Kpop Idols Now Online Chp.3
Title: Kpop Idols Chat Room
Bands: Super Junior & DBSK
Author: kaisumi23
Pairings : Yunjae, Eunhae, Qmi, Hanchul, & various others
Genre: Humor, complete crack, romance, drama
Rating: PG-13+(for obscenities & strongly implied sexual situations)
Disclaimer: SM owns them, not me. But one day, I will kidnap them all.:D
Summary: Join our favorite Kpop idols in their adventures through the cyber world.
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
A/N: Another update!! I bet you're all thinking, 'God, about time!' Yeah...sorry about that. School has been hectic lately since we just found out our class rankings...And I got ranked 15 (out of 295) :D Not to brag or anything. Plus, I've been sick with a cold and what-not. Thus, leaving me with no time to update. I haven't really been in a humorous mood lately either, so if this doesn't seem as funny as usual, then I'm terribly sorry. Btw, since Spring Break is next week for me, I'll be able to update a lot more. Yay! Special thanks to trshakespeare and kajujux3 for providing me with links. :]
JaeheartsUknow - Jaejoong
UknowheartsJae - Yunho
Drama King - Heechul
BeijingFriedRice - Hangeng
ipwnn00bz4life - Kyuhyun
~!I<3Kuixian!~ - Zhou Mi
p!nkisthenewMeganFox - Sungmin
~ Fishie-Hae ~ - Donghae
rapndance_king - Eunhyuk
p0rn_plz - Changmin
JaeheartsUknow has logged on.
UknowheartsJae has logged on.
JaeheartsUknow : Wow. You messed up Taegoon pretty good. He can’t even show his face in public anymore. It’s pretty hideous.
UknowheartsJae : Yeah, well…he made me do it. And what do you mean? His face was always like that.
JaeheartsUknow : What ever shall I do with you? You’re so possessive.
UknowheartsJae : I have to be when you flirt with other guys RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME.
JaeheartsUknow : …I don’t flirt…
UknowheartsJae : Pssh. Yeah, right.
JaeheartsUknow : *pout* Why are you so mean to me? I only flirt with you, Yunnie bear.
UknowheartsJae : Aw…okay, if you say so, babe…
UknowheartsJae : So…what are you doing right this very moment? Watching porn? ;P
JaeheartsUknow : What? No!
JaeheartsUknow : I have you for that, don’t I? :)
UknowheartsJae : Well, of course. ;) Speaking of…You should totally come over right now. Then we can get it on. We could try a little bit of bondage or S&M…or…THIS!
UknowheartsJae : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uPrF-vsFRGU
UknowheartsJae : Omg, please please please pretty please say yes!
JaeheartsUknow : …I don’t know…Is that…safe? It looks painful…
UknowheartsJae : Aw, c’mon, baby! It will be fun! We’ve gotta be like, the only sexually active couple who HASN’T tried wii sex yet. We’re missing out on EVERYTHING!!!
JaeheartsUknow : *sigh* Alright. But we’re using your controller. There’s no way I’m getting mine all messy.
UknowheartsJae : :D I LOVE YOU BOOJAE.
JaeheartsUknow : I know. :)
Drama King has logged in.
BeijingFriedRice has logged in.
Drama King : Jaejoong, my love! It’s been ages since we last talked! I’ve missed you!
JaeheartsUknow : Heechul! Whatcha’ been up to, boyfriend? We so have to go on another shopping spree together. It’s been much too long.
Drama King : Right? Omo! Guess what?
JaeheartsUknow : You dyed your hair again?
Drama King : Nope. Well, yes. But that’s not what I wanted to say…
Drama King : Okay, so Hangeng, Kyuhyun, Zhou Mi, and I went clubbing last night right?
JaeheartsUknow : And you didn’t invite me????? :(
Drama King : I called you, bb. Guess you were too busy screwing your bf to answer your god damn phone…
JaeheartsUknow : Oh. Teehee, oopsie.
Drama King : So, anywho. We’re trying to find a club, right? And we find the most PERFECT one. It was called ‘Gay Boy’s Fantasy’. Fucking awesome right? So of course, we’re like, “OH HELL YEAH” (well, mainly just me). And then you will never guess what happened. As soon as we were walking into the club, we hear some jerk of a preacher across the street shouting, “God forgives all sins! Do not let the devil consume you!” So then of course we turned around and were like “wtf?” Then he’s all, “You boys there! Do not let the Devil corrupt you! Do not give into temptation! If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness, John 1:8!”
Drama King : But seriously, it’s way too late for that. I’ve been corrupted ever since I started jacking off to Adam Lambert.
Drama King : Then Kyuhyun, being the snarky little bastard he is, just HAD to tell him off. He’s like, “Uhm. No. Actually, it’s John 1:9. Not 1:8, dumbass. I could stand there and shout random shit about Michael Jackson and still do a better job than you.”
Drama King : So, yeah…It was interesting…
JaeheartsUknow : Omfg. Does he think there is something wrong with being gay or something?
BeijingFriedRice : Well, other than the fact that being gay is a major sin and churches preach against it…Nope. Nothing is wrong with it at all. :)
Drama King : Shut your Chinese face. Do not talk to my bff like that.
BeijingFriedRice : …I thought Typhoon was your bff?
Drama King : I have several bffs, Hangeng. I can’t help it that I’m so popular.
BeijingFriedRice : Right…
BeijingFriedRice : What does that make me then? Your SUPER bff? :D
Drama King : Hm, wait a minute while I check my list of bffs…
Drama King : Oh, here you are! Right under ‘Fuck buddies’…Nope. Sorry, you’re just a sex friend.
BeijingFriedRice : Well, at least awesome sex is included with no strings attached. :)
UknowheartsJae : Then is Henry now included under that list, Heechul?
Drama King : Uhm…no. I’m not a child predator, Yunho. Henry is as straight as a bored anyway. Why do you ask?
