Reckless #16: When You Say Nothing At All [Part 1/2]
Title: When you say nothing at all
Rating: NC-17
Other pairings: Sulay
Word Count: 10,118
Warnings: [Click to see]Age Switch, Mentions of violence and sexual assault
Summary: Kyungsoo thinks Jongin doesn't love him because he always has a bunch of girls over. He doesn't know that they only serve as the mafia king’s counsel for relationship advice, and that they have been trying to get him and Jongin together all these time.
Author's Note: Well, this was really painful to write! The prompt blew up in my face because I kept thinking of all the possible ways I could expand the plot. I lost my way through the process of writing this, so I do apologise for all the crap you are about to read if you decide to venture past this author’s note. I’m seriously considering hiding myself at reveals. Sighs. Well, I’ll shut up now.
It pains him to act like it doesn’t hurt.
Kyungsoo used to wear his heart on his sleeve all the time, but ten years living in this harsh reality has him learning how to better hide his emotions.
After all, feelings are a dangerous game, and he doesn’t want to be the one who ends up being dealt the bad card.
“I’ll see you and the girls again tonight.” A low voice fills the otherwise silent air.
Kyungsoo maintains his poker face and takes another slow sip of his coffee. His demeanour calm, but on the inside, he is desperately trying to disregard the sudden emergence of Jongin from the latter’s bedroom.
With tousled blond hair and upper body bare to flaunt impressive six-pack abs, the mafia king is the very embodiment of hot and sexy -- a man of power, and unattainable in Kyungsoo’s eyes.
The whole gang gathered by the table for breakfast lets out a chorus of catcalls as they watch Jongin accept the light parting kiss he receives on the cheek with a small smile. He then waves Ahreum goodbye, the woman sending him a sultry wink before taking her leave, and stumbles over with eyes still drooping at half-mast, as if he hadn’t had enough sleep the night before.
It isn’t hard for one to guess what Jongin had been up to for him to not have retired for the night earlier.
After all, their gang is used to having overnight guests from the brothel down the street.
“I really admire you, bro!” Sehun teases from where he sits beside a still silent Kyungsoo.
“How do you even have the energy to keep up with so many of them? I know there were others besides Ahreum in your bed last night. Heard them leaving when I got up to take a piss.”
Jongin ignores the younger and swings open the fridge door to stick his head in, most likely in search for ice water (or maybe just to get away from the nonsense spouting from Sehun’s mouth).
The youngest doesn’t notice the warning looks the other gang members give him, too oblivious to pay any heed to the stewing man beside him as well.
“I’m surprised Jongin Jr. hasn’t shrivelled up and died.” Sehun lifts a finger to point, effectively bringing everyone’s eyes to follow in the same direction.
Kyungsoo hopes the sudden heat he feels isn’t that of an emerging blush on his cheeks, and he averts his eyes in a split second.
One would think he shouldn’t feel shy, especially since he has been well acquainted with Jongin Jr. for the past couple of years.
Chanyeol snorts so hard through his glass of milk that the drink spills painfully from his nose. Jongdae and Minseok, the two who were sitting nearest to him, jump back in their seats in disgust, while Sehun sniggers at the choking man who has grown incredibly red in the face.
Despite the commotion, Jongin glances down unabashedly at his morning wood that was creating a tent in his boxers before shrugging.
“Soo~”
The said male stiffens only slightly when the elder calls out to him in a sickeningly sweet voice. It’s rare to witness. Jongin used to always seek out Kyungsoo in the morning, but not anymore since he started having the girls over.
“Please tell me you’ll let me off from overseeing the deal with the Chinese later? I’m still a little hungover.”
The smaller man shoves Jongin’s arm wrapped around his shoulders off with a practiced scowl, even if inwardly he wishes the other’s rare touch could stay with him forever.
“Get your whore-tainted paws off me, you punk.” Kyungsoo sneers before resuming his breakfast, all the while attempting to erase the image of the pout forming on Jongin’s face from his mind.
