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After a two and a half hour bus ride I have finally arrived at my first destination of the night. Right now I am sitting at a small table of the large Tim Horton's located next to the Royal York Hotel in Toronto, Ontario. My original plan was not to stall in an overcrowded cafe (yes, it's crowded even at 1am), but to catch the shuttle bus to the Porter airport on Toronto Island. Apparently, said bus stops running before midnight so I'm stuck to kill time and find my own way around this massive city on my own. It's always a little nerve wracking for me being in Toronto. I'm not used to big cities like this. Even my original move to Waterloo was a little overwhelming with a population that doubled that of my hometown of around 100 000. And speaking of my hometown that is exactly what brings me to where I am today. I am on my way home for a surprise visit! I've managed to keep close contact with a few very good friends but they and I are still both sad about the infrequency of my visiting. It’s just so goddamn expensive! I decided that it would be a nice surprise to show up unexpectedly and spend a few days with them before I have to go back to my fucking mind-less, robotic job. Not that I've been working that much recently anyway. Since I've left St. John's it seems (according to my friends) that things have started drifting downhill at a pretty steady pace. There are good and bad things about being a part of a really tight knit community. It's positive in that everyone is incredibly supportive, but it also makes it difficult to develop romantic relationships without stepping on someone else's toes. I feel like we are all grown-ups at this point and are capable of handling falling in and out of love, but I guess it's always subjective to the person and situation. It makes me sad to see (or hear) that my friends are upset. It makes me wish that I was closer to home so I could help out more. For some reason I managed to get myself into the title of psychiatrist in my friend group. People that I don’t even know all that well tend to confide in me. It sounds a little arrogant, I suppose, but it’s a role that I’ve taken on willingly over the years. It’s nice to think that my input would make any sort of difference in someone’s life. I have a feeling that having that talent is life’s way of directing me to a particular field of occupation. I’ve definitely considered psychiatry and psychology as professions, but I’ve considered so many other things as well. I have no direction...I guess it’s that I have too many directions, really. I have a difficult time focusing and excelling at one thing. I always tend to put way too much on my plate. I can’t decide if I should hang out at Tim Horton’s until they kick me out of if I should catch a cab to the airport. I’m a little concerned that it will be locked up and I’ll be, therefore, forced to sit outside for hours until they open again. Walking around this city alone at night is quite possibly the most intimidating experience I’ve ever had. It upsets me to think that I live in a world where I can’t spend any amount of time outdoors after dark without fearing for my own safety. One of these days we’ll live in a society without poverty or a monetary system all together and the crime rate will lower and everyone will feel safer and happier and have full bellies and it will be wonderful. Sometimes run-on sentences are necessary. I feel like I’ve gotten to a point where I’m just typing anything that pops into my head which means this will probably become too overwhelmingly long to even start reading. I’ll stop here and leave you with a song. This band caught my eye a few months ago. They’re a Ramones-core band from Portland, Oregon. They don’t have a lot of material yet but what they have released has all been fantastic. This is a song from their most recent full-length record Are You Serious, it’s called “Born on a Saturday Night”. ‘Til next time!
-Kaitie Bee
-Kaitie Bee
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