Fic: I'm Gonna Burst Right Out of This World (BBC Merlin, Merlin/Arthur, PG)
Here's my first story for the merlinarthurfqf. Hopefully I will finish the second (slavefic) for tomorrow. *crosses fingers*
Title: I'm Gonna Burst Right Out of This World
Author: kaizoku
Rating: PG, if that
Challenge: The one where Merlin and Arthur raise hatchlings because it is Their Destiny.
Summary: See above.
Warnings: CRACK, SO MUCH CRACK!
Word count: 2,300
Notes: Betaed by my boyfriend, who also supplied many of the best lines and helped me with the Welsh. The title, which is rather random, is a line from the song "Slung-Lo" by Erin McKeown. That and "I Sleep In a Bed of Scissor Arms" by Gentleman Auction House were the two songs I listened to incessantly while writing this (thanks to briar_pipe for that tip!) You can download them both here.
I'm Gonna Burst Right Out of This World
The Great Dragon spread its wings, flapping them in a way that vaguely reminded Merlin of a dog shaking off water.
"Merlin," Arthur panted, cresting the hill. "There you-- Oh," he stopped in his tracks, staring up at the huge creature with his mouth open.
"The dungeon cracked open earlier," Merlin explained, "When-- when the earthquake happened." That had kind of been his fault.
"Should I-- should we kill it?" Arthur said, his hand going to his sword. Merlin knew Arthur was still adjusting to the whole Merlin-being-magic thing.
"No, no, it's fine! He says he's sick of Albion, anyway."
"Oh," Arthur said, still staring.
The dragon finally noticed Arthur and peered down from its enormous height at the both of them.
"Hello there, young King," the Dragon boomed.
"Uh, I'm actually still Prince," Arthur said.
"Yes, well," the Dragon said, wrinkling his snout. "In time. You can hardly blame me -- there is an awful lot of it."
Arthur looked confused.
"You should probably be off then, huh?" Merlin said. He just hoped Uther didn't happen to glance out the window.
"Oh, yes." There was a sound like thunder as the Dragon cleared its throat and then suddenly its neck swooped down and it was practically face to face with them. Merlin was reminded unpleasantly of his great-aunt Dorothea, who had a similar habit of swooping, usually followed by cheek-pinching. If he backed away a few steps, that was the only reason why.
"Young Pendragon and Young... Merlin." The Dragon said and wow, it had terrible breath. Merlin supposed it was all those raw cows. "You have fulfilled one half of your Destiny, it is true. But there is more."
"I certainly hope so," muttered Arthur. Merlin didn't bother telling him that asking for more Destiny was never a good plan.
"The other half of your Destiny..." the Dragon paused, "Lies within the walls that bound me for so long."
"So, not a quest then?" Arthur asked, sounding disappointed.
The Dragon rolled one of its giant eyes over them searchingly.
"I trust you will make good parents," the Dragon said, not sounding sure at all, and then with a huge flap that sent them both falling on their asses, it rose into the air.
"What the hell does that mean?" Merlin yelled after it, but the Dragon was already gone, winging off through the sky.
Arthur eyed Merlin warily. "I'm not getting you pregnant," he said.
Nothing happened for a couple weeks. Then one day, as Merlin was hauling water up for Arthur's bath (just because he could make the pails lighter didn't mean he enjoyed it, no matter what Arthur said) Gwen came running down the stairs. She crashed headlong into him.
"Oh, Merlin, I'm so sorry! Here, let me help," Gwen said, scrubbing at his pants, which had gotten the worst of it.
"Hands!" Merlin shouted. "I mean, thanks -- really, thanks, Gwen, but it's fine."
"At least let me do something about your hair," Gwen said, straightening up. "You look like a drowned rat. Though at least it's not sticking up in all directions like usual. Though it's somehow quite fetching on you," she hastened to add. "Not that I was looking! I mean... that's um, that's what one of the kitchen maids says. That it's fetching."
