(no subject)
I dont think I mentioned this before but I started seeing a therapist. It's 1. Part of my program and 2. I've always wanted the experience and 3. I think I really need one.
I remember in my early 20's being depressed but not feeling that depressed but then when I later looked back I was stunned by the signs. Most of the time I was a hair away from suicide and somehow I never really felt like I was overall that bad. It put an awareness in me to look for signs rather than feelings and well - I'm having some signs.
I have never been in a fight in my life yet just a few months ago I got in a confrontation and got my ass kicked. On Halloween I got angry at a guy who accidentally estroyed my costume and pushed him off the box we were standing on. Although nothing came of it, he was about twice my size, it was a poor choice. Then I got in a confrontation at a small get together at moose's. My upset wasn't unjustified but my reaction was a little unhinged.
I'm sleeping a lot, I'm crying a lot. I'm extremely emotional. I was watching a cancer prevention ad yesterday and it instantly pushed me to tears. That's not normal for me, that's never been normal for me. Work is shitty, personal life is stagnant, I'm not keeping up with my health. I just needed some help.
Anyways, the story of the therapist is probably better for another time but I basically fired him this week. Time to go back to the drawing board.
I remember in my early 20's being depressed but not feeling that depressed but then when I later looked back I was stunned by the signs. Most of the time I was a hair away from suicide and somehow I never really felt like I was overall that bad. It put an awareness in me to look for signs rather than feelings and well - I'm having some signs.
I have never been in a fight in my life yet just a few months ago I got in a confrontation and got my ass kicked. On Halloween I got angry at a guy who accidentally estroyed my costume and pushed him off the box we were standing on. Although nothing came of it, he was about twice my size, it was a poor choice. Then I got in a confrontation at a small get together at moose's. My upset wasn't unjustified but my reaction was a little unhinged.
I'm sleeping a lot, I'm crying a lot. I'm extremely emotional. I was watching a cancer prevention ad yesterday and it instantly pushed me to tears. That's not normal for me, that's never been normal for me. Work is shitty, personal life is stagnant, I'm not keeping up with my health. I just needed some help.
Anyways, the story of the therapist is probably better for another time but I basically fired him this week. Time to go back to the drawing board.