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convexxed March 30 2017, 03:15:14 UTC
Alright, let me try to pull myself back together and to regroup my thoughts, as they're still scattered all over my head.

Firstly, thank you for not romanticizing depression, self-harm, and any of the struggles you wrote about. You don't need to know the gruesome details either, but I've been walked a path similar to Jongin's. There was a knot in my throat before I was halfway through the first part, and by the end of it there were tears in my eyes. Thank you for writing this and for providing this interesting and raw insight about depression and how not everything is rainbows and butterflies, and how just saying "I love you" won't heal all wounds, won't be enough to patch the cracks.

Kyungsoo, you’re a hurricane that turned my life upside down; but it was a beautiful mess. All for you, my love. This is so poetic? In fact, there were so many wonderful lines all over your fic that I'll cherish and hold close to my heart. I guess it's all a matter of perspective, and to Jongin meeting Kyungsoo was just like that. A beautiful mess.

Thanks for waking me up. This one struck me hard. It was mean as a snarky comment at first but by the end it held a completely different meaning and that transition was beautiful. How many of us dwell in dark dreams, blind and lost? It's a lovely metaphor.

He wanted to relive the moments he talked to Kyungsoo, but most of them were only to remember how much he hated the life he’s lived so far. This here is brilliant, as well! How it's possible to feel joy for someone, yet to also harbour negative feelings towards that person, even if it's done subconsciously.

His demons kept creeping on him, despite the smiles Jongin has pulled out of him. Jongin was a drug - a temporary fix to the brokenness inside. Ah, addictions. Both were aware that their friendship could be a toxic one and even at the end their relationship isn't exactly healthy, but it was heartwarming reading that they were working on it, despite.

Can you cover my feet? They’re freezing. GOODNESS. My heart leapt when I put two and two together and realised what has happening.

His voice echoed in the darkness, distracting my endless efforts of finding peace.

It’s the perfect time - my perfect timing.

I push myself up.

And I take one step, and another, wobbly at first but more confident after each one. OH MY LORD. OH MY LORD. I was a crying mess and this only tugged harder at my small, tender heart. Your fic was so real, so raw and didn't sugarcoat anything; it didn't make mental illnesses and other affections look glamorous, and it showed that love sometimes isn't enough and it doesn't automatically heal people and "cure" them. I really enjoyed reading this, so thank you for taking the time to come up with this piece and sharing it with us <3 see you at reveals!

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Bearhugs for you! aerinikolai April 10 2017, 22:43:13 UTC
I have no words (but I'd probably finish this reply with a lot of them) as to how overwhelmed I am when I read your comment the first time. I'm so glad that the fic sent its message the way I designed it to - to show my reality of depression and how menacing it is. Knowing it has tugged your heart inspired me a lot, and finding someone who struggles in life, no matter how big or small of a matter it is, read this, makes me feel that the purpose of this fic is fulfilled.

Indeed, life is never all butterflies and rainbows - that's our reality; but surely, there are brighter days for us. My 'gruesome details' are all over this fic, as Jongin's struggles are my struggles as well, and writing this has calmed me down in millions of ways. It was more of a reflection than just expression. But more than that, the comment you left on this fic put a star in this sky of mine, albeit small, it'll help illuminate my dark days. So thank you for that, I want you to know that it means so, so much.

Lastly, thank you for the nth time. I do hope that whatever you're struggling with, you'll overcome, and you find joy in life no matter the circumstances. And when it gets really hard, know that a friend is here (that should be me). Like Jongin, this broken soul, will try her best to keep you afloat, despite the situation. Let's kick our demons in the ass!

I'm more than glad you hold pieces of this story close to your heart. My work here is done. Thank you!

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