Its all a joke...
I'm all talk aren't I? I'm supposed to be strong. People look up to me don't they?
I'm not sure about anything anymore.
I'm not sure how to say this but I kinda wanna break up with Ryann, I'm just afraid of hurting her...I can't say I love her...I can't say I don't ( although at this point I really don't think I do) I can just say I'm not happy.
I'm filled with all sorts of emotions some I want some I don't.
I want to be held. I think thats the bane of my existence is finding the right person to hold me. I had my moments with Ryann but I think they have passed. Cause I didn't feel anything when I kissed her last...thats always been important to me..Its always been how I knew.
I feel like emotionally I'm trapped in a gray room, rocking back and forth in the fetal position crying out for salvation, waiting ever so patiently for the cavalry to arrive and remove me from my colorless prison to colorful freedom.
I keep scaring myself, driving to Adams tonight I contemplated opening my door and rolling out of the car. I'm not sure if it was a suicidal notion or not.
My view on death is a sorts warped I'll admit that
I don't fear death, I fear not living as long as I would like, I other wise welcome and respect death as a natural part of life, I could die tomorrow and if I had been previously given a validation to my meager existence I would be fine.
I sometimes wonder if maybe I need to find myself in God, maybe belief would give me some answers or at least some comfort during my crippling loneliness. but being that I'm constantly searching for proof and validations to those things that seem unrealistic it will probably never happen.
I suppose I need some spice to life
Rosemary, sage, thyme, parsley, oregano, coreiander, saffron which of you will save me?
Either way I need an escape whether it be from life or myself.
I'm not sure about anything anymore.
I'm not sure how to say this but I kinda wanna break up with Ryann, I'm just afraid of hurting her...I can't say I love her...I can't say I don't ( although at this point I really don't think I do) I can just say I'm not happy.
I'm filled with all sorts of emotions some I want some I don't.
I want to be held. I think thats the bane of my existence is finding the right person to hold me. I had my moments with Ryann but I think they have passed. Cause I didn't feel anything when I kissed her last...thats always been important to me..Its always been how I knew.
I feel like emotionally I'm trapped in a gray room, rocking back and forth in the fetal position crying out for salvation, waiting ever so patiently for the cavalry to arrive and remove me from my colorless prison to colorful freedom.
I keep scaring myself, driving to Adams tonight I contemplated opening my door and rolling out of the car. I'm not sure if it was a suicidal notion or not.
My view on death is a sorts warped I'll admit that
I don't fear death, I fear not living as long as I would like, I other wise welcome and respect death as a natural part of life, I could die tomorrow and if I had been previously given a validation to my meager existence I would be fine.
I sometimes wonder if maybe I need to find myself in God, maybe belief would give me some answers or at least some comfort during my crippling loneliness. but being that I'm constantly searching for proof and validations to those things that seem unrealistic it will probably never happen.
I suppose I need some spice to life
Rosemary, sage, thyme, parsley, oregano, coreiander, saffron which of you will save me?
Either way I need an escape whether it be from life or myself.