Reckless #13: Story of Me, About You

[kaisoobiography]

Title: Story of Me, About You
Other pairing: sulay, xiudae, chanbaek
Rating: PG-13
Word count: 4,632
Summary: “He is not supposed to mean this much to me. I am not supposed to fall so hard. Baek, you never said first love will hurt this bad. This hurts like hell.”
Author’s note: dear reader, hello.. :) this is my first fic fest ever so, please be nice to me ... I am not a great writer, but I love writing so much, I really wanted to write something that is touching, heart-warming, but it seems I am not good at it. Even to finish this fic, I needed a lot of time.There were a lot things I wanted to put in, but in the end I couldn’t put them in... I had a lot of writer's block periods. So thank you for reading my fic. THANK YOU soooo mucchhhhh... hope you'll enjoy this one...



“Soo, Jongdae asked me out tonight. I can’t go out with you. Sorry…” Xiumin pouted at his young composer.

“It’s okay hyung. You have waited for this opportunity for two months, don’t ruin it just because of me. Go enjoy your date.” Kyungsoo taps him on the shoulder.

“You should search for someone too you know. Are you not getting bored with just Baek by your side? Or… do you love him??”

Kyungsoo looked at the other in horror.

“No way!! Eww. No! Besides, he has caught a weird giant for himself already.”

“Then what about you?? I heard the new rookie confessed to you yesterday.” Kyungsoo shook his head.

“Indeed... there is no secret in this company hmm? I don’t like him in that way, so I said no.” Xiumin squinted his eyes as Kyungsoo smiled at his cuteness.

“Do kyungsoo, the satan composer who never falls in love. People call you that now you know.” Kyungsoo just continues smiling. Of course he has felt love before. He is human after all. But that kind of love is one that fate has buried deep inside his heart.

Kyungsoo didn’t believe in love at first sight until jongin happened that day.

“Soo, Yixing told me that there will be some freshman who will dance to our song. Aren’t you excited?” Baekhyun jumped up and down like a silly young girl. Kyungsoo simply ignored him. This is the second week in his second year at college, and the lovely Miss Park will be giving them a quiz in 2 hours. Being an economics student is not easy.

“Shut up Baek. This is a library. What song? What dance? Don’t disturb me please. Go read up on your notes, maybe it will help you with Miss Park’s class later.” Kyungsoo continues to busy himself with his studies.

“Miss Park is not coming in today stupid. Didn’t you hear the news?? Stop looking down at your book and check your phone first!!” Baekhyun closed Kyungsoo’s notebook at once. Kyungsoo frowned and finally looked at his phone. Indeed there was an announcement about Miss Park not being able to attend class that day.

“Why didn’t you tell me earlier?” Now, Kyungsoo starts to smile brightly. He isn’t the type of student who is confident with their exams even if they didn’t study. Of course, he always gets good grades, but he needed to work hard for them.

“I’m telling you now, aren’t I?” Baekhyun took a seat in front of him. “You know our song baby don’t cry?” Kyungsoo tried hard to recall. He and Baek are music club members, and they had made quite a few songs during their sessions. Baby don’t cry is definitely one of his favorites. He nodded.

“Yixing said his new members will dance to that song.”

Kyungsoo frowned.

“Baby don’t cry is a mellow song. How can they dance to that song?”

“That’s why I’m really curious too. Let’s watch it later. Okay?”

“Okay. Now let’s go find some food. I’m hungry.” Kyungsoo picked up his notes and left the library with Baek following after him.

When Kyungsoo and Baekhyun arrived at the dance club, practice had already begun; Kyungsoo could hear the melody of their old song through the door.

“Let’s take a seat.” Baekhyun dragged him in.

He loved that song - Baby don’t cry. At that moment, he heard his own voice coming from the speakers and the world seemed to play in slow motion.

He saw him - the tanned boy with an expression he can’t describe well. He looked sad, but yet at the same time he looked like he is smiling. Above all that, he looked exotic. Is that really their song? Kyungsoo never knew a dance will make him feel touched like that. He could hear his own heart beat, beating along to the melody, he can’t help his lips from curling up to form a smile.

He only realized the song had stopped when Baekhyun reached out to touch him.

“Soo…” Baek poked at his cheek.