UknowheartsJae : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O-xL5ijKDPU
UknowheartsJae : Well, because you sort of made out with the kid on stage…
BeijingFriedRice : Oh boy. Here we go again. Yunho, Heechul has these certain urges when he’s on stage, surrounded by all us hot, sweaty, and sexy men…We like to call it ‘fans-service fetishes’.
BeijingFriedRice : Btw, Henry looks so freaking embarrassed. Didn’t you tell him beforehand that you were going to lay one on him?
Drama King : Nah. He saw it coming. Besides, who doesn’t want a kiss from this sexy piece of ass?
BeijingFriedRice : Good point. So, you mouth-raped him then. Poor kid. I bet it was his first kiss too…
UknowheartsJae : Wtf? Who the hell does that? God, I swear. He just goes around, grabs random little boys’ faces, and kisses them everywhere? …It’s sick and wrong. On so many levels.
Drama King : I just love how you talk about me as if I’m not even here…
JaeheartsUknow : You’re one to talk, Yunho. You always make me play teacher and student with you and I’m always the innocent, young adolescent student…schoolgirl uniform included.
Drama King : Lol. God, I love you Jae.
Drama King : And Yunho? Maybe you and Jaejoong should give your fans a run for their money with a little bit of Yunjae intimacy. You can even ‘role-play’ for them, teacherxstudent affair and everything.
UknowheartsJae : Uh. Well. We can’t.
Drama King : Oh? And why not?
UknowheartsJae : Um. Because then everyone will know that we are dating???? DUH.
Drama King : …If that’s true then I guess everyone thinks I’m dating pretty much all of my band mates. Is that what you are saying? I can’t be intimate with the people I love most without people thinking that I’m actually dating them?
UknowheartsJae : Actually…tbh, I thought you were dating Hangeng…
BeijingFriedRice : ROFLMAO. LOLOLOLOLOLOL. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
BejingFriedRice : GOOD ONE, YUNHO. But sorry. I’m not that crazy. There is a reason why men date other men: to get away from all the estrogen in the world. If I were to date Heechul, then I would have to deal with 10x the amount of drama that normal girls do.
BeijingFriedRice : I mean, seriously. I wouldn’t be surprised if he carried tampons around everywhere in that girly purse ‘man-bag’ that he has.
Drama King : -__- ….You do know that I know where you live right?
BeijingFriedRice : I would hope so. You sort of live here too…
Drama King : Exactly! You better lock your door because I just promoted you to my list of ‘People I Must Kill In The Near Future’.
BeijingFriedRice : Hah! What are you going to do, hit me with your tampon purse? XD
Drama King : Sounds good to me.
Drama King has logged out.
BeijingFriedRice : …Oh shit.
BeijingFriedRice has logged out.
JaeheartsUknow : D: They left us…
UknowheartsJae : Yep.
JaeheartsUknow : Don’t sound too upset or anything.
UknowheartsJae : I’m not…
JaeheartsUknow : *sigh* I know.
UknowheartsJae : Haha. You know. Like ‘Uknow’. :D Hehe.
JaeheartsUknow : …You’re sort of stupid aren’t you?
UknowheartsJae : :( Aww, babe…don’t be so mean…I’m not stupid…
JaeheartsUknow : Okay, okay. I’m sorry. And to make it up to you…we can play that wii game that you like so much…
UknowheartsJae : You mean wii sex?!?! :D
JaeheartsUknow : No. Actually, I meant Harvest Moon, that game that’s made for five-year olds.
UknowheartsJae : T_T Whatever! It is not! It’s fun!
UknowheartsJae : And why can’t we have wii sex??????? PLEASE I FREAKING BEG OF YOU, LET US HAVE SUPERFANTASTICAL WII SEX!!!!
JaeheartsUknow : Alright, alright already!
JaeheartsUknow : Just. Please. STOP USING CAPS WHEN YOU TYPE. It’s extremely hard on the eyes…
UknowheartsJae : OKAY! :D I LOVE YOU. :D
UknowheartsJae : And I know other ways to make you extremely hard on the eyes. ;)
JaeheartsUknow : …That doesn’t even make sense…
UknowheartsJae : Or maybe I’m just so good that you can’t understand my super awesome sexual innuendos.
JaeheartsUknow : …Yes…I’m sure that’s it… -_-
UknowheartsJae : :D
~*~*~
ipwnn00bz4life has logged in.
~!I<3Kuixian!~ has logged in.
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : Kui xian!!! :]
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : What are you doing, sexy?
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : Or better yet…What are you wearing? ;)
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : …Kyuhyun?
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : KUI XIAN?!?! WHERE ARE YOU?????
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : … :[
p!nkisthenewMeganFox : has logged in.
p!nkisthenewMeganFox : Hey Kyuhyun! :)
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : What the fuck are you doing in here? Gtfo, bitch.
p!nkisthenewMeganFox : Last I heard, this was a free country. Meaning I can do what ever the hell I want. So stfu. :)
p!nkisthenewMeganFox : Hey! Look at this! You will SO love it! :) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1tU7wT0KeQE
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : SUNGMIN! UGH! I swear to god, if I see any more fan-vids with Kyumin in them, I will murder ever Kyumin supporter in their sleep. Especially YOU!
p!nkisthenewMeganFox : :O You’re so cruel! Kyumin is adorable! No offense, but you and Kyu just look plain odd together…
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : Yeah, well. Your face looks odd! I seriously want to barf every time I see you that ugly face of yours.
p!nkisthenewMeganFox : I’m not ugly! I’m so freaking cute that I would date MYSELF!
