(no subject)
I feel torn sometimes, like I'm held up to a higher standard but at the same time people throw the mistakes I've made in the past up in my face. And then I'm like well I could be doing drugs, smoking or drinking now and I'm not. I mean just this past Saturday my ex best friend called and asked me to go to a bar/club with her, and I said no. I am nothing but honest to people about my past addictions with alcohol and drugs and I don't do it anymore simply because I don't want to disappoint those around me but sometimes the choices they make, what they do disappoints me.
I'm also tired of just being the funny one, and I love to crack jokes and pretend that its okay. That my life is just one big punch line and that comments don't hurt me, and its like thats all I am. I mean people don't think of me as smart, I am. I'm not as dumb as people think I am. I have reasons for why I didn't go back to my highschool, they were immature but at the time I was 16 and I had just lost my mom who was a parent volunenteer at the school across the street. People don't think I have goals, they look like their about to shit in their pants when they find out I want to be a writter, that I actually write.
I just want people to look beyond what they see, that there is more than meets the eye. That I'm not black, or white. I'm Gray. I like being who I am. A girl who's strong and funny and sweet, who has layers and if you dig deep enough you'll see just what I have to offer and people just assume that I'm something that I'm not.
Just ignore my rambling I just am insane but on a brighter note I did have a wonderful Thanksgiving, I really did. My family is just a laugh riot. I love them so much and I'm so thankful for them.
I'm also tired of just being the funny one, and I love to crack jokes and pretend that its okay. That my life is just one big punch line and that comments don't hurt me, and its like thats all I am. I mean people don't think of me as smart, I am. I'm not as dumb as people think I am. I have reasons for why I didn't go back to my highschool, they were immature but at the time I was 16 and I had just lost my mom who was a parent volunenteer at the school across the street. People don't think I have goals, they look like their about to shit in their pants when they find out I want to be a writter, that I actually write.
I just want people to look beyond what they see, that there is more than meets the eye. That I'm not black, or white. I'm Gray. I like being who I am. A girl who's strong and funny and sweet, who has layers and if you dig deep enough you'll see just what I have to offer and people just assume that I'm something that I'm not.
Just ignore my rambling I just am insane but on a brighter note I did have a wonderful Thanksgiving, I really did. My family is just a laugh riot. I love them so much and I'm so thankful for them.