What, me pissed? Never.
Except, you know, increasingly more and more often, and this shit is just pissing me off and [i]gah[/i]. But it doesn't really matter because nothing can be done and what the fuck exactly am I supposed to do, except vent?
Sharon and piece of shit Hobie and everyone else is living there now, and there's always people on the phone or Danny's tired or he has plans and I never get to talk to him and I can't fucking imagine when we're going to be able to really hang out again before we see eachother.
To make things infinitely better, my dad still doesn't give a shit about Danny and it's not like I could ever go fucking live down there with anyone's permission- I gotta wait for the stupid fucker to get a god damn apartment, anyway.
And I just have no patience and I love Danny, but Kat's boyfriend did something absolutely wonderful for her for Valentine's day and all Danny did was get me this AMV...which is all fine and dandy, but in comparison to what I did for him, it's not much.
Danny has admitted that his heart is on friends right now, anyway, but that he loves me. I'm not really sure what's going on, but I've made the decision to stay with him- he's made a similar decision to stay with me through the good and the bad, but are we really mature enough to be making that call?
Anyway, he fucking owes me some episodes of SPecial A to watch with me, but piece of shit BJ is on the phone and who knows if he's even still on the phone and I'm just fucking irritable as hell and pissed. Half of this is probably because my meds are out of whack, but who the fuck cares, anyway?
On another note, I've been thinking for a while that I should not be taking care of any pets. I have not been taking proper care of my rats for the longest time, even though there's just four and I love them to pieces...I don't even clean my room or fully take care of all my obligations- even though they are to myself.
I'm driving Mom into her hospital thingy tomorrow at 8:30, then come home, crash, and pick her up at 10:30. Then later, piece of shit Biology wherein I got a 66 on the test. Fuck me, seriously- and what, is this an emo entry? Well, you fucking bet'cha.
Got a piece of shit essay due Friday- just the rough draft, but fun shit there, anyway, and I have no god damn idea how to do this Biology lab packet shit, but I'll get it done.
This song works for my mood well.
Your heart is broken
To your surprise
You're sick of crying
For blue eyes
So tired of living
Misunderstood
Think hard woman
I think you should
Come, sorrow is so peculiar
It comes in a day, then it'll never leave you
You take a pill, wonder if it will fix you
They wonder why sorrow has never left you
I'm talkin' bout blue eyes, blue eyes
What's the matter, matter
Blue eyes, blue eyes
What's the matter matter
So blind, so blind
What's the matter, matter
Blue eyes, blue eyes
What's the matter with you?
Ohh, you'll wind up broken
At the end of the round
Won't find your spirit
In a lost and found
Oh I've been watching
How you behave
Not much like a lover
More like a slave
Come, sorrow is so peculiar
It comes in a day, then it'll never leave you
You take a pill, wonder if it will fix you
They wonder why sorrow has never left you
I'm talkin' bout blue eyes, blue eyes
What's the matter, matter
Blue eyes, blue eyes
What's the matter matter
So blind, so blind
What's the matter, matter
Blue eyes, blue eyes
What's the matter with...
Blue eyes, blue eyes
What's the matter matter
Blue eyes, blue eyes
What's the matter matter
So blind, so blind
What's the matter, matter
Blue eyes, blue eyes
What's the matter with you?
What's the matter with you?
What's the matter with you
Haaaahhh. I should get into drawing again, vent my bullshit. Could help. Maybe. Gurr.
Hahahaha, fantastic, this song pretty much works perfectly for my right now. That is just so great. I'm pissed, and sad. And pissed. And just I mean he promised we'd watch Special A, at least two episodes or so, we probably won't even get that and just why does it have to be this way, why can't he be romantic and caring and why the fuck did Sharon and everyone have to come back and when the hell is all of this just going to change, y'know?
Blue eyes, blue eyes, whats'a matter, matter? What's'a matter, matter? You take a pill, wonder if it will fix you. Then wonder why sorrow has never left you.
Hahahaha. Maybe I'm just kidding myself right now, but I'm just feeling pretty doubtful and it really doesn't feel very good, and I did this awesobe shit for him for V-day, and made him cry- maybe he cried from guilt. Supposedly it's because I'm "Amazing." I should get back into singing.