He is not cute. Repeat after me. That pout is not cute -- Fuck, he looks like a sad puppy. Kyungsoo clears his throat awkwardly.
“You know you have to go. No more discussion.” He edges out finally.
“Kyungsoo’s right, of course.” Junmyeon cuts in, waving a fork in the air, gesturing at the pair. “We always seem to get a better deal when you’re present. 13% profit margin was what we got last month.” He seeks confirmation from his tablet and nods when the numbers come up.
“I honestly think Yifan’s scared of you, big boss. Can you imagine it though? Those bushy eyebrows twitching whenever he sees you... I thought they looked like breakdancing worms. Ironic ain’t it? Because, you know -- we call him angry bird. Geddit? Worms on birds? Did you guys know worms are a huge part of a bird’s primary diet?” He whispers before laughing to himself, prodding at Yixing’s arm for some support when silence descends.
The whole kitchen was quiet, eyeing Junmyeon and judging his strange knack of passing incomprehensible comments, sometimes even lame jokes, at the most inappropriate of times.
“Uhm, not funny?” Junmyeon’s voice trails off into a frown.
Yixing pats his lower back to comfort him, but only because he is obligated to as Junmyeon’s boyfriend.
“Awkward…” Sehun sing-songs, ignoring the death glare Yixing gives him.
Kyungsoo rolls his eyes and slaps the brat on the back of his head.
“Shut up and eat your pancakes, punk no. 2. I agree with Junmyeon. Yifan does have a funny-looking face.” He smiles reassuringly at the man who nods back in thanks. “Though, I reckon he’s quite handsome at times.” Kyungsoo raises a playful brow and laughs, some others joining in with their calls of agreement as well.
He doesn’t notice Jongin practically sulking by the sink -- the latter playing mindlessly with the tap, allowing some water to drop in inconsistent drips as he grumbles to no one in particular that he is “way more handsome than some bird”.
“I don’t want to see you picking on Junmyeon ever again, you got that?” Kyungsoo delivers a hard pinch to Sehun’s arm, inciting a sharp shriek from the latter.
Sehun pouts (Kyungsoo swears he’s almost a carbon copy of his older brother, Jongin) and grumbles under his breath, but he does quiet down after that.
As usual, Kyungsoo’s words settle it all -- albeit only being the secretary to the mafia king, he has more say over all their men most times. Even Jongin respects him and listens to his advice, unless (of course) it’s a situation where the boss doesn’t get his way, in which he will then turn annoyingly stubborn.
Like how it is now for instance.
“Minnie --” Xiumin scowls at the nickname Jongin uses but he doesn’t verbalise his unhappiness, “-- won’t you go in my place?” The mafia king wills his puppy eyes to appear.
“Not in a million years.” The second-in-command deadpans, totally unaffected by Jongin’s act. The latter whines pathetically.
Jongin was really clingy with Kyungsoo back in the days when they were still teens, so it is to everyone’s surprise that a glimmer of old Jongin emerges when he latches onto the younger’s back once again. Baekhyun chuckles into his mug when his best friend sends him a desperate help me look.
Oh my god. Why is my heart beating so fast? Calm yourself down, Kyungsoo. The latter momentarily pinches his eyes shut to try and rein in his feelings of how much he likes the skin contact with Jongin. The other must clearly be not awake enough if he was suddenly chummy with Kyungsoo again.
“But Soo --” The elder whines, nuzzling his face into the crook of Kyungsoo’s neck. Kyungsoo barely holds back the soft whimper threatening to escape from his throat because he can feel Jongin’s erection digging into his butt. He tries to discreetly scoot forward on the stool he was perched on, but Jongin is holding him too tightly. “-- I know you love me the most right --”
Kyungsoo scoffs. If only you know the weight of truth you speak. He thinks bitterly.
“Let me off this once? I’ll grant you anything you want!” The elder brushes his lips lightly against his skin, a touch so soft that Kyungsoo reckons he imagines it.
