3AM Eternal. The me that you know he doesn't come around much.
It's 3am and I am still up and need to write a report for work. Don't want to do it. Tired but not tired. I haven't had a dream in a long time. Slept till noon today until I was woken by work people at a tradeshow in Vegas panicking because a URL that was supposed to be redirecting to another url wasn't resolving and there are thousands of printed materials going out with the url on it. After assuring them I tested it before approving the page to go live, testing it again, calling the head of IT to test and our project manager to test I assured them again that it is just their slow connection in the convention center that is causing the redirect request not to resolve. It was a non emergency emergency. Blah. Went food shopping then stopped by my friends house for a few then came home. Alyssa and I texted for a while then spent all night playing trivia crack and true false before she went to sleep. My life is weird. Going over finances in my head... What to do with my tax return and bonus when it comes... I've got some bills to catch up on and have to get a new car next month. I really want an Audi A5. But I have no business buying that on one income. I also tell myself that I deserve it as hard as I've worked and for all the shit I've been through the last few years I should be able to. But I'm happy with what I have I've got what I need. I'll either end up buying my current lease out or getting s new Camry or check out the new Lexus IS... But then again... There's the part of me that's like DUDE... You don't have two incomes anymore it doesn't matter you make a good income you still have one income trying to pay a mortgage on your own stop being stupid. It hasn't been easy to make it work on my own financially but I've proven that I can... By the skin of my teeth but I can. I dunno. I'm not sure if it's healthy to keep the house. It still honestly doesn't feel like a home. I love it yes, I love laying in my yard on nice days listening to the world.... But honestly I spend most of my time at work and then when I get home in bed. I barely use my living room or basement and my other two bedrooms I can't remember the last time I opened the doors. Can't wait for it to start getting warm out. I need to go hiking and biking again. Definitely need that feeling you get when you pedaling up a trail so hard you think your chest will cave in and your legs are turning to soup and you hit that plateau and then break through it and get that second wind and can go another 5 miles. Anyway, that is all. Trying to ignore a bunch of bad thoughts right now.