I don't really know what I'm heading towards, but I'm getting ready to just...
But then I don't want that and why does this shit have to be so complicated? Ha. Never simple, is it. Never simple. And all I can do is keep staring at my phone and the green flashing button that means no one has called or left a message or texted, and I wonder, is this bullshit just going to go on and on?
I wouldn't mind being rescued, I just wish you'd be the one to save me, but you're too busy being distant and being friendly with friends and haha, what with all this devotion bullshit? What with all this devotion bullshit because you don't seem to care that much. And then there's the god damn psychological bull shit and you don't want to try after piece of fucking shit Jessica oh my god I just really want to strangle that god damn bitch...for two reasons:
She keeps ignoring me like the plague and won't accept my friend request on Facebook, and it makes me lol and I fucking HATE her because now Danny is never fucking going to want to try for me or love me as much as I love him or the way I love him, and he's not going to fucking go the mile for me and just just just fuck me.
just just just I mean what is this and what am I doing and aren't I worth more than this 'cause everyone I know would say so and I don't know what I'm doing, I should wait until his dumb fucking ass comes down here but that's never gonna happen and I'm just getting so pissed and so impatient and I'm just getting to the point where I am
done.
But then, you know, I pick back up and move on and keep trekking the path because I keep torturing myself and then I'm going to have those dreams where I'm kissing everybody but him, and I don't know what I'm doing, I just don't know what I'm doing, I'm falling the hell apart.
I need to do this homework, I need to get a life, I need to make some friends, I need to hang out with Kim, I need to take my mind off you because this is all bullshit and I need to love me because you're not there and I feel a little bit like a girl whose husband has gone across seas and I'm being melodramatic and I should just dump the bastard.
I'm sorry, I don't think I can do this. I just don't think I can do this, so I think I'll end it now.
I mean, this shit shouldn't/doesn't even matter in the long run and all I can think about it now.
And here's the kicker, Danny, here's the fucking kicker- you claim to have balls, you claim to be the shit- it's not mutual, I don't know what I'm doing with this bullshit because when's it gonna change, when's it gonna change.
and it's over
Sharon and piece of shit Hobie and everyone else is living there now, and there's always people on the phone or Danny's tired or he has plans and I never get to talk to him and I can't fucking imagine when we're going to be able to really hang out again before we see eachother.
To make things infinitely better, my dad still doesn't give a shit about Danny and it's not like I could ever go fucking live down there with anyone's permission- I gotta wait for the stupid fucker to get a god damn apartment, anyway.
And I just have no patience and I love Danny, but Kat's boyfriend did something absolutely wonderful for her for Valentine's day and all Danny did was get me this AMV...which is all fine and dandy, but in comparison to what I did for him, it's not much.
Danny has admitted that his heart is on friends right now, anyway, but that he loves me. I'm not really sure what's going on, but I've made the decision to stay with him- he's made a similar decision to stay with me through the good and the bad, but are we really mature enough to be making that call?
Anyway, he fucking owes me some episodes of SPecial A to watch with me, but piece of shit BJ is on the phone and who knows if he's even still on the phone and I'm just fucking irritable as hell and pissed. Half of this is probably because my meds are out of whack, but who the fuck cares, anyway?
On another note, I've been thinking for a while that I should not be taking care of any pets. I have not been taking proper care of my rats for the longest time, even though there's just four and I love them to pieces...I don't even clean my room or fully take care of all my obligations- even though they are to myself.
I'm driving Mom into her hospital thingy tomorrow at 8:30, then come home, crash, and pick her up at 10:30. Then later, piece of shit Biology wherein I got a 66 on the test. Fuck me, seriously- and what, is this an emo entry? Well, you fucking bet'cha.
Got a piece of shit essay due Friday- just the rough draft, but fun shit there, anyway, and I have no god damn idea how to do this Biology lab packet shit, but I'll get it done.
This song works for my mood well.