“What is it you desire, love?” Jongin continues on to ask. “Money? A raise? I can give you Sehun’s cut from next month’s deal with th--”
“W-What?! Fuck you, Jongin.” Sehun stumbles on his words.
“-- Or is it girls you want? I can get some of Ahreum’s sisters over for you.”
It’s at this that Kyungsoo’s glass heart takes another crack. He ignores the other’s suggestive wink and stands up abruptly, elbowing Jongin with such force, it startles the other into letting go of him more than anything.
“You really don’t know anything about me, do you?” Kyungsoo speaks in a tone so cold the mafia king cowers.
I need neither women nor all the riches in the world. I only want you. Don’t you see? He exhales deeply.
Kyungsoo is both sick and tired of waiting.
At Jongin’s clueless face when he next dares to look up, Kyungsoo scoffs before heading for his room, not forgetting to dump his mug in the sink on-route; the loud clang making everyone in the vicinity jump.
“What’s with him?” Jongin stares after his secretary, bewildered at the man’s temper.
Is Soo mad at me? He pouts inwardly, clueless as to the reason why.
Jongin turns back to the group, narrowing his eyes in confusion upon spotting the hard glares Baekhyun and Junmyeon sends him.
“And what’s with you two?”
“Obtuse fool.” Baekhyun curses under his breath, purposely bumping into the leader’s shoulder as he goes after his best friend. “I swear your brain is the size of a pea.” He sneers.
Chanyeol erupts into another round of choking fit just then, wheezing hard with tears escaping his eyes as he points at a frowning Jongin. “P-Pea ha! He s-said p-pea b-brain.” The male pinches his thumb and index finger together, leaving a small gap in between. “How puny.” Chanyeol snorts, voice cracking at the last word.
“Shut your trap, you beansprout with a -- uhm a b-bean brain. Aha!” Jongin rebuts, straightening up and snapping his fingers excitedly; he must think his choice of words a rush of sudden brilliance as he fights to show just how much bigger of a brain he has over Chanyeol.
Jongdae and Sehun, both engaged in their own hushed conversation, ignore the two bickering children, while Minseok and Yixing roll their eyes at the level of dumb on display.
“Actually, fun fact --” Junmyeon chimes in suddenly with the most serious voice, “-- Did you guys know beans and peas are members of one same family known as the Fabaceae? In fact, Jongin you’re wrong because beans often times are just a tad wider than --” He is saved from a near-death experience by his boyfriend’s palm over his lips.
“Not the time, Einstein.” Yixing shakes his head lightly and quickly ushers Junmyeon out of the kitchen before Jongin can throw the small knife, one that has miraculously appeared in his hand, at him.
###
“He’s an idiot, Soo. Don’t mind what he says.” Baekhyun waits on the threshold of the balcony leading out of Kyungsoo’s room for permission to join the younger.
His best friend cuts such a forlorn figure on the deck -- back turned, face tilted up with wide eyes surveying the heavy clouds above betraying the otherwise beautiful morning.
He dare not intrude into the temporary bubble the other has built.
Sighing at the silence he is replied with, Baekhyun bravely steps forward and joins Kyungsoo by the railing a couple of minutes later.
“We all know that puppy is in love with you --”
The latter scoffs and shakes his head at that, to which Baekhyun frowns.
“I don’t know what changed… You guys were so sweet together, we all were banking on you two getting together. Maybe Jongin just doesn’t know how to express his feelings well and it comes out looking all wrong --”
He is interrupted by the sight of unshed tears in Kyungsoo’s eyes. Heart clenching, Baekhyun squeezes the other to his side and whispers out, “Oh my poor child.”
It shows just how much Kyungsoo is genuinely upset when he doesn’t end up choking the elder for calling him his kid because he had other things on his mind.
“Why does it hurt, Baek? Sex is just sex. I look forward to our Fridays because I crave the intimacy with him. Jongin only fucks me because he sees me as a replacement whenever his whores are busy. I know that, but why can’t I put a stop to whatever this is between us? Why did I fall for him?”