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : Good. Then you can have lesbian sex with yourself and leave my Kui xian alone.
p!nkisthenewMeganFox : What do you mean?...I’m not a lesbian… I’m not even a girl…
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : Dumbass…
p!nkisthenewMeganFox : Btw, why are you always so mean to me? I never did anything to you…
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : Why, you ask? Well, let’s see…For starters, you have a humongous crush on MY boyfriend and you just love to flirt with him when you think I’m not looking. Secondly, you just happen to have the most awesome timing in the world whenever you interrupt me and Kui xian getting down and dirty, successfully cock-blocking me. Then you stay up late just to hear us have sex (you fucking weirdo) and then you go and tattle-tell to Leeteuk about “hearing some weird noises coming from Zhou Mi’s room”. And of course, I just don’t like you in general. You’re also extremely annoying. And your face is fugly.
p!nkisthenewMeganFox : You’re just jealous because he actually flirts back with me.
p!nkisthenewMeganFox : You were the one who had to come along and ruin everything. I was here first. But then they chose YOU for SJM…and then everything went downhill.
p!nkisthenewMeganFox : I was sooooo close to having Kyuhyun in my grasp but nooooo. You just had to seduce him, didn’t you?!
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : …
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : Pssh. Whatever. The closest you ever came to having a chance with Kyuhyun was Kyumin fan service. And even Kyumin fan service wasn’t that extreme…What, with just one hug here and there? P.A.T.H.E.T.I.C.
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : And I did not have to even try to seduce him. He just automatically fell in love with me at first sight. I’m just that good looking.
p!nkisthenewMeganFox : Wha-I…But…No!!! ARRRRGGG!!!! I HATE YOU AND YOUR STUPID, STUPID FREAKY SMILE. AND YOU HAVE A FREAKING HUGE-ASS NOSE! YOU LOOK LIKE THAT SLUT, PAMELA ANDERSON!!!
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : Shut up! I have a killer smile. It’s just too epic for you. MY MOM SAYS MY NOSE IS CUTE!
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : And Pamela Anderson? Really? You’re such a dumbass! She’s the one with the huge tits, not the one with the big nose!
p!nkisthenewMeganFox : Whatever! You’re just a…a…a WHORE!!!!!
ipwnn00bz4life : …uh…huh?
ipwnn00bz4life : what the hell are u 2 arguing about now?
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : Nothing, Kui Xian. :]
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : Btw, where were you, babe?
ipwnn00bz4life : oh…just pwning some noobs on starcraft. :]
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : Oh…that’s nice…Just ignore me to play that stupid game, yet again…
ipwnn00bz4life : yeah and I was totally raping this guy rite? and then all of a sudden he just turns things around and starts fucking shooting me like there’s no tomorrow…and then I died. fucking noob.
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : Tbh, I really don’t care.
ipwnn00bz4life : …wtf? u on your period or something?
p!nkisthenewMeganFox : Don’t worry, Kyu. He’s just being a jackass. Don’t pay any attention to him.
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : Will you please just get the fuck out of here??? God, I swear. I don’t see how you’re even Kui Xian’s best friend…
p!nkisthenewMeganFox : It’s because he doesn’t want to ruin our friendship by getting ourselves involved in a relationship. *sniff* He’s so thoughtful and kind.
ipwnn00bz4life : wtf?
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : Oh yeah, bitch? Who’s the one who is actually dating him? Oh. Right. It’s ME. NOT YOU.
ipwnn00bz4life : mimi, quit bitching.
ipwnn00bz4life : and sungmin, how many times do I have to tell u? i only see u as a friend…
p!nkisthenewMeganFox : See? There he goes again. Being oh-so-sweet by not ruining anything between us.
p!nkisthenewMeganFox : I think I love him even more now! Teehee ~
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : I’m seriously just ignoring you now. Because I have a feeling that if I bitch anymore, then I won’t be getting any tonight. If you get my drift… ;]
p!nkisthenewMeganFox : …
ipwnn00bz4life : …
p!nkisthenewMeganFox : I don’t see why you like him anyway, Kyu…What does he have that I don’t?
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : A dick.
ipwnn00bz4life : rofl.
ipwnn00bz4life : oh. uh. Well….
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : Admit it. You like my big, fat cock. And the rough, rough sex that comes with it. :]
p!nkisthenewMeganFox : Haha! For a minute there…it almost sounded as if YOU’RE the dominant one in the relationship, Zhou Mi. ROFL!!!
ipwnn00bz4life : …
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : LOL! XD
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : OMG. Are you serious?? You mean you haven’t told him, Kui xian?
p!nkisthenewMeganFox : ? Tell me what?
ipwnn00bz4life : …uh…no… :[
p!nkisthenewMeganFox : I don’t get it…what do you mean????
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : Go ahead. Tell him, Kui xian. Tell him how you beg for me to take you every night…Then tell him how I sometimes have to punish you for being a naughty, naughty boy. ^^
ipwnn00bz4life : …this is so embarrassing…
p!nkisthenewMeganFox : …No…It can’t be…you mean, Kyuhyun actually BOTTOMS?!?!?! :O
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : Hell yes. He moans like a little whore too. You should hear him, Sungmin. It would make you wet just thinking about it. (Not hard. Wet. Because you don’t have a dick) Oh wait. You already have…because you like listening to other people have sex. You perv.
ipwnn00bz4life : uh…okay…let’s stop talking about this now…
p!nkisthenewMeganFox : Nooooooo! Kyuhyun, why?!?! Why do you let this cruel and evil man taint you so?!
ipwnn00bz4life : hey! i can’t help it. he may look all sweet and innocent in front of the cameras and everything…but when it’s just me and him, alone, he turns into a real beast…
ipwnn00bz4life : besides, he’s older, taller, and uh…’bigger’ than me anyway…
ipwnn00bz4life : like, seriously, minnie. he’s so freaking huge like u would never believe…he’s like a superhero sex god or something.
p!nkisthenewMeganFox : WTF?
p!nkisthenewMeganFox : But…he’s so freaking girly!
p!nkisthenewMeganFox : And btw, Kyuhyun, that was tmi…
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : I’M girly? Look who is talking, faggot! I mean, seriously. Look at your user name. You are obsessed with pink for crying out loud!
