(no subject)
you know what i dont understand looking back on november 4th 2004 i was with tom and we were fighting b/c when he was out w/ his friends i went out with some of mine and that whole brian mcnally bullshit occured why didnt i walk away then? granted i did do something wrong i think but he handled that whole situation so badly he was just as crazy then as he is now. November 4th 2003 i was soooo happy with matt never once did i doubt me and matts relationship in the begining. so why did i stick around with tom and why did i act so in love with him maybe i was i just dont know anymore maybe i dont believe that theres someone out there for everyone because all i feel like is theres people out there that want to fuck me and nothing else and theres plenty of people that would like to have a relationship with me but im to scared of getting hurt and that im making another mistake and i wont be happy. i want someone to be fun and make me happy not live off me not mind that im a pot head and i just need someone to support me. my lifes crumbling as the days go on i need someone to be there i need them to support some of the crazy decisions ive come to decide on. im hopeless. i want that feeling again but i dont think im ever going to find someone i can put up with.
im not going back to school in january im wasting my time. im not doing homework or going to classes its just stupid. im just going to take semester off work all the time get my car shit straightened out hoepfully get an apartment gets some shit paid off and everything im too stressed w/ money to even think about school. smart decision right?
well qutting smoking hasnt been so bad. They say that the first 3 days are pretty hard because its your body gettting over the actual addiction but after day three its all in your head and im on day 4 and i didnt wake up crying this morning so i guess im doing better. i feel kinda empty w/o them though they kinda get me by there the friend that hasnt changed over the past few years they havent left me or gone and changed they've always been right there wheen i need them but heywhat can ya do they kill.
well then theres the possible boys. a* took me on a lunch date on his bike then we got lunch and hung out hes so nice and he calls me every night from work and he puts up stupid little away messages about me and its sweet but hes a player ive watched him at fridays and he claims hes just a flirt but i dont trust people. Then theres d* from school who brought me to the bruins game hes nice funny and just like me but he lives in brockton and neither or us have a car so that sucks. haha then funny story that kid ive had a crush on since sept of last year is friends w/ my cousin and my cousins friends came into fridays and i guess the kids a loser doesnt that suck you have this image of someone and it gets shattered. then m* keeps coming into my mind and i think about that awesome day i had with him but of all these ppl i can't seem to find something that will work i guess im just extra picky noww.
i want someone to come and sweep me off my feet and i wanna run away from everything here and start over.
im not going back to school in january im wasting my time. im not doing homework or going to classes its just stupid. im just going to take semester off work all the time get my car shit straightened out hoepfully get an apartment gets some shit paid off and everything im too stressed w/ money to even think about school. smart decision right?
well qutting smoking hasnt been so bad. They say that the first 3 days are pretty hard because its your body gettting over the actual addiction but after day three its all in your head and im on day 4 and i didnt wake up crying this morning so i guess im doing better. i feel kinda empty w/o them though they kinda get me by there the friend that hasnt changed over the past few years they havent left me or gone and changed they've always been right there wheen i need them but heywhat can ya do they kill.
well then theres the possible boys. a* took me on a lunch date on his bike then we got lunch and hung out hes so nice and he calls me every night from work and he puts up stupid little away messages about me and its sweet but hes a player ive watched him at fridays and he claims hes just a flirt but i dont trust people. Then theres d* from school who brought me to the bruins game hes nice funny and just like me but he lives in brockton and neither or us have a car so that sucks. haha then funny story that kid ive had a crush on since sept of last year is friends w/ my cousin and my cousins friends came into fridays and i guess the kids a loser doesnt that suck you have this image of someone and it gets shattered. then m* keeps coming into my mind and i think about that awesome day i had with him but of all these ppl i can't seem to find something that will work i guess im just extra picky noww.
i want someone to come and sweep me off my feet and i wanna run away from everything here and start over.