“I’m sure that’s not what he thinks…” Baekhyun tries to argue weakly.
One of Kyungsoo’s inner demons is his insecurities and stubbornness that comes with. He doesn’t let himself get persuaded that Jongin likes him more than as a secretary and close friend. He feels that no matter how adept he is at handling mafia stuff, no matter how he bends to the other’s will, he will never be good enough for the mafia king.
He just doesn’t see the way Jongin looks at him all the time, even though the latter tries to hide his stare.
I regret it. Kyungsoo pulls away from Baekhyun, lowers himself to sit cross-legged on the floor, and stares out at the sea before him. He would miss this view for sure when he’s gone.
I regret when it started. I shouldn’t have said yes back when we were teens. Lying in this grey area of neither friends nor lovers… What has become of me?
Maybe he wouldn’t have fallen in love -- a love so blind, a love so hurtful.
“I don’t know for how long more I can take this.” The other’s quiet admission draws a sigh from Baekhyun, and the latter wraps a comforting arm around Kyungsoo’s shoulders at once.
“Should I just leave?”
To just drop everything and go -- it’s a thought he entertains more and more these days.
“You know Jongin will never let you walk away from him.” The elder shoots down Kyungsoo’s thought at once.
“Like I said, I don’t mean anything to him. Surely he wouldn’t even care.” Kyungsoo scoffs.
Baekhyun opens his mouth to rebut, but the words die in his mouth. He, alongside Junmyeon, were the brains in their small group. He has two PhDs for crying out loud, but no one can seem to figure out Jongin’s enigmatic behavior.
On one hand, everyone witnesses how he used to follow Kyungsoo around like a puppy all the time, even though he’s supposed to be the one with more authority in the gang; no one is a stranger to the tension shared whenever the pair were in close proximity to each other; everyone sees the smitten looks Jongin gives Kyungsoo every time the man speaks to him, even though the latter has a sharp tongue and likes to make derogatory remarks (only at him).
It’s clear as day to everyone bar Kyungsoo himself that Kim Jongin loves his little secretary.
But on the other hand, the mafia king has also started to act like a playboy in recent months. It had started right after that infamously memorable fight with the Bangtans; their gang suffered heavy casualties that day (but so did the other group, as Sehun liked to boast). He had wild nights in their clubs after that, and he had girls over frequently. It’s only natural that everyone draws the conclusion that he sleeps with them as well. What else could they have been doing in Jongin’s bedroom? Painting one another’s nails? Gossiping?
These are what breaks Kyungsoo’s heart, because it shows that all the past Friday nights they’ve spent under the sheets together meant nothing to Jongin.
He’s just like one of them -- Kyungsoo thinks he’s no better than the prostitutes who visit Jongin.
It’s thus not his fault that he always acts all cold and speaks harshly to the mafia king; it’s his very own defense mechanism.
He’s trying to persuade himself to hate the other.
(If only it will work.)
###
“Be a man, Kim Jongin.” He gives himself a stern look in the mirror and clenches both fists before raising them up in a determined self-cheer.
“When Soo walks in, you will kiss the life out of --wait” Jongin shakes his head frantically and pats both his cheeks to temporarily rid himself of rated thoughts. “-- You will finally confess to him how much he means to you.”
Uh huh! He nods to himself.
“And then you kiss the life out of him after he weeps tears of joy!” The mafia king adds as an afterthought, giving himself a mental pat on the back right when the doors to his bedroom creak open slowly.
There he is. Jongin almost forgets to subconsciously breathe in at Kyungsoo’s appearance; every cell in his body tingles with how much he wants to jump forward and squish the other to his chest, to just hold him tight and never let go.
But he holds back.
“I’ve been waiting.”
Jongin mentally applauds himself for adopting such an aloof voice, because (1) it shows he’d succeeded in controlling his urges, and (2) he hopes it paints him as a manly, sexy man.