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : Then you try to cover up your faggotry with all that karate or whatever the hell it is that you do. But it doesn’t even work! Like I said before, you’re pretty much a woman, including the fact that you have no dick whatsoever.
p!nkisthenewMeganFox : …I’m not a woman…T_T And quit saying that I have no dick!!!
ipwnn00bz4life : well, actually, tbh with u, minnie, the first time I met u, I thought u were a girl…
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : :D Hahaha. *literally rofl*
p!nkisthenewMeganFox : What?! What do you mean you thought I was a girl?!?! I look nothing like a girl!!!
ipwnn00bz4life : when I first met u, u were dressed as a girl remember? u even had on a pink skirt and panty hose and everything. u looked pretty ridiculous. i thought u were just an ugly girl or something. :]
p!nkisthenewMeganFox : I freaking hate you both!
p!nkisthenewMeganFox : The only reason why I wore that was because Heechul threatened to post a video of me making out with his cat on youtube!
p!nkisthenewMeganFox : And Zhou Mi? I hope you break your dick from having too much sex.
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : ...Is that even possible?
p!nkisthenewMeganFox has logged out.
ipwnn00bz4life : i’m gonna go back to pwning noobs now...
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : Wouldn’t you rather do something that requires strenuous exercise and is really, really fun?
ipwnn00bz4life : hm. no. i’m not really in the mood for tennis right now.
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : …I wasn’t referring to tennis, Kui Xian… -_-
ipwnn00bz4life : i’m not really in the mood for basketball either…
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : Okay, you can quit the innocent and naïve act now. Everyone knows you’re an evil and conniving little maknae. Especially me. ;]
ipwnn00bz4life : mwahahahahaha.
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : :] So, how bout it? You wanna take a ride on my disco stick, baby? ;]
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : Or are you too busy playing your little scartrap game?
ipwnn00bz4life : …it’s starcraft, mimi. not ‘scartrap’…
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : Same difference. Come onnnnnnnnn. I’m horny.
ipwnn00bz4life : i can see that.
ipwnn00bz4life : lol. watch this. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hhOBC4XkwqE
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : … I’ll let you lick my yummy ‘cock made of doo’.
ipwnn00bz4life : rofl.
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : Okay, okay. COME ON ALREADY!!! Showing me videos of Swedish bakers making ‘cocks’ is just making me hornier! Why are you being so cruel?! T_T
ipwnn00bz4life : lol. ok, ok. just one more. promise.
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : NO. NO MORE.
ipwnn00bz4life : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UCNb60YJeZQ
ipwnn00bz4life : YES! MORE. :]
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : It would be better if you were saying that in my bed right now…
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : OMFG. Is that cat…masturbating?!?! Wtf?! Kui xian, why in the world were you searching for animal porn? No. Wait. I’d rather not know…
ipwnn00bz4life : XD
ipwnn00bz4life : don’t u think he looks like heechul hyung’s cat?
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : Heebum?...Uh. No…Heebum is gray…and is actually skinny. Not fat like that sick and perverted cat.
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : Honestly, I’m so horrified that I’m not even in the mood anymore…That totally turned me off.
ipwnn00bz4life : really?... O.o
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : Nope. Still horny as fuck.
ipwnn00bz4life : *gives u a blow job* better?
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : Oh yes. I feel so much better now. Thanks Kui xian!
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : NOT. -_-
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : GET YOUR SEXY ASS OVER HERE RIGHT NOW.
ipwnn00bz4life : …yes master…
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : That’s right bitch. Call me your master. Now get over here and let me have my way with you.
~*~*~
BeijingFriedRice has logged in.
rapndance_king : Unnf. Yeah, that’s it. Right there, baby.
~ Fishie-Hae ~ : Like this?
BeijingFriedRice : OMG. You guys have to seriously help me.
rapndance_king : Yeeeeaaahhh. That’s puuurrrfect.
~ Fishie-Hae ~ : Hehehehehe. *slurps*
BeijingFriedRice : Heechul is going freaking psycho bitch on me and he is currently trying to break down my door…
rapndance_king : Take it all in baby. Deep throat it.
BeijingFriedRice : Oh my god! Now he’s unlocking my door with a paperclip that he found…
BeijingFriedRice : Uh oh. He’s almost in…
rapndance_king : So am I. Now stfu. We’re busy.
BeijingFriedRice : Oh crap! He’s-Wait a minute…are you guys having cyber sex?...
~ Fishie-Hae ~ : No. We’re playing online checkers… -_-
~ Fishie-Hae ~ : Duh. Of course we’re having cyber sex. What else would we be doing in here?
rapndance_king : Donghae. Focus. Suck harder.
~ Fishie-Hae ~ : Oops. Sorry, Hyukkie. Can’t talk, Geng.
BeijingFriedRice : …SAVE ME!!! Holy shit! Now he’s throwing tampons at me!!!!!!! SICK!
BeijingFriedRice : OMFG!!! NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Jtgno3thoktmhr
BeijingFriedRice : ohgijofgjktmhlkmgdfmg;dfgh
BeijingFriedRice : oejgoiejrgklkihdifn2ttgrtg!!!!!34500tkm4!
rapndance_king has kicked BeijingFriedRice out of the chat room.
rapndance_king : God. He just wouldn’t shut up.
~ Fishie-Hae ~ : I know…and he actually thinks we care about his ‘girl problems’…
rapndance_king : Yup. Now, get back to work, whore!
Sorry for the shorter update...I had more typed but I decided to save some of it for the next update. Btw, that whole 'gay bar scene' actually happened to me. Well, I didn't go in of course. (I'm a minor :P) but basically the same stuff happened. It was so freaking hilarious. Thus, I had to put that in here...no matter how random it was.