Gwen bit her lip and Merlin took pity on her.
"I'll just go get changed." Or at least, go find a deserted corner and cast a drying spell. "And fix my hair," he muttered, turning away.
"Oh, wait!" Gwen said, "I almost forgot. I'm supposed to tell you that there's weird noises coming from the dungeons."
"The dungeons?" Merlin asked, feeling his heart sink.
"Yes. It's like singing," Gwen said.
Merlin stood for a while in the entrance to the Dragon's cave and sort of vaguely missed the old bugger. He didn't miss the Cryptic Pronouncements About The Future or the Annoyed Stare of Why Don't You Get It, Stupid Human? but it had been sort of nice to have another person... creature... person around who knew about his magic.
Of course, now Arthur knew. And he hadn't killed Merlin on the spot or had him executed or banished. But he also wasn't really talking to Merlin beyond "Fetch me a bath" or "Clean my boots again" or "What is this strange herb in my dinner? Is it magical? Are you trying to poison me, Merlin?" Fortunately, they both knew that last was more of a joke. "You're the pickiest eater I've ever met," Merlin had told him and Arthur had shut up but picked out all the bits of sage or whatever it was -- Merlin didn't knew, he wasn't the cook -- and thrown them at him when he wasn't looking.
So, things were more or less back to normal. And Merlin was happy about that. He was.
Anyway, he had other things to think about. Like the singing.
The singing was... surprisingly nice.
There were no words; it was more of a high humming than singing really. It vibrated through the whole cavern, and made Merlin think of midnight and cloudless skies and the smell of honeysuckle.
"Hello?" Merlin called out. No answer. The hum continued.
He glanced down over the edge. It was a long way down. He swallowed.
"Hofran fel pluen," he intoned and felt the spell flow around him. He had tried it in his room earlier, jumping off the bed, and it had worked reasonably well.
Well, Merlin thought as he swung lazily to and fro through the air, and then fell a little more swiftly than his stomach really appreciated, before a slight breeze caught him and spun him around slowly... it did work. Though next time maybe he'd try a spell for flying instead of "floating like a feather."
The singing was louder down here. His whole body felt like it was thrumming with the sound -- and it was calling to him. He climbed up on top of an outcropping of rock and looked around.
"MERLIN!"
Arthur's voice startled him so badly he tripped and slid right off the ledge he was standing on. Fortunately, the floating spell saved him -- he drifted lightly to the bottom. And there, right in front of him, were the eggs. They were half again as tall as he and the colours of a sunset.
"Merlin? Are you in there?" Arthur called, sounding frantic.
"I'm down here!" Merlin shouted back. "And you're going to want to come see this!"
Five weeks later, the eggs hatched. Arthur, who had sworn that he "would have no part of this madness" was the only one there when it happened.
Which resulted in them all calling him "Mommy."
Merlin teased him mercilessly. Until they started calling him Mommy too.
But Merlin was troubled that night, as they sat in Arthur's room, contemplating the sudden new additions to their life.
"Arthur," Merlin said, "What are we doing? We're not ready to be parents! Even -- no, especially not to dragons!"
"It'll be okay," Arthur told him. "You're... I think you'd make a good father. You're kind and smart and responsible--" Arthur seemed to catch himself. "That is, you're not so bad. And I'm wonderful, of course. We'll be fine."
Arthur named them Dragomir, Dragowain, Dragollwyn, Dragofer, and Dragolot. Merlin alternated between calling them each "cutie" or "you little bastard."
Three weeks later, there wasn't a cow left in the kingdom and Merlin had to start feeding them horses, much to Arthur's dismay.
Two weeks later, the hatchlings had learned to breathe fire and Arthur and Merlin both went around with their hands balmed and bandaged, until Uther inquired as to what in hell they were doing.
"Forest fires," Arthur muttered, "You too can help prevent forest fires."
Uther stared at him and then Arthur got a lecture about behavior appropriate to a future monarch.
Later that night, Merlin comforted him.
