Just some thoughts.
I'm not entirely expecting too much coherency out of this post. Just kind of wanted to get some thoughts out, maybe get some feedback. Mostly the former.
At any rate, it's now... what? The ninth of August? So that puts most of us only weeks away from beginning college. And yet, so many people seem to insist on acting like juveniles. I guess a magic number (18) or a title (college freshman) doesn't really change anything, so I shouldn't be all that much surprised, should I? Then again, I had hoped that maybe the reality of it all would have sunk in at the very least by now, if not several weeks, months, or even years ago. We are adults.
Adults - not superhumans, not world rulers, not really much besides normal people. Some have more money, some have different talents, but that really doesn't mean jack. At least not to me. Why? Because deep down, it seems a lot of people are just insecure and immature. When I think about it, most of the people I've met the past four years have been that way. Hell, I probably am that way to a lot of people too. But you know what? I'm trying to recognize and fix it.
In this past week, I have visited with three people that I haven't seen since... well graduation or even before. I tried to get in contact with another, but nothing will come of it. But I'm trying. I'm trying to not be the arrogant one. Arrogance is what has chased me away from so many people and probably what has chased people away from me. Like I said, it's not a magic number or a switch - just because we all hit some "important" age does not really change much. The changes are gradual and should have kicked in before you had to throw all of your confidence in some number value.
Digressing: getting back in touch with people shouldn't be an issue. It should be a good thing. But of course, people can't keep things that simple. Mercifully, two of my reunions went quite well. Knowing me, we likely won't stay in touch very well, but the fact that I have friends that I can keep loose contact with and meet up with and everything's fine, that's just awesome. Like I said, wouldn't it be nice if things stayed that way?
Of course, one of those meetings went awry. Well, that's not really the best way to word it. Reactions to it went poorly. To be able to see a friend who's been like a brother to me was just amazing. I've missed him so much and being able to spend a morning, an afternoon, and an evening with him was just so relaxing. Of course, my subconscious wandered off and made me miss some other people, but that wasn't until afterward. The whole day was amazing and yet there were things I would have changed. We were supposed to be joined later in the day by a mutual friend who was apparently upset we were spending some time alone together (ignore the oxymoron). Whatever, really. I had a great time and had nothing to be ashamed of. Sometimes, one on one time is nice.
Ever hear that high school was supposed to be the best years of our lives? I'm hoping that was a joke. The more I look back the more I realize what a disaster those years were. Stupid faith in stupid people. Unrequited faith in others.
I don't mean to say I regret every moment of it; that would be ridiculous. If I had to weigh them against one another, the stupid choices would likely outweigh the intelligent ones, but that's just because the negative is easier to see. I miss hanging out in the hallways with the first boy who ever talked to me at that school; I'm glad I befriended that tall kid who was my first adopted brother; I wouldn't change the hours I spent just telling myself to study and keep my head on straight. I'd kill to take back the days I wasted on the arrogance of one person; I'd give anything to have spoken up to that one kid before things fell apart again; I regret losing touch with the person who meant so much to me.
Let's get on with it people: Grow the fuck up, ok? Sure, I can't always be straightforward either - it'll still take me forever to tell someone I love them, but that's my issue isn't it? If you choose to get involved, know it's your choice, not mine. Or maybe I'm gonna just throw every sign of caution to the wind and chase that gorgeous boy I've been eyeing for a few years now. Who the hell cares. Just get off my ass about everything, ok?
At any rate, it's now... what? The ninth of August? So that puts most of us only weeks away from beginning college. And yet, so many people seem to insist on acting like juveniles. I guess a magic number (18) or a title (college freshman) doesn't really change anything, so I shouldn't be all that much surprised, should I? Then again, I had hoped that maybe the reality of it all would have sunk in at the very least by now, if not several weeks, months, or even years ago. We are adults.
Adults - not superhumans, not world rulers, not really much besides normal people. Some have more money, some have different talents, but that really doesn't mean jack. At least not to me. Why? Because deep down, it seems a lot of people are just insecure and immature. When I think about it, most of the people I've met the past four years have been that way. Hell, I probably am that way to a lot of people too. But you know what? I'm trying to recognize and fix it.
In this past week, I have visited with three people that I haven't seen since... well graduation or even before. I tried to get in contact with another, but nothing will come of it. But I'm trying. I'm trying to not be the arrogant one. Arrogance is what has chased me away from so many people and probably what has chased people away from me. Like I said, it's not a magic number or a switch - just because we all hit some "important" age does not really change much. The changes are gradual and should have kicked in before you had to throw all of your confidence in some number value.
Digressing: getting back in touch with people shouldn't be an issue. It should be a good thing. But of course, people can't keep things that simple. Mercifully, two of my reunions went quite well. Knowing me, we likely won't stay in touch very well, but the fact that I have friends that I can keep loose contact with and meet up with and everything's fine, that's just awesome. Like I said, wouldn't it be nice if things stayed that way?
Of course, one of those meetings went awry. Well, that's not really the best way to word it. Reactions to it went poorly. To be able to see a friend who's been like a brother to me was just amazing. I've missed him so much and being able to spend a morning, an afternoon, and an evening with him was just so relaxing. Of course, my subconscious wandered off and made me miss some other people, but that wasn't until afterward. The whole day was amazing and yet there were things I would have changed. We were supposed to be joined later in the day by a mutual friend who was apparently upset we were spending some time alone together (ignore the oxymoron). Whatever, really. I had a great time and had nothing to be ashamed of. Sometimes, one on one time is nice.
Ever hear that high school was supposed to be the best years of our lives? I'm hoping that was a joke. The more I look back the more I realize what a disaster those years were. Stupid faith in stupid people. Unrequited faith in others.
I don't mean to say I regret every moment of it; that would be ridiculous. If I had to weigh them against one another, the stupid choices would likely outweigh the intelligent ones, but that's just because the negative is easier to see. I miss hanging out in the hallways with the first boy who ever talked to me at that school; I'm glad I befriended that tall kid who was my first adopted brother; I wouldn't change the hours I spent just telling myself to study and keep my head on straight. I'd kill to take back the days I wasted on the arrogance of one person; I'd give anything to have spoken up to that one kid before things fell apart again; I regret losing touch with the person who meant so much to me.
Let's get on with it people: Grow the fuck up, ok? Sure, I can't always be straightforward either - it'll still take me forever to tell someone I love them, but that's my issue isn't it? If you choose to get involved, know it's your choice, not mine. Or maybe I'm gonna just throw every sign of caution to the wind and chase that gorgeous boy I've been eyeing for a few years now. Who the hell cares. Just get off my ass about everything, ok?