I fail. But I would love comments anyway. :]
Bands: Super Junior & DBSK
Author: kaisumi23
Pairings : Yunjae, Eunhae, Qmi, Hanchul, & various others
Genre: Humor, complete crack, romance, drama
Rating: PG-13+(for obscenities & strongly implied sexual situations)
Disclaimer: SM owns them, not me. But one day, I will kidnap them all.:D
Summary: Join our favorite Kpop idols in their adventures through the cyber world.
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
A/N: Another update!! I bet you're all thinking, 'God, about time!' Yeah...sorry about that. School has been hectic lately since we just found out our class rankings...And I got ranked 15 (out of 295) :D Not to brag or anything. Plus, I've been sick with a cold and what-not. Thus, leaving me with no time to update. I haven't really been in a humorous mood lately either, so if this doesn't seem as funny as usual, then I'm terribly sorry. Btw, since Spring Break is next week for me, I'll be able to update a lot more. Yay! Special thanks to trshakespeare and kajujux3 for providing me with links. :]
JaeheartsUknow - Jaejoong
UknowheartsJae - Yunho
Drama King - Heechul
BeijingFriedRice - Hangeng
ipwnn00bz4life - Kyuhyun
~!I<3Kuixian!~ - Zhou Mi
p!nkisthenewMeganFox - Sungmin
~ Fishie-Hae ~ - Donghae
rapndance_king - Eunhyuk
p0rn_plz - Changmin
JaeheartsUknow has logged on.
UknowheartsJae has logged on.
JaeheartsUknow : Wow. You messed up Taegoon pretty good. He can’t even show his face in public anymore. It’s pretty hideous.
UknowheartsJae : Yeah, well…he made me do it. And what do you mean? His face was always like that.
JaeheartsUknow : What ever shall I do with you? You’re so possessive.
UknowheartsJae : I have to be when you flirt with other guys RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME.
JaeheartsUknow : …I don’t flirt…
UknowheartsJae : Pssh. Yeah, right.
JaeheartsUknow : *pout* Why are you so mean to me? I only flirt with you, Yunnie bear.
UknowheartsJae : Aw…okay, if you say so, babe…
UknowheartsJae : So…what are you doing right this very moment? Watching porn? ;P
JaeheartsUknow : What? No!
JaeheartsUknow : I have you for that, don’t I? :)
UknowheartsJae : Well, of course. ;) Speaking of…You should totally come over right now. Then we can get it on. We could try a little bit of bondage or S&M…or…THIS!
UknowheartsJae : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uPrF-vsFRGU
UknowheartsJae : Omg, please please please pretty please say yes!
JaeheartsUknow : …I don’t know…Is that…safe? It looks painful…
UknowheartsJae : Aw, c’mon, baby! It will be fun! We’ve gotta be like, the only sexually active couple who HASN’T tried wii sex yet. We’re missing out on EVERYTHING!!!
JaeheartsUknow : *sigh* Alright. But we’re using your controller. There’s no way I’m getting mine all messy.
UknowheartsJae : :D I LOVE YOU BOOJAE.
JaeheartsUknow : I know. :)
Drama King has logged in.
BeijingFriedRice has logged in.
Drama King : Jaejoong, my love! It’s been ages since we last talked! I’ve missed you!
JaeheartsUknow : Heechul! Whatcha’ been up to, boyfriend? We so have to go on another shopping spree together. It’s been much too long.
Drama King : Right? Omo! Guess what?
JaeheartsUknow : You dyed your hair again?
Drama King : Nope. Well, yes. But that’s not what I wanted to say…
Drama King : Okay, so Hangeng, Kyuhyun, Zhou Mi, and I went clubbing last night right?
JaeheartsUknow : And you didn’t invite me????? :(
Drama King : I called you, bb. Guess you were too busy screwing your bf to answer your god damn phone…
JaeheartsUknow : Oh. Teehee, oopsie.
Drama King : So, anywho. We’re trying to find a club, right? And we find the most PERFECT one. It was called ‘Gay Boy’s Fantasy’. Fucking awesome right? So of course, we’re like, “OH HELL YEAH” (well, mainly just me). And then you will never guess what happened. As soon as we were walking into the club, we hear some jerk of a preacher across the street shouting, “God forgives all sins! Do not let the devil consume you!” So then of course we turned around and were like “wtf?” Then he’s all, “You boys there! Do not let the Devil corrupt you! Do not give into temptation! If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness, John 1:8!”
Drama King : But seriously, it’s way too late for that. I’ve been corrupted ever since I started jacking off to Adam Lambert.
Drama King : Then Kyuhyun, being the snarky little bastard he is, just HAD to tell him off. He’s like, “Uhm. No. Actually, it’s John 1:9. Not 1:8, dumbass. I could stand there and shout random shit about Michael Jackson and still do a better job than you.”
Drama King : So, yeah…It was interesting…
JaeheartsUknow : Omfg. Does he think there is something wrong with being gay or something?
BeijingFriedRice : Well, other than the fact that being gay is a major sin and churches preach against it…Nope. Nothing is wrong with it at all. :)
Drama King : Shut your Chinese face. Do not talk to my bff like that.
BeijingFriedRice : …I thought Typhoon was your bff?
Drama King : I have several bffs, Hangeng. I can’t help it that I’m so popular.
BeijingFriedRice : Right…
BeijingFriedRice : What does that make me then? Your SUPER bff? :D
Drama King : Hm, wait a minute while I check my list of bffs…
Drama King : Oh, here you are! Right under ‘Fuck buddies’…Nope. Sorry, you’re just a sex friend.
BeijingFriedRice : Well, at least awesome sex is included with no strings attached. :)
UknowheartsJae : Then is Henry now included under that list, Heechul?
Drama King : Uhm…no. I’m not a child predator, Yunho. Henry is as straight as a bored anyway. Why do you ask?