"It's good experience for kingship, actually. Controlling... or uh, dealing with unruly subjects. That sort of thing."
"Too bad I can't tell my father that," Arthur said morosely.
Merlin nodded sagely.
"You're lucky," Arthur said, "Gaius knows all about you."
"He doesn't know everything," Merlin said quickly.
Their eyes caught for a long moment and then Arthur licked his lips and looked away.
The next week, the hatchlings broke through Merlin's magical barrier to the opening of the cave.
It was in the middle of a show tournament, in which Arthur was beating on some knights from a neighboring kingdom. The dragons descended on the field, looking rather perplexed, and Merlin had to herd them back under the castle.
When he came back, Uther was running around, wild-eyed, shouting "Everyone panic! Dragons are everywhere!"*
Merlin cast a forgetting spell on him and Gaius led the exhausted king off to bed.
The knights from the other kingdom made a hasty departure, which made Arthur pout.
Merlin cornered him that night.
"We need to do something," he said desperately.
"What do you suggest?" Arthur said, scowling at the wall. He was still wearing his chainmail and he shone like gold in the light from the fire. Merlin tried not to admire his shoulders too obviously.
"I think we should take them to France," Merlin said.
In the end, they flew the dragons to France. Arthur rode Dragolot ("He's just so handsome and brave," Arthur claimed; Merlin scowled) and Merlin took Dragollwyn (or so Arthur claimed -- Merlin was pretty sure it was actually Dragofer.) It was not the most comfortable form of transportion -- they were constantly being jounced up and down and the hatchlings had a tendency to forget about their human riders and do barrel rolls. Merlin had to cast an emergency "feather-floating" spell more than once. And then there was that time they didn't talk about. ("I didn't see!" Merlin insisted. "I was flying right in front of you! And the water was bloody cold!" Arthur said. "I'm sorry!" Merlin shouted. After that, they didn't talk about it.)
They landed in France after two days and Merlin just about fell off of Dragollwyn (or Dragofer.) His legs felt like straw.
"Well," he said, looking at their charges. They were now as large as several particularly large houses. Each.
"Um," said Arthur.
"Uh, bye, I guess," Merlin said.
The hatchlings gazed at them.
"Fly, little dragons! Fly free!" Arthur shouted.
Merlin gave him a look.
Suddenly the sky darkened.
A huge shape swooped down into their midst. The earth shook.
Arthur and Merlin stared. The hatchlings blinked. The Great Dragon gazed back at them, unperturbed.
"You!" Merlin sputtered. "You-- you! Homewrecker! Abandoner! You owe us! Haven't you ever heard of child support? Camelot is completely out of cows now, thanks to you!"
"Young Pendragon, young Merlin," the Great Dragon proclaimed in as wise a voice as Merlin had ever heard from him -- or maybe it was her? "Like a leaf finds the ground, you have sought your destiny and your destiny rose to meet you. It is complete."
"What about that whole Great King business?" Merlin asked.
"Oh yes," the Dragon said. "That too shall come to pass. At some point."
Merlin snorted.
"By the way," the Dragon turned to Arthur, "Is your father dead yet?"
"No," Arthur said coldly.
There was an awkward pause.
"Mommy," said one of the hatchlings -- Dragomir, perhaps.
Merlin glanced at the Great Dragon. Was it... tearing up?
"Mommy," said the hatchling and then craned its neck down toward Arthur.
"Oh, uh," Arthur mumbled, glancing nervously at the Great Dragon out of the corner of his eye.
The dragonlet continued: "Beware your cousin who will kill you in battle!"
"I don't think I have a cousin," Arthur said thoughtfully. "But thanks anyway." He patted its side.
Another of the hatchlings turned to Merlin.
"Beware! Beware of a woman who will lock you in a tree. Or possiby a rock."
"Hush!" The Great Dragon roared. "Quiet, my children!"
The hatchlings looked askance at it.
"Measure your words, my children," the Dragon said. "You must be more... cryptic."
