i'm feeling weird and unaccomplished...

Sep 26, 2005 01:31

I wish I didn't live here. I wish I could have gone to college, but not Arizona like I planned. I feel like I'm living my life half-assed. There's too many things I want to do, but I don't have the motivation to do them. I feel like why should i bother because I'm still going to be left here in this God forsaken place. To wrought in the drudgery of not fitting in and being of a different mind set than those around me. I feel far too distant and this is causing me to look at myself as a shallow and selfish person.

Days like this the lyrics to Pink Floyd's Time keep coming to my head. They express exactly how I feel and the desperation that I've done nothing with my life to break away from it. I grow older and more stupid. Where once I was on top of my class, excelling in English, Math, Science and Literature. Now I can barley (edit note: you see? i wrote barley instead of barely) write a decent blog that can't go more than a paragraph without being completely and utterly full of bad punctuation and grammar.

Artwork wise I am barley (see here, I did it again!) regaining the talents I once had. It's ridiculous, I'm having to start again. I feel like everything I've done recently is only a third as good as what I used to do. I used to be able to sit in front of Maya/3DS Max and pipe out a whole scene in a day. Next day I'd start texturing, then animating, and then rendering. Now, I get into Maya, i work around in a bit, get bored and exit out without saving a bloody scene.

What is wrong with me? Some times I want to smack my head against the wall to see if I can revive what small spark I used to posses inside me.

All I can do is cry GRRRRRRR!

Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day
You fritter and waste the hours in an offhand way
Kicking around on a piece of ground in your home town
Waiting for someone or something to show you the way

Tired of lying in the sunshine staying home to watch the rain
And you are young and life is long and there is time to kill today
And then one day you find ten years have got behind you
No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun

And you run and you run to catch up with the sun, but it's sinking
And racing around to come up behind you again
The sun is the same in a relative way, but you're older
Shorter of breath and one day closer to death

Every year is getting shorter, never seem to find the time
Plans that either come to naught or half a page of scribbled lines
Hanging on in a quiet desperation is the English way
The time is gone, the song is over, thought I'd something more to say - Time - Pink Floyd
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