UknowheartsJae : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O-xL5ijKDPU
UknowheartsJae : Well, because you sort of made out with the kid on stage…
BeijingFriedRice : Oh boy. Here we go again. Yunho, Heechul has these certain urges when he’s on stage, surrounded by all us hot, sweaty, and sexy men…We like to call it ‘fans-service fetishes’.
BeijingFriedRice : Btw, Henry looks so freaking embarrassed. Didn’t you tell him beforehand that you were going to lay one on him?
Drama King : Nah. He saw it coming. Besides, who doesn’t want a kiss from this sexy piece of ass?
BeijingFriedRice : Good point. So, you mouth-raped him then. Poor kid. I bet it was his first kiss too…
UknowheartsJae : Wtf? Who the hell does that? God, I swear. He just goes around, grabs random little boys’ faces, and kisses them everywhere? …It’s sick and wrong. On so many levels.
Drama King : I just love how you talk about me as if I’m not even here…
JaeheartsUknow : You’re one to talk, Yunho. You always make me play teacher and student with you and I’m always the innocent, young adolescent student…schoolgirl uniform included.
Drama King : Lol. God, I love you Jae.
Drama King : And Yunho? Maybe you and Jaejoong should give your fans a run for their money with a little bit of Yunjae intimacy. You can even ‘role-play’ for them, teacherxstudent affair and everything.
UknowheartsJae : Uh. Well. We can’t.
Drama King : Oh? And why not?
UknowheartsJae : Um. Because then everyone will know that we are dating???? DUH.
Drama King : …If that’s true then I guess everyone thinks I’m dating pretty much all of my band mates. Is that what you are saying? I can’t be intimate with the people I love most without people thinking that I’m actually dating them?
UknowheartsJae : Actually…tbh, I thought you were dating Hangeng…
BeijingFriedRice : ROFLMAO. LOLOLOLOLOLOL. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
BejingFriedRice : GOOD ONE, YUNHO. But sorry. I’m not that crazy. There is a reason why men date other men: to get away from all the estrogen in the world. If I were to date Heechul, then I would have to deal with 10x the amount of drama that normal girls do.
BeijingFriedRice : I mean, seriously. I wouldn’t be surprised if he carried tampons around everywhere in that girly purse ‘man-bag’ that he has.
Drama King : -__- ….You do know that I know where you live right?
BeijingFriedRice : I would hope so. You sort of live here too…
Drama King : Exactly! You better lock your door because I just promoted you to my list of ‘People I Must Kill In The Near Future’.
BeijingFriedRice : Hah! What are you going to do, hit me with your tampon purse? XD
Drama King : Sounds good to me.
Drama King has logged out.
BeijingFriedRice : …Oh shit.
BeijingFriedRice has logged out.
JaeheartsUknow : D: They left us…
UknowheartsJae : Yep.
JaeheartsUknow : Don’t sound too upset or anything.
UknowheartsJae : I’m not…
JaeheartsUknow : *sigh* I know.
UknowheartsJae : Haha. You know. Like ‘Uknow’. :D Hehe.
JaeheartsUknow : …You’re sort of stupid aren’t you?
UknowheartsJae : :( Aww, babe…don’t be so mean…I’m not stupid…
JaeheartsUknow : Okay, okay. I’m sorry. And to make it up to you…we can play that wii game that you like so much…
UknowheartsJae : You mean wii sex?!?! :D
JaeheartsUknow : No. Actually, I meant Harvest Moon, that game that’s made for five-year olds.
UknowheartsJae : T_T Whatever! It is not! It’s fun!
UknowheartsJae : And why can’t we have wii sex??????? PLEASE I FREAKING BEG OF YOU, LET US HAVE SUPERFANTASTICAL WII SEX!!!!
JaeheartsUknow : Alright, alright already!
JaeheartsUknow : Just. Please. STOP USING CAPS WHEN YOU TYPE. It’s extremely hard on the eyes…
UknowheartsJae : OKAY! :D I LOVE YOU. :D
UknowheartsJae : And I know other ways to make you extremely hard on the eyes. ;)
JaeheartsUknow : …That doesn’t even make sense…
UknowheartsJae : Or maybe I’m just so good that you can’t understand my super awesome sexual innuendos.
JaeheartsUknow : …Yes…I’m sure that’s it… -_-
UknowheartsJae : :D
~*~*~
ipwnn00bz4life has logged in.
~!I<3Kuixian!~ has logged in.
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : Kui xian!!! :]
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : What are you doing, sexy?
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : Or better yet…What are you wearing? ;)
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : …Kyuhyun?
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : KUI XIAN?!?! WHERE ARE YOU?????
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : … :[
p!nkisthenewMeganFox : has logged in.
p!nkisthenewMeganFox : Hey Kyuhyun! :)
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : What the fuck are you doing in here? Gtfo, bitch.
p!nkisthenewMeganFox : Last I heard, this was a free country. Meaning I can do what ever the hell I want. So stfu. :)
p!nkisthenewMeganFox : Hey! Look at this! You will SO love it! :) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1tU7wT0KeQE
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : SUNGMIN! UGH! I swear to god, if I see any more fan-vids with Kyumin in them, I will murder ever Kyumin supporter in their sleep. Especially YOU!
p!nkisthenewMeganFox : :O You’re so cruel! Kyumin is adorable! No offense, but you and Kyu just look plain odd together…
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : Yeah, well. Your face looks odd! I seriously want to barf every time I see you that ugly face of yours.
p!nkisthenewMeganFox : I’m not ugly! I’m so freaking cute that I would date MYSELF!