They watched the dragons taking off, beautiful in the dying light. Merlin shed a few tears and Arthur kept rubbing at his face, muttering "there's something in my eye."
("I think we'll go to China," the Great Dragon said. "I sense that there will be a Great King there. Or possibly several.")
"Well, it's just us, now," Merlin said, when the last one was gone, disappeared into the horizon.
"Yes, just us."
"Hmm," Merlin said.
"Let's go back in the morning," Arthur murmured, closing his eyes.
Merlin conjured up some blankets and they bedded down in the grasses. In the night, he woke up to find that Arthur had stolen all the blankets, so he cuddled up as close to him as he could, pulling until he had the edge of a blanket (Arthur muttered dourly in his sleep.)
When he woke up, the sun was high and Arthur was propped up on his elbow, looking down at him.
"What?" Merlin asked muzzily.
An exceptionally silly smile crept onto Arthur's face.
"We're in France," Arthur said.
"Yes," said Merlin.
"My father can't walk in on us," Arthur added.
"Yes," said Merlin, coming more awake.
"And we won't scandalize the hatchlings if we kiss in front of them," Arthur said, grinning straight out.
"Yes!" Merlin shouted.
And so they did.
When they got home, Merlin half-expected things to go back to how they had been.
But they didn't.
Their first night back, he caused another earthquake.
"What were you doing this time?" Gaius asked him crossly. All his bottles of minotaur breath and most of his store of dried narwhal penises ("They're beaks, not penises!" Gaius protested) had been crushed in the quake.
Merlin blushed and didn't answer.
But he was in for another shock that night.
"Merlin," Arthur said. "You know I care about you very much."
"Uhh," Merlin stammered, backing away.
"I'm not breaking up with you!" Arthur shouted.
"What then?" Merlin asked.
Arthur stared at the floor. "I think I'm pregnant."
THE END!!!
An outtake (in France):
Arthur: Hey, that castle over there looks a lot like Camelot!
Merlin: It's just a model.
*This line blatantly stolen (and then mutated) from a fantastic piece of fanart by glockgal
Title: I'm Gonna Burst Right Out of This World
Author: kaizoku
Rating: PG, if that
Challenge: The one where Merlin and Arthur raise hatchlings because it is Their Destiny.
Summary: See above.
Warnings: CRACK, SO MUCH CRACK!
Word count: 2,300
Notes: Betaed by my boyfriend, who also supplied many of the best lines and helped me with the Welsh. The title, which is rather random, is a line from the song "Slung-Lo" by Erin McKeown. That and "I Sleep In a Bed of Scissor Arms" by Gentleman Auction House were the two songs I listened to incessantly while writing this (thanks to briar_pipe for that tip!) You can download them both here.
I'm Gonna Burst Right Out of This World
The Great Dragon spread its wings, flapping them in a way that vaguely reminded Merlin of a dog shaking off water.
"Merlin," Arthur panted, cresting the hill. "There you-- Oh," he stopped in his tracks, staring up at the huge creature with his mouth open.
"The dungeon cracked open earlier," Merlin explained, "When-- when the earthquake happened." That had kind of been his fault.
"Should I-- should we kill it?" Arthur said, his hand going to his sword. Merlin knew Arthur was still adjusting to the whole Merlin-being-magic thing.
"No, no, it's fine! He says he's sick of Albion, anyway."
"Oh," Arthur said, still staring.
The dragon finally noticed Arthur and peered down from its enormous height at the both of them.
"Hello there, young King," the Dragon boomed.
"Uh, I'm actually still Prince," Arthur said.
"Yes, well," the Dragon said, wrinkling his snout. "In time. You can hardly blame me -- there is an awful lot of it."
Arthur looked confused.
"You should probably be off then, huh?" Merlin said. He just hoped Uther didn't happen to glance out the window.