And then Kyungsoo will fall even deeper for me and we’ll kiss and shuffle over to the bed and ahem ahem. He can’t help but gleefully add the last thought in his mind.
Jongin never was the smartest bloke.
He stalks over to the bed and settles down with his back against the headboard.
Kyungsoo takes one look at him and steps closer with a blank look on his face.
It’s Friday night again.
As usual, Kyungsoo had been expecting to be called into Jongin’s room. This time though, there was a hint of something else -- another expression he can’t read, on the mob boss’ face.
The younger pauses slightly. Please don’t tell me he wants to put a stop to this. The girls have been coming over more frequently in recent days; does he no longer have any need for me? It’s a painful thought, but Kyungsoo still wishes for their nights together.
He looks up at Jongin’s somewhat excited expression, and he doesn’t think he wants to know what it is the other wants to say for fear of being shut out.
“Let’s just get it over with.” Kyungsoo opines before tugging off his shirt. If casual sex could make Jongin happy, he wouldn’t mind. The few seconds the collar of his shirt gets caught by his head prevents him from seeing how Jongin flinches at his words.
“Kyungsoo, I --” The latter bites down on his bottom lip to stop himself from speaking when Kyungsoo bends forward to step out of his shorts, climbing onto the bed only after he remains in his tight briefs.
Shit. Jongin curses and quashes down the whimper threatening to bubble up in his throat because hot damn! Kyungsoo looks so good. As usual. “W-Wait --”
The mafia king had a slightly different take on how this night should play out as compared to the rest of their rendezvous sessions, but it seems like his plan has to be put on hold. “I-I wanted to tell y-you something important first -- ahhh…” Jongin can’t help but moan when Kyungsoo digs his hand past the waistband of his pants and boxers to wrap his fingers around Jongin’s gradually hardening flesh enthusiastically.
“Fuck.” He had planned on starting off with the confession first, but it seems like it’d have to wait. Ahreum is going to be so mad at me. He allows his mind to wander briefly before he loses all senses except for those which seemed to convene at the point where Kyungsoo wraps his lips around the mushroom head of his cock, after having pulled out the member from under the cloth of his pants.
“Kyungsoo…” Jongin pants, hand cupping the other’s cheek as his thumb caresses the skin above where he can feel his own cock pressing against the walls of Kyungsoo’s mouth, forming a bulge in his cheeks. Big, beautiful eyes were fixed on him, and Jongin moans even louder when the younger sucks him in as deep as he can take.
I love you. Oh god, I love you so much and you don’t even know it. He wants to say it out loud, but Jongin is too scared to do so now. Instead, he settles for gazing fondly at Kyungsoo as the latter bobs his head, making good work up and down his length.
“I’ll come soon if you keep it up.” The elder warns.
Kyungsoo pulls off him and leaves a chaste kiss at the tip. How he looks so innocent while doing that lewd action drives Jongin crazy.
“Off.” The younger tugs at his pants roughly, only managing to slide off both pants and boxers when the mafia king lifts his hips to help. Kyungsoo then pops open each of Jongin’s dress shirt’s buttons slowly, eyes never once leaving the elder’s face as he dives in to press kisses on the golden skin bared.
At this moment, at least he knows he has Jongin’s body. It’s but temporary contentment.
Kyungsoo only hopes (in vain he believes) that one day he can be the rightful owner of the man’s heart as well.
“You drive me crazy, Soo.” Jongin hauls the other’s body upwards -- their bodies sliding against each other’s -- bringing with it a wave of pleasure, and smashes his lips against Kyungsoo’s.
“I always have such a great time with you.”
The younger almost lets out a soft sob mid-kiss. Kyungsoo loves this connection with Jongin; he loves how the other likes to nibble on his bottom lip for him to open up before sliding his tongue in to dance with his own.
But he also feels great sadness at Jongin’s last words.
I always have such a great time with you.
He can’t help but wonder if the other was making comparisons of them having sex with when Jongin lets the prostitutes come over. Kyungsoo feels the desperation behind Jongin’s lips as they melt against his urgently.