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : Good. Then you can have lesbian sex with yourself and leave my Kui xian alone.
p!nkisthenewMeganFox : What do you mean?...I’m not a lesbian… I’m not even a girl…
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : Dumbass…
p!nkisthenewMeganFox : Btw, why are you always so mean to me? I never did anything to you…
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : Why, you ask? Well, let’s see…For starters, you have a humongous crush on MY boyfriend and you just love to flirt with him when you think I’m not looking. Secondly, you just happen to have the most awesome timing in the world whenever you interrupt me and Kui xian getting down and dirty, successfully cock-blocking me. Then you stay up late just to hear us have sex (you fucking weirdo) and then you go and tattle-tell to Leeteuk about “hearing some weird noises coming from Zhou Mi’s room”. And of course, I just don’t like you in general. You’re also extremely annoying. And your face is fugly.
p!nkisthenewMeganFox : You’re just jealous because he actually flirts back with me.
p!nkisthenewMeganFox : You were the one who had to come along and ruin everything. I was here first. But then they chose YOU for SJM…and then everything went downhill.
p!nkisthenewMeganFox : I was sooooo close to having Kyuhyun in my grasp but nooooo. You just had to seduce him, didn’t you?!
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : …
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : Pssh. Whatever. The closest you ever came to having a chance with Kyuhyun was Kyumin fan service. And even Kyumin fan service wasn’t that extreme…What, with just one hug here and there? P.A.T.H.E.T.I.C.
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : And I did not have to even try to seduce him. He just automatically fell in love with me at first sight. I’m just that good looking.
p!nkisthenewMeganFox : Wha-I…But…No!!! ARRRRGGG!!!! I HATE YOU AND YOUR STUPID, STUPID FREAKY SMILE. AND YOU HAVE A FREAKING HUGE-ASS NOSE! YOU LOOK LIKE THAT SLUT, PAMELA ANDERSON!!!
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : Shut up! I have a killer smile. It’s just too epic for you. MY MOM SAYS MY NOSE IS CUTE!
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : And Pamela Anderson? Really? You’re such a dumbass! She’s the one with the huge tits, not the one with the big nose!
p!nkisthenewMeganFox : Whatever! You’re just a…a…a WHORE!!!!!
ipwnn00bz4life : …uh…huh?
ipwnn00bz4life : what the hell are u 2 arguing about now?
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : Nothing, Kui Xian. :]
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : Btw, where were you, babe?
ipwnn00bz4life : oh…just pwning some noobs on starcraft. :]
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : Oh…that’s nice…Just ignore me to play that stupid game, yet again…
ipwnn00bz4life : yeah and I was totally raping this guy rite? and then all of a sudden he just turns things around and starts fucking shooting me like there’s no tomorrow…and then I died. fucking noob.
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : Tbh, I really don’t care.
ipwnn00bz4life : …wtf? u on your period or something?
p!nkisthenewMeganFox : Don’t worry, Kyu. He’s just being a jackass. Don’t pay any attention to him.
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : Will you please just get the fuck out of here??? God, I swear. I don’t see how you’re even Kui Xian’s best friend…
p!nkisthenewMeganFox : It’s because he doesn’t want to ruin our friendship by getting ourselves involved in a relationship. *sniff* He’s so thoughtful and kind.
ipwnn00bz4life : wtf?
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : Oh yeah, bitch? Who’s the one who is actually dating him? Oh. Right. It’s ME. NOT YOU.
ipwnn00bz4life : mimi, quit bitching.
ipwnn00bz4life : and sungmin, how many times do I have to tell u? i only see u as a friend…
p!nkisthenewMeganFox : See? There he goes again. Being oh-so-sweet by not ruining anything between us.
p!nkisthenewMeganFox : I think I love him even more now! Teehee ~
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : I’m seriously just ignoring you now. Because I have a feeling that if I bitch anymore, then I won’t be getting any tonight. If you get my drift… ;]
p!nkisthenewMeganFox : …
ipwnn00bz4life : …
p!nkisthenewMeganFox : I don’t see why you like him anyway, Kyu…What does he have that I don’t?
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : A dick.
ipwnn00bz4life : rofl.
ipwnn00bz4life : oh. uh. Well….
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : Admit it. You like my big, fat cock. And the rough, rough sex that comes with it. :]
p!nkisthenewMeganFox : Haha! For a minute there…it almost sounded as if YOU’RE the dominant one in the relationship, Zhou Mi. ROFL!!!
ipwnn00bz4life : …
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : LOL! XD
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : OMG. Are you serious?? You mean you haven’t told him, Kui xian?
p!nkisthenewMeganFox : ? Tell me what?
ipwnn00bz4life : …uh…no… :[
p!nkisthenewMeganFox : I don’t get it…what do you mean????
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : Go ahead. Tell him, Kui xian. Tell him how you beg for me to take you every night…Then tell him how I sometimes have to punish you for being a naughty, naughty boy. ^^
ipwnn00bz4life : …this is so embarrassing…
p!nkisthenewMeganFox : …No…It can’t be…you mean, Kyuhyun actually BOTTOMS?!?!?! :O
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : Hell yes. He moans like a little whore too. You should hear him, Sungmin. It would make you wet just thinking about it. (Not hard. Wet. Because you don’t have a dick) Oh wait. You already have…because you like listening to other people have sex. You perv.
ipwnn00bz4life : uh…okay…let’s stop talking about this now…
p!nkisthenewMeganFox : Nooooooo! Kyuhyun, why?!?! Why do you let this cruel and evil man taint you so?!
ipwnn00bz4life : hey! i can’t help it. he may look all sweet and innocent in front of the cameras and everything…but when it’s just me and him, alone, he turns into a real beast…
ipwnn00bz4life : besides, he’s older, taller, and uh…’bigger’ than me anyway…
ipwnn00bz4life : like, seriously, minnie. he’s so freaking huge like u would never believe…he’s like a superhero sex god or something.
p!nkisthenewMeganFox : WTF?
p!nkisthenewMeganFox : But…he’s so freaking girly!
p!nkisthenewMeganFox : And btw, Kyuhyun, that was tmi…
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : I’M girly? Look who is talking, faggot! I mean, seriously. Look at your user name. You are obsessed with pink for crying out loud!