"Oh, yes." There was a sound like thunder as the Dragon cleared its throat and then suddenly its neck swooped down and it was practically face to face with them. Merlin was reminded unpleasantly of his great-aunt Dorothea, who had a similar habit of swooping, usually followed by cheek-pinching. If he backed away a few steps, that was the only reason why.
"Young Pendragon and Young... Merlin." The Dragon said and wow, it had terrible breath. Merlin supposed it was all those raw cows. "You have fulfilled one half of your Destiny, it is true. But there is more."
"I certainly hope so," muttered Arthur. Merlin didn't bother telling him that asking for more Destiny was never a good plan.
"The other half of your Destiny..." the Dragon paused, "Lies within the walls that bound me for so long."
"So, not a quest then?" Arthur asked, sounding disappointed.
The Dragon rolled one of its giant eyes over them searchingly.
"I trust you will make good parents," the Dragon said, not sounding sure at all, and then with a huge flap that sent them both falling on their asses, it rose into the air.
"What the hell does that mean?" Merlin yelled after it, but the Dragon was already gone, winging off through the sky.
Arthur eyed Merlin warily. "I'm not getting you pregnant," he said.
Nothing happened for a couple weeks. Then one day, as Merlin was hauling water up for Arthur's bath (just because he could make the pails lighter didn't mean he enjoyed it, no matter what Arthur said) Gwen came running down the stairs. She crashed headlong into him.
"Oh, Merlin, I'm so sorry! Here, let me help," Gwen said, scrubbing at his pants, which had gotten the worst of it.
"Hands!" Merlin shouted. "I mean, thanks -- really, thanks, Gwen, but it's fine."
"At least let me do something about your hair," Gwen said, straightening up. "You look like a drowned rat. Though at least it's not sticking up in all directions like usual. Though it's somehow quite fetching on you," she hastened to add. "Not that I was looking! I mean... that's um, that's what one of the kitchen maids says. That it's fetching."
Gwen bit her lip and Merlin took pity on her.
"I'll just go get changed." Or at least, go find a deserted corner and cast a drying spell. "And fix my hair," he muttered, turning away.
"Oh, wait!" Gwen said, "I almost forgot. I'm supposed to tell you that there's weird noises coming from the dungeons."
"The dungeons?" Merlin asked, feeling his heart sink.
"Yes. It's like singing," Gwen said.
Merlin stood for a while in the entrance to the Dragon's cave and sort of vaguely missed the old bugger. He didn't miss the Cryptic Pronouncements About The Future or the Annoyed Stare of Why Don't You Get It, Stupid Human? but it had been sort of nice to have another person... creature... person around who knew about his magic.
Of course, now Arthur knew. And he hadn't killed Merlin on the spot or had him executed or banished. But he also wasn't really talking to Merlin beyond "Fetch me a bath" or "Clean my boots again" or "What is this strange herb in my dinner? Is it magical? Are you trying to poison me, Merlin?" Fortunately, they both knew that last was more of a joke. "You're the pickiest eater I've ever met," Merlin had told him and Arthur had shut up but picked out all the bits of sage or whatever it was -- Merlin didn't knew, he wasn't the cook -- and thrown them at him when he wasn't looking.
So, things were more or less back to normal. And Merlin was happy about that. He was.
Anyway, he had other things to think about. Like the singing.
The singing was... surprisingly nice.
There were no words; it was more of a high humming than singing really. It vibrated through the whole cavern, and made Merlin think of midnight and cloudless skies and the smell of honeysuckle.
"Hello?" Merlin called out. No answer. The hum continued.
He glanced down over the edge. It was a long way down. He swallowed.
"Hofran fel pluen," he intoned and felt the spell flow around him. He had tried it in his room earlier, jumping off the bed, and it had worked reasonably well.
Well, Merlin thought as he swung lazily to and fro through the air, and then fell a little more swiftly than his stomach really appreciated, before a slight breeze caught him and spun him around slowly... it did work. Though next time maybe he'd try a spell for flying instead of "floating like a feather."
