anger swelters......chest expands.....my tail swings

[kaizawave3]

well the adventures I have experienced have up to this point been odd. In the end, the last adventures was a bum steer. It's fine. Once again I tread down into the hill and continue my voyage of enlightenment. IT FUCKING SUCKS!!!!! ok ok..bottling up my rage once again. As I do my usual calculated whining follow by the necessary analysis of my emotions, I have come to realize that I make my life difficult at times. We as humans go through ALOT of fragging changes in our lifetimes. I know for a fact that my weakness is my heart. I have learned the ability to conceal it behind nonchalance, comedy, and random jests here and there. The things I do or say aren't made up fragments of my identity, but they are definitely part of the mechanism that helps me maintain my logical function and state of mind. One thing I can say without a doubt is that I am a runner. I never stay in the same place for long, full of restlessness, and inconsistent about routines. I run.....I run from alot of things that I should just face. I know that I am a strong guy mentally and physically...sadly.....matters of the heart don't come with a manual nor do they have a muscle that you can strengthen. People that believe they have made themselves "stronger" have actually made a callous around their hearts to protect it. At least...that's my viewpoint.

I really hate being self-serving, self-centered, and selfish alot of the time. This time it is really hard to avoid. Whatever this aching in my chest is...I really want it to leave.I have been to so many places....seen many things and yet I still end up in the exact place that I shouldn't. Still....I hope it will work out.....somehow. At this point, it is completely unavoidable and seemingly inevitable.