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : Then you try to cover up your faggotry with all that karate or whatever the hell it is that you do. But it doesn’t even work! Like I said before, you’re pretty much a woman, including the fact that you have no dick whatsoever.
p!nkisthenewMeganFox : …I’m not a woman…T_T And quit saying that I have no dick!!!
ipwnn00bz4life : well, actually, tbh with u, minnie, the first time I met u, I thought u were a girl…
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : :D Hahaha. *literally rofl*
p!nkisthenewMeganFox : What?! What do you mean you thought I was a girl?!?! I look nothing like a girl!!!
ipwnn00bz4life : when I first met u, u were dressed as a girl remember? u even had on a pink skirt and panty hose and everything. u looked pretty ridiculous. i thought u were just an ugly girl or something. :]
p!nkisthenewMeganFox : I freaking hate you both!
p!nkisthenewMeganFox : The only reason why I wore that was because Heechul threatened to post a video of me making out with his cat on youtube!
p!nkisthenewMeganFox : And Zhou Mi? I hope you break your dick from having too much sex.
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : ...Is that even possible?
p!nkisthenewMeganFox has logged out.
ipwnn00bz4life : i’m gonna go back to pwning noobs now...
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : Wouldn’t you rather do something that requires strenuous exercise and is really, really fun?
ipwnn00bz4life : hm. no. i’m not really in the mood for tennis right now.
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : …I wasn’t referring to tennis, Kui Xian… -_-
ipwnn00bz4life : i’m not really in the mood for basketball either…
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : Okay, you can quit the innocent and naïve act now. Everyone knows you’re an evil and conniving little maknae. Especially me. ;]
ipwnn00bz4life : mwahahahahaha.
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : :] So, how bout it? You wanna take a ride on my disco stick, baby? ;]
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : Or are you too busy playing your little scartrap game?
ipwnn00bz4life : …it’s starcraft, mimi. not ‘scartrap’…
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : Same difference. Come onnnnnnnnn. I’m horny.
ipwnn00bz4life : i can see that.
ipwnn00bz4life : lol. watch this. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hhOBC4XkwqE
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : … I’ll let you lick my yummy ‘cock made of doo’.
ipwnn00bz4life : rofl.
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : Okay, okay. COME ON ALREADY!!! Showing me videos of Swedish bakers making ‘cocks’ is just making me hornier! Why are you being so cruel?! T_T
ipwnn00bz4life : lol. ok, ok. just one more. promise.
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : NO. NO MORE.
ipwnn00bz4life : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UCNb60YJeZQ
ipwnn00bz4life : YES! MORE. :]
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : It would be better if you were saying that in my bed right now…
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : OMFG. Is that cat…masturbating?!?! Wtf?! Kui xian, why in the world were you searching for animal porn? No. Wait. I’d rather not know…
ipwnn00bz4life : XD
ipwnn00bz4life : don’t u think he looks like heechul hyung’s cat?
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : Heebum?...Uh. No…Heebum is gray…and is actually skinny. Not fat like that sick and perverted cat.
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : Honestly, I’m so horrified that I’m not even in the mood anymore…That totally turned me off.
ipwnn00bz4life : really?... O.o
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : Nope. Still horny as fuck.
ipwnn00bz4life : *gives u a blow job* better?
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : Oh yes. I feel so much better now. Thanks Kui xian!
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : NOT. -_-
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : GET YOUR SEXY ASS OVER HERE RIGHT NOW.
ipwnn00bz4life : …yes master…
~!I<3Kuixian!~ : That’s right bitch. Call me your master. Now get over here and let me have my way with you.
~*~*~
BeijingFriedRice has logged in.
rapndance_king : Unnf. Yeah, that’s it. Right there, baby.
~ Fishie-Hae ~ : Like this?
BeijingFriedRice : OMG. You guys have to seriously help me.
rapndance_king : Yeeeeaaahhh. That’s puuurrrfect.
~ Fishie-Hae ~ : Hehehehehe. *slurps*
BeijingFriedRice : Heechul is going freaking psycho bitch on me and he is currently trying to break down my door…
rapndance_king : Take it all in baby. Deep throat it.
BeijingFriedRice : Oh my god! Now he’s unlocking my door with a paperclip that he found…
BeijingFriedRice : Uh oh. He’s almost in…
rapndance_king : So am I. Now stfu. We’re busy.
BeijingFriedRice : Oh crap! He’s-Wait a minute…are you guys having cyber sex?...
~ Fishie-Hae ~ : No. We’re playing online checkers… -_-
~ Fishie-Hae ~ : Duh. Of course we’re having cyber sex. What else would we be doing in here?
rapndance_king : Donghae. Focus. Suck harder.
~ Fishie-Hae ~ : Oops. Sorry, Hyukkie. Can’t talk, Geng.
BeijingFriedRice : …SAVE ME!!! Holy shit! Now he’s throwing tampons at me!!!!!!! SICK!
BeijingFriedRice : OMFG!!! NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Jtgno3thoktmhr
BeijingFriedRice : ohgijofgjktmhlkmgdfmg;dfgh
BeijingFriedRice : oejgoiejrgklkihdifn2ttgrtg!!!!!34500tkm4!
rapndance_king has kicked BeijingFriedRice out of the chat room.
rapndance_king : God. He just wouldn’t shut up.
~ Fishie-Hae ~ : I know…and he actually thinks we care about his ‘girl problems’…
rapndance_king : Yup. Now, get back to work, whore!
Sorry for the shorter update...I had more typed but I decided to save some of it for the next update. Btw, that whole 'gay bar scene' actually happened to me. Well, I didn't go in of course. (I'm a minor :P) but basically the same stuff happened. It was so freaking hilarious. Thus, I had to put that in here...no matter how random it was.
I fail. But I would love comments anyway. :]