He interprets it as the elder growing impatient for sexual release.
And he wants to satisfy Jongin. Even if it’s at his own psychological expense.
Kyungsoo doesn’t know that the only thoughts running in the other’s head were of god, I want to make love to him every day and if I confess after this, will he say yes?
It’s sad how toxic misunderstandings can get.
“I love you so much, Soo.” Jongin pulls away and buries his face at Kyungsoo’s nape. The latter can feel the teeth sucking at his skin, making small possessive marks.
It’s the lust talking. Kyungsoo concludes. He wishes that if only Jongin meant what he said. The younger was painfully hard, cock pressing against the tight briefs he still has on.
“Holy shit.” Jongin exhales deeply, watching as Kyungsoo leans back on his heels before shimmying off his underwear. Not a word more uttered, the smaller man crawls off Jongin’s body and reaches for the bottle of lube he knows is kept in the other’s bedside drawer.
“Take me, Jongin.” The said man almost chokes on his saliva when Kyungsoo kneels in front of him, pops open the cap, coats his fingers in the sticky gel, and reaches down to insert two of his own digits into himself.
“I’m all yours, Jongin.” Kyungsoo sinks down onto his fingers and rolls his hips, his spare hand coming up to play with his sensitive nipples.
My heart is yours, Jongin. The mob boss was staring slack-jawed, and Kyungsoo only wishes Jongin can hear the words he was trying to convey to him with his eyes.
“Always.” The younger whispers.
That seemed to break Jongin out of his reverie.
Kyungsoo squeals when the other lunges forward to grab onto both his arms and spins them around. This all accomplished in a split second, because he next finds himself lying on the bed with Jongin’s body hovering above his. Only their groins stayed in contact.
“Say that again, Soo. Do you really mean that?” There was a shimmer of what looked like hope in Jongin’s eyes, and Kyungsoo is stunned into silence.
“W-What?” He makes out very coherently before jerking his hips up into Jongin’s, choosing to prioritise his carnal desires over second-guessing what the other had meant.
“Come on already.” Kyungsoo whines, rubbing himself against Jongin’s erection.
I’m all yours, Jongin. Always.
The mafia king feels blissed out, not at his impending high brought on by orgasm, but from Kyungsoo’s words. Because that is as close as he can get to the definition of a confession from the younger.
That was a confession right?
“Are you in love with me?” Jongin forgets to add the word too in his excitement and hurry.
Kyungsoo actually stills and blinks up at the elder, startled by the sudden change in atmosphere. He feels the head of Jongin’s cock tracing his rim lightly for several seconds before it slips into him, just a tiny inch.
The other male was obviously holding out for a reply.
Kyungsoo chooses to remain silent instead.
“Are you --” When Jongin opens his mouth again to repeat his question, Kyungsoo takes the liberty to grab onto the base of the other’s cock and pulls him in fully. The pair moans in unison when Jongin breaches the younger to the hilt.
“K-Kyungsoo.” Jongin grits his teeth, withholding a hiss after experiencing the sudden tight warmth enveloping his cock. His previous words die in his throat.
Pulling his hips back and snapping in fast, once; he tests the waters. After gaining satisfaction that Kyungsoo was comfortable, Jongin rocks in and out of the other in a familiar, rapid pace.
He no longer sought answers to a question of his own, but euphoria first.
“Fuck.” Kyungsoo whimpers as his hands grip onto Jongin’s arms tightly, the latter still pumping into him.
“Jongin.” The younger stares and stares, pleased that the other was looking right back at him.
Of course, I love you. He tries to say, and for a split second, Kyungsoo almost thinks Jongin did read his mind for the edges of his lips curl up subtly.
“More please. Give me more, Jongin.”
And the other does speed up, each thrust accurately jabbing against that one spot within Kyungsoo, bringing him closer and closer to the edge. They have been doing this far too often that their bodies were already accustomed to each other.
Except, the latter didn’t quite mean more physically.