Your heart is broken
To your surprise
You're sick of crying
For blue eyes
So tired of living
Misunderstood
Think hard woman
I think you should
Come, sorrow is so peculiar
It comes in a day, then it'll never leave you
You take a pill, wonder if it will fix you
They wonder why sorrow has never left you
I'm talkin' bout blue eyes, blue eyes
What's the matter, matter
Blue eyes, blue eyes
What's the matter matter
So blind, so blind
What's the matter, matter
Blue eyes, blue eyes
What's the matter with you?
Ohh, you'll wind up broken
At the end of the round
Won't find your spirit
In a lost and found
Oh I've been watching
How you behave
Not much like a lover
More like a slave
Come, sorrow is so peculiar
It comes in a day, then it'll never leave you
You take a pill, wonder if it will fix you
They wonder why sorrow has never left you
I'm talkin' bout blue eyes, blue eyes
What's the matter, matter
Blue eyes, blue eyes
What's the matter matter
So blind, so blind
What's the matter, matter
Blue eyes, blue eyes
What's the matter with...
Blue eyes, blue eyes
What's the matter matter
Blue eyes, blue eyes
What's the matter matter
So blind, so blind
What's the matter, matter
Blue eyes, blue eyes
What's the matter with you?
What's the matter with you?
What's the matter with you
Haaaahhh. I should get into drawing again, vent my bullshit. Could help. Maybe. Gurr.
Hahahaha, fantastic, this song pretty much works perfectly for my right now. That is just so great. I'm pissed, and sad. And pissed. And just I mean he promised we'd watch Special A, at least two episodes or so, we probably won't even get that and just why does it have to be this way, why can't he be romantic and caring and why the fuck did Sharon and everyone have to come back and when the hell is all of this just going to change, y'know?
Blue eyes, blue eyes, whats'a matter, matter? What's'a matter, matter? You take a pill, wonder if it will fix you. Then wonder why sorrow has never left you.
Hahahaha. Maybe I'm just kidding myself right now, but I'm just feeling pretty doubtful and it really doesn't feel very good, and I did this awesobe shit for him for V-day, and made him cry- maybe he cried from guilt. Supposedly it's because I'm "Amazing." I should get back into singing.
I don't really know what I'm heading towards, but I'm getting ready to just...
But then I don't want that and why does this shit have to be so complicated? Ha. Never simple, is it. Never simple. And all I can do is keep staring at my phone and the green flashing button that means no one has called or left a message or texted, and I wonder, is this bullshit just going to go on and on?
I wouldn't mind being rescued, I just wish you'd be the one to save me, but you're too busy being distant and being friendly with friends and haha, what with all this devotion bullshit? What with all this devotion bullshit because you don't seem to care that much. And then there's the god damn psychological bull shit and you don't want to try after piece of fucking shit Jessica oh my god I just really want to strangle that god damn bitch...for two reasons:
She keeps ignoring me like the plague and won't accept my friend request on Facebook, and it makes me lol and I fucking HATE her because now Danny is never fucking going to want to try for me or love me as much as I love him or the way I love him, and he's not going to fucking go the mile for me and just just just fuck me.
just just just I mean what is this and what am I doing and aren't I worth more than this 'cause everyone I know would say so and I don't know what I'm doing, I should wait until his dumb fucking ass comes down here but that's never gonna happen and I'm just getting so pissed and so impatient and I'm just getting to the point where I am
done.
But then, you know, I pick back up and move on and keep trekking the path because I keep torturing myself and then I'm going to have those dreams where I'm kissing everybody but him, and I don't know what I'm doing, I just don't know what I'm doing, I'm falling the hell apart.
I need to do this homework, I need to get a life, I need to make some friends, I need to hang out with Kim, I need to take my mind off you because this is all bullshit and I need to love me because you're not there and I feel a little bit like a girl whose husband has gone across seas and I'm being melodramatic and I should just dump the bastard.
I'm sorry, I don't think I can do this. I just don't think I can do this, so I think I'll end it now.
I mean, this shit shouldn't/doesn't even matter in the long run and all I can think about it now.
And here's the kicker, Danny, here's the fucking kicker- you claim to have balls, you claim to be the shit- it's not mutual, I don't know what I'm doing with this bullshit because when's it gonna change, when's it gonna change.
and it's over