The singing was louder down here. His whole body felt like it was thrumming with the sound -- and it was calling to him. He climbed up on top of an outcropping of rock and looked around.
"MERLIN!"
Arthur's voice startled him so badly he tripped and slid right off the ledge he was standing on. Fortunately, the floating spell saved him -- he drifted lightly to the bottom. And there, right in front of him, were the eggs. They were half again as tall as he and the colours of a sunset.
"Merlin? Are you in there?" Arthur called, sounding frantic.
"I'm down here!" Merlin shouted back. "And you're going to want to come see this!"
Five weeks later, the eggs hatched. Arthur, who had sworn that he "would have no part of this madness" was the only one there when it happened.
Which resulted in them all calling him "Mommy."
Merlin teased him mercilessly. Until they started calling him Mommy too.
But Merlin was troubled that night, as they sat in Arthur's room, contemplating the sudden new additions to their life.
"Arthur," Merlin said, "What are we doing? We're not ready to be parents! Even -- no, especially not to dragons!"
"It'll be okay," Arthur told him. "You're... I think you'd make a good father. You're kind and smart and responsible--" Arthur seemed to catch himself. "That is, you're not so bad. And I'm wonderful, of course. We'll be fine."
Arthur named them Dragomir, Dragowain, Dragollwyn, Dragofer, and Dragolot. Merlin alternated between calling them each "cutie" or "you little bastard."
Three weeks later, there wasn't a cow left in the kingdom and Merlin had to start feeding them horses, much to Arthur's dismay.
Two weeks later, the hatchlings had learned to breathe fire and Arthur and Merlin both went around with their hands balmed and bandaged, until Uther inquired as to what in hell they were doing.
"Forest fires," Arthur muttered, "You too can help prevent forest fires."
Uther stared at him and then Arthur got a lecture about behavior appropriate to a future monarch.
Later that night, Merlin comforted him.
"It's good experience for kingship, actually. Controlling... or uh, dealing with unruly subjects. That sort of thing."
"Too bad I can't tell my father that," Arthur said morosely.
Merlin nodded sagely.
"You're lucky," Arthur said, "Gaius knows all about you."
"He doesn't know everything," Merlin said quickly.
Their eyes caught for a long moment and then Arthur licked his lips and looked away.
The next week, the hatchlings broke through Merlin's magical barrier to the opening of the cave.
It was in the middle of a show tournament, in which Arthur was beating on some knights from a neighboring kingdom. The dragons descended on the field, looking rather perplexed, and Merlin had to herd them back under the castle.
When he came back, Uther was running around, wild-eyed, shouting "Everyone panic! Dragons are everywhere!"*
Merlin cast a forgetting spell on him and Gaius led the exhausted king off to bed.
The knights from the other kingdom made a hasty departure, which made Arthur pout.
Merlin cornered him that night.
"We need to do something," he said desperately.
"What do you suggest?" Arthur said, scowling at the wall. He was still wearing his chainmail and he shone like gold in the light from the fire. Merlin tried not to admire his shoulders too obviously.
"I think we should take them to France," Merlin said.
In the end, they flew the dragons to France. Arthur rode Dragolot ("He's just so handsome and brave," Arthur claimed; Merlin scowled) and Merlin took Dragollwyn (or so Arthur claimed -- Merlin was pretty sure it was actually Dragofer.) It was not the most comfortable form of transportion -- they were constantly being jounced up and down and the hatchlings had a tendency to forget about their human riders and do barrel rolls. Merlin had to cast an emergency "feather-floating" spell more than once. And then there was that time they didn't talk about. ("I didn't see!" Merlin insisted. "I was flying right in front of you! And the water was bloody cold!" Arthur said. "I'm sorry!" Merlin shouted. After that, they didn't talk about it.)
They landed in France after two days and Merlin just about fell off of Dragollwyn (or Dragofer.) His legs felt like straw.
"Well," he said, looking at their charges. They were now as large as several particularly large houses. Each.