Give me more, Jongin. I want you to tell me you love me.
Both males reach their climaxes together -- Kyungsoo crying out loud as he comes untouched, Jongin still thrusting in and out of him languidly, milking himself of his cum before his body gives a final spurt and shudder.
“Oh god, I love you so much.” The elder slumps down on Kyungsoo and clings onto the latter’s sides, nosing along the length of the man’s neck. The pair then stays wrapped around each other, minds still very much up in the clouds in their post-coital bliss.
When it becomes easier to breathe once more, Jongin takes Kyungsoo’s face carefully in his hands and leans down to slot their lips together. Gone was the urgency, gone was the lust, and all that remains as they kiss slowly were both their earnest thoughts of showing the other just how much he means to him -- that what they have isn’t just something casual and temporary; the way they love may be reckless, but it doesn’t in any way mean it’s less valid.
Jongin pulls back and stares into Kyungsoo’s eyes with sincere appreciation.
“I have something very important to say to you, Soo.” He starts off nervously, grateful for the silent go-ahead he gets from the other.
“We can’t do this anymore.” He gestures between them. Unbeknownst to him, Kyungsoo’s face falls and the other’s heart breaks at his comment.
Now Jongin has gone and cut off the last remaining strand of intimacy they shared, Kyungsoo thinks.
“All these time, when we were together… it’s been --”
“Fun? I was just great entertainment, wasn’t I, Jongin?”
The elder’s face hardens in confusion at Kyungsoo’s interjection.
What?
“I’m a great fuck. You have Ahreum and your girls on other days of the week, I only come into the picture on occasional Fridays. But you’re sick of me now. That’s what you meant to say right? I get it. It’s cool.”
No, no, no. Jongin shakes his head frantically. What he meant by saying “We can’t do this anymore” is that he wants to put an end to all the times they had been having casual sex, because he wants more now. The other isn’t just a dispensable fling -- Kyungsoo has always meant so much to him, and he is trying to gather courage to finally confess his true feelings for the other.
“I meant to say I lo --”
“I admit it was all fun and games for me too.”
Jongin freezes when Kyungsoo cuts in suddenly, and when the words the other spoke registers in his brain.
“Being so occupied with managing all the triad’s stuff for you, you were a good outlet to deal with all those pent up sexual agony. Fucking your boss… it feels great.” The younger shrugs. The nonchalant manner in which he says it leads Jongin to believe that the other doesn’t quite see him in the same light after all.
I meant to say I love you. His words die in his throat.
Devastated, the elder pulls out of Kyungsoo and slides off the bed. Jongin quickly finds his boxers on the ground and dresses himself in only that, before making his way over to the door.
“I never saw you as just a casual fuck, Soo. You mean the world to me.” He turns back to face Kyungsoo who was sitting silently in the middle of the vast bed.
“And I know plenty of my actions contradict what I have just said, but know that everything I do has its reasons.”
The silence was stifling.
“But since you’ve made clear your feelings… let’s end this. Whatever this is.” Jongin gestures between them wildly.
“I lose, Soo. I fold.” He holds up his arms before letting them drop to his sides. “I thought you loved me too.” The elder sighs deeply before exiting the room.
Kyungsoo stares at the closed door and doesn’t hold back his tears from falling.
You mean the world to me. He can’t stop thinking about what Jongin had just said. The younger buries his face in his palms. I thought you loved me too. Kyungsoo feels his heart constricting because he sees from Jongin’s expression earlier that the mafia king had been sincere in his words.
So Baek and Junmyeon were right when they said Jongin loves me? He scoffs because he should have known not to bet against those two.
“I take it back.” Kyungsoo whispers to the silence of the room, finally grasping what he had just done; how he had just pushed the very man he yearned for away because of his stubbornness and misjudgment.
“If you love me, please don’t go.” He says.
But it is all for nought. Jongin wasn’t going to come back.
The other had said he’d lost, but why is Kyungsoo the one who feels worse off?
Part 2