Patchwork Heart
It's only been eleven days, but I am struggling. There's something wrong with my left side. The work I have to do is too hard for me. I'm thinking of giving up.
Something happened. There were strange sensations around me. A coldness and my rhythm was overtaken by another's for a time. I feel better though. My rhythm is stronger now.
***
It's been three years now and I was struggling again. It was hard to keep my rhythm steady and then it was overtaken again. This time was different though. There was slashing, sharp pain. There was coldness and sharpness. I wanted to struggle but something kept me steady. The pain lingered for awhile, but I healed. I have a scar now.
***
Is this how it is always going to be? I have been here, keeping my rhythm, for five years now. The struggle was increasing again. Then it happened, the cold, the pain, the sharpness. I felt all back together, but something was still wrong. There was something that didn't belong. Something hanging inside me. Unlike last time, I went through it all again almost immediately. I was assaulted by slashing pain and coldness, but the thing hanging inside me was removed. I am healing with more scars.
***
I have struggled a long time now. Nearly twenty one years of my rhythm, but my left side is so weak. The scars are a problem. I was on the brink of giving up when something was inserted into me. Some type of wire. It was strange, but it helps with my rhythm. It wasn't enough and I was still going to give up, but again I experienced the sharp coldness. There was so much pain. A piece of me was removed. It was replaced by some type of mechanical device. I am healed now. The device stayed. The wire stayed. It is strange, but I am doing better. The scars though, I have so many of them now.
***
I made it another ten years. The mechanical device is failing with me. I think it was too small to really do the job. I expect the sharp coldness soon. It's what happens when I start to struggle this badly.
It came as expected, the sharpness, cold and pain. I didn't handle it really well. It lasted more than twice as long as any other time. There are just too many scars. The mechanical device was replaced with a new one. Then another piece of me was removed. I have a second mechanical device now. They are both on my failing left side. I am not sure I can do this again.
***
I have been here thirty eight years now. It's been a hard road. My scars show my story. I'm tired and struggling. I'll keep my rhythm as long as I can.
**************
This is my entry for LJ Idol: S10 Week 15. The topic this week was “Patchwork Heart". This is a fictional perspective from my sister's heart. She has had six open heart surgeries. She had to have a pacemaker at 21. Her aortic valve has been replaced twice and the mitral valve once.
Something happened. There were strange sensations around me. A coldness and my rhythm was overtaken by another's for a time. I feel better though. My rhythm is stronger now.
***
It's been three years now and I was struggling again. It was hard to keep my rhythm steady and then it was overtaken again. This time was different though. There was slashing, sharp pain. There was coldness and sharpness. I wanted to struggle but something kept me steady. The pain lingered for awhile, but I healed. I have a scar now.
***
Is this how it is always going to be? I have been here, keeping my rhythm, for five years now. The struggle was increasing again. Then it happened, the cold, the pain, the sharpness. I felt all back together, but something was still wrong. There was something that didn't belong. Something hanging inside me. Unlike last time, I went through it all again almost immediately. I was assaulted by slashing pain and coldness, but the thing hanging inside me was removed. I am healing with more scars.
***
I have struggled a long time now. Nearly twenty one years of my rhythm, but my left side is so weak. The scars are a problem. I was on the brink of giving up when something was inserted into me. Some type of wire. It was strange, but it helps with my rhythm. It wasn't enough and I was still going to give up, but again I experienced the sharp coldness. There was so much pain. A piece of me was removed. It was replaced by some type of mechanical device. I am healed now. The device stayed. The wire stayed. It is strange, but I am doing better. The scars though, I have so many of them now.
***
I made it another ten years. The mechanical device is failing with me. I think it was too small to really do the job. I expect the sharp coldness soon. It's what happens when I start to struggle this badly.
It came as expected, the sharpness, cold and pain. I didn't handle it really well. It lasted more than twice as long as any other time. There are just too many scars. The mechanical device was replaced with a new one. Then another piece of me was removed. I have a second mechanical device now. They are both on my failing left side. I am not sure I can do this again.
***
I have been here thirty eight years now. It's been a hard road. My scars show my story. I'm tired and struggling. I'll keep my rhythm as long as I can.
**************
This is my entry for LJ Idol: S10 Week 15. The topic this week was “Patchwork Heart". This is a fictional perspective from my sister's heart. She has had six open heart surgeries. She had to have a pacemaker at 21. Her aortic valve has been replaced twice and the mitral valve once.