(no subject)
Again I put myself in a situation that at first glance seems like exactly what I want, but deep down I know that it's not right for me. I met a kindly Christian Boy with whom I thought it could work, but I fail to realize that morals and I do not mix. No way could I be with someone who is not only against doing the things I do, but does not want to be around me when I do them or after. I mean I'm really busy and when I'm not.. I'm doing "bad things." So what if I smoke or drink or sometimes trip? I'm a respectful person, I'm open-minded, a successful student, a babysitter with parents who are okay with me as long as i'm sober around the kids, and i'm president of the montclair state filmmakers, but somehow the things I do to keep myself from being stressed are held against me. Is it because I don't accept religion as my addiction? What's the difference? You have god as your crutch to get through this fucked up world and I have pot. I don't tell you to stray away from the lord. I don't say I won't go to church if you'd asked me, but somehow you can't handle my life choice. Not what I need. I am married to the cause. Married to the idea of a revolution. Raise the red flag of socialism. Stray from the capitalist society and the greed. And the idea that this election is going to stop the inevitable crumbling of our empire. Wake up and open your mind to something new. Are we that afraid of an end? Because the end also means a new beginning and it's all coming. Do not fear change or the fact that you chose your own destiny. There is no higher up. Just a universal energy. But fuck it.
All I'm saying is that I'm not one to be in a relationship anymore. I don't have the dedication or the time. The person I need has to be independent. An artist. And has to be open to new things, but not over the top. I know my dream person, I know exactly who it is. I just have to wait it out. And if not that then I wait for my day to stand up and fight.
I sat in the graveyard today. It was beautiful with the green grass and the trees full of reds and yellows. I was not even aware of the hundreds of dead bodies buried in the ground below, but of the autumn leaves and the cycle of life. What I realized was that the world has become chaos. All the things that I thought never would happen are happening and not just to me, but everyone around me. We're rejecting our original ideals in return for what we emotionally want. It's like everyone knows that this could be it, so why not do what we've always dreamt of. I like it and I hope the chaos continues. A world that follows the rules for reasons other than the betterment of ourselves and each other is not a world I want to be a part of.
All I'm saying is that I'm not one to be in a relationship anymore. I don't have the dedication or the time. The person I need has to be independent. An artist. And has to be open to new things, but not over the top. I know my dream person, I know exactly who it is. I just have to wait it out. And if not that then I wait for my day to stand up and fight.
I sat in the graveyard today. It was beautiful with the green grass and the trees full of reds and yellows. I was not even aware of the hundreds of dead bodies buried in the ground below, but of the autumn leaves and the cycle of life. What I realized was that the world has become chaos. All the things that I thought never would happen are happening and not just to me, but everyone around me. We're rejecting our original ideals in return for what we emotionally want. It's like everyone knows that this could be it, so why not do what we've always dreamt of. I like it and I hope the chaos continues. A world that follows the rules for reasons other than the betterment of ourselves and each other is not a world I want to be a part of.