“Is that really our song? I never knew our song could be that sad and sexy at the same time.” Kyungsoo said.

“Of course that was our song. And yes, that was so sexy… oh my god. Did you see the way he moved his hips?? He must be a sex god.”

Kyungsoo smacked the other on the head.

“How dare you speak like that of our song.”

Baekhyun just pouted.

“Hi guys! Did you see my juniors covering your song earlier?” Yixing came over to join the duo.

“Yeah.. Xing. Who is he?? He’s hot.” With that, Kyungsoo hits Baekhyun again. Yixing just laughed, but he does call over his junior.

“Jongin!” He shouted. Kyungsoo looked at “Jongin” who turned in their direction. Kyungsoo spelled his name with his lips; he liked it already. Jongin jogged over and smiled. He is fucking cute when he smiles. How dare he look sexy one minute and then act cute like puppy the next?

“Guys. This is Jongin. He’s my new junior. A very talented dancer. Jongin, this is Baekhyun and Kyungsoo, the composers and singers of the song you had just danced to.” Jongin opened his eyes wide. Kyungsoo was certain he saw a twinkle behind his eyes.

“Oh my god. Sunbaenims made ‘baby don’t cry?’” he asked just like a kid. He is definitely cute. Not only his actions, but his voice too. A bit husky, but super cute. He has passed puberty, hasn’t he?

“I didn’t make it. I just sang it. This boy here, he is the one who composed that song.” Baekhyun said and tapped Kyungsoo’s shoulder, bringing him back to earth.

“I… I made it. But Baek helped me out a lot.” Kyungsoo cursed his nerves. How can he feel so hot in front of this junior.

“Did you sing in that song too? There were two different voices I heard.” Jongin said with a smile, one that looked a bit like a smirk. Kyungsoo swore this guy needs to give some kind of warning before he smiles - something along the lines of “don’t look or you will get pregnant”.

“The part when you moved your hips. That was his voice.” Baekhyun giggled.

“Baek!!” Kyungsoo blushed. He was ashamed because of baekhyun, and that traitor merely laughed.

“Oh my god. Really??”

Kyungsoo blushed again; he was still blushing hard.

“How come your body can move like that?”

Baekhyun was trying to help him out now.

“I have learnt ballet since I was 5-years old sunbaenim.”

“Eeii. Jongin, no need to be so formal with them, just call the two hyungs like how you call me.” Yixing said.

“Is that okay hyung?” Jongin turned to ask them with a big smile on his face.

“Of course. Let’s hang out sometimes. Right Soo?”

Kyungsoo just replied with a nod. He can’t seem to trust his voice at that point in time.

“Soo, Baek... Don’t you have club in 5 minutes?” Yixing’s voice dragged him back to reality. If they were late again, Suho will definitely scold and nagged at them like a mother would.

“Oh my god. Suho is going to kill us.” Baek said before picking up his bag, trying to make a run for it.

“Hey, he isn’t that cruel.” Yixing pouted.

“Just in front of you he acts like a puppy. He is almost a monster in front of us.” Kyungsoo runned for his life, and Baekhyun followed after him.

In the few minutes when they ran for their life. Baek said something that made Kyungsoo realize his heart.

“And you tell me you’ve never fallen in love before? have you finally tasted that love at first sight feeling” He laughed. Kyungsoo halted. He has fallen in love? Is he in love? Really? He touched his chest and found his heart beating fast. Of course, some part of it was because he had been running before. But somehow, he knew that the warmth around his fast beating heart isn’t because of all the running he did.

It’s because of someone.

Do Kyungsoo, a 19-year old boy has finally fallen in love for the first time, and it’s with an 18-year old boy.

Kyungsoo’s first love was fated to be buried down in his heart.

Kyungsoo is not a playful kid. He can keep silent all day long just because he doesn’t have anything to say, well except when he is with his best friend. So, it’s quite amusing how he and Jongin became close when they had only meet a week earlier.

It could be because of ice cream.

“Kyungsoo hyung!” Someone called out to him when he was busy waiting for his vanilla ice cream. He looked for the voice, not really recognising it at first, but then when he found the source, everything around him seemed to disappear. It was him. The new kid from Yixing’s club - Kim Jongin aka Kyungsoo’s love at first sight. (He still thinks it’s only because the other was a little attractive.)