"Um," said Arthur.
"Uh, bye, I guess," Merlin said.
The hatchlings gazed at them.
"Fly, little dragons! Fly free!" Arthur shouted.
Merlin gave him a look.
Suddenly the sky darkened.
A huge shape swooped down into their midst. The earth shook.
Arthur and Merlin stared. The hatchlings blinked. The Great Dragon gazed back at them, unperturbed.
"You!" Merlin sputtered. "You-- you! Homewrecker! Abandoner! You owe us! Haven't you ever heard of child support? Camelot is completely out of cows now, thanks to you!"
"Young Pendragon, young Merlin," the Great Dragon proclaimed in as wise a voice as Merlin had ever heard from him -- or maybe it was her? "Like a leaf finds the ground, you have sought your destiny and your destiny rose to meet you. It is complete."
"What about that whole Great King business?" Merlin asked.
"Oh yes," the Dragon said. "That too shall come to pass. At some point."
Merlin snorted.
"By the way," the Dragon turned to Arthur, "Is your father dead yet?"
"No," Arthur said coldly.
There was an awkward pause.
"Mommy," said one of the hatchlings -- Dragomir, perhaps.
Merlin glanced at the Great Dragon. Was it... tearing up?
"Mommy," said the hatchling and then craned its neck down toward Arthur.
"Oh, uh," Arthur mumbled, glancing nervously at the Great Dragon out of the corner of his eye.
The dragonlet continued: "Beware your cousin who will kill you in battle!"
"I don't think I have a cousin," Arthur said thoughtfully. "But thanks anyway." He patted its side.
Another of the hatchlings turned to Merlin.
"Beware! Beware of a woman who will lock you in a tree. Or possiby a rock."
"Hush!" The Great Dragon roared. "Quiet, my children!"
The hatchlings looked askance at it.
"Measure your words, my children," the Dragon said. "You must be more... cryptic."
They watched the dragons taking off, beautiful in the dying light. Merlin shed a few tears and Arthur kept rubbing at his face, muttering "there's something in my eye."
("I think we'll go to China," the Great Dragon said. "I sense that there will be a Great King there. Or possibly several.")
"Well, it's just us, now," Merlin said, when the last one was gone, disappeared into the horizon.
"Yes, just us."
"Hmm," Merlin said.
"Let's go back in the morning," Arthur murmured, closing his eyes.
Merlin conjured up some blankets and they bedded down in the grasses. In the night, he woke up to find that Arthur had stolen all the blankets, so he cuddled up as close to him as he could, pulling until he had the edge of a blanket (Arthur muttered dourly in his sleep.)
When he woke up, the sun was high and Arthur was propped up on his elbow, looking down at him.
"What?" Merlin asked muzzily.
An exceptionally silly smile crept onto Arthur's face.
"We're in France," Arthur said.
"Yes," said Merlin.
"My father can't walk in on us," Arthur added.
"Yes," said Merlin, coming more awake.
"And we won't scandalize the hatchlings if we kiss in front of them," Arthur said, grinning straight out.
"Yes!" Merlin shouted.
And so they did.
When they got home, Merlin half-expected things to go back to how they had been.
But they didn't.
Their first night back, he caused another earthquake.
"What were you doing this time?" Gaius asked him crossly. All his bottles of minotaur breath and most of his store of dried narwhal penises ("They're beaks, not penises!" Gaius protested) had been crushed in the quake.
Merlin blushed and didn't answer.
But he was in for another shock that night.
"Merlin," Arthur said. "You know I care about you very much."
"Uhh," Merlin stammered, backing away.
"I'm not breaking up with you!" Arthur shouted.
"What then?" Merlin asked.
Arthur stared at the floor. "I think I'm pregnant."
THE END!!!
An outtake (in France):
Arthur: Hey, that castle over there looks a lot like Camelot!
Merlin: It's just a model.
*This line blatantly stolen (and then mutated) from a fantastic piece of fanart by glockgal