘well, you did your best Karen but it wasn’t good enough so don’t let the door hit you on the way out…’ Maybe it was just my oversensitive imagination and that’s not what you were saying at all, but I’ve heard that more times in my life than anyone ever needs to, and it doesn’t get any easier with repetition. Please either put my mind at ease, or just tell me bluntly. Are my services no longer required at Mainstreet? I need to know.
Yours sincerely,