“Kyungsoo hyung…” The other said again. Smile. He really looked like a cute bear. How can a cute bear like him make one pregnant when he stares at you in the eye, and with his body rolls too? Kyungsoo shook his head. What the hell is he thinking about.

“Hmm, yes?” Yeah. Kyungsoo is a great actor. He is a good composer and a great actor, but he’s ultimately an economics student. How ironic.

“I’m jongin. Yixing hyung’s new club member.” Jongin said with a little pout. Kyungsoo felt proud of his acting skills because he got to see this super adorable side of jongin.

“Ohh. Yes. The baby don’t cry dancer.”

“Yes. Yes.” He’s excited, and he took a sit in front of kyungsoo casually.

“So, what are you doing here?”

“Oh. I almost forget. I saw you when I was deciding whether to buy an ice cream cone or not. So I came over. Are you alone hyung?” Wow this kid. They had only met once and he could already call Kyungsoo ‘hyung’ so casually.

Kyungsoo liked it of course.

“Unfortunately, yes. Baek that bastard left me alone every time I asked him out to eat ice cream.” Kyungsoo sulked. He always said ice cream was just for kids. How dare he teased kyungsoo like that. With Kyungsoo occupied by his thoughts, he forgets about Jongin who was sitting across him, still staring at him.

Kyungsoo finally looked up at him, only to find the other still staring.

“Is there something wrong with my face?” He asked. Jongin shook his head.

“No. I was just thinking that you looked adorable. Like cotton.” Kyungsoo’s eyes widened. “That face is more than just adorable though.” Jongin added. Kyungsoo felt warm at his cheeks. He was sure his check were getting red, but the weather was also hot, so that’s common, right? Yeah right!

“This is your order, Kyungsoo.” The ice cream arrived, saving the blushing Kyungsoo.

“Are you a regular here, hyung?” Jongin asked. Kyungsoo nodded and inserted a spoon of ice cream into his mouth.

“And you always come alone?”

Kyungsoo shook his head.

“Sometimes.” He said, then he returned his focus to his ice cream again.

“Is it really that delicious?”

Kyungsoo nodded his head excitedly. Just then, Jongin nodded and left the table.

Kyungsoo stared at the empty seat in front of him. Was he really that boring that jongin left him just like that? He hated if it were true. But Jongin left his bag here? Did he just went to bathroom? Then he will come back again. Kyungsoo smiled and enjoyed his ice cream again. In a few seconds, Jongin did come back. Kyungsoo was right.

“I ordered the same ice cream as you, hyung. I usually like green tea, but today I will taste this one.”

Kyungsoo smiled at him.

“You will not regret it.” He said.

And just like that, they became ice cream buddies. Becoming ice cream buddies have one unspoken rule - ‘going home together.’ Usually, Kyungsoo will go home with Baek because they live in the same building, but when the ‘ice cream’ days come, Kyungsoo will return with Jongin. So, that’s why sometimes they just go home together. Kyungsoo Baekhyun and jongin. Sometimes Yixing and Suho will join them, but that pair of lovebirds often go home alone.

Jongin lived in a huge apartment near campus. His father had his own electronic company. The younger even had a practice room in his apartment. The first time Kyungsoo came over, he thought that it was a dance academy instead. Kyungsoo came to Jongin’s home to watch a movie together. Just him alone. So that also made them ‘late night movie buddies’ yeah kyungsoo is a good buddy for jongin, ‘best hyung ever’ and it was only 2 months since they’ve met.

They could talk about everything, Kyungsoo’s family, Jongin’s family, their favorite food (Jongin has added to his list of favorite foods - everything Kyungsoo cooks) and they also talked about how bad Jongin wanted to study german and become a dancer, but his dad wanted him to be his heir.

Jongin seemed like a prince in a fairy tale; he was to Kyungsoo, too good to be true.

To the other, Kyungsoo might seem to be the best hyung ever, but to Kyungsoo, jongin will still be his first love. Yeah , he had admitted that he loved jongin. He knows he can’t force his heart to deny that reality anymore; and that came to him one day when they were watching an old romantic movie called “the notebook”.

Kyungsoo realized the feeling he had for the other will never change - Jongin will always be a special person to him.

“How can he wait for that girl? He should just get married and have a happy family with someone else. He is a good looking man after all.” Jongin commented.

“You know, sometimes... for a man, his first love is his everything. Even if he can build a family with others, it might not be his happily ever after.”

Jongin looked over at a sleepy-looking Kyungsoo.

“Have you already experienced your first love hyung?” Jongin asked, to which Kyungsoo nodded.

“I just needed a second to fall in love with him, and I still love him until this moment.” There is a pregnant silence that followed. It was then that kyungsoo knew his first love will never be a success.

“Hyung, let’s watch Annabelle” Jongin said. It was Kyungsoo’s last year at university, and he’s a busy student right now, but he figured he needed some rest time too.

“But you can’t watch horror” Kyungsoo pointed out.

Jongin pouted, “I know, but Sehun said I am just a scaredy-cat baby... he said Annabelle is cool movie.” He pouted again. Sehun was a new friend of his. A guy who danced too, but more towards the hiphop genre. Lately, Jongin always seemed to talk about this friend of his. He’s a cool friend; a cool friend that Kyungsoo never could be.

Yes Kyungsoo is a good hyung of Jongin’s, but he knows he will never be the cool hyung he’d always want to hang out with. With this sehun, Jongin can express more of himself; they speak the same language - the “dance language”. Kyungsoo hated if Jongin got too close to this Sehun. But, he also hated himself more, because he couldn’t control his feeling. Sehun is not the one who was at fault here. That was Kyungsoo who always thought he is special, but to Jongin, he is only just a good friend.

“You can’t watch it, Jongin. That movie is REALLY scary. Even Baekhyun cried and hated his puppy doll for 3 days.” Kyungsoo said. He isn’t telling a lie. That was true, but the other reason why he wanted jongin to not watch the movie is because he wanted the other to stop doing things with Sehun.

“Really??”

Kyungsoo nodded with a straight face; he was indeed a good actor.

Finally, the day came.

“Hyung….” Jongin called out to him over the phone. Kyungsoo was in Baekhyun’s room making a new song.

“Yeah? Why are you so excited?” Kyungsoo frowned and ignored Baekhyun who kept teasing him on the side.

“Sehun asked me out!!!!”

Kyungsoo froze. There is a part of his chest that hurt, and so he pressed his palm into it to relieve the pain, but it doesn’t work.

Baekhyun looked at him frown in concern.

“G-Good then...” Kyungsoo is certain he can hear his voice cracking.

“Hyung?” Jongin asked.

Perhaps he didn’t hear me? Kyungsoo cleared his throat and let out a big sigh.

“I said good then... So why did you call me?” Now he’s back to sounding normal.

“Haha. I wanted to tell you first. You are my best hyung. Besides, I didn’t say yes yet.” Kyungsoo smiled painfully at the ‘best hyung’ word. He will never get to cross that line.

“Should I say yes, hyung?” There is concern evident in Jongin voice’s. Why does he sound like he is hesitating? Kyungsoo really wanted to convince him to say no, but he’s afraid that Jongin will hate him as a result. He doesn’t want that to happen, so he said, “you like him too right? Then go ahead and tell him yes.” A big part of Kyungsoo’s heart, was scolding him. He really wanted to scream and begged jongin to say no, but he ignored his feelings.

“Yeah. You’re right. I will say yes then. I’ll call you later hyung. Bye.” Jongin ended the call just like that.

“Soo.” Kyungsoo looked over at baekhyun, dropped his phone, and it was then that his tears left his eyes. The tears finally betrayed his true feelings. He pressed his palm against his chest harder, but the pain doesn’t go away.

“Soo..” Baekhyun held his shoulder. He was crying too. They cried together.

“He isn’t supposed to mean this much to me. I wasn’t supposed to fall so hard. Baek, you never said first love will hurt this much, it hurts hell.” Kyungsoo sobbed on Baekhyun’s shoulder.

“I am so sorry, Soo, I’m sorry.” Baekhyun held him and they stayed like that for almost an hour.

It was that day that Kyungsoo decided to bury his love.

Kyungsoo had 4 more months to spend as a college student. He knew Jongin and Sehun were in a relationship now, but he couldn’t even go about avoiding the boy for more than 3 days. It always hurts when he saw Jongin and Sehun holding hands. But he needs to get used to it. Kyungsoo really wanted to ignore Jongin, but when he came to him with a smile on his face, Kyungsoo’s broken heart healed piece by piece.

Funny isn’t it? Kyungsoo thinks he will never know how love works.

So for his last four months in college, he decided to become a good hyung for Jongin again. After that, he will leave all his pain.

“Hyung, you will graduate tomorrow right? Let’s celebrate your last day as a student then!” Jongin said excitedly while enjoying his ice cream.

Kyungsoo smile, “yeah, it’s my last day. “ He said.

“You have to find a job right? Why don’t you tell me anything.” Kyungsoo looked at him.

Kyungsoo has been working at a music company for a week now; he worked as a composer. The company really likes his songs, so they decided to keep him as a staff. But kyungsoo will never tell jongin that.

“I don’t know where yet.” He lied. Jongin pouted.

“Anyway, cook me something tonight.”

“I thought we will be celebrating my last day?”

“Yeah. Just you and me, at my home. We can have a movie marathon.” Jongin grinned.

“How about Baek?”

Jongin pouted and shook his head. “Sehun?” Jongin shook his head again.

“Okay then... Just you and me.” That will be his last night. It will be okay, give his heart some credit.

That night…

“You can open a restaurant hyung.” Jongin enjoyed his food so much.

“You always say that.”

“Because it’s true.”

Kyungsoo rolled his eyes.

“You know hyung... if you look a little closer, harry’s eyes does not look like his mom’s.” Kyungsoo chuckled and popped some popcorn into Jongin’s waiting mouth.

“They have a different color.”

“Maybe they have the same shape Jongin.” Jongin looked at Kyungsoo’s eyes, and he stared at them with much curiosity. He touched Kyungsoo’s forehead.

“Maybe the inside of their eyes are the same.” He said, his mouth almost touches Kyungsoo’s nose. But almost only; it never really did.

“What is the inside of their eyes? Stupid.” Kyungsoo pushed him. The dark room helped him hide his blush. Jongin chuckled.

“But hyung, you have beautiful eyes. How come I only just realized that.” That sentence brought Kyungsoo back to reality.

“Because you never looked at me Jongin.” He said. His words were clear enough. He looked at a silent jongin with smile.

“I want more cola.” He replied. It took Jongin quite a while before he actually stood up.

“Okay, more cola then.” He said. Kyungsoo knew then he had made a mistake.

It wasn’t long before Jongin fell into deep sleep. Kyungsoo stared at the other and touched his hair.

“Why am I so afraid to lose you when you aren’t even mine to begin with?” He said in a murmur.

“I need to let you go, Jongin. I need to live again. A life without a broken heart, even though it might not be possible. Why did I fall this hard?” He whispered again. He gave Jongin a kiss on the cheek.

‘Goodbye my first love.’ He said. He then left Jongin’s home.

After the graduation ceremony, Kyungsoo left town without saying goodbye. He left Jongin and all of his past, he changed his number and even made a new life for himself.

He never meet Jongin again. For an entire year; not even once. He did met Sehun though. Sehun still looked handsome, and he was a trainee at his company, so he can’t avoid bumping into him. He was avoiding the other at first, but sehun ran into him almost everyday. It was only a matter of time before they talked.

“Jongin is no longer in Seoul, hyung.” Sehun said.

Kyungsoo opened his eyes wide.

“I know you liked him. That’s why you left right?” Kyungsoo stared down at his lunch.

“We broke up, hyung.” Now he finally looked back up at sehun.

“I didn’t know that.”

“Of course. You never showed up after graduation. He left for Germany by the way. A company needed him as a dancer there.”

Kyungsoo smiled. Jongin had followed his dream.

“Do you hate me, hyung?”

How can he possibly hate sehun? Sehun was handsome and cute, all at the same time.

“No. I can never hate you.”

“Then let’s be friends, hyung.”

And that was how Sehun became Kyungsoo’s friend. They never talked about Jongin again, but sometimes, Sehun will remind Kyungsoo about the other. Not only his appearance, everything he does made him remember Jongin in some way. Indeed, first love never dies ehh?

“Where’s your giant?” Kyungsoo asked baekhyun. They were spending their weekend at a party tonight.

“Oh.. Soo, you are here. Here drink up..” Baekhyun grinned.

“Are you drunk already?”

“No. I’m just sulking. That boy left me and went to his friend. And sehun.. he found a cute boy and left me too. I don’t have anybody but you.” Baekhyun pouted. Kyungsoo just rolled his eyes and ignore his friend.

“Chanyeol will come back. He will bring along his friend.” Baekhyun grinned again.

“Just a minute ago, you were sulking about him.”

Baekhyun pouted again

“I found my angel.” Sehun finally came forward with a drink in his hand.

“You said that 2 weeks ago..” Kyungsoo raised an eyebrow.

“Well, he still looks like the same person.” Sehun teased. Baekhyun and Kyungsoo exchanged looks.

“I know I know.. his name is luhan, and he is amazing and.. oh.” He stopped talking and looked surprise, which caused Baekhyun and Kyungsoo to turn to look behind them. There comes Chanyeol, Baekhyun’s giant crush. And his friend. Kyungsoo’s first love. Jongin. He looked more mature. And super hot. He is no longer a cute bear anymore. He looked hot like hell.

“Hyung” His voice still can make kyungsoo’s heart jump like crazy. Only one word, and it made Kyungsoo remember all of his never forgotten love.

“Baek….” Chanyeol’s annoying voice brought Kyungsoo back to earth.

“I missed you, Baek….” That giant then hugged Baekhyun like there was no tomorrow.

“You were the one that left me.” Baekhyun said.

“I am sorry, this cousin of mine needed someone to take care of him.” Now Jongin became everyone’s focal point of attention once again. He is Chanyeol’s cousin? How cruel can fate play with Kyungsoo? Chanyeol soon left them for the bathroom.

“Hi hyung.”

“Hi.” Kyungsoo simply said.

That was awkward.

“Hi Sehun.”

Kyungsoo still felt his heart ache.

“Let’s talk for awhile” Sehun dragged Jongin away. Of course they needed to talk. They had a relationship before right?

“Are you good?” Baekhyun asked.

“I hope so.”

“You know Soo... I think you should asked him out” Baekhyun said while Kyungsoo frowned at him.

“He isn’t with Sehun anymore.” Baekhyun shrugged. Kyungsoo just smiled.

“It hurts you know, when you realize the person you love, loves someone else.” Kyungsoo stared at his drink.

“It hurts to know that he will never look at me the way I look at him.” He murmured.

“But I’ve always looked at you when you were not looking at me, hyung.” Kyungsoo looked up at the voice. Jongin was sitting beside him. Baekhyun had already left.

“I was stupid hyung. I always looked at you, you know.” Kyungsoo can help but stare down his empty glass. “I was looking at you ever since the first time I tried vanilla ice cream.” Jongin touched his cheek and made him look up at his face. “I was looking at you even when Sehun was right beside me.” There were tears at the corner of Jongin’s eyes. “But I was stupid to never realize that.” Now kyungsoo can see the other’s tears.

Jongin is really crying. “I was stupid. Until you left me, I realized I had lost a half of my life. Why did you leave me hyung? I was looking crazily for you. I couldn’t find you. How can you hide so well? I really missed you. I am so sorry I never realized my own heart until now. I am sorry for being so stupid.” Jongin hugged him.

He is sobbing like a kid crying over his fallen candy.”I am sorry hyung. Please don’t leave me again.”

Kyungsoo couldn’t believe his ears. It was really Jongin. Jongin was crying because of him. Jongin misses him. Jongin was begging him not to leave him again. He hugged him back finally, patting the other’s shoulder.

Jongin let him go and looked him in the eyes.

“I love you, Do Kyungsoo. I really love you.” With that, Kyungsoo’s own tears fall. He can feel the wetness on his cheeks. He couldn’t believe this was reality.

He never wants to wake up from this dream ever.

“I love you too, idiot.” Kyungsoo punched Jongin on the shoulder. The latter smiled and cupped his cheeks.

“I know you kissed me that night. But kissing on the cheeks are for kids.”

“Wha-”

Jongin stopped Kyungsoo with his lips. It was a sweet kiss. There were smiles and some more tear, but that’s okay.

Their first kiss was